Alerting People About Read Receipts, Picking the "Right" Side of Top Sheets, Pruning Trees to Death, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is, quote, "Should I let people know if they have their read receipts turned on on their text message program? I keep mine off for privacy, and I sometimes wonder if people have them on by choice or because they don't know. Do I stay quiet about it? Or should I say something in case they too don't want people to know how long they take between reading and responding?"

Leah: I felt pretty strongly that I felt like people who have their read receipts on know that they're doing it.

Nick: Read receipts or read receipts?

Leah: Well, after it's been read, now it's a read receipt. You've read it.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So you think that people that have this turned on do it deliberately, that this is not an accident.

Leah: I'm not saying they're like, this is deliberate. I want these people to know all the time. But I am saying I think they know it's on in most circumstances. I will say if it's, like, a family member ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And you could be like, "Hey, Ma, did you know your read receipts are on?"

Nick: Right. That's my first question. How well do we know this person? Because if you say something, it does sound like a judgment. Which is like, "Hey, you're doing something which I don't agree with, and isn't your privacy valuable?" And I think not everybody shares the sentiment.

Leah: Yes, because I think that exactly. Like, once you say it, they're gonna get a vibe that you're being like, "I'm sure you don't mean to let people know how long you've let them wait."

Nick: Right. And some people do prefer to keep that feature on and want people to know. Like, some people do choose that. Reasonable people. For me personally, I don't want to share that information with other people, although I do love when other people have it turned on.

Leah: Oh, I love it when they're not on. That way my feelings won't be hurt. [laughs]

Nick: Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah. I mean, I think when you do have them turned on, it does create the expectation that you will respond sooner, right?

Leah: Well, what it's creating is I know you read it.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And now you are just not responding.

Nick: Yeah. Now the clock is ticking. Right. And I think I mentioned in a previous episode, there are people in the world who do turn on read receipts for the express purpose of letting you know, oh, I've seen it and I'm choosing not to respond.

Leah: Yes, it's—I feel it's very dramatic.

Nick: So I guess, dear letter-writer, I think just it's not your place to say unless you're very close with this person and you think they don't know they have it on and would care. All of those things have to be true before you say something.

Leah: Yeah, I think so too.

Nick: Okay, solved. So our next question, real quickie. Not even a question. Leah's not even gonna have to say anything. And it's, quote, "I was just writing some thank-you notes, which were one-sided and included an envelope. As I was putting the card into the envelope, I wondered if there was a correct way to put the card in the envelope. Should the words face front of the envelope or the back? I don't know if I care, but I thought if anyone would know the answer, it would be Nick."

Leah: I think it would be—if anybody is invested in this question, it would be Nick.

Nick: [laughs] So we have discussed at quite some length about what to do when it's a card, something that's folded. So this is a variation on the theme, which is if it's a single-sided thing, it's one-sided, there is no fold. And so the question is, how does one put that into an envelope? And oh, do I care? Oh yes, I do. And is there a correct way? Oh yes, there is. And so the words need to face the flap. So when you are opening this envelope, the flap is facing towards you. The words on the card are also gonna be facing towards you as the card is being pulled out of the envelope. And the top of the card is at the top of the envelope, unless you're Leah, who opens envelopes the other way. And so if you're an iconoclast like Leah, then I guess you do it some other way.

Leah: So you're saying the picture is facing the address.

Nick: Oh no, there is no picture. This is just a correspondence card.

Leah: What if it's like a card with a picture on the front, but it doesn't have a fold?

Nick: So it's like a postcard, like a blank postcard?

Leah: But it is meant as a card. Actually, I have a stack of those. They're just one side, they're like paintings, and on the other side they're ...

Nick: Oh, Leah, why do you go out of your way to come up with some weird loophole?

Leah: Because this is real, and I actually sent one today.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And as I put it in, I just literally thought to myself, "I'm sure Nick would have feelings about this."

Nick: Okay. I definitely have feelings about this. Okay, well, let's go down your little rabbit hole. So you have a single-sided card, and on one side of this card is an image and on the other side is the blank side that you would write the note on. Is that what we're dealing with?

Leah: That is what we are dealing with.

Nick: Okay, so I guess if that's what we're dealing with—oh, I really didn't have a lot of time to think about this.

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: I am going to say that my instinct is that I want to please the recipient as they are receiving the card. And so I want them to first be delighted by the image before seeing the message. So I guess in this very specific example you have brought up, I think the image would face the flap. And so the writing would face the front of the envelope.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: How's that? Is that how you did it?

Leah: No, but that's how I thought—but that's how I thought—that's how I thought you would want it.

Nick: And were you thinking of me as you were putting this card into the envelope?

Leah: I was, yes.

Nick: And so as you're doing this, you are deliberately thinking, "Nick wants me to do it this way and I say no."

Leah: Yes, that is correct. I go, "I'm raging against the machine."

Nick: [laughs] Okay, well, as the machine, I would like everyone to at least just make thoughtful choices with how they are inserting cards into envelopes, and arrive at whatever makes sense for you, whatever brings you joy. As long as you're sending the note, I think that's really what I care about the most. And if you want to do the way I do it—which I believe is the correct way—then please follow my lead. If you have a different method and you feel comfortable with that method, Leah Bonnema, then do that. And so okay, I'm only one man. I can only do so much.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So our next question is from my aunt. Quote, "I thought of a topic for your podcast: how to put sheets on a bed correctly. That is, the right or top sides of the sheets face each other, so your body is between the, quote, 'good sides.' And when you fold the top sheet over your blanket or comforter, you see the, quote, 'pretty edge.' Gram used to embroider her top sheets and yes, iron them. She made me iron the embroidered pillowcases, too. I'm constantly amazed at the number of people who do not know this."

Leah: I didn't, when I read this, realize that it was your aunt.

Nick: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Leah: And your Gram.

Nick: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is Gram.

Leah: I love that.

Nick: Yeah, a lot of embroidery. So interesting. Let's discuss, because I think other people have different thoughts on this.

Leah: Do they?

Nick: I don't know if this is universal. Yes, I actually do know somebody specifically who does it the opposite way. Yeah.

Leah: What is the opposite way?

Nick: Okay. So the way that I do it, that my aunt does it, that I think everybody should do it, is that yes, your body's in between the good sides of the sheets. And that when you do fold the sheet over the blanket, you are also seeing the nice edge. Like, to me, that makes sense. Now ...

Leah: Also, that's just how it's done. Like, I worked in housekeeping at inns, and we had embroidered sheets and that's how you do it.

Nick: So other people might put the, quote, "good side" face up. And so that is facing the ceiling, and then you go under that. And so that's what you're doing. And so I do know people who make the bed this way.

Leah: Yeah, but then the embroidery is, like ...

Nick: Well, then you're just not folding the sheet over the blanket.

Leah: One folds, though.

Nick: Well, but for this you're not, or you don't have embroidery.

Leah: Well, if you don't have embroidery, I guess—if you don't have embroidery, I can see it being more flexible.

Nick: No, there's still a good side and a not good side. I mean, top sheets are not finished on both sides equally.

Leah: No, I'm agreeing with you, but I'm saying how one could let it slip. One could maybe not notice.

Nick: Sure. If it's not embroidered, okay, possible.

Leah: Or if, like, the top, you know ...

Nick: Doesn't have a decorative border or something.

Leah: If the border's not as obvious, I could see how it could—obviously we're not letting that happen on the bottom sheet. That just doesn't happen, you know?

Nick: Oh, that's—well, that—I mean, please tell me that's universal.

Leah: Yeah, it's gotta be. So the only thing we're talking about is the top sheet.

Nick: It's the only thing we're talking about. That's right. The top sheet. Correct. So I do believe my aunt is correct here.

Leah: Oh, I do too.

Nick: Which is, I'm sure, where I get it from, where everybody gets it from.

Leah: I was a professional sheet folder at an inn.

Nick: Yeah, that's how you did it. So my aunt, though, she was a houseguest recently with an old friend, and the host didn't do it this way. That's what prompted this.

Leah: Maybe it wasn't a conscious choice. They were just trying to get the bed done.

Nick: No. Who is making the bed unconsciously like that? You have to make a choice when you're putting the top sheet on.

Leah: No, Nick, sometimes there's, like, two dogs barking and the neighbor's making noise and you're trying to get your laundry done in time and all this stuff, and you're just throwing the sheets on, you're pulling it down, you're not thinking.

Nick: I don't think anybody's that spaced out they'd get it wrong.

Leah: It's not spaced out, Nick. It's multitasking.

Nick: I think it's—I think you make a deliberate choice what side of the sheet you're using.

Leah: I think you're living in a different world if you think that some people don't not notice sometimes.

Nick: [laughs] I am living in a different world. So listeners, does anybody out there do it the opposite way?

Leah: On purpose.

Nick: On purpose? I mean, I know personally in my life one person who does do it that way.

Leah: Do I know this person?

Nick: You do. Mm-hmm.

Leah: I need—I want to have—when I see them, I want a full explanation.

Nick: Oh, I've asked. What they do is they fold down the top sheet like accordion zigzag, so somehow they are able to get the nice edge showing over the blanket despite it being in the wrong direction.

Leah: So it's, like, rolled.

Nick: It's sort of—yeah, like a—it's like a little bit of a roll zigzaggy thing.

Leah: So far to go for that.

Nick: Right. So what you're doing is you're wrapping it over the blanket and then folding it back towards you. And so what you actually end up having is not, like, the folded edge up against your body. It's actually the unfinished top is actually what is closest to you. Which on some level I can see a world in which you want that, because if you wanted to pull just the sheet over you and not the blanket, you would actually have a couple extra inches to use.

Leah: You would have some more inches.

Nick: So, like, there is a weird logic to that.

Leah: But why would you not want the best side of the sheet facing your body?

Nick: I mean, I don't know. I think some things are just inexplicable.

Leah: I'm perplexed.

Nick: So our next question is, quote, "I was wondering if there's any polite way to let a neighbor know that their gardening practices are slowly killing all of their plants. My neighbors—let's call them Chad and Lisa—moved out of state a few years ago, and they rented their house to Chad's brother rather than selling it. These are all very nice people, and we had a great relationship with Chad and Lisa when they lived here and we're still in contact via holiday cards today. The brother is retired, and I believe his main hobby is, quote, 'taking care of the yard,' even when it's not needed. He prunes trees and plants excessively. I'm not a fan of the way things look, but what can you do? Then my friend, who's a registered forester and owns their own property management company, came to visit. She told me that the level of constant cutting back is actually slowly killing the plants and all the trees. Were they to die, the property would lose value and it would be an expensive fix.

Nick: "Is there any way to let Lisa know? I've texted her about once a year or so since they moved, and I'd hate for all of their trees and plants to die. But I'm worried, because the brother would probably know it's one of their neighbors who would have alerted them, and I don't want to make things awkward in our tiny cul-de-sac."

Leah: I don't know why this one gave me so much anxiety.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of layers here.

Leah: There's so many layers, because we want to get this information over.

Nick: Well, I guess that's the first question. Do we? Is it our place?

Leah: Well, our letter-writer wants to.

Nick: Yeah. Okay, so we do want to relay this information to our homeowners who are unaware that this is happening. Okay.

Leah: Well, what our letter-writer—I mean, they obviously don't like it visually, personally.

Nick: Yeah. I'm picturing, like, teeny tiny spindly little shrubs that have, like, no branches on them. [laughs]

Leah: And then they're worried it will lower the property value.

Nick: Yes. And presumably it's gonna lower the property value of everybody on the cul-de-sac.

Leah: But it does have that vibe of, like, is it our place?

Nick: Right. I think it is, because I think one of the questions we always ask in etiquette world is: What would we want to have happen if the roles were reversed? So if I had my brother living in my house and was ruining my yard and I didn't know that was happening, I think I would appreciate a heads up on that. Right? I think I would.

Leah: I feel like I would.

Nick: Right? So I guess that is the first question: Would Chad and Lisa like to have a heads up? Do we think they're those people?

Leah: The thing is is though, would, if I was the brother, like a heads up that I'm doing it wrong and have an opportunity to fix it?

Nick: Oh, yes. Who should I be relaying this information to? Is it to the occupant of the house or the homeowners? That's a good point.

Leah: Because if I go to the brother, I would like to know. I am very bad with plants. I have killed almost every plant we have. We have one plant from my friends Savita and Katie from college who brought—I don't even—this plant must be—I don't even—I almost think it's fake except it's growing.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: So—but I mean, it has been through so much to keep—but every other plant I've destroyed. If somebody had information from a forester, a professional, and they were like, "Hey, you're doing this wrong," I would love to have it. That being said, not everybody's me. And also it has a lot to do with how it's presented.

Nick: Okay, so I think this is the right path. We need to deal with the neighbor in the house. I don't think we need to concern ourselves with the homeowners.

Leah: The problem is if we go to the neighbor and they don't care and they continue to do it, then our only option is to then go over their head.

Nick: Well, is it going over their head at that point? Because it's like, I gave you the opportunity to fix this and you did not. And so it is something that has to be addressed, and so I'm just addressing it with the next level up the chain.

Leah: Because we do believe it affects everybody's ...

Nick: Property value. Well, I guess that's really the first question that we need to address. Yes, we have a friend that is a professional forester. Do we want to rely on that information? Should we get a second opinion? Like, I think we do need to confirm definitively that what is happening with these trees is bad.

Leah: Yes, but overpruning is a thing. That's a thing. I've seen it happen.

Nick: That is a thing. Okay. So we—I guess we've established this is a bad thing. It does need to stop.

Leah: But even if it didn't lower our property value, it's just like when we ask the question, like, am I supposed to step in? I would want a friend to tell me if they thought my property value was going down because something was happening when I wasn't there. Even if it had nothing to do with them, I would want that.

Nick: Yeah, I would think I would want to know. And so I guess it's just about how do we text Lisa a friendly hello? "Hey, hope you're well. Just a heads up, one of our good friends is a forester, registered forester, and thought that some of the pruning that was happening on your property might be a little aggressive. Just want to give you a heads up in case you wanted to review that with your brother." And just maybe leave it at that?

Leah: My heart is a little—you know, because I do always feel like, should I involve myself? Is it my business? But we've already decided it is.

Nick: Yes, we've decided it is our business to say something. So if we're gonna say something, then I think we just have to be polite and direct about it.

Leah: I don't know. I feel like something is missing, because there is a part of it that we need to acknowledge. It's a little bit like, "Hey, I'm telling on your brother."

Nick: There's a little tattling. Yes.

Leah: If we don't go to the brother first.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I like the idea of going to the brother first. You were just feeling like if it was not successful, that you then still had an obligation to go over his head to the homeowners.

Leah: No, I'm saying that's gonna be the feeling. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying will I then feel like I'm going behind?

Nick: Right. Well, on some level you will be. Yeah.

Leah: I just like the idea of giving him the information first, and maybe he's, like, a reasonable person who is like, "Oh, I love getting new information that helps."

Nick: Okay. So maybe that's the question: Is this person going to receive this information in the spirit in which it's intended and will actually act upon it? What are your chances?

Leah: Yeah. Because how do we say you're over-pruning without sounding like we're being critical?

Nick: I mean, there's kind of no way to do it, which is not a comment on how you're currently doing it, but there is a nice way to do it, which is a I want the best for your lawn, and maybe you weren't aware that there's a better way to do this.

Leah: Yeah. I mean, that's the spirit of it.

Nick: Yeah. The way I said it is not the way to do it, but ...

Leah: No, but I think it was really close. I want the best for your lawn.

Nick: Yes. And I do feel like the registered forester—oh, here's an idea. Do we just send the forester over?

Leah: I was thinking can a person go over who's not us?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Who has, like, growing things status?

Nick: Yeah. Actually, I like that the most. So we need to have our forester friend come by when we know our neighbor's gonna be doing their lawn work. And then we need to have our forester friend go over and be like, "Hey, how's it going? I'm a registered forester. Can I give you some advice?" And let them have that conversation. If that is awkward or doesn't go well, well then you could just say, like, "Oh, our forester friend, he's a handful. There he goes again. Always giving tree advice." And so you would have a little bit of a distance to not make things awkward on the cul-de-sac.

Leah: And I'm a fan of this. If you have friends that, like, don't mind being thrown under the bus, I recently told Nick in a thing we were dealing with, I go, "Nick, go throw me under the bus. I'll be thrown under the bus for this."

Nick: And guess what? Happy to. [laughs]

Leah: You know, it just really—it just sometimes it just really works. Dustin and I do it all the time.

Nick: Good cop, bad cop is the best. Yeah.

Leah: So if your friend's willing to do that, I really like that idea.

Nick: I like that the most. I think we need to get our forester friend back and let them deal with this.

Leah: Well, also they could go over with some, like, tree—some good tree words, some good shrub words and go, "Oh, are those blankety blank blankers? I love those. And I love what you've done over here. Did you know those grow best if they're only cut every, like, three seasons?"

Nick: Yeah, this is—this is the way. This is the way.

Leah: And they talk to this person like they're both in there with the growing words and vibes and, you know, they're on the same team, but they're just slowly disseminating information.

Nick: Right. They can nerd out about the trees and the pruning. Yes. Now if nothing happens, then I think we could then go to Chad and Lisa.

Leah: Yeah. Then we could say, "Hey, my forester friend was over, actually went over to talk to your brother, because they were really excited about your trees. And so now I'm just giving you that information."

Nick: Yes, I think this is the solution. Throw someone under the bus.

Leah: With permission. You have to ask their permission.

Nick: With permission. Yes. Is there another expression that is not "throw someone under the bus?"

Leah: Well, let's come up with it.

Nick: Right? I feel like there—it's not a great expression.

Leah: Oh wow, I'm gonna have to—I think there's a really good one in there. It's just ...

Nick: Right? It's about making someone try the pudding first. [laughs]

Leah: I literally was like, it's like the person who had to try the foods first for the king to see if they were poisoned.

Nick: Oh! Let them—let them be your food tester. Okay. Is that it though? No, because when you're thrown under the bus, we are inherently, like, sacrificing you.

Leah: That's what a food tester for the king is.

Nick: If it doesn't work out, yeah.

Leah: They're dead.

Nick: If you're guaranteed to be poisoned, sure. Okay, that's the closest we've come up with. Audience, if you have any other ideas for a better metaphor, please let us know.

Leah: Please let us know.

Nick: So our next question is, quote, "We recently took a trip upstate to visit our friend who is doing a graduate program. This friend kindly wrote in a community WhatsApp group asking if there was anyone who would be willing to host us in their apartment. Someone responded and said they were away, but would be willing to lend their apartment for us to stay in. This person qualified that it was not in hosting condition, but we could certainly stay there. We took her up on her offer, picked up the keys from a neighbor and got into the apartment. The apartment was a mess! There were tons of clothes strewn all over the ground, used tissues scattered on multiple surfaces, and so many fruit flies living in the kitchen trash can, among other things. We were left feeling surprised other people live like this, and even more surprised that they were willing to let total strangers stay at their house in this state. My questions are the following: At what level of uncleanliness is it rude to offer others to stay in your place? Or is it on us for trying to avoid paying for lodging during our visit and ignoring the note that said it's not in hosting condition? Also, does this change the host gift one should get? If so, what do you recommend?"

Leah: I think it's of critical import that this person had already left town, the host.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: They were out of town. They'd already left. They were not expecting people.

Nick: They didn't tidy in advance.

Leah: No. And then they got a WhatsApp message from a friend who was like, "Hey, I have friends in town. They're looking for a free place to stay. Does anybody have a place?" And they'd already left. They can't go pick it up.

Nick: Right. Okay, that is a material detail.

Leah: It's very material. And then they said, "You know what? You're welcome to stay there, but it's not ready. I wasn't expecting anyone."

Nick: Right. And I guess the issue here is that one person's idea of not ready is very different than someone else's idea. Like, our letter-writer was probably expecting, like, oh, maybe we hadn't vacuumed. Oh, maybe there's still clean dishes in the dishwasher that hadn't been put away. Our letter-writer was not prepared for this.

Leah: No. And—but when they meant not ready, that's what they meant.

Nick: That's what they meant.

Leah: But they were like, "But hey, if you need a place, here's running water and a roof and a bed."

Nick: And yes, how do people live like this? I mean, a lot of people live like this. This is not that uncommon.

Leah: It's not that uncommon at all.

Nick: Right?

Leah: I'll tell you right now, if I didn't live with Dustin, I would live like that.

Nick: Right?

Leah: What I do is that it gets so bad that then I lose my mind and I clean it like it's never been cleaned, but it has to get that bad first.

Nick: I see. Okay. Yeah, you're not into just maintaining a baseline.

Leah: Yeah. So this is—I'm this person. They weren't, they left for a trip.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: They weren't ready for anybody to see it. They ran out. But then they were just—they're just trying to be gracious and be like, "Hey, if you need a free place to stay, there it is."

Nick: The fruit flies, I think, is the one thing that really actually bothers me, which is like, oh, you didn't take out the trash?

Leah: Yeah. I want to add that I'm obsessed with taking out trash. I take out trash constantly. There would never be fruit flies, but I mean, it's still their house and that's how they live. And they were just offering a free place.

Nick: Yeah. So to answer the listener's questions, at what level is it rude? I mean, this is definitely pushing the boundaries, but you were told. Although, who would have known? I don't know. I think this might just be unfortunate.

Leah: I don't feel the same way about it.

Nick: You feel like this is fine? It's a free place to stay?

Leah: This person doesn't know us. They're out of town. They couldn't fix it. I'm not a person—I mean, like, I'll have stuff around. I never have trash or anything. There's never fruit flies. I take that out constantly. But I mean, if I didn't—if my friend asked me, "Hey, can a stranger stay in your house?" And I let them stay in my house and then they come—after I told them that it wasn't clean and it wasn't ready, but if they needed a place they could go in? And I would feel embarrassed and hurt and I would not offer my place to anybody ever again.

Nick: That's fair. And then I guess the question is: Does this change the host gift one should get?

Leah: I also think that as soon as you get there, you know that it's not in good shape. Take the trash out right away. Just handle it.

Nick: Yeah. Definitely take the trash out. Do a little sweep of the tissues, for sure.

Leah: And I mean, you could just leave a nice note. "Thank you so much for having me. It was very kind of you to offer your place to somebody who you don't know."

Nick: I think a note, very important. I do feel like I would leave a little bit of a gift, though. I think I would. A little something. Just a little something with that note. I would try to find out something about our host. I mean, you're in their house, so you would be able to observe what they might be interested in or like, or even if it's just, here's a bag of coffee beans from the coffee shop around the corner, because I saw that you already had that brand in your cupboard. That would be nice.

Leah: Yeah, I think so, too. I would definitely leave—I very recently was at a comedy gig, and they put me up at the—because I had my dogs with me, they put me up at the event coordinator's house.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: And a beautiful home out in the country. It was so the dogs could run in—it was, like, a lovely gesture so the dogs could run in the backyard. And I didn't really register that that's what was happening, and so I got there and I had no hostess gift. And let me tell you, the shot of fear and anxiety and pain and just absolutely mortified, that ran through my face. I just saw her and I said—I mean, it was so funny. I go—because she was at the comedy show later, so I just told her—I go—when I walked in and I realized, oh my gosh, I'm here with no hostess gift. And I said on stage and I go, ÈI went straight out and I just got you the best pickles I could find. So I hope you like pickles."

Nick: [laughs] That's a great gift!

Leah: They were really fun pickles. They had, like, puns on the jar. It was, like, pickle puns.

Nick: Oh, I mean, right up your alley.

Leah: So I hope—she's like, "I love pickles." And I was like, "Thank goodness." But I mean, we always want to leave a little something when people let us stay in their home.

Nick: Yes. Even if it was not up to your standards, it was still an act of generosity from this host. And so that should be acknowledged.

Leah: I think the main difference is is that this person had already left when they got the message.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: That hey, can somebody stay in the house? I don't think they would have left it like this. Like, obviously, if you knew somebody was coming over, you'd take the trash out, you know?

Nick: Okay. So that's the key detail. This would be unacceptable if I was in town and it was like, oh yeah, in two weeks from now you need to use my place? No problem. I'll be out of town then. And you walked in and it looked like this.

Leah: If I walked in like that, I'd be like, "This is—" I mean, it's a little—it's a little—you knew in advance I was coming and ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: But if you weren't even in town ...

Nick: That's fair.

Leah: ... and you're just living your life.

Nick: Yeah. And they did acknowledge it. They did acknowledge it that, like, it's not up for hosting.

Leah: This is just how they live and they don't live like you.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You don't have to live like that.

Nick: Well, you do for a couple days. [laughs]

Leah: I mean, you don't have to. You can go to a hotel.

Nick: That's true. That's true. Yeah. I mean, you get what you pay for.

Leah: And I love free.

Nick: So our next thing is a listener repent, and it's, quote, "I was in Japan for a week picking up my son from a high school exchange program. I stayed in a hotel with an onsen, so of course I immediately got the instructions and headed to the top floor. The women's side has a key code, so I found the women's door, punched in the key code, followed all the correct steps, cleaning myself very well before entering the bath naked, and enjoying a relaxing hour. Nobody came in during my time there, so I didn't have to figure out how to be naked with strangers. The next day, I decided in the afternoon to visit the onsen again. I popped upstairs, this time in my hotel-provided pajamas—hilariously small on my almost 6-foot frame. I punched in the code, opened the door and came face to face with a man coming out. No!

Nick: "Turns out only women get the code. And it works on both doors, and the onsen switches which sex uses which each day because each onsen is different. One has an outside bath while the other has a sauna. Thank goodness the man was fully dressed and on his way out, or I could have walked into a room full of half-naked Japanese men, likely all looking as horrified as the guy I ran into did. He helpfully pointed out the women's side, which had been moved overnight, as if I was an idiot, which I suppose I would have believed, too. This incident could have been avoided if the front desk spoke any English or I spoke any Japanese, but where would the fun be in that? I write romance novels, and this is definitely going to make its way on the pages. I did no favors to American tourism to Japan, and for that, I deeply apologize. If you could see me, I am bowing so low, I am almost toppling over."

Leah: [laughs] This gave me such joy. I was like, are you me? Am I you?

Nick: [laughs] Oh, I feel for this person so hard.

Leah: I feel it so hard.

Nick: Because, I mean, how would you know?

Leah: How would you know?

Nick: How would you know?

Leah: I wouldn't have known.

Nick: That the code is the same for both doors, but only women get it. And then they switch which room is which every night. And the signs are only in Japanese and no one explained this to you. And it was very clear when you checked in that you probably didn't speak any Japanese, so it could have been mentioned.

Leah: I mean, it's a great story. It's such a good visual. I was there moment to moment to moment.

Nick: Although my favorite part is that this person writes romance novels.

Leah: I know. I had that circled multiple times, Nick, right here. And I was like, excuse us, but please give us the information immediately, and I will be reading your books.

Nick: Yeah, please let us know.

Leah: Please!

Nick: And what a great meet cute, right?

Leah: Oh, it'd be a fun meet cute. Or imagine it's like the person's—like, the father of the person that you fell in love with, and you're going to meet the family and this is how you meet them. And then later you see them at the dinner table and you realize, oh my goodness!

Nick: Oh, that's good. Oh, right. Yeah, you had a weird awkward moment with this stranger, but it turns out it wasn't a stranger. It was your future in-law.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: And you were already worried about impressing them.

Leah: And then now you were in the wrong sauna nude. Well, you were in clothes, but we could change it.

Nick: I mean, the story could be whatever you want it to be. So thank you for this. We accept your repent. You are absolved.

Leah: I also love "Bowing so low I'm toppling over." [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So yes, next time anybody's in Japan going to an onsen, yeah, I guess, look for any signs. Learn the kanji for "men" and "women." It may come in handy.

Leah: Also, I'm so glad we got this because how—I wouldn't even know that it was something that I should check for.

Nick: This never would've occurred to me. Absolutely. Yeah, I was not aware that onsens switch rooms by sex every other day. And, like, this is something you have to look out for. Like, I never heard of this. Like, this is definitely new.

Leah: So I always appreciate a new thing to have anxiety about. So ...

Nick: For sure. [laughs] Well, add this to the list. So you out there, do you have any questions for us or a great repent like this? Let us know! You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!