Watching Kalle Anka, Receiving Compliments, Bringing Empty Containers to Restaurants, and More

Nick: Do you talk during Kalle Anka? Do you deflect compliments? Do you abandon your guests? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to talk about Kalle Anka. Do you know about this?

Leah: I don't.

Nick: So I want to take you to Sweden. And in advance, I want to apologize for my Swedish pronunciation of Kalle Anka. But it's Christmas Eve. It's December 24th. It's 3:00 pm, so the sun has just set. And there's snow on the ground, there are lights in the windows in all the homes. And it's now three o'clock—exactly three o'clock, and three or four million Swedish people—which is like a huge percentage of the population of Sweden—are going to stop, and they're all gonna watch Kalle Anka, as they've done for more than 60 years. And any attempts to change this tradition are met with fierce opposition and protest. So Leah, what is Kalle Anka?

Leah: Whatever it is, I'm thrilled by it. I want you to know this is the top of my list. I hope it involves lighting candles.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Because I feel like we have a few holiday traditions that come from that area that involve lighting candles, and then things spinning on top of it because the candle's lit. Or maybe it's on a head wreath? Is it on a head wreath?

Nick: Okay, let me just stop you right there.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: No. [laughs]

Leah: Oh, man! [laughs]

Nick: So Kalle Anka is the Swedish name for Donald Duck.

Leah: Oh, wow. I was so far off.

Nick: So at three o'clock precisely on Christmas Eve in Sweden, millions of Swedish people gather around the television to watch a program that is formally called Donald Duck and His Friends Wish You a Merry Christmas. And it's basically an hour of Disney cartoons, some of them ancient. And then there's gonna be, like, a clip or two of, like, the latest Disney release. That's—that's what this is. And it's a big deal.

Leah: I love a holiday tradition. I do believe that some of those people at that point are probably lighting candles in their homes. I just want to say that. [laughs] So it's like our Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer animated show.

Nick: Well, but so much more.

Leah: Except everybody at the same time.

Nick: Yes, it has to be live, and the whole day is structured around Kalle Anka. So the question is like, "Oh, do you want to come over for dinner before or after?" Or, "Are we gonna do presents before or after?" But the idea that it's not happening is, like, not part of the equation. Three o'clock Christmas Eve, that is what is happening. We are watching cartoons.

Leah: I love this so much. This is phenomenal.

Nick: So a little history. In 1958, there was an episode of The Wonderful World of Disney, which was, like, on American television, hosted by Walt Disney. It was mostly holiday themed, although a lot of the cartoons, like, had nothing to do with Christmas. And so that aired in 1958. Disney struck a deal with the Swedish broadcaster in 1960 to air this on Christmas Eve, because there was only one channel at the time in Sweden and they did not air cartoons, and so this was like a little treat for the Swedish people. Like, "Oh, we're gonna give you some cartoons." And it was so popular that they brought it back the next year, and they just re-aired it, like, the exact same show, same clips, just like—they just re-aired it for most of the '60s. Then they, like, swapped out some clips, you know, maybe we'll have like a different cartoon here or there, but, like, it's been pretty much the same thing.

Nick: In the '70s, the broadcaster actually wanted to pull it because it's basically just an advertisement for Disney.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Like, it's super commercial. And that was not the ethos of the time in Sweden in the '70s. But some newspapers got wind of this, and there were so many protests, there was death threats. Like, it was such a big deal that the broadcaster was like, "Fine, we relent. Like, that's fine." In the '80s, they swapped out one of the cartoons, Ferdinand the Bull, for another cartoon, Ugly Duckling. There was so much anger over this that Ferdinand was back the next year. I did read somewhere that there was actually protests in the streets in Stockholm to fill an entire square. I was not able to find any file footage of this to verify whether or not there was actually protests in the street because of the Ferdinand the Bull cartoon being pulled. But, like, people are very upset when there's any changes to this tradition.

Leah: In my heart I believe that that is true.

Nick: Oh, yes. Oh no, absolutely. And the idea of not changing it, I mean, this even extended to when Disney actually tried to re-edit some of the clips, because some of these old Disney cartoons are a little problematic.

Leah: [laughs] They are. They are.

N:There's—there's some stuff in there which is like, oh, we wouldn't do it that way today. And so when Disney edited out some of those more problematic scenes, like, people were not happy about it. Like, it was a big deal. Like, they accepted it because they realized, like, oh, Disney owns all this and, like, this is Disney's call but, like, it was—it did not go over well to remove some of this problematic content because you were just changing the tradition.

Leah: Hmm.

Nick: So one of the hosts who did it 22 times, so 22 Christmases, was this guy Arne Weise, and he actually in, like, the '90s, he arranged to pre-tape it because he's like, "Well, I don't have to do this live. I mean, I'm just, like, introducing these clips and, like, I can pre-tape that." People heard about it.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: There was so much blowback that he was forced to do it live in the studio. They—like the Swedish people, held him hostage on Christmas to sit vigil over this thing. They would not accept it. I actually saw some fun quote which was "The Kalle Anka beast must be fed!"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Like, he has to show up. But this guy actually says that the KAlle Anka tradition ruined three marriages. He blames three of his divorces on this because he was forced to show up every Christmas for this thing. He gave some newspaper interview and he says quote, "I wasn't easy to live with. I was in a bad mood out of nervousness before going on air, and tired afterwards. That doesn't help make you a good father or lover." And so Kalle Anka destroyed his life for the Swedish people.

Leah: My guess is that it was not Kalle Anka.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: But it's such a responsibility. It's such an honor to bring in Kalle Anka every year.

Nick: Yes. No, I mean, I think it is an honor. I think after 22 of those years, he felt like, "I'm good." But yeah, I mean, he was also held hostage, though, I think we do have to admit.

Leah: Let me say right now that I would be delighted to be held hostage with Nicholas Layton.

Nick: By Christmas?

Leah: To host one of the—could we host the Christmas parade? I think so.

Nick: Oh, absolutely. Yes.

Leah: And then they'd say every year we'd have to be there live. And we would say, "What an honor to hold this tradition."

Nick: That's true. Yeah, I probably wouldn't complain about it. Although if I did it for 22 years, you know, check in with me then.

Leah: I mean, you know me, I wouldn't complain. I'd be like, "More Christmas!"

Nick: [laughs] So here are the rules: if you're in Sweden and you are going to be in someone's home where they're gonna be watching Kalle Anka, there's no talking. You actually watch attentively. You're not multitasking, you're not cooking dinner while this is happening. You're not unwrapping presents while this is happening, like, we're watching Kalle Anka. And the only talking that really happens, I think you are allowed to, like, say your favorite lines along with the characters. I feel like that's allowed but, like, no other, like, side conversations. And you do not record it. You either watch it live or you do not watch it. Like, there's no streaming it later.

Leah: I love that, I love the purity.

Nick: And it's sort of super charming. Yeah. And it's something that I was not aware of until relatively recently. I don't think that a lot of people outside of Sweden, like, know about this.

Leah: I definitely didn't, and I feel better as a human being than I do.

Nick: So yeah, I think this is a fun tradition that I think it's a reason to go to Sweden at Christmas time.

Leah: I mean, it really—it sounds very cool.

Nick: Yeah, I feel like Sweden, I think they really do Christmas in a real way, and I feel like it really hits all of your boxes.

Leah: It seems to really hit all. I mean, I—they had me at Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, but they seem to really be knocking Christmas out of the park.

Nick: Is that a Christmas movie? Not quite.

Leah: Uh, it doesn't really hit the parameters of a Christmas movie, no.

Nick: Okay. Fair enough. [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and—oh, my goodness, thank you so much!

Nick: [laughs] So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about receiving compliments.

Leah: I think this is such a great topic.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, this is definitely something I'm working on. I think a lot of us are working on, and so let's talk about it.

Leah: Let's.

Nick: And so I want to focus on the receiving part. We've definitely talked about, like, giving compliments—what's a good compliment, what's not a good compliment? But yeah, receiving compliments is hard for a lot of people. And I guess the first question is: why is that? Because I have a hard time with it. And it's just like, why do I have a hard time with it?

Leah: Because I think we are all too hard on ourselves.

Nick: Is that what it is? Yeah.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And I guess we want to be sort of modest.

Leah: We want to be modest.

Nick: We don't want to be boastful. Yeah. And I think a good thing to preface this conversation: this is for the United States. Other countries, cultures, traditions have, like, a very different approach to compliment receiving. And so I don't think we need to go global for this conversation. This is mostly like the American approach to receiving compliments.

Leah: Very good point. Very good point.

Nick: And so I guess, you know, the main etiquette advice, the usual rule is just say thank you. That's it. Just leave it at that.

Leah: I think that people, when they can't receive a compliment, are doing it out of feeling modest or like, "No, no, no." But what ends up happening is that you're giving the person who complimented you work.

Nick: Yes, I think that's the kernel.

Leah: I say, "I really loved this thing," and then "No, no, no." And then I have to—and I—and I deeply mean it. And so I'm like, "No." And then I thought this. And then I have to convince you, which—and let me say close friends, you know, maybe—maybe you just did a show and you're super insecure about it, and I'm like, "I love this part." And you're like, "No, I hated it." And then we have a conversation about it. That's not this.

Nick: Right.

Leah: You know, I totally understand that when you're working something out or you're insecure about something and it's a close friend. This is like not the closest, which I think tou could also take compliments with close friends, but they say something nice to you, and then you put yourself down, and now you've put that person in a position to defend that you're not whatever you just said you were.

Nick: Right. Exactly. And Miss Manners agrees with you. And she says that, like, it's most likely just like a passing pleasantry. It is not the topic of conversation, and quote, "The only advantage of debating a compliment one has received is to reduce the chances of it recurring."

Leah: [laughs] Yes. Yes.

Nick: And so yeah, it's like, don't belabor the conversation. Like, it's just I want to give you a compliment and let's just, like, end it there.

Leah: Please. I was—this has happened to me recently. I gave a person a compliment, and then it was like 45 minutes later ...

Nick: Oh, that's a lot of minutes!

Leah: ... when they were finished telling me why, they—I was like, I—my takeaway was, "Oh, I can't do this ever again."

Nick: Oh, yeah, You'll never say anything nice to this person.

Leah: No, I won't say anything because I don't know what just happened.

Nick: [laughs] Yes, but saying just thank you and leaving it at that, that's very hard. I think that is a little tricky. That feels a little like is that enough? So I feel like this is why people struggle with this.

Leah: I have trouble not—as soon as somebody—if somebody compliments me, I compliment them right back.

Nick: Yes. And that's not required.

Leah: It's not required, but I always feel delighted by something about them.

Nick: Well, if you actually can return the compliment and it's sincere, then I guess that's fine. But we often feel the pressure to be, like, "Oh, let me return the compliment, even if I don't mean it." Like, "Oh, your hair is nice, too." And it's like, was it? Is it? Maybe not.

Leah: I mean, don't say it if I don't mean it, but there's always something lovely.

Nick: Right. But I mean, to feel obligated to return a compliment of some sort? Yeah, this is not necessary.

Leah: No, I don't think it's necessary. Also, I do—and I do this all the time. People will say, "Hey, I love that shirt," or "I love those glasses." And then I'll be like, "Hey," I do this thing where I take my sunglasses into the thing. Like, I can't not tell people, "Oh, I got this on sale at TJ Maxx." I cannot not tell people that—double negative.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And maybe that's not appropriate, but it is filling that air.

Nick: Right. So for that air filling, what I've been trying to do is say, like, "Oh, thank you. That makes my day." So just emphasize how that compliment makes you feel. Or if it's like, "Oh, I love your sunglasses." "Thank you so much. They're my favorite." And then we can also just sort of, like, leave it at that. And that's sort of succinct. That's quick.

Leah: Usually compliments make my day. So I feel like I've definitely said something to that extent. I sometimes want to share where I got it in case people are looking.

Nick: They'll ask. They'll ask if they want to know. Right?

Leah: Well, I have these white boots that I got at Marshalls and I've gotten a lot of compliments on them.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So I just like to tell people when they say they love them that these were at Marshalls, because you can get good, great-looking stuff.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You know, get in there, find some stuff.

Nick: Although now that I'm thinking about it, like, is it rude to ask someone where they got something? Maybe. Depending on the context.

Leah: I feel like people don't ask that because they don't want to get in your business.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So I'm just throwing it out there. "Hey, I got these at Marshalls. There are more available to you for $7.00," or $12.99 or whatever I paid.

Nick: Well, but now we're getting to, like, "Oh, I got them on sale," and now there's a conversation about the boots. And I just wanted to say they were nice.

Leah: I know, but I'm not gonna throw out a whole thing. I'm just—I'm just gonna say—and I get why maybe this isn't appropriate, but I've stopped being like, "No, I hate myself. Don't say that." I've moved on from that.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So the idea that I'm just throwing out "Got it at Marshalls?" Huge progress for me.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Yeah. Oh, I kind of like the, "Oh, got it at Marshalls," full sentence. And that's kind of the end of the conversation. Right. Yeah, I guess that—I guess we want to just button the conversation and not make the person participate further in the compliment conversation.

Leah: Yeah. They're—not they don't have to participate in that.

Nick: Right. Because guess if you're like, "Oh, I got them on sale," do I have to participate on that?

Leah: No, you don't.

Nick: Although when you say, "I got it on sale," you're sort of diminishing the compliment a little bit because you're like, "Oh, they're not that great because I got a deal on them."

Leah: No, that's not—that's not how people who like sales think, Nick. People who like sales, such as myself, think it's even better because I got these knock out boots on sale. Can you imagine?

Nick: But the etiquette advice that, like, Miss Manners wants to give us is, like, don't include that information. So do we disagree with her, or is there a way to convey that extra nugget of information in a way that's etiquette approved? Because that's the question. Are we allowed to say we got it at Marshalls?

Leah: Well, I'm gonna say it, and I'm giving myself permission.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Yeah, I don't know—I don't—I think this is an interesting debate. How much is too much information? Because also Marshalls is inherently about getting a deal. And for our international listeners, Marshalls is like—I guess, what—how do we describe Marshalls to somebody from outside the United States?

Leah: I think you would describe it as a wonderland.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Full of possibility and hope.

Leah: I actually—I don't know if our listeners know this: I don't like shopping. I don't enjoy it. I got into Marshalls because they have great dog toys.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: And then it was we live near one, and then I saw the shoe section, and then I branched out and it's like I'm having a good time.

Nick: So it's basically like designer name stuff sort of ends up at Marshalls when bigger department stores can't sell it.

Leah: But it is also like pans and pajamas and random food items.

Nick: Food items.

Leah: I love a Marshalls.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: That's why I just ...

Nick: We're eating food from Marshalls.

Leah: Oh, I am. Yeah, absolutely.

Nick: Okay. I didn't know that was a category.

Leah: It is a category.

Nick: Noted.

Leah: See, but—see, you wouldn't have known that if—I had a snack and you were like, "I love this snack."

Nick: That is true. Had I not complimented your white boots, and then we have a whole conversation about what is available at Marshalls. Right. Yeah, I guess—I guess this is where I'm a little stuck is sort of like, after we say the thank you for the compliment, how much more information is allowed, if any? I guess that's really the etiquette question.

Leah: See, some people are just conversational.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And I think if we just moved the conversation into being like, "I had a really fun shopping experience in Sweden," you know, whatever the information is about it, that's a nice turn to take. Instead of—I think, a lot of people's default setting, and this includes—I would include my—is when people compliment to immediately go, "Oh, no. I'm horrible. Don't do—no, no, no."

Nick: Right. "Oh, it's not that nice. This old thing?" Right.

Leah: "This old thing," or "I look horrible, I haven't slept, I'm bloated," you know? You know what I mean? Whatever it is, you just want to insult yourself in front of other people, because that's sort of ...

Nick: Yeah, you want to negate the compliment rather than accept it.

Leah: You want to be like, "No, I don't—I'm undeserving of this. I'm undeserving of this." So instead of doing that, you've said thank you, and then you've shared this great information.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I think this is an important distinction. We do not want to negate the compliment. We do not want to dismiss the compliment. So that's off the table.

Leah: I also don't want to bring somebody into my self-loathing. You know what I mean? It's like someone's trying to give you a compliment and you are like, "Here, take a look inside my brain and see how I really—" let's not do that to a person.

Nick: And so now we have accepted the compliment, and now it's just the question of how much beyond accepting it do we want to go?

Leah: Because, like, say I was at your house and you have a new tea—we'll take it out of human beings ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: ... compliment. And I said, "Wow—" which I think this actually happened recently.

Nick: Yeah. You were at my house and I gave you some mint tea.

Leah: I love this tea. And then you told me where you got it.

Nick: That's true. Yeah. And actually, this mint tea, it is quite good.

Leah: It was quite good.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And you told me where I got it, so I had that information.

Nick: That's true.

Leah: Lest I in the future ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So it's that kind of a give and take.

Nick: So I guess know your audience, and know whether or not your audience is interested in further conversation about the thing that we're talking about, or if it was just a passing pleasantry. I guess that's the question: is this a passing pleasantry, or is this actually an opener? That's the question.

Leah: But also how—this can still be passing. "Thanks so much! Marshalls!"

Nick: That's true. Yeah. The compliment pass by, information pass by. Okay. Yes, you did not obligate me into a further conversation about Marshalls if I didn't want it. So I was given the opportunity to hear you talk about Marshalls, and then we could move on if I want.

Leah: Then we moved on.

Nick: That's—okay, at the end, maybe that's what it is. You do whatever you want to do with the compliment after you accept it, but you do not trap me into further conversation.

Leah: And then most importantly, I didn't make you get involved in me wanting to put myself down, which is ...

Nick: That's the most important, yeah.

Leah: Really the most important. Then I have to stand there and be like, "No, no, no! You look like you slept."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And they would be like, "Why do you think I just gave you a compliment? What's going on?"

Nick: Okay, so I think we—I think we arrived at something here.

Leah: I do, too. I feel good about it.

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick. That makes my day.

Nick: How wonderful!

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "I usually cannot finish my meal at a restaurant. By 'restaurant,' I'm not referring to a fine dining establishment, but for environmental reasons, I'd prefer to bring my own Tupperware instead of asking for a takeout box. Is it bad etiquette to bring my own? Should I ask the waitstaff at each restaurant? I feel like if I do, I might just be making them spend more energy answering something during their already hectic job. What are your thoughts on this?"

Leah: I have very strong thoughts.

Nick: Okay, bring it.

Leah: I love, as this person said, "For environmental reasons, I'd prefer to bring my own."

Nick: Yeah, I'm on board.

Leah: I'm on board. I think this is a great—this is a great habit.

Nick: Yes. Because I think in the world of etiquette, being environmentally conscious is actually good etiquette, because we are being mindful of our environment in which other people live, we're being mindful of other generations. Like, we become more mindful of the people around us. And so that is etiquette.

Leah: And I think—I personally feel like if I've already brought my own, and when I finish eating and I have my own to go, I'll probably just nonchalantly put it into my takeaway dish. I don't think I need to involve the waitstaff.

Nick: Oh, interesting. Okay, so the meal has ended, and normally if you were at a restaurant where you did not bring your own container, you'd be like, "Oh, can we get this to go?"

Leah: Oh, I have an addendum, now that you said that. This is what I would ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: This is what I would do: I finish, the waiter or waitress comes over and says, "Hey, do you want this to go?" And you say—and that's when I would say, "Hey, actually I brought my own reusable container." And then so they—so they get what's happening.

Nick: Yeah. I don't want you just—I'm at the table and I just whip out containers and I just start filling containers of food without any conversation with anybody. I feel like that's a little weird, right?

Leah: But I don't—I don't think you need to give the container to the waitstaff to be like, "Here, take this in the back and do it." I think you could just let them know, "Hey, I brought my own thing," and then they'll be like, "Okay."

Nick: Well, I think it depends on the restaurant, but I think asking for permission, I think, is nice. I think there could be some conversation which is like, "Hey, I'd like this to go. I brought my own container. Would it be okay if?" I think we want to have that conversation, because I think in a lot of places this is very new. Like, no one's asked before. And so I don't think we want to just start shoveling food into, like, containers we brought from home.

Leah: No, you're right. Now that we've said this out loud, I think that's ...

Nick: [laughs] Right?

Leah: But I do think you can just say—they say, "Are you—would you like it to go?" And you say, "I actually brought my own container." And then I think if they go, "Okay, great," then you can just do it. And then if it's more appropriate, they will at that time say, "Oh, would you like me to take it in the back and do that for you?"

Nick: Right. I think there are different styles where this happens. I think a lot of the time, like, they take your dish into the back and then come back with the container. I always find it actually a little strange when they bring containers to the table, and then you do it yourself. I don't know.

Leah: Oh, I don't.

Nick: I guess that's a different style of restaurant.

Leah: Because then you get to see what's happening.

Nick: Right. And you don't run into this issue like one of our letter-writers had where, like, they got somebody else's meal and the restaurant was like, "That's your meal." And it's like, "No, it's not." So that does avoid that problem.

Leah: It also—sometimes you want—you don't want everything on the plate, or you want—I'm gonna add in a little bit from somebody else's plate, you know, then you get to do it yourself.

Nick: That's true. But I think asking is nice. I think smarter restaurants would actually sell reusable containers that are, like, branded. Like, I would love a French Laundry metal or glass container that's, like, branded with the French Laundry logo on it and, like, charge me for it. Add it to my bill. Like, I'd take that home. That sounds fun.

Leah: Yeah, if—I think that it's for those people who then will get in the habit of bringing it everywhere.

Nick: Yeah. And in terms of, like, fancy restaurants, fine dining, I mean, I think it's also fine in a fine dining restaurant. Like, if it's the type of place where you're asking for leftovers, which at a lot of fine dining, I mean, I guess it depends on what kind of fine dining we're talking about, but if it's sort of like an 11-course degustation menu, like, how much leftovers are we even talking about? I mean, the portion sizes are like two sprigs of something and a little carrot stick and, like, that's—that's a whole course. So, like, how much of that are you taking home? But I guess if you wanted to take it home, I think a fancy-schmancy restaurant, I don't think they'd have a problem with it. They'd be like, "Sure, we'll put it in your container."

Leah: Also, I think that being environmentally conscious is very chic.

Nick: Yes, I think it is good to ask in a way that's not judgmental, though. So I feel like the way we ask has to also just be sort of neutral. It can't be like, "I'm a better person that cares about the environment, and so I brought my own container." [laughs]

Leah: No, I knew that our letter-writer wasn't doing that because that's why they wrote us a question. So ...

Nick: Sure, but I'm just saying don't say it in that way.

Leah: Yes. Don't say it ...

Nick: That's my advice.

Leah: I'd be like, "I brought my own container."

Nick: Yeah. "Is that cool?" Yeah. And I was actually reading some places—I think maybe all of California, and they're trying to do it in New York, they're trying to have more laws where restaurants have to let you bring containers, because I guess there's no law that says you are allowed to, like, nationwide. Like, it's at the discretion of the restaurant. And I guess some restaurants are concerned, like, "Oh, what is this container? Is it clean? Is it gonna contaminate my kitchen? Like, we just have a policy where we don't allow outside containers." And so I think there is sort of a movement to just allow more people to bring their own containers that also just, like, protects the restaurant for, you know, litigation, I guess.

Leah: Well, I mean, that's why you would keep it at your table, and you don't bring it back into the ...

Nick: Yeah. Keep in front of house, yeah. And I guess the only thing I would ask somebody bringing their own container is make sure it's clean and the right size.

Leah: And then obviously it's different if it's like a buffet. You can't be like, "Hey, I paid for unlimited buffet."

Nick: [laughs] Well ...

Leah: Not that that's in this question, but I mean, that's when restaurants are like, "Okay, you can't bring a container when it's like family meal, and you keep refilling it so you can refill all the containers that you're now putting under the table."

Nick: Yes. Yeah, let's not steal food, I guess.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: But if it's a food you've already ordered, that you've already paid for, that you just want to bring home? Yeah, okay.

Leah: I feel good about this.

Nick: So our next thing is a bonkers.

Leah: [laughs] Bon-ka-kers!

Nick: [laughs] Right?

Leah: I feel like I gotta switch it up, but maybe I should just stick with the tried and true.

Nick: No, I loved it. I thought that was great.

Leah: Oh, thank you so much!

Nick: Our bonkers is quote—and I see what you did there with the compliment.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Nice. Nicely done. Quote, "We were four couples going out to dinner. Couple number one, our hosts, invited me and my husband and another two couples to meet up at their house for drinks first. When we showed up, our hosts informed us that they had to go meet a fifth couple for drinks before dinner. None of the rest of us knew this fifth couple, so our hosts then left us at their house, and told us to meet them at the restaurant in an hour. Needless to say, we were shocked. We did as told and met an hour later at the restaurant, but no explanation was given as to why drinks with couple number five was even scheduled. They weren't at the dinner—which was awkward. Our hosts simply said that the situation was unavoidable. Have you ever spent an hour in somebody else's house with them not there and all dressed up with nothing to do?"

Leah: I mean, what?

Nick: [laughs] What? There's so many questions. And our hosts are being so coy.

Leah: So coy!

Nick: Like, I feel like our hosts needed to give a little more information about what has happened here. You can't just say, like, "Oh, it was unavoidable," and just, like, that's it. You just left me in your house for an hour.

Leah: For an hour! That's so—imagine I could have spent that hour at home with my dog.

Nick: [laughs] "Come over for drinks. Oh, and by the way, we won't be there."

Leah: "We're not there."

Nick: [laughs] "Because we have to do drinks with this other couple because it's unavoidable. But we're not gonna invite those people to dinner."

Leah: And then we're not gonna really give you any details about that.

Nick: Nope. We're just gonna pretend it never happened. Yeah. What? That's bonkers.

Leah: It's bonkers!

Nick: What a bonkers thing.

Leah: What's happening?

Nick: What a totally bonkers thing. Yeah, so that's bonkers.

Leah: I mean, it feels like they wanted you to go through their house. That's what it feels like.

Nick: Oh, like, "Oh, please go through our medicine cabinet?"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You know, why would you invite people over and then leave?

Nick: But I think not telling me? That's the bigger crime here because it's like, what—now I just—my mind is spinning. Like, what are the possibilities?

Leah: Yeah. Like, say I got to your house and you were like, "Hey, we were—there was gonna be five couples, but this other couple had an emergency and I just—I gotta run over and be there for them for a second."

Nick: And do drinks with them. [laughs]

Leah: Or whatever it is. Like, sometimes people need emotional support, and they can't be out in public.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: And then I'll meet you at the restaurant. Okay.

Nick: Totally fine.

Leah: I understand that story.

Nick: But unavoidable? Like, what would be unavoidable drinks? I mean, that's—I mean, that's a strong word.

Leah: That's a strong word.

Nick: That's really loaded, that this was just "unavoidable."

Leah: Mmm.

Nick: Mandatory court-ordered cocktails.

Leah: That's what I want to be. Was it court ordered? What is happening? Does somebody have information on you that they're blackmailing you with?

Nick: Like some hidden video of you and, like, if you do not do drinks with them today, then they're gonna release it to the public?

Leah: I mean, as we all know, Spock said if we eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: So ...

Nick: I mean ...

Leah: ... they're being blackmailed.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, Spock's not wrong. Yeah, these people are being blackmailed. So I'm sorry for your friends who are now being blackmailed by couple number five. How horrible!

Leah: How horrible for them.

Nick: Oh, I take back everything I said about these people. I had no idea they were being blackmailed.

Leah: I mean ...

Nick: I mean, that's—you get an etiquette pass, then

Leah: This is the only explanation.

Nick: [laughs] So thank you for sending this in. And as a reminder, we'll take your bonkers questions, and any question or your vents, your repents, your etiquette crimes. Send them in. Send them in to our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Leah: Live long and prosper.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or Repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna repent.

Nick: [gasps] Oh Leah, what have you done?

Leah: And I want to say, Nick, I already feel bad.

Nick: [laughs] I make no promises about how the next few minutes are gonna go.

Leah: So I don't need to be more admonished because I'm saying it publicly.

Nick: Well, this is not the right place. Okay. Well, what has happened? What have you done?

Leah: So I was on a flight.

Nick: Mmm.

Leah: And I can't speak to how alert I was.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: You know, a lot of traveling, you get worn down.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: I'm going to my seat. I see a person in my seat.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Or what I think is my seat.

Nick: Oh, dear!

Leah: Yeah. And let me say in the past, there's been a lot of people in my seats who want to switch seats sitting in my seat.

Nick: It happens, sure.

Leah: So I just get there. I'm looking at my ticket, I see the number, I see the seat. And I don't remember the exact words, I don't know if other people have this problem, but when I get really anxious, I don't remember exactly what I said. I just remember being anxious, and I sort of remember my tone, but I implied in one way or the other that she was in my seat.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: But I did say it with like a, "Ooh!" And I put my shoulders up, and I did not—whatever I said, I did not say what I was saying in an accusatory way.

Nick: Great. Okay.

Leah: I said it in like a there was a misunderstanding way, but I did suggest that she was in my seat.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: However, I said it. But I did say it in like a, "Ooh," but I said it like a "You gotta move." But I said it so nice.

Nick: Okay. [laughs]

Leah: But I did say that.

Nick: All right.

Leah: And then she goes to pull out her ticket, and then we both look at the tickets. And then I was looking at the gate number.

Nick: Oh, dear!

Leah: And then I was mortified. I accused a person of being in my seat.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I was in her seat, and I should be admonished because how horrific of me.

Nick: I mean, well, what did she say to this? Like, was she upset, or we—we looked at the tickets and we were like, "Oh, it's the gate number. I'm so sorry." And then we move on?

Leah: I moved on. I turned around and went to the other seat, and then I turned back around and I go, #"I'd like to say again how sorry I am, because that was on me."

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I mean, I think laying it on a little thick.

Leah: I just felt so horrible. I don't want to be one of these people who are like, "You're in my seat!" And then it was me. I didn't say it that way, but I did say ...

Nick: But you weren't sitting in the seat, though.

Leah: No no no no no.

Nick: You were coming down the aisle.

Leah: I was coming down the aisle.

Nick: You looked at this person who was in the chair and you're like, "Oh, that's my seat." And then we look at the paperwork and you're like, "Oh, I guess it's not. So sorry."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: I feel like this is fine.

Leah: It didn't feel fine in the moment. I felt like an animal.

Nick: Well, it's—it's not about making the mistakes. It's about how we recover from those mistakes.

Leah: I did apologize twice.

Nick: I think you should apologize again. I think you should have gotten her information, and you should have mailed her an apology note.

Leah: Now if you're listening to this podcast and you were in 26E ...

Nick: You should have sent her a gift card.

Leah: I almost did. I wanted to get up and be like, "Hey, I gotta be paying more attention."

Nick: I mean, I think as etiquette crimes go, this is pretty mild.

Leah: I mean, it felt—I don't know why I felt so horrible about it.

Nick: Well, because we talk a lot about horrible people on airplanes.

Leah: We do. And then I was like, please don't let that be me.

Nick: And among the etiquette crimes are people who want someone else's seat and just take it and be like, "Oh, you want the window? I guess I can move if you really feel like you want the seat you paid for." Like, that happens all the time. And I think you feel like you were that person, but you were not.

Leah: I do feel like that. I wasn't, was I?

Nick: But you weren't.

Leah: I apologized, and then I did a yell down the aisle apology as the second follow up.

Nick: Now you're a disturbance. Now you're actually—now you're a problem. Now you're an etiquette problem on this airplane. Because now you're the woman who can't stop apologizing.

Leah: I only apologized twice, and then I let it go.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. So for me, I would like to vent. And so I am at the gym, and I'm stretching. I'm sort of just, like, getting ready for my workout because I find that most of my workout is—I call it "prehab," where I'm like, I have to really limber up first to make sure I don't injure myself. So I'm stretching. And it's a gym I frequent, and there's always like the same group of people around the same time. And there's some guy who's training his own client, and they're, like, across the gym and, like, they're talking and they're about to go on the treadmill or something, and I'm not really paying attention. But the trainer across the gym yells in my direction, "Hey, how much do you weigh?" And I'm like, looking around and I'm like, "Oh, is that—is that directed—is that in my direction? Is that a question for me?" And yes, yes, that was a question for me. This is not my trainer. This is not somebody I know. This is just basically a stranger asking me what is my weight.

Leah: Not just asking, yelling it across the room.

Nick: Yes. Yes. And so it's early, my coffee hasn't quite kicked in, and I gave the number. I gave the number. And then the trainer turns back to his client, like he's done with me, he has the information he needed, he goes back to his client and he says, "See what I mean?" What? What does that mean? "See what I mean? That person's weight. See what that weight looks like on this person?" Like what—how do I interpret this?

Leah: My brain would have exploded. I would have been like, "What does that mean?"

Nick: What does that mean? Yeah. What do we do with this?

Leah: Who yells that across the room, and then is like ...

Nick: Well, don't ask strangers for their weight.

Leah: Don't ask strangers for their weight, yelling or quietly.

Nick: [laughs] Right? But then to then comment—because now you've commented, you've made some judgment about my weight, but I don't know what the judgment is. But clearly my weight makes sense for me, I guess.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Like, it makes—it answers some riddle. And so I don't know what the riddle is, but it satisfies some curiosity. And it's sort of like, I don't like being used an example in this way at all. No.

Leah: I would just be laying in bed staring at the ceiling, being like, "What does that mean? Why would you say, 'See what I mean?'"

Nick: "See what I mean?" So I don't know—I don't know what it means. I don't know what it means, but I don't like it. And it's a vent.

Leah: I do not like it either. I do not like it.

Nick: [laughs] Wild! Totally wild. Totally wild.

Leah: I think that it obviously had to be some kind of a compliment.

Nick: Yes, I will take it as a compliment.

Leah: That's how it was—that's how it was intended.

Nick: I hope it was.

Leah: It's still not appropriate, but I want you to know that's how—that's why it was a compliment.

Nick: But I guess women don't get all the fun in gyms.

Leah: [laughs] I mean, I'd say we get 95 percent of it.

Nick: Well, happy to participate in the fun.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: Oh, not only—I learned and am now obsessed with—learned and immediately moved into obsessed with—Kalle Anka.

Nick: Yeah. Donald Duck. It's a thing in Sweden.

Leah: I just love the idea that so many people at the same time are pausing.

Nick: Millions. Millions of Swedes.

Leah: On Christmas Eve.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: What a delight!

Nick: It wouldn't be Christmas without Donald Duck.

Leah: What a delight!

Nick: And I learned that you get some great deals at Marshalls.

Leah: And you know what?

Nick: [laughs] What?

Leah: The reason I know about it is because I complimented somebody on something they had for their dog, and they said, "Marshalls." And I said, "Okay, I'm gonna check that out."

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we want to do some more live shows, but we don't know where. So your homework is to tell us if you want us to come to your city. So go to WereYouRaisedByWolves.com/live, and fill out our little survey and tell us where you live if you want us to visit.

Leah: We're excited for this new journey adventure.

Nick: Yeah, I mean, the Nick and Leah road trip across the country or world. I mean, hey, if there's enough people in Tokyo that want us to visit, I guess we're going to Tokyo.

Leah: I would love—I love how I called it a journey adventure.

Nick: I mean, it is a journey adventure.

Leah: It's a journey adventure.

Nick: So please go to our website slash live, fill out a little survey, and we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: So I would like to do a special shout out to our Wolves family Patreon member, Instagram friend, and now real life friend, Brenda B.

Nick: Yes!

Leah: Who came out to our live show, and then also came to some of my comedy shows, and has been so supportive and keeping the Wolves dialog going, and I just such a delight. And I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much for everything you do.

Nick: And want to add to that, and I just want to say thank you to everybody who came out to see us live. It was an amazing night. I had such a great time, and it was such an honor to have people fly to New York City just for us. I mean, like, what a mind-blowing concept that, like, people flew to New York, I mean, from around the country. Like, people just flew to come and see us. And that blows my mind. That just, like, totally blows my mind.

Leah: Our mind was blown. We were so grate—I went over to Nick's house and I was like, "What are we gonna do?" [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, it's like, "Oh, people, like, have hotel reservations for us specifically, so I guess we can't cancel now. Gotta do the show."

Leah: Thank you so much for joining us on this Wolves adventure.

Nick: Yes. So thank you for being part of our journey, and supporting us and liking what we're doing. And I guess we're gonna do some more live shows. And thank you. I mean, just like truly an honor.

Leah: Thank you.