Vacationing at All-Inclusive Resorts, Demanding Cash at Weddings, Using Other People's Waterpiks, and More

Nick: Do you wear wet bathing suits to dinner? Do you demand cash at your wedding? Do you use other people's waterpiks? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Nick, I don't even know how you keep coming up with these. They're all so amazing!

Nick: [laughs] Oh, I have a long list. So for today, I want to take you to the theater, to Broadway!

Leah: Yes!

Nick: Do you like a good Broadway musical?

Leah: I really love a musical.

Nick: Yeah? Do you have a favorite?

Leah: I may have to say Pirates of Penzance just because it's so deep inside my—I mean, we're counting that as ...?

Nick: I mean, yes. We will allow it for the purposes of this conversation. Sure.

Leah: That just has a deep, a deep emotional—and then I would say Godspell.

Nick: Godspell. Okay. Day by day.

Leah: Mmm! And then Book of Mormon. And I also love Book of Mormon.

Nick: I asked for one, but okay.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: For me, I think Little Shop of Horrors might be the perfect musical.

Leah: Ooh, good one!

Nick: It really is wonderful. Not the movie, the actual stage version. Because the movie has, like, a different ending, and it's sort of like. I get it. But, like, the stage version, it is a really wonderful show. I think it has emotion, it has humor, it has great music. Yeah, I'm gonna go with Little Shop of Horrors. That's my answer today.

Leah: You know, I was actually just listening to that in the car.

Nick: It's wonderful!

Leah: What a good time.

Nick: What a great show. So for today, I want to take you to Broadway, and I want to talk about some Broadway traditions. And these are things that you may not know. So you probably know, like, the "break a leg" thing. This is, like, very common, but that's just a theater thing in general. And do you know about the ghost light?

Leah: I don't think so.

Nick: Okay, so the ghost light is a light. It's basically a light bulb, a naked light bulb on a pole. And they put this in the middle of the stage at night, and so the theater will never be dark. And one of the reasons is that, like, oh, let's not have somebody, like, fall into the orchestra pit if the stage is, like, totally dark. There's a practical reason. But it's also that every theater is haunted, and ghosts like a little ambient light. And so it just, like, makes the ghosts happy to have a little ambient light. And also, the idea is that if there's a little light happening, then the theater will never truly be dark, and so the magic of theater will always be in this house. And so there's, like, really nice symbolism around the ghost light.

Leah: I love that. I love it!

Nick: Yeah, it's very nice. So what about the legacy robe? Do you know about this?

Leah: I do not know about the legacy robe, Nick.

Nick: So the legacy robe is a robe. And it started 75 years ago, 1950. Picture it. And so there was this production of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and some chorus person in that show took one of the robes from, like, one of the other chorus people and gave it to another friend who was opening that night in a show called Call Me Madam, which was starring Ethel Merman. And there was a cheeky note attached to this robe, which was like, "All the Ziegfeld beauties have worn this robe. And so it is now blessed. And if you wear it, then your show will be blessed, too." You know, something very cheeky like this.

Nick: And so that chorus person received the robe, and that show was a success. And then that person handed it off to one of their friends who was opening in a new show called Guys and Dolls. And there was, I guess, some piece of Ethel Merman's costume, like some flower, like little cabbage flower, as the story goes. And they actually attached it to the robe as, like, a little good luck charm. And so this robe now had, like, this cabbage flower on it, and now it was at Guys and Dolls. And now a tradition was born. And so this robe kept getting passed along to different chorus people who were opening in new musical numbers in New York. And so this tradition continues today.

Leah: I love that!

Nick: Isn't that fun?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And so, of course, Actors Equity, which is, like, the big union for theater people in New York City, they got involved because they're like, "Oh, these are precious heirlooms. We cannot just, like, let random chorus people just, like, have them in their apartments. And so we gotta, like, put some rules in." And so many of the original ones, those are in museums, or those are actually, like, in the Actors Equity, like, headquarters. And those are preserved. And because there are so many musicals all the time, there are actually many robes. Like, there's always new robes. And when a robe gets filled with all the panels, then it gets retired and, like, then a new robe gets made. And so, of course, there are rules in terms of who gets it and how it gets handed along.

Leah: That's so cool.

Nick: Right? So the rule is: 30 minutes before opening night—30 minutes—all the cast gathers on stage, and previous recipients of the robe, so if you've ever received the robe, you can come—and the current robe holder is there, and the Broadway chorus person with the most Broadway credits then gets the robe in the new show. So whoever that is, they are then the robe holder. And so the current robe owner is wearing the robe, and they have, like, this long speech where they give the history of the robe, and then they give it to the new person. And then the new person has to put on the robe, walk around the circle counterclockwise three times, and everybody, like, touches the robe for good luck. And then that person, while wearing the robe, has to run throughout the theater, run into everybody's dressing rooms and bless the house. And then the show begins.

Leah: What a good time!

Nick: And all of this happens in, like, the 30 minutes before, like, curtain. Yeah. So it's a great honor. It's a great honor. And then once you have the robe, you work with your wardrobe department of your show, and you create, like, a panel that you will then add to the robe. And so it might have fabrics that are used in the costumes. It'll probably have your name on it. Usually the whole cast will sign it, and then that gets attached to the robe, and then the robe gets passed along to the next show.

Leah: That is so cool!

Nick: Yeah, there's this wonderful community in Broadway, and this is, like, one of those great traditions, I think. Because also, it's only for chorus people. It's only for the chorus; it's only for the ensemble. And as everybody knows, the ensemble, that is the foundation of Broadway. I mean, that is Broadway. If there was not the ensemble, there would not be Broadway. And so these are the hardest-working people, and they're incredible. I mean, these performers are incredible. And so it's fun that they have something that's just for them. You know, they may not win Tonys, but they can get the robe.

Leah: I love it. I love it. And I had no idea.

Nick: Yeah. So next time you're talking to one of your Broadway nerds, bring up the legacy robe and see what they know about it.

Leah: I'm just gonna slide it in like I did that one time with the time zones.

Nick: Oh, in Spain?

Leah: Yes. Slipped it in there. Real cazh.

Nick: Yeah, real cazh. Be like, "Oh. Well." If you're wearing, like, a big poncho with patches on it and you're talking to a Broadway friend, you could be like, "Oh, look at this poncho. Is this a legacy robe?"

Leah: Looks like a legacy robe. Am I right?

Nick: [laughs] They will die. They will die.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: [sings] Deep into a resort.

Nick: That's right. So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about all-inclusive resorts.

Leah: How timely, as I am about to head off to one.

Nick: Yes. This was ordered up by request. Leah Bonnema was going to an all-inclusive resort, and she's like, "We should talk about it because I don't want to—" well, I guess why—why do you want to talk about it? You want to make sure you don't break any rules? What's your motivation?

Leah: I just want to feel comfortable in knowing that I am doing everything appropriately, or if I'm doing something inappropriately, it is by choice.

Nick: [laughs] Yes. Yes. Etiquette is like poetry. You can break the rules once you know them, but you gotta know them first.

Leah: She's an e.e. cummings.

Nick: That's what we say about Leah. So okay, I think the first thing on my list is there's a lot of different types of all-inclusive resorts. And so I think we kind of want to know what actually is included and what is not. And so tipping, that was like the first thing on my list. Are tips included?

Leah: Oh, that was also the first thing on my list.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I immediately assumed they were not included, so my question was: Are we tipping every day? Are we tipping after everything, or are we doing a huge tip at the end that gets divided?

Nick: So I think we have to ask if we don't know or if it's not actually disclosed. I think we actually have to reach out and proactively ask, like, what is the gratuity situation on this property? Because it might be included, in which case okay, and then you could sort of tip as you feel is appropriate on top of that. If it's not included, then I tip as we go along. I don't wait until the end, because you might have different housekeeping every day.

Leah: Yeah, I was thinking you have different people.

Nick: You know, different bartenders. You know, so I would just tip as we go along. So I would definitely bring a lot of small bills, or $2 bills. I love a good $2 bill, as we know.

Leah: I just show up with $2 bills. I just slowly become Nick.

Nick: I mean, I would love that. Or you can bring $1 bills, but bring a bunch, so that just makes it easier to just leave cash on nightstands and things like that.

Leah: Yeah, that's ...

Nick: And another thing on my list is dress code awareness. So just because you're on vacation doesn't mean, like, oh, we can wear our bathing suit everywhere. Like, usually at dinner, they don't want you wearing a wet bathing suit in the dining room. And so just know, like, what are the rules in different spaces?

Leah: I would never wear wet clothing anywhere. I get a rash.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Who's wearing wet clothes? It's not good for your skin!

Nick: Oh, my goodness! So many people are showing up to dinner at a resort wearing their bathing suit. Yes, absolutely. This is happening. Yes. This is why they have a dress code in the first place, because they have to be able to point to the sign and be like, "Please don't come in here looking like this. You don't have any common sense. We wish you just knew and we didn't have to have a sign that said 'No bathing suits at dinner.' But many of you don't know that, and so we have a sign now." So yes, there's a dress code for dinner, most likely. So just know what that is. Similarly, there could be dress codes in the casino, if there is one. Or, like, who knows what it is? Maybe there's like a no-three-piece-suits-at-the-beach rule. You know, it can go both ways.

Leah: Well, that ruins my plan.

Nick: [laughs] You're wearing that three-piece suit?

Leah: That's my beachwear, three-piece suits.

Nick: Nice. Yeah, so patent leather loafers, French cuffs. Yeah, very—very casual.

Leah: Do you think that—back to the $2 bills—if we are not in our—if we're not in the United States, we can still tip with American money?

Nick: In Mexico, I would use pesos. Yeah, I wouldn't use dollars, because even though I'm sure they can use dollars, they can make that work, it's not their currency that they're really operating in. And there is also a little flavor of, like, "Oh, I'm American. Of course everybody uses US dollars." And so there's just a little of that flavor, which is not great. And so I would lean towards the default currency of where I am when possible.

Leah: Yeah, I was gonna change my money in advance, actually.

Nick: Yeah, I think having pesos either, you know, as soon as you get there, in advance if you want. Actually, I bet you probably have tons of friends that were in Mexico recently that probably have some pesos available. You know, if you did a little survey, you could buy some pesos off a friend. But yeah, having local currency in cash, I think that'll be useful for housekeeping and for tips and stuff like that.

Leah: Yeah, I just gotta do it in advance. I feel like I always get somewhere and then I realize I don't have cash, and I'm just walking around going, "Do you have Venmo?"

Nick: Yeah. Then if you need to get it in advance, so be it. Other thing on my list, especially in resorts, keep it down. I know we're all having a good time, but come on, do we need to be yelling in the hallways?

Leah: I agree with that.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: As somebody who's been woken up very early in the morning by people running by my door.

Nick: Yeah, just, like, other people exist. It's just that rule. Speaking of which, chair hogs. So this happens also on cruise ships. People get up early, they run to the beach or they run to the pool, they throw a towel down and, like, some charm, and then they go back to bed or they go to brunch. And then three hours later they come back and they're like, "Oh, that's my chair." And it's sort of like, that's rude.

Leah: It's so rude. It's so rude.

Nick: And why it's rude is that the resorts really do try to police that, but they have a hard time doing it. And then other guests can't really enforce it. Like, I can't take your stuff off your chair as a guest. Like, that's for the resort to do. And then it becomes this thing, well, like, oh, if I want a chair, then I have to do that, too. And then everybody has to do this horrible thing in order to get a chair. And then what have we done? Society has broken down.

Leah: Yeah. I don't—it makes me so uncomfortable.

Nick: So I feel like only reserve a chair when you're actually gonna sit in it. I don't think we actually reserve chairs. I think actually we go and we use the chair, and then when we're done with the chair, we leave the chair. If you have to go to the restroom, grabbing a drink, it is a 15-minute or less adventure? Okay, fine. But I think past that, I think we give up the chair.

Leah: I also feel like if I'm running down and then my partner's coming, and I know they're right behind me but they're not right behind me, I'm fine if you, like, hold the chair—oh, they're coming—for, like, five minutes, ten minutes.

Nick: Yes. But two hours later, if I lean over and I see that chair's still empty?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Mm-mm.

Leah: No, no, no, no, no.

Nick: Mm-mm.

Leah: No, no.

Nick: Right. So yeah, don't be a chair hog.

Leah: Very good point. And then, you know, you hear—I'm so excited because I—you know, you hear all these things, but I've never been. I hear that they, like, seat you with different couples.

Nick: Oh, the dining. Yeah. So it could be that. I mean, there's all sorts of flavors, but if you're in sort of a traditional dining situation where it's sort of like eight tops or ten tops. And how many people do you think are at your table?

Leah: Well, that's—I have no idea. I'm just walking into this blind. I'm so thrilled!

Nick: It could be a medieval banquet table with 50 people.

Leah: Oh, that's what I'm hoping it is.

Nick: [laughs] Oh, indeed! Everybody just eating turkey drumsticks. Yes, you could be seated with the same people, or it could be different people, but it could be communal. And yeah, that can happen. I mean, for me, that's kind of my nightmare. Like, I really don't love that, but I guess that could work for you.

Leah: I've just been on this really weird trajectory, where as a—when I was younger, I loved talking to everybody. And then I think we've discussed this, New York sort of closed me off a little bit, because you gotta protect yourself and you're exhausted and your shoulders are in your ears. And then the longer I'm in California, the more I'm turning back into this person that's talking to everybody all the time.

Nick: Wow! I mean, good for you.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] No, for me, this type of dining is like just being at a wedding reception, but every night of my vacation. And in my mind, it's sort of like, that is not what I'm interested in on my vacation at all.

Leah: I'm going for a wedding, so they may just seat me with a wedding party the whole time.

Nick: Oh, maybe. Yeah, in which case okay. Now pro tip: If you are seated at a table and you're like, "Oh, these people are nightmares. I don't want to do this again." You can absolutely let the maitre d know, and they'll just, like, seat you somewhere else the next night.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Or maybe just a table for two. Like, they know that not every table gels, and there's always people who want to move around, and so it's fine.

Leah: And would you tell them that night? You would go—on the way out, you'd go, "Hey, thanks for a wonderful dinner. If possible, tomorrow can we be seated somewhere else?" And then you just have your eyes, like, really big to be like, "You get what I'm saying, right?"

Nick: Yeah, that'll send the signal. Absolutely.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: And I don't think this is a problem for you, but you need to show up to that dinner on time because everybody else at that table is waiting on you. And they're waiting on ordering, they're waiting on the dinner. Like, everything is waiting, so you gotta show up to that dinner on time so that people aren't waiting on you.

Leah: And then very specific questions. So the hotel has, like, a car service that comes and gets you at the airport.

Nick: Oh, very luxurious.

Leah: That's his—who is she?

Nick: That's—wow!

Leah: And then, you know, you pay for it. But they're not just, like, being like, "Hey, we love to do things for free," but I'm going to tip the driver.

Nick: Yeah, that's courteous.

Leah: Do you think we would tip in cash or we tip on the hotel bill?

Nick: Cash. Yeah.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: When in doubt ...

Leah: Cash it out?

Nick: Tip directly to the person.

Leah: When in doubt, cash it out.

Nick: Yeah. Because then you know the person's getting it, and also there is something nice about sort of like giving cash to somebody and be like, "Thank you. This is for you. Thank you for what you just did for me." And it's nice to have that human interaction. When you just do it later, you lose that, and then it just becomes purely transactional. And then it's like, we kind of lost, like, what we were trying to achieve here.

Leah: Yeah. I always just get paranoid because I'm like, "Is it—am I tipping the wrong amount? Am I—is it rude to tip?" You know what I mean? But I love tipping.

Nick: Those fears happen if you're adding it to the hotel bill later, too. It's just there are fewer consequences because you don't have somebody looking you in the eyes being like, "This tip is not enough."

Leah: [laughs] Or you are way overtipping. Did you mortgage your home?

Nick: But for all these questions, because all etiquette is local, you should just ask the hotel what is typical and standard. Will they give you any guidance here? Or other people who've been to this property online, like, what have they said about gratuities? And so you can get a sense of, like, what is typical and usual, and you can then do that. Because it may be that, oh, we're not tipping at all. Maybe that's what it is. Or what is typical and usual to tip a hotel airport pickup? And is it a van? Is it a private car? Like, what is it? I don't know. So a lot of variables, but all of this is knowable. But at the end of the day with all tipping, just do your best, and that's good enough. Like, we cannot get consumed with, like, worrying about the wrong amount. It's just like, do what you think is right and that you're comfortable with, and whatever that is is fine

Leah: Great?

Nick: You know? Do your homework, try to learn what it is. Pick an amount that feels reasonable and acceptable, and then that's what it is. And then just don't second guess it.

Leah: I like it. I like it, Nick.

Nick: Yeah. Because, like, let's not ruin our vacation with anxiety about tipping.

Leah: Let's not ruin our vacation with anxiety in general. Who is she?

Nick: She's somebody who has anxiety about things in general. [laughs]

Leah: [laughs] Yes.

Nick: Yeah. Something tells me a couple days in Mexico is probably not gonna take the edge off, but can't hurt.

Leah: Oh! Oh!

Nick: And then lastly, food and drink. So at that buffet, we're using tongs, people. We're using tongs.

Leah: I just got really excited about the idea that it was a buffet.

Nick: I'm assuming there's a buffet, at least for breakfast.

Leah: I hope so. I mean, the thrill!

Nick: So we're using tongs.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: We're using fresh plates.

Leah: I know the way I come off, but I'm actually not moving in with my hands.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I don't know, but I'm just—you know, it's always a good reminder.

Leah: It is a reminder, no matter how excited you are.

Nick: And then lastly, drink responsibly. Yes, we're on vacation, we're having a good time, but we still need to drink responsibly.

Leah: I mean, how many Diet Cokes can a girl put back?

Nick: [laughs] Well, drink those responsibly. It's a lot of caffeine. Yeah, gotta watch that.

Leah: I'm actually very excited. I'm gonna get—I've never been to, like, a—I've never been to Mexico. I've never been to, like, a beach resort. Imagining I'm going to get a virgin pina colada, and I'm gonna sit on the beach with a little book.

Nick: Yeah. No, I think you can definitely manifest that pretty easily.

Leah: Right?

Nick: This is not a stretch.

Leah: So fun!

Nick: No. Listen to a podcast?

Leah: Maybe a Were You Raised By Wolves? about what I'm supposed to be doing at—what I'm supposed to be doing at all-inclusive resorts?

Nick: Yeah, exactly. Oh, how meta!

Leah: How meta!

Nick: Well, have a great time!

Leah: Thank you so much!

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote—and before we start, that howl was particularly good today, Leah.

Leah: What?

Nick: Yeah, I felt it echoing in the canyons, and I feel like I saw the silver moonlight.

Leah: Stop!

Nick: I really was transported. Yeah.

Leah: Stop.

Nick: Yeah. No, I really—I felt something with that. So I don't know if you've been practicing, or if it's just the vibe today.

Leah: Oh, my goodness. Thank you.

Nick: Yeah. So our first question is so wild. So we get a text message, and it is quote, "My sister just received this invitation via email. Should my sister follow up to clarify, or simply RSVP no and send a nice card?" And so here is the invitation. So it is an invitation. It says, "You're invited to our wedding." It has the date and time. It has the location. It'll be at a very nice church. And then it's gonna be a picnic lunch nearby at a sort of community club. And it says, "Dress for the weather." Okay, so far so good with this invitation.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: And then the invitation continues.

Leah: Continues, or takes a turn.

Nick: [laughs] It certainly goes in a different direction. It then says, "No gifts necessary." Okay.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Okay. Then the next line. "Help us pay for our honeymoon." Oh, okay. And then the next line is, "Voluntary cash donations required!"

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: Exclamation mark. Exclamation mark! Voluntary cash donations required!

Leah: So interesting when the words "voluntary" and "required" are used in the same sentence.

Nick: Yes. So interesting. So what do we do with that? And so our letter-writer asks, "Should we clarify? Because maybe there's a typo." Right? I mean, that was my first thought. Oh, maybe there's a typo. Maybe it's "Voluntary cash donation not required."

Leah: Or maybe it's "Voluntary cash donations required?" With a question mark.

Nick: [laughs] Oh, okay. Right. Right.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Or "Voluntary?" Question mark. "Cash donations?" Or "Voluntary cash donations?" You could donate something else. I mean, maybe there is some grammar or punctuation here, but then it's like, no, because the line before is, "Help us pay for our honeymoon." So the next thing is about paying for our honeymoon.

Leah: Yeah, there's nothing to clarify.

Nick: Right? I mean, because is it possible—I mean, is there the benefit of the doubt that this is, "Voluntary cash donation not required?" No, because then why would you use the word "voluntary?"

Leah: No. Why would you even put it? Why would you even put it?

Nick: Right. Because you would just say, "Cash donation not required." Although if you put that, I would say, like, "Oh, cash is not required, but a donation is required." So it can be something other than cash, but it is still required. So yeah, that's not it.

Leah: There's no other way to read this.

Nick: Yeah. But then why would we put the word "voluntary" in there?

Leah: Because it's a ruse.

Nick: It's not a very good one. [laughs]

Leah: No, they're just gonna start out with a word that makes it look nice.

Nick: Sure. I guess it sort of eases me in.

Leah: It's like, "I want you to voluntarily do this, but it's required."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I mean, yeah. Just—just like that.

Leah: Like, I'm not gonna—I'm not gonna take it from you, but you have to give it to me.

Nick: Like, we could do this the easy way or the hard way?

Leah: Exclamation point!

Nick: So you could volunteer. That's easier for everybody if you just do it. But we can do the hard way.

Leah: We can do it the hard way and we can walk table to table.

Nick: Mm-hmm. And turn you upside down and shake you until money comes loose.

Leah: [laughs] Also, if the money doesn't come loose, we'll take whatever jewelry you're wearing.

Nick: Yeah, we're gonna just pawn it all. Yeah. So I don't love any of this.

Leah: I mean, it's—it is rabid?

Nick: Rabid! Ooh, I don't know if we've used that before, have we?

Leah: It's more than wild.

Nick: It is more than wild. Yes.

Leah: I have to go get a rabies shot after this one.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I do feel a little foam coming in the corner of my mouth.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick:*[laughs]* Um, yeah. Well, I don't love the "no gifts necessary" thing, because it is the custom that one does give a gift at a wedding. That is the custom, but it is not required. It is not required. So for a host to be like, "We're expecting gifts but, like, you don't have to bring them. They're not necessary," that's not great, because then that is not a voluntary present. And we do want some sense that there's some agency for your guests. Your guests have agency here with the gift giving. And when we take that agency away, then, like, we lose something with this tradition. And so that's why "no gifts "necessary is not great.

Leah: What's so funny in this case is that the next line is literally gifts. A donation—a mandatory donation is a gift.

Nick: Yes. Well, they're saying, "no gifts necessary," which means no physical objet that you wrap. That's not necessary.

Leah: But that's still—money is still a gift. The idea that they're being like, "I don't want you to have to wrap stuff, but I do expect you to deposit cashola into this account." It's still a gift, baby.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. So the question we've been asked is, "Should we clarify or should we just RSVP No?" And I guess if we don't want to be extorted, then I think we just decline.

Leah: Also, I feel like clarifying would be sort of cheeky. We'd be like, "Could you clarify why it says 'voluntary' and 'required?' Because I do not understand."

Nick: [laughs] Well, okay. Let's say we clarify and they're like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, we would like you to make a donation to our honeymoon fund. And then you're like, "Oh, I'm not coming."

Leah: [laughs] Yeah.

Nick: That's—I mean, they should know, I guess, on some level why you're not coming. I mean, you would want them to know that. But that is rude. That would be very rude to be like, "Yeah, I'm not coming because you're extorting me." And I guess it just would be more polite to just like, leave that unsaid.

Leah: I think our letter-writer genuinely meant it. Like, is this a mistake? Should I clarify? I don't think they were trying to be cheeky, but I mean, there's no—because it's like, there's no way to ask that without it being like, "Are you demanding money from me?"

Nick: Okay, here's one final benefit of the doubt thing. It is a typo, and the word "required," they really meant "requested." And so it should have been reading, "Help us pay for our honeymoon. Voluntary cash donation requested." That would be better.

Leah: Who misses a typo like that?

Nick: Um, I mean ...

Leah: Literally cut to me missing a huge typo on my wedding invitation. Who does that? But then I would call everybody and I'd be like, "I just saw it said 'required.' I am mortified!"

Nick: Well, obviously, if you have wedding invitations, you would consult me on this, and I would be involved in this process.

Leah: You would flag it.

Nick: I would be so annoyed with you. If you get married and you send out invitations, and the first I see of the invitation is receiving it in the mail as a guest. Like, if you—if you did not involve me in this process, I would take that as a personal affront to our relationship.

Leah: Really?

Nick: Yeah. Would you not want the expert to help you?

Leah: I know, but don't you want to feel like you don't have to be on duty all the time?

Nick: I'm always on duty. There's no off switch here. You think there's an off switch, Leah? You think there's—you think I go home and it's sort of like I'm just surrounded by empty pizza boxes?

Leah: No, but I like that visual. It's just, like, stuff on your shirt. Oh, Nick, there's a whole other side to you.

Nick: Yeah, no, it's—this is very WYSIWYG. What you see is definitely what you get. So letter-writer, feel free to decline. Send a lovely note. I think you should absolutely send a note. Wish these people the best on their big day, apologize for not being able to make it, and we hope they have a great honeymoon.

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: So our next question is quote. "It became apparent through my noticing of small details that my father-in-law has been using the waterpik when he stays with us—my waterpik with my mouth germs. Now it has his mouth germs on it. What should be done? I mentioned it to my husband who acknowledged it was weird, but didn't seem inclined to bring it up with his dad. I am extremely non confrontational, so I just put a new nozzle on the waterpik before my in laws arrived on their most recent visit. But is this a lesson someone—my husband—should teach him, or do I just shrug my shoulders and keep sneaking the father-in-law nozzle on when they come to visit?"

Leah: I do not like the idea of people using things that were in my mouth.

Nick: [laughs] No! Definitely not. And just for anyone who doesn't know, let's just describe what a waterpik is.

Leah: It's—it's very in your mouth. It's like a long plastic electronic pick that you fill with water and you stick it in your mouth, and then it cleans out your gums.

Nick: Right. But it's an intimate dental device.

Leah: It's an intimate dental device.

Nick: And it is not something we share. Like, it's not something that spouses share.

Leah: No. I hope not.

Nick: I mean, it's basically a toothbrush. So, like, the things that we're not doing with the toothbrush are things we're not doing with the waterpik.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Right?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So it is a bold move that this father-in-law doesn't know that or care, it doesn't dawn on them, like "Oh, let me just put this thing on my mouth."

Leah: I mean, you know how I am. I'm not gonna get involved with somebody else's parent.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So I would just take it out of the bathroom. I would take it out of the bathroom, and then when I go to the bathroom I'd bring it in with me and then I'd take it back out.

Nick: Yes. I think I like etiquette solutions that sometimes just don't involve the other person. So, like, can I just resolve this on my end? Can I prevent an etiquette crime from happening? And so yeah, just removing it from the situation, I think that is definitely the move. It just doesn't exist anymore.

Leah: Yeah. Because I don't even want it in their mouth with a different head on it.

Nick: No. No, I don't want—I don't want you anywhere near this thing.

Leah: It's going into my room.

Nick: Also the father-in-law probably doesn't have a waterpik at home, because if he did I think he would understand, like, oh, what is the waterpik and who's using it and, like, what is involved? And so he has decided, "Oh, I'm gonna go into this other home that has a device in their bathroom that I'm less familiar with, and I'm just gonna use it." And then it's sort of like, what else do I have in my bathroom that he may just be using?

Leah: Ugh!

Nick: Now I'm just, like, going down the whole list.

Leah: Now I'm taking everything out of my bathroom.

Nick: Like, what else is in this room that he may just use that is typically not something that we share? Like, is he using my razor?

Leah: He's using your razor.

Nick: Right?

Leah: And your soap.

Nick: Soap I'm more okay with.

Leah: See, that's so funny.

Nick: Razors ...

Leah: Bar soap is my soap.

Nick: Bar soap is your soap. Okay.

Leah: I'm more okay with razor.

Nick: You're more okay with somebody using a razor than—what? That is incorrect.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] How is—how is a bar of soap a bigger problem than somebody using your razor on them, and then you use that razor again?

Leah: I got a thing about soap, Nick.

Nick: Wow. Okay. I mean, we are—okay.

Leah: We're talking shower soap, not hand soap.

Nick: Okay. No, we're just gonna disagree on this, I feel like. I think the audience is with me on this. I feel like—I feel like our audience is Team Nick on this. But hey, you do you with the soap, and I will definitely know to never touch your soap.

Leah: Good.

Nick: Okay, good. We have an understanding.

Leah: And I won't touch your razors.

Nick: Great. Okay.

Leah: I will say this: what if the father-in-law actually has a waterpik at home?

Nick: Okay?

Leah: And he thinks to himself, "Oh, I don't have to bring one. She has one."

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And he just thinks everybody shares.

Nick: Everybody shares. I mean, if I had a waterpik at home and you had one, I would bring my own heads, obviously. And then I would ask, like, "Hey, I know you have a water pick. Would it be cool if I brought some heads and used it?" Although oh, that puts you on the spot.

Leah: Puts you on the spot.

Nick: Because what are you supposed to say? No?

Leah: It's like when people say, "Can I use your chapstick?"

Nick: Yeah. Which why is that a thing in this world?

Leah: And then I feel obligated to say yes.

Nick: Well, and then I say, "Keep it."

Leah: And then I say, "Keep it." And they say, "No," and then you give it back. And then I throw it away when they're not looking.

Nick: No, I think you should throw it away while they're looking.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I think they should know what they did was wrong. Yeah, we're not sharing chapstick.

Leah: Just mouth stuff, don't share.

Nick: Mouth stuff, don't share. Put that on a pillow.

Leah: It's not even—it's like missing a word in the middle. Mouth stuff, don't share.

Nick: No, I think that is great life advice. Yes. So we're not sharing. We're not sharing it. So what do we do about it? Yeah, I think we just hide it. We take it out of view completely. We just don't have a waterpik anymore. And if he asks about it, then you could just be like, "I don't know, I don't—somewhere. It's somewhere. We'll try to dig it out." And then you never do.

Leah: I can't imagine he would ask.

Nick: Yeah. But yeah, I guess the Bonnema in-law rule just says if the husband is not interested in engaging with his dad about this, then that's the end of it.

Leah: I mean, other people might have other feelings about the in-law situation.

Nick: Just let dad use your waterpik?

Leah: No. By being like, "Oh no, I can go talk to my in-laws." But ...

Nick: Yeah, because also, what is that conversation? "Hey, dad. Can you please not use our mouth stuff?"

Leah: It just seems so much easier to just remove it.

Nick: It is just easier just to take it out of the scene. Yeah, just remove it.

Leah: How odd!

Nick: How odd. So you out there, do you have questions for us about odd things? Let us know. You can let us know through our website. WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: Nick, I gotta repent.

Nick: Oh! Okay, what have you done?

Leah: And as I was doing it, I thought, "I'm gonna have to repent for this." And I continued to do it.

Nick: Wow!

Leah: So that feels, to use a term of yours, provocative. I don't know what's going on in my ...

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Oh, I can't wait to hear all about it. What happened?

Leah: So I'm at a gig. I'm out of town, I'm at a gig.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: The venue where the comedy is is in a large, like, hall on one side, and then on the other side there's a bar.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So I have my water bottle with me. I need water.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: There's not—there wasn't water for us. I wanted to refill my water bottle. I go—they don't have it in the hall side. So I go into the bar side, and there's like a little—a thing for water that you can fill your own cup with.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: And there was a lady in front of me. She had two —they had little baby cups.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: For your little baby water.

Nick: Okay. Little two ounces.

Leah: Yep. You want a little shot of water? We'll give it to you. So she fills one up, goes and gives it to somebody. Comes back. I just take out my huge liter water bottle, start filling. She gets back in line. There's now people behind me, and I think, "I should step out of the way. I'm filling a full liter water bottle." We've talked about this.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: When you're at the gym. It's come up specifically. And then I thought, "I literally don't care. I need this water." And I thought, "I'm gonna pay the consequences for this."

Nick: Okay. Because yes, you could have stepped aside.

Leah: I could have stepped aside and been like, "Refill." And I looked her in the eyes and I said, "I apologize that I'm doing this."

Nick: Oh!

Leah: And then I continued to do it. [laughs]

Nick: Oh. I acknowledge that. I'm doing a rude thing right now. Well, okay. lLet's just, like, think about this for a moment. So I mean, they had, like, thimbles. Like, I mean, how big were these cups that they were using?

Leah: Did you have to do ...

Nick: Is it like the dentist office?

Leah: Yes, the fluoride cups.

Nick: Okay, so that's like—I think that's, like, four ounces.

Leah: Is that four ounces?

Nick: Could be. I don't know.

Leah: I do not count that as—that does not look like four ounces.

Nick: Okay. Two ounces.

Leah: That's two ounces.

Nick: Two ounces is a shot. It has to be bigger than that. Okay, it's some small amount, though. We don't have to get in the weeds on this. And how many people were in line?

Leah: There's only one in line.

Nick: Okay, so just this woman came back. And how much water did you have left?

Leah: Oh, it was empty.

Nick: Oh, okay. So you had just started when she got in line behind you.

Leah: Oh, well I mean, no, I had gotten—I was probably—I was probably 10 ounces into my liter.

Nick: Okay. Oh, we're mixing our—our units here.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: We got ounces. We got liters. I mean, imperial or metric? Pick a lane, Leah.

Leah: I can't pick a lane. I like both lanes. You know that about me, Nick.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Yeah. Gosh, you go to school in Canada, and look what happens to her.

Leah: [laughs] I go up at the end of my sentences and I mix my metrics.

Nick: I guess it would be nice to have stepped aside and be like, "Oh, hey. You go ahead." I guess that would have been courteous.

Leah: That would have been courteous.

Nick: Right. And would it have been better for you to not acknowledge that you were doing a rude thing on some level? Because when you acknowledge, like, oh, I'm being a beast right now, you just sort of underlined it.

Leah: Yeah, but I just wanted to know that I see her, I know she's waiting, and I'm just acting like garbage, and I apologize and I wish her well.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I guess as crimes go, not the worst thing, but I don't love it.

Leah: I would rather her know that she's seen and I recognize that I'm dragging.

Nick: Yeah, but if you hadn't said anything, then in her mind, she could have the plausible deniability of, like, "Oh, maybe they don't realize, like, I'm standing behind and I'm waiting. And if they knew that, then surely they would step aside, but they just don't realize it. So they're just being oblivious. They're not being rude." And so I could have that story for myself.

Leah: See, I hate—I think when people are oblivious, I'm like, how do you not recognize other people? I wonder—you know what I mean?

Nick: I'm sure that's also—you know, being oblivious can also be rude. That's true. These are not mutually exclusive things. Yeah.

Leah: I see you. I appreciate that I should just get out of the way, but just I want this water really bad. I gotta go get on stage.

Nick: "My needs come before yours, and so sorry about it."

Leah: I gotta go get on stage, and nobody gave us water. And this is just what's gonna have to happen.

Nick: Okay, here's a way to think about it. You are like a flight attendant, and you are cutting the line in security because you have a flight. And so that's the equivalent here. You need the water. You need all the water because you are talent, and so therefore, you get a pass to go in front. And had you said in that—maybe that little exchange, like, "Oh, I'm gonna go on stage, and so, so sorry, I have to fill up this water bottle before I dash." That actually would have given you a pass if she knew you were, like, famous.

Leah: [laughs] "Hi, I'm famous."

Nick: [laughs] "I'm kind of a big deal, and so I need to fill up this water right now."

Leah: That seems way worse.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Well, I guess we won't let this happen again. Although I think this might happen again.

Leah: I don't know what's wrong with me.

Nick: It's wonderful. No, it's good for our show, so keep it up. So for me, I would like to vent. And I mean, is this a vent? I just kind of wanted to complain, but I feel like this is the only part of our show where we could actually, like, complain about stuff. And so here it is. So I was recently upstate, upstate New York, and there's lots of lovely towns in upstate New York. And a lot of people from the city went up and, like, relocated. And, like, a lot of restaurateurs, like, opened up restaurants and, like, great dining upstate.

Nick: And so I am having breakfast at one of these places, and it is definitely, like, a restauranteur that probably, like, got their start in, like, New York City, and then decided to open up a place. And so my complaint is that this restaurant went so far out of their way to be—I want to use the word "twee." They were just a bit twee. They were just going out of their way to be difficult or sort of like, they—they had—okay, here's what happens. So we get in, and here is the menu. Here's what you could have for breakfast. Oh, first, let's start with, like, what we're gonna drink. So I want a decaf, and I'm trying to cut back on caffeine. And so I was like, "Oh, hey. Can I get, like, a decaf Americano?" That would be a very standard item at every restaurant in this town. Like, everybody has an espresso machine. They're like, "Oh, no, we don't have an espresso machine, and we only have drip coffee." Okay, fine. No harm, no foul. Not even gonna clock that. My friend was like, "Oh, I would like juice. May I have orange juice, please?" "Oh, sorry, we don't have orange juice." And then my friend was like, "Okay, what juices do you have?" "We have—" Leah, guess. What juice do you think they offer? One juice. They only have one juice option. What juice would you definitely just, like, not be that interested in at breakfast?

Leah: You know, it's so hard because I feel like it's gonna be not the appropriate juice for breakfast.

Nick: I mean, it's a—it's a fruit. It is a fruit juice.

Leah: Did they have pineapple? Is it pineapple juice?

Nick: No, I wish they had pineapple. No, the juice option was prune juice.

Leah: No!

Nick: They have one juice option, and they've decided the one juice we're gonna serve is prune juice. And it's like, why is—why is prune juice your only option here? Like, why are you being difficult? You know people want other juices. You know at a breakfast place, orange juice is something people want. And I think if you want it to be, like, a little adjacent, give me a mixed citrus. Give me a yuzu, give me a clementine, give me a grapefruit. But prune as your default juice option? What is happening? So then we get to the menu, and the menu does not have, like, eggs, toast. No, they have stir-fried tongue.

Leah: No!

Nick: Tongue for breakfast. Let's have—Let's have tongue for breakfast. And not like tongue and eggs. No, it was just like, here's a plate of tongue.

Leah: No!

Nick: And it's like, yes, that is something that people eat. It's not my thing but, like, I appreciate that it's something that people enjoy. I never think of it as a breakfast item, but I mean, I guess you could have it for breakfast. But for this to be, like, one of the main options was like, what is happening at this restaurant? And then they did have, like, a plate of crêpes. And so, like, I'm just gonna have crêpes and just like a whole just mound of crêpes. And, like, that's what I'm gonna do. And so that's what I did. But it's sort of like, why is prune juice and tongue my options here? Like, what is happening at this restaurant?

Leah: What's happening?

Nick: Why are we going out of our way to not serve things that people want? Like, who is the audience for this?

Leah: [laughs] Who is the audience for prune juice?

Nick: No, because, like, I am the audience. I could not be more the audience for this restaurant. I'm coming up from the city for the weekend, and I am looking for, you know, this small town vibe, but I'm still from the city and so you can charge city prices here. You can charge New York City prices for your breakfast. And so just give me what I want, which is definitely not tongue and prune juice.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I just—so I don't—is this a vent? I mean, you can have whatever restaurant you want. You can have whatever menu you want. And so, like, that's fine. It's not an etiquette crime. But I just want to complain about it.

Leah: No, I would too. The tongue—I mean, the prune was already—A) for the record, I like pineapple juice. I was just trying to not pick grapefruit or apple, because these seem to be the standards.

Nick: Right.

Leah: But tongue on top of the prune!

Nick: Yeah. It just feels like your—your vision, your—your vision for this restaurant is just very different than mine.

Leah: They're making choices.

Nick: They're making very bold choices. I appreciate a bold choice. I love a big swing. I just—not at breakfast.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Sometimes you just want eggs and toast, a cup of coffee, maybe some orange juice. Maybe it's basic. Yeah, but sometimes you like what you like. You just want to start the day right. So that's my vent.

Leah: I love it. I love it. It was a real—I got a real visual.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. No, it was a memorable meal.

Leah: Whoof!

Nick: So they achieved something.

Leah: Mmm.

Nick: Mm-mm.

Nick: Yeah, we were not saying, "Mmm." "Mmm" was not what we were saying. [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned about the legacy robe.

Nick: Yes!

Leah: So cool.

Nick: Yeah. Isn't that fun?

Leah: It's really fun.

Nick: And I learned that you have never been to Mexico.

Leah: I've never—you know, Lacey's from Mexico.

Nick: Okay. Oh, is this like a heritage trip?

Leah: [laughs] Yeah. She's not from Cancun. She's from Tijuana.

Nick: Okay, well, that'll be a fun trip next.

Leah: I always have this—I have this funny story, because, you know, she came from a rescue out of Tijuana.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: But how funny would it be if when we went to Mexico, we saw all these "Wanted" signs for Lacey, and she's, like—on, like—with a little ...

Nick: She was really on the lam?

Leah: She's really on the lam because she such—loves to terrorize people. [laughs]

Nick: That would be amazing if she was wanted in Mexico.

Leah: You're just like, "What did you do?"

Nick: And she just started a new life in California.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Oh, that would be great. I mean, it's possible.

Leah: It's possible. Every time I go, "You know what? I can imagine you stole a lot of people's cheese."

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, I feel like you're not all getting the newsletter, because we know how many people listen to our show, and we know how many people get our newsletter, and we know that these numbers are different. So if you're not getting our newsletter, you need to get our newsletter.

Leah: I wish you could see the way Nick said that, because it was—the arms really added the enthusiasm.

Nick: [laughs] Yes!

Leah: "You need to get our newsletter!"

Nick: You gotta get the newsletter! Yes, because we talk about stuff in the newsletter that we don't necessarily talk about in the show. We announce stuff, live shows, fun stuff happening. And so we don't want you to miss out. And so just get the newsletter. It's free. Easy. Sign up.

Leah: And then if you hate It. You could just delete it.

Nick: Yeah, you can always unsubscribe.

Leah: No harm, no foul.

Nick: But don't do that.

Leah: Oh. I mean, you don't have to unsubscribe. You could just delete it.

Nick: That's true. But we don't want to clog people's inbox. That's rude.

Leah: No, but I just want to say I just don't want people to feel like they have to commit to a deep relationship with us.

Nick: That's true. No, it could be very casual.

Leah: It could be casual.

Nick: Very cazh. No, we can have the relationship that you want, as much or as little as you need from us. We're there.

Leah: Unless you're serving prunes and tongue, and then Nick is—then it's not whatever you want.

Nick: No relationship. No, I don't want any relationship with you. So please sign up for our newsletter, and we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: So this one, I'm going over 30 seconds because I can't talk this fast. This was in balance to a few episodes ago, I got upset about a teenager who was—gave me ...

Nick: The poopy face.

Leah: The poopy face.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So I'm walking down the street with—this is a nice—I thought, "Oh, this is such a nice balance to this. I want to bring this up on Cordials." I'm walking down the street, Sunset Boulevard, if anybody must know. I have the dogs with me. There is a teenager, teenage boy coming at me very quickly on a scooter, which whether or not they should be doing that, you know, that's not the discussion.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: But I stepped to the side with the dogs. He looks me straight in the face and goes, "Thank you so much!"

Nick: Ah, it can be done.

Leah: I just—it was just so lovely, because I'll move a lot for people and I feel like—oh, I do remember I flipped out on that couple that didn't move. But, you know, you move the dogs, and then he just—just to be not—"Thank you for moving." Oh, you're welcome.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: It was lovely!

Nick: It takes very little effort, and it makes a big difference. Yeah.

Leah: It was really lovely.

Nick: How nice! And for me, I want to say thank you to Virgin Atlantic, the whole airline. So they are now featuring our show onboard their in-flight entertainment system. And it is so great. It is so fun. We've been getting screenshots from listeners who have been listening to the show at 37,000 feet. And it's such a thrill to, like, see your name in a seat back. Like, it really hit me. It really hit me. So thank you to Virgin Atlantic for giving us this opportunity, and hopefully we're making all of your flights more polite. And it's so great. Like, I'm totally tickled pink.

Leah: Very cool.

Nick: Yeah. Super fun. So thank you.

Leah: Thank you!