Using Bouillon Cups, Surviving Book Clubs, Changing Plans on Guests, and More

Nick: Do you slurp your bouillon? Do you ignore text messages? Do you misbehave at garage gates? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it. What is it?

Nick: So Leah, before you, you have an object. For our listeners, please describe what this thing is. What do you see?

Leah: It's a teacup. A low teacup.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Borderline a small bowl. But it has a teacup bottom.

Nick: Yes, it's a teacup. But how many handles do you see, Leah?

Leah: It has two handles on opposite sides. One on each side.

Nick: Right. And so what do you do with this thing?

Leah: So my initial response was that it was for, like, a Lady and the Tramp situation where you both wanted to sip at the same time and be, like, on a romantic date. But then I thought that's probably not real, and just in my romance fantasy world. And my guess is that you take each side with your—these babies right here, Nick?

Nick: Leah is pinching her index finger and her thumb together.

Leah: And then you do a—you pick it up and you do a—boop!—if you wanna orate. Boop! [laughs]

Nick: Okay, and what am I drinking out of this thing?

Leah: Well, I mean, that seems like it would be up to you. I'm gonna say not a soup. Some sort of a beverage.

Nick: Okay. You're drinking a beverage? Yeah. No, that's valid.

Leah: You know, I'm just working my way through this. I'm saying it's not spaghetti. It's not Lady and the Tramp. It's, you know, I wanna say hot cocoa, but I don't think that's it.

Nick: Okay. So what this is is a bouillon cup. It's for bouillon.

Leah: You know what's weird is that that actually passed through my brain and I dismissed it? I thought, "No, it's gonna be savory." And it literally went across my brain pan. And I said, "No, no."

Nick: And so bouillon is sort of interesting because there was a time when bouillon was so hot. It was such a thing.

Leah: Literally and metaphorically.

Nick: Oh, there can be cold bouillon. Yeah. No, there's like a summer version if you want. But there was a time when, like, it was everywhere. And it's so interesting how it has disappeared. Like, when was the last time you were anywhere where bouillon was happening? Have you ever been bouillon adjacent?

Leah: Our adjacent is bone broth.

Nick: Oh, that's—yes, exactly. Yes, I think bone broth is the bouillon of today.

Leah: Wildly popular.

Nick: And what bouillon is is basically just stock at the end of the day.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: It's basically just like, you put maybe chicken and carrots and onions and bouquet garni, and we simmer it and then we skim it, we strain it and then we serve it. And so it's a very light, sort of nice thing. It's sort of like consomme but, like, consomme is much fancier. Like, this is more of the everyday broth.

Leah: Let me tell you. It's very popular in the Bonnema household. My parents are bouillon-ing all over the place.

Nick: Yes, it is an important French broth.

Leah: Sorry, I'm just making a note to write—get my mother a double handle cup for her bouillon for Christmas. I just gotta write this down.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. And so the traditional way bouillon is served is gonna be in these little cups that look like a teacup, that have two teacup handles on either side. And the way you eat bouillon is if there is actually, like, something floating in it, like, maybe there's some herbs on top, like, you would actually use a bouillon spoon, which is kind of like a cream soup spoon-ish type of vibe. And you would eat the—like, the things that are floating off at first, and then you would pick it up with both of the handles and you would drink it. And then if there's anything in the bottom, like if there happened to be a noodle or something, then you would then use the spoon again for that kind of stuff. But yes, it is something you actually pick up and drink out of.

Leah: It's very cute. I assume Nick is gonna include a picture in the show notes. It's very cute. And honestly, I was like, are we in The Lord of the Rings? It just felt like something that we could find in a hobbit house just because they love eating and drinking.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: And it just looks delightful maybe for elevensies. But now we know it's bouillon.

Nick: Well, you could definitely have bouillon for elevensies. Yes. And in fact, actually, it should only be a daytime thing. You would not actually serve bouillon at a formal meal ever, really. Although you do actually see it pop up in, like, wedding banquet. like, breakfast menus. So I guess if you were having a wedding breakfast, you can do bouillon. It's just not an evening thing. Evenings are for consommé.

Leah: It feels like a 1:00 pm. Like a 02:00 pm. That's what it feels like to me.

Nick: And actually, there was a time when if you were having people over for, like, a tea reception-y thing, you would have tea set up on one end of the table with, like, the cups and all the tea, and on the other side, you would actually have, like, an urn for bouillon. Like, that would be one of your other options. So, like, bouillon? Yeah, it just was such a thing. And then it just, like, totally disappeared.

Leah: I kind of want to bring it back because it feels like it's like a nice thing. You get some nutrients, you know?

Nick: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh no, it's very pleasant. Emily Post actually mentioned in some book that if you were having sort of an informal thing at your house, and it was sort of like a cold day and your guests were leaving, you could leave them with, like, a cup of cocoa or bouillon for the drive home.

Leah: That's so nice! I love this!

Nick: Right?

Leah: I can't wait to have a country cottage, and I'm gonna give people something for the drive home when they come over.

Nick: And the only rules in terms of how you drink out of this thing is like, no pinkies out. So it's the same rule for teacups. No pinkies out. And no slurping. We don't wanna slurp.

Leah: I'm pretty sure in my act out, I neither pinkied nor slurped.

Nick: Which is wonderful. Yes. No, I'm very proud that your miming of bouillon eating did not involve pinkies or slurping. So I feel like we've really made progress here.

Leah: Wow! Wow!

Nick: [laughs] So bouillon!

Leah: Let's bring it back!

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and through some pages.

Nick: Yes. For today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about book clubs.

Leah: And we have had a question about this specifically. Do you remember the question about how somebody got invited to a book club that nobody liked and how did they uninvite them?

Nick: Yes, we've actually received quite a few questions about this that are all identical, and we've actually only ever featured one of them. But the idea that some new person comes and ruins it for everyone, this is happening all over the place.

Leah: It is. And I think about it often because it's just so uncomfortable.

Nick: And there's something about book clubs specifically that lends itself to this for some reason.

Leah: It really does. It seems like it comes up a lot.

Nick: Yeah. And so I don't know why that is. I guess we could speculate.

Leah: I think we could speculate, but we could also make a hard, fast rule now that nobody gets invited into the club without everybody else's yes.

Nick: Yes. Although actually, I would go a step further, and I would say that we can have guests, one guest per, like, book club meeting, and the guest can be selected by whoever is hosting that edition. And it's a one-time-only thing. Guests are never allowed back. You only get to come once as a guest. And if you're so awesome, then maybe we'll, like, invite you back again. But, like, it should just be made very clear to guests that, like, "Oh, you're our one-time guest this time, and that's it." And that way we can really avoid the idea of, like, oh, this person's coming back.

Leah: I really like that idea.

Nick: Right? I think that should be the rule.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then when they're like, "I want to come back," and then you can say, "Hey, we've all agreed that we—because we don't want to make our group any bigger, we're on, like, a rotation. But next time we have time, I'll let you know." And then you just never bring it up again.

Nick: Yeah. And you have an out. And having an out is the best.

Leah: Having an out is the best. You've established it up top.

Nick: So other than that big topic, what else about book clubs is so fraught and important?

Leah: I think it's essentially whatever the group has agreed on at the opening, what we're gonna do, when it's our turn to do it, we do it. Like, if everybody's gonna host one month, we host. We do what is agreed upon. Are we—you know, set out, like, who brings the food? Who brings the beverages? Are we switching houses? We set it up up top, and then when it's our turn to do it, we do what we've agreed upon. And I just wanna add, if you haven't finished the book ...

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: ... and you still wanna go, you can't say to people, "Don't tell me what happens."

Nick: Oh, that's fair. Yeah, that's fair. Although I think this happens all the time.

Leah: Oh, I think it totally happens.

Nick: It's like, "Oh, no spoilers."

Leah: No spoilers. No, that was what the whole—that's the whole meeting that we're having. We're spoiling.

Nick: Unless that's not what the book club is about. Unless the book club is sort of the premise, but not the point. In which case that's fine then, too. If it's just about getting together and hanging out and, like, maybe pretending there's a book involved, then you could do that. As long as everybody's on the same page—pun intended.

Leah: If everybody's on the same page. Pun intended. Great job, Nick. My guess is that that's not what it was, but if that is what it is, fantastic.

Nick: Yeah. Then have at it. But yes, you gotta read the book. I mean, you gotta read the book.

Leah: Gotta read the book.

Nick: That's the book club.

Leah: Or just show up and not care.

Nick: Also great. Yes. And I think the point about, like, oh, what are the rules of engagement? How does this book club work? I think figuring that out up top is really key.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Because I think another issue for people is, like, how the next book gets selected, and not liking that book or not wanting to read that book and being annoyed by that. And so there needs to be some agreement about how the book gets selected, like, who gets to pick.

Leah: I feel like everything in my life where there's been other people involved where we went over all the parameters up top has gone so much better than when we went over it when it came up, and then everybody had different opinions. People take things personally.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Outline it all up top.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I like the idea of we rotate who is sort of the moderator. And that might also be who's hosting in their house, although a lot of times somebody has, like, a better house that is more conducive to this type of thing and always has people over. But I think if that's the case, then we still need to rotate the moderator job, and also we still need to rotate, like, the who organizes the snacks job, you know, so that person whose house it is isn't always doing everything. And then yeah, whoever is, like, the moderator, I think we just let them select the guest and we let them select the book. And then that role just rotates. I think that's, like, a nice way to do it.

Leah: Or you can, at the beginning of it, have, like, a group decision on the five books that you're gonna read for the year as a group.

Nick: Oh, that's good! Oh yeah, I like that.

Leah: You know, in case some people are faster readers or some people want to, you know, read another. You know, when it's coming, the date for each book. Boom!

Nick: Hmm. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. So just, like, let's—these are the six books we're gonna do for book club this year. And then here are the dates of our book club meetings. And then here's who's in charge of snacks.

Leah: Yeah. For each one. And then ...

Nick: Done. Yeah. So why is it so hard?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: That feels so easy. What's wrong with people?

Leah: I also want to say if somebody was like, "This is what this book's about," and somebody else is like, "This is what this book's about," we want to have an open, friendly dialogue.

Nick: Oh, yeah.

Leah: We don't want to say, "Oh, are you an idiot? That's not what it's about."

Nick: Yeah, I mean, I think the point of the book club discussion is just to discuss. I think the idea that we have to come to some consensus about what a book is about? Like, that's not what that is. It's just like, "Oh, this was what I thought was interesting, and this was my take on this."

Leah: Yes, I think so. But I do feel like with the social media, people can get so heated about things that I just thought we were discussing.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we are sort of primed for not discussing things. That's true. Yeah. So don't do that, I guess.

Leah: Be delightful!

Nick: Great.

Leah: So if you need any book recommendations, I have really—I'm in a whole new spot.

Nick: As long as it's about ghosts, romance, ghost romance.

Leah: I'm not in ghosts anymore. I've moved on from ghosts, Nick.

Nick: Oh, ghost romance, too?

Leah: I've moved on from ghost romance.

Nick: Okay, so no more paranormal romance?

Leah: I just—you know, one moves on.

Nick: Okay. All right. All right. So what's the new genre for you? Murder?

Leah: No, I'm always reading murder.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: All of my—all my books, no matter what the other thing isn't, there's always a thriller behind it.

Nick: Got it.

Leah: I need some sort of a gripping crime that all these things center around.

Nick: Interesting. Okay, well, if you want any book recommendations, Leah's your go to.

Leah: [laughs] As long as you're not looking for non-fiction, then I'm not your go to.

Nick: Yeah, then you come to me. Yeah. Oh, I prefer non-fiction. Yeah. Making stuff up? No, I'm not interested in that.

Leah: [laughs] It's nicely divided.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, yeah. We have something for everybody. As long as you use us together.

Leah: What a perfect combo we are.

Nick: We are the perfect combination. Yeah, it's like peanut butter and jelly.

Leah: Peanut butter and jelly. I would like to be the peanut butter.

Nick: I'm happy to be the jelly if you prefer.

Leah: Maybe a jam. You're more of like a preserve.

Nick: I'm more of sort of a yuzu marmalade.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, exactly.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: Our first question is quote, "I was hoping you could settle a disagreement between myself and a coworker. My coworker invited another person from our company to get together with her and her son this weekend. She then announced that she was gonna ask her son's friend and her mother to join them. I know it's impolite to correct others, but I had to ask her, 'Do you think you maybe should ask Lisa if she minds first?' She seemed utterly perplexed as to why she should ask to invite another person to these already established plans. I and my other coworkers in the office explained that many people may be bothered by an unexpected extra person. She says this is crazy, and that no one gets upset or offended when random people tag along to plans. She got so upset with us that she proceeded to call our coworker and ask her if it was okay. Of course, Lisa said it was fine. And then my coworker proceeded to say, 'Right. Because that's crazy, right?' How can we get through to our coworker that it's rude to invite people to a friend meetup without asking the other person or people first?"

Leah: May I?

Nick: Please!

Leah: I mean, this is what I think.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I think—I wrote down, "You can't. But you can know you're right." This is not somebody who is taking information, but know inside that you are correct and on the side of good.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, what I wrote down is, "What is consideration? What does that mean? What does it mean to be considerate of somebody else?" Because yes, of course, if you have plans with somebody and you change those plans, you should let them know.

Leah: Which includes adding extra people.

Nick: Yes, that includes adding extra people. That changes the plans. That is a change in plans. So I think if you do that, you have to inform the other person. Now as a courtesy, that other person will probably say, like, "Oh, that's fine." Like, that is nine times out of ten the response. But just to surprise them and show up with extra people day of? No, no!

Leah: No, no! You're absolutely right. I think 'consideration' is the perfect word.

Nick: And I think it is important to discuss the idea that we have now called this friend and put them on the spot.

Leah: Yeah. That's why you know this person's never gonna come around, because they would behave this way. And in front of you. "I'm just gonna call them right in front of you and present it like that's fine, right?" Like, you're not even giving that person an option.

Nick: And what were they supposed to say?

Leah: What were they supposed to say?

Nick: Like, of course. Of course they have to agree with you. Like, they can't not. Yeah. I mean, that's so rude to, like, put them on the spot, and then to use them to prove an etiquette point where you are incorrect. Yeah, that's—none of that is good.

Leah: You're right. I mean, I feel like that's what we're here for.

Nick: We are here to validate. Yes. And I think just know this about your coworker, that if you are invited by this coworker to something, then what you're actually being invited to may turn out to be something different, and you may not be told this in advance.

Leah: And everybody that you've ever known in your whole life or not even known may show up. We don't know.

Nick: [laughs] Oh, can you imagine if it's like that dating show, The One That Got Away?

Leah: Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking of, Nick. That's exactly what I was thinking of.

Nick: [laughs] Sidebar: if you don't know what the show is, it is terrifying. Basically, contestants are on the show, and then through a portal—which is just some colored lights and some rocks.

Leah: Yeah. It's like, I don't even know. It's so funny.

Nick: And through that little, like, light bridge, will walk in somebody from your past. It could be somebody from kindergarten. It could be somebody you ran into in the hallway at a sales conference in Las Vegas 20 years ago. It could be somebody you used to date. It could just be a childhood friend. Somebody will come through that door and you have to say, do you want to date them? It's wild.

Leah: It's wild!

Nick: Wild dating show. And terrifying that anybody from your past could walk through that portal.

Leah: That's exactly what it's like going out with this coworker.

Nick: And yeah, you gotta be cool with that. So hope you're cool with that. So our next question is quote, "I live in Europe, and we use WhatsApp always to message everyone. So when you message someone, you can see if they've read your messages immediately. My question is: is it rude when somebody doesn't acknowledge your text? How long should you wait before messaging them again to get their attention if it's not a friend but a colleague? Sometimes I find myself in situations where people don't respond until weeks later. Meanwhile, I'm on the edge of my seat. If I don't have time, I acknowledge the message and let the person know that when I have time, I'll get back to them. And I find this common courtesy. Am I wrong to expect the same?"

Leah: I think that is the most courteous. I think that's the perfect way to handle things. "Hey, got this. Can't handle it right now. I'll get back to you in blankety blank." I feel like this is similar to the last question in that yes, you are right.

Nick: [laughs] Uh-huh.

Leah: Absolutely see how this is annoying. I also recently downloaded WhatsApp because my friend keeps being like, "Can you just download WhatsApp? Just talk on WhatsApp." I download it.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: We're messaging. I see that he sees, because you see—as our letter-writer says—that they see the messages.

Nick: Yeah. There's like a little double check mark. Yeah.

Leah: Yes. And then he stopped messaging. And then I was like, "This was your idea." So then I go back to text and I go, "Are you responding to me? Because I see you saw it."

Nick: [laughs] I won't be ignored.

Leah: I will not be ignored. And I downloaded this app for you.

Nick: All right. Yeah. I mean, I think the idea that this is a colleague is material because there is a certain professional timeline involved.

Leah: Yeah, and our letter-writer is saying weeks go by.

Nick: Weeks is a long time.

Leah: Weeks is what? I also—I wanna say I don't think it's—I think there's a whole group of people now who don't respond to things.

Nick: Yeah. That's really the issue. Like, this has nothing to do with, like, WhatsApp or read receipts.

Leah: Yeah. And it's not nefarious or pointed at you. It's like this whole group of people that that's just sort of how they communicate.

Nick: Or not. Yeah.

Leah: And it's like—or not communicate. And not that that makes it okay, but just that it's not personal. And then finding a way to make it work for you.

Nick: Yes. I mean, those people I find, those are the ones who say, like, "I'm so bad at text. Oh, I'm so bad at getting back to my emails." And it's sort of like, okay, yeah, you've acknowledged you're bad at it, but that's not an excuse. That doesn't excuse you not replying to the email. That just means you know you're doing a bad thing.

Leah: There's even people that don't even say that. They're just like, "Why would I need to get back?"

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: "I'll do it when I do it."

Nick: And I do think ultimately those people will not get ahead in life. I would like to think that there'll be some ultimate justice for these people.

Leah: I don't know if there is, but I do think our letter-writer can take care of her needs.

Nick: Yes. So how would you do that if this person's not responding, this colleague is not responding in a prompt way? Weeks have gone by. I guess you follow up.

Leah: I would just follow up, "Hey, let me know when this is gonna get ..."

Nick: Yeah. "Let me know about the thing."

Leah: "Let me know when you think this is gonna happen."

Nick: "Bumping it to the top of your inbox."

Leah: I'll also move forward with things if I needed something, but it wasn't—like, if it's their job, I'm not gonna do it. But if it's like, I just moved ahead. I saw you saw it and didn't, so I assumed it wasn't important, so I'm just moving on.

Nick: That's a great point. I mean, no response is a response. And that response can mean a lot of different things, but it is a response. So yeah, I guess you could just take this as a response.

Leah: I think you have to think what works best for you.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah.

Leah: How can I make this work for me so I'm not constantly—knowing that this is what I'm dealing with, knowing that these people are probably not gonna change, how can I make this work for me? I'm being considerate. I let people know when they get messages. I need to be able to continue working. What's going to make me feel good?

Nick: Yes. And—yeah, and what do I need to do to not put myself in this position with this person moving forward?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Yeah. That's really the key. And we are assuming this is a character flaw and this is not just like a one-off issue.

Leah: No. I assume it's just chronic character flaws across ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: What's so funny is that I recently saw somebody post something about this, because they were saying it was a generational thing. And this person was, like, of the generation above me.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So the generation, I would say below me, doesn't respond to anything. But what's so funny is that I'd been recently dialoguing with that person, and she is one of the worst responders to emails I've ever met in my life. And I thought it was so funny. I wanted to be like, "No, it's actually you." [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, I don't buy this generational thing.

Leah: I don't either.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I feel like different generations do approach technology in different ways.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And do, like, have different ways they prefer to communicate. But the idea of like, oh, a certain generation always responds with handwritten thank-you notes promptly and one doesn't? Like, that has no age. That has no generation.

Leah: That has nothing to do with our letter-writer. I just wanna say that this is a dialogue that's being had out in the world.

Nick: Yes. You are not alone, I guess. Yes. You should take solace and comfort in the fact that this is happening all over the place. It's not just you. We are all waiting on messages.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: I am currently waiting on so many email and text responses right now that I may never get. I just have to be in a good place with that.

Leah: Yeah. And I think you know you're doing the right thing. When you get a message, you're responding correctly. You're being polite. So you figure out what works best for you to move forward with this stuff, and I'm sure because of the person you clearly are that it will be right.

Nick: So do you have questions for us? Oh yes you do! Send them to us! You can send them to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: 267-CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: Oh, I am gonna vent.

Nick: Okay, let us hear it.

Leah: I just want to highlight what I think is the most egregious up top.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Because I cannot believe that this person went so hard in this situation from something that was not a big deal. Let me just say that up top.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I am in the vehicle with my significant other and my significant dog.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: I am pulling into a building that has a gate that you have to call up to the business or the resident on the keypad.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: The person in front of me—I pull in after a person, and then a person a little bit longer pulls behind me. So the person in front of me calls in whatever to whoever they're calling to. That person opens the gate, that person drives through.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: The person behind me obviously wants me to piggyback on this person and drive through right behind and starts honking. But I am going to follow proper security protocol and call into the building, and also not terrify this person in front of me and rev my gas and ride up behind them on their bumper.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So but then they're honking so much that I, like, move—I jump forward because I can't—it's so stressful.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then the gate closes. So then I have to back up. So then they have to back up. So now this woman is yelling so loud through her window at me that I can hear, because my window is down to call, and she's, like, throwing her arms up. So then I start dialing the number in the thing. She keeps honking.

Nick: The gate is closed at this point.

Leah: The gate's closed. I have to do it.

Nick: What are we doing?

Leah: What are we doing? And why are you so mad? This would have taken 30 seconds if you had just let me sit there and do the thing.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: She's honking so loud that I mess up the numbers.

Nick: Oh, wow! Oh, so now you're getting flustered?

Leah: Yeah, I'm getting flustered. One thing when I'm flustered, I do it backwards. So I did the call up top. Whatever. So then I have to, like, take a break, and I go and I regroup, and I give her a look through the window. And then I start again. She gets out of her car.

Nick: Oh, okay! We're gonna take it there.

Leah: She gets out of her car, and starts walking up to my window.

Nick: Oh, I don't care for that.

Leah: As it's dialing, the person's dialing, and then the person on the other end ...

Nick: So you're gonna have witnesses for what's about to go down.

Leah: ... says, "Hey, who is this?" So I identify them to myself because they're letting me into the building, and I'm letting them know I'm coming for my appointment. You know what I mean?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then she's coming out. Lacey Jane is like, "Intruder coming up the car!" So she loses her mind.

Nick: Wow!

Leah: She's barking because this woman is coming up to my window. I hear Lacy barking. I'm responding to the person on the box. I'm saying who I am. They're letting me in. I then see her out my window. I can't believe she's done this. So I—of course, I'm gonna react. I turn and I go, "Really? I go, All this?"

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And then I put my car into drive, and I open it. She, of course, drives right up on my back bumper and is then going to follow me all the way to my parking spot because they tell you where to park, depending on where you're going.

Nick: Ah!

Leah: So she drives up behind my bumper, and then is all because I wouldn't jump the gate, and I'm actually crawling through properly. So then she's coming up. But then the person who was meeting me came out to meet me to show me where to park. And then so I drive up. She's right behind me, and there's somebody there meeting me. And then she puts it into reverse and then goes back to wherever she was supposed to park.

Nick: Because then there was gonna be witnesses.

Leah: I was like, are you gonna ...

Nick: What was her plan? Did she have a plan? I guess she just had rage.

Leah: What was the plan? She had so much rage. And it was literally about I'm just doing what's respectful to people in the building. Also, if you live here or your business is here, don't you want the appropriate people being let in the door?

Nick: Yeah. Tailgating is really awkward. Yeah, I mean, I don't think we—yeah.

Leah: Somebody once tailgated me through my garage door, and I was terrified. I was like, who is this person? Why are they doing that?

Nick: Yeah, and it's—and it's awkward to, like, hold the door open for somebody. It's just like, just let it close. It's like, let's all just follow the procedure.

Leah: Just follow the rules. And the idea that you're gonna get out of your car?

Nick: I mean, we're not saving time now.

Leah: Now, now you're wasting everybody's time. Now it's taking way longer because you're an obscene—I don't know what kind of day you had to push you to here.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: But also, I'm not going to get this done faster now because I'm actually gonna get it done slower because you've messed me up. I have to start again. You've upset my dog.

Nick: Yeah, this is definitely not about you.

Leah: This is not about me at all. She is so angry. I just couldn't believe. That's why I literally was like, "Really? All of this? This was worth all of this to you?" And that was too much for her because then she was like, "Grrr!" And then she stomped back to her car, and Dustin and I laughed so hard because he was like—when she started walking, we laughed how hard it would be if he jumped into her car, when she'd walked out and jumped into the driver's seat, backed out and went and parked it down the street, and then was like, "Now look what you did. Now look what you did."

Nick: [laughs] I'm glad it didn't go there.

Leah: I mean, he literally undid his seatbelt, and I was like, "You're not doing it! You're not doing it.!

Nick: [laughs] Well, for me, I'd also like to vent, but oh, it's so mild in comparison. I mean, it's like, such a not event now, but for me, it is my parking garage, which in New York City is the elevator. And as we know, I have very strong feelings about things that go down in elevators. And as we know and it's been firmly established, I don't like people talking in elevators.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: I just don't enjoy it. I really feel like we shouldn't do it. And so I'm in an elevator, and I am now going down the elevator, and I'm going from a high floor, and I'm gonna be getting off on the second floor. And so I get on, and then some other people get on right behind me, and they're talking very loudly, and they're making just that inane elevator talk about weather. And then it stops on, like, the 16th floor. And then, of course, like, you get that joke, "Guess we got the local." And it's, like, not—not a great joke.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: It's not. Is it even a joke? Like, why are we even—yeah. 'Cause it's not the express today. Ha, ha. So that's happening. And then the elevator's about to hit two, and starts slowing down, and these people start loudly complaining about how outrageous it is for somebody to get on on the second floor and how lazy they are and how outrageous and how, like, that's a crime. And that, like, we gotta do something about people like that. And so then the doors open on two, which is where I need to get off. And I just look at everybody and I'm just like, "This is my stop. Excuse me." Nobody was getting on. I just had to get off. But it was just like, why are we commenting? Why are we commenting?

Leah: Why are we commenting?

Nick: And also, I think it's really important to remember there's a lot of reasons why people use elevators, and a lot of reasons why people might not walk one flight down or up. You know? Like, there's a lot of reasons, and not all those reasons are visible. And also, you might have no reason. The elevator is there, and if you want to do one flight, have at it. I mean, you know what? It's another 20 seconds of my life. Like, I can really survive. And I think we just don't want to comment on other people's elevator usage. I think that's just, like, the takeaway.

Leah: Oh, absolutely. It's so rude. You wanna be like, "Oh, sorry my recent knee surgery is putting you out by half a second."

Nick: And like, should I have taken the elevator all the way down to one and then walk up a flight? Like, is that what they really wanted to have happen? Like, would that have made them happier? I guess. And then it's sort of like, at what floor is that line? So, like, oh, are we not allowed to take the elevator to two but, like, are we allowed to take it to three? Or is that actually too much? Like, is it only allowed up to four? Like, really? Like, what's the line then?

Leah: Well obviously, they didn't think you were in the elevator. They thought someone was getting on.

Nick: No, they didn't think I was in the elevator. Yeah.

Leah: So I hope they felt bad.

Nick: Did they feel bad? I mean, my look was pretty good.

Leah: I bet it was terrific.

Nick: My, "Oh, this is my stop. Have a nice day," was polite and cheerful and yet sort of devastating.

Leah: I was hoping it was devastating. I was like, please let it—I knew it was. I knew it was. So I hope they were like, ""Oh, they were in the elevator, and I'm running my mouth."

Nick: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So it's not quite your vent, but it was still a vent for me.

Leah: It painted a great visual because I can just imagine you turning to everybody and just being like, the devastating look. I also wanna say to our listeners that I was in an elevator with Nick.

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: We were going down, and a man with a dog got on.

Nick: Oh, yes. I recall this very vividly.

Leah: And I ...

Nick: And it was a cute dog, I will say.

Leah: It was a very cute dog.

Nick: It's pretty attractive.

Leah: And the dog was in air jail, which, if you're unfamiliar with, that's when people pick their dog up off the ground.

Nick: [laughs] Is that what we call it? Air jail? All right.

Leah: But the dog wanted me to pet it. He was just staring at my face like, "Give me some of that!" And knowing Nick's sheer hate—can I say? Or sheer—hate's a strong word. That's not right.

Nick: It's not hate, but it's definitely I'd rather this not happen.

Leah: Yeah. Nick's "I'd rather this not happen for talking in elevators." I just did one super cute dog smile, and then I zipped my lip and I kept my hands to myself, and it was a very big deal.

Nick: Yeah. No, I—well, you started to comment on the dog, and I thought, oh, here we go! We have 20 floors of this.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And yeah, you stopped yourself. And I was so impressed that in the face of a adorable dog who was right there, just right there and wanted to be petted and touched and calmed,and you wanted to have a whole conversation with the owner about the dog's name and what type it is and how cute he is, and you really wanted to have a whole thing.

Leah: I did.

Nick: And you really stopped yourself. And I really do appreciate that.

Leah: And I actually wrote it all down and I put it in a card. And that's Nick's Christmas present for this year. [laughs]

Nick: Which part?

Leah: That I controlled myself in the elevator.

Nick: The dialogue that you didn't have?

Leah: The dialogue that I didn't have, the fact that I held myself back.

Nick: I love that my Christmas present is gonna be the dialogue you wish you had in that elevator but weren't allowed to because of me. That is very thoughtful. I will frame that. I will put that on my wall. Yes. Thank you!

Leah: I gave you silence, which I think is what you want. Obviously, I'm getting Nick another Christmas present.

Nick: Yeah. I'm gonna get bouillon cups.

Leah: Ugh. Let me take that note off.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: You have mentioned something in the past couple episodes which I'm sure you would never think that I would get because you probably wouldn't want it. But I think yes.

Nick: I think I know what you're talking about, and I can't wait.

Leah: Tell me what you think it is.

Nick: I think you're talking about abacuses.

Leah: No.

Nick: No? Oh, I'm not gonna get an abacus for Christmas. Now I'm disappointed.

Leah: No, you were gonna get an abacus for your birthday, but ...

Nick: Oh, I see.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Oh, now I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, now I'm terrified!

Leah: Yes, you should be. You should be.

Nick: This is our relationship, everybody. This is our relationship. Yep. Just being terrified by gifts.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: Well, I learned about the double-handle bouillon cup and also that it was, like, served at parties as, like, a to-go option.

Nick: And I learned that you come from a bouillon household.

Leah: I do come from a bouillon household.

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick!

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, I want your deep dive topics. Is there something that you want us to explore deeper? Let us know?

Leah: Yeah, we would love that. What are you thinking about for deep dives?

Nick: Yeah. Send us your suggestions. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right Leah, it's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I've been flying a lot, and I've had a lot of real doozies for seatmates recently. Just my whole aisle has been absolutely chaos on almost every single flight. And this recent flight, I had A) the middle seat was open. I don't know what a gift from the universe that was. And then the woman who was in the window seat was such a delight, was so lovely that we talked the whole time, which I texted Nick after, because I know he would be like, "This was a nightmare."

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: But we just fell into conversation. We had the most fun. And she was so decent and a regular person to sit next to. Do you know what I mean? There was no chaos happening. It was just a lovely—and then we also went in and out of talking. There was not—you know what I mean? It was like an easygoing, respectful flight. And I want to say thank you so much for being a wonderful seatmate on the plane.

Nick: I mean, that's very nice. I mean, it's so disappointing that, like, just an experience of basic courtesy is now exceptional, right? But I'm glad you had that. And for me, I want to read this really lovely thing we just got in an email. So somebody wrote a question, which we'll get to in a future episode, but then they have a PS, which is quote, "I love that I can listen to your show with my kids in the car. And they listen! My four year old knows your names, and my 14 year old follows you on her own phone.

Leah: Oh, I love that!

Nick: Isn't that nice? All right, so we got a four year old, we got a 14 year old, and then we got a parent. So we're really covering our bases here.

Leah: I love that we get to be, like, a group family activity or, like, we're all hanging out together, Nick, Leah and the fam.

Nick: Yeah. No, it's really lovely. So yeah, I love hearing that. So thank you.

Leah: Thank you so much!