Telling People to Smile, Judging People’s Homes, Keeping Quiet in Gazebos, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody, it's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And I'm Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: That we have a bonus episode. So here we go. The first question is, quote, "I'd love your thoughts on a back pocket statement for being told to smile by old men. I'm always taken aback and at a loss for words when this happens. And I'd love to have something ready that my daughters and I can say in return."

Leah: Mm!

Nick: So I assume Leah has nothing to say on this topic. So we'll just move along.

Leah: [laughs] I used to have a joke about this.

Nick: Oh?

Leah: Yeah, it was,—you know, I would say it was a joke, but it was also a rant because, you know, it's like, what am I, window dressing? You know what I mean? I'm not here to, like, make ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then the joke essentially was basically like, "Oh, this is women thinking." You know what I mean? I'm sorry that upsets you. And then we had a whole sketch about it. It really is infuriating.

Nick: So I am assuming that our letter writer is a woman, because I don't believe men are ever asked to smile. I have never been asked to smile. And so I think this is really reserved in our society exclusively for women.

Leah: Aren't we so lucky?

Nick: Congratulations.

Leah: The hard part for me was that I can't think of a nice back pocket sentence, because it's so infuriating that you're like, "I'm not public property." You know what I mean? I'm allowed to be in my thoughts.

Nick: Right.

Leah: I had this script that I wrote about women killing people. And this guy, when I was pitching the script was like, "I don't think that men meant it that way." And it's like, obviously, we know that when a guy walking down the street is like, "You should smile." He's not thinking, "Oh, you're public property, and I should let you know how I feel like you should act in public."

Nick: Right.

Leah: But at its essence, the idea that a person thinks that they should tell another person. You know, you could have just gotten a horrible phone call, you could be thinking—it doesn't matter what it is.

Nick: It doesn't matter, yeah. No. It's irrelevant.

Leah: It's irrelevant. It's just—it is infuriating that people think they can comment and tell you how to hold your face.

Nick: And I guess is this even etiquette? Because it just feels like this is just harassment. Like, this is not even an etiquette thing on some level.

Leah: Well, I think it's—and this is us as women, we're always like, "How can I handle this in a polite way?" But it's like, they're being impolite.

Nick: Right, yes. And it's a classic example of feeling bad when you aren't the one that actually committed the etiquette crime. Right. So just to confirm, is there ever an occasion when it's okay? Like, can you think of any time when it is okay to be told to smile? No, right? Is it pretty universal? Can we say this is a firm never?

Leah: That's a firm never.

Nick: Right, okay. So I was trying to come up with back pocket sentences just to brainstorm, and the first thing on my list was like, do you even have to respond? Is just ignoring it the best option? Maybe.

Leah: You could ignore and stare daggers.

Nick: Yeah, a glare. I guess you could offer a glare. If we did have to say something, let me see what you think about this one. Quote, "What an incredibly odd thing to say."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: You like that? Is that good? Or is that actually ...

Leah: I really like that.

Nick: Yeah. The other thing I had on my list was, "I'm not your concern."

Leah: Ooh! Bah-bang.

Nick: So I don't know if that's—you'd have to really stick the landing on that one.

Leah: You really would.

Nick: You could say, "Why?" Although now we're engaging, and I don't know if we want to do that.

Leah: Yeah, I don't feel like it.

Nick: Okay. Although I think my favorite on the list was, "Bless your heart."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I don't know why that's my favorite, but I feel like that can really cover a lot of bases here, and I think it's something that—well, I guess I just love a good "Bless your heart," no matter when. This is my go to. But yeah, like, a "Oh, bless your heart."

Leah: That is—I feel like this is the appropriate occasion for it.

Nick: I mean, I don't think it's wrong. I don't know. But, yeah, I guess one of these is an option. And what do we tell our letter writer? How do we help our letter writer?

Leah: I like all of those options very much.

Nick: Right. I guess the key is just that you want to land it, and you also want to keep walking. I think you want to also remove yourself from the situation.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So you're keeping walking or you're just, like, moving on. I don't think we want to stop, say this, and wait for a response.

Leah: Because one of the great things about being a woman is when you set a boundary with somebody who's speaking to you on the street, they often yell at you afterwards if you don't acquiesce to whatever it is.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: So that's why a "Bless you" might work really well, because I think it'll throw them off enough to get you 30 seconds to get down the block.

Nick: Well, it's not a "Bless you," it's a "Bless your heart."

Leah: Yeah. No, I've thrown out some "Bless yous."

Nick: Yeah. But I guess I just know that, yes, you will probably not end it with whatever you say, and there will be some further words said.

Leah: But it may make you feel better just to be like, "No, I don't want to."

Nick: But I guess, audience? If you have ideas for what a polite—emphasis polite—non-rude thing to say, because we don't want to add more rudeness to the world. So whatever we say, if we say anything, needs to be not additionally rude. So if you have any ideas send them in.

Leah: But it still throws up—that's why I like "None of your concern."

Nick: Yeah, it's not your concern. Yeah, I think you definitely want to make it clear that what you said was not appropriate or correct, but I don't think we want to do that in a rude way, which is, you know, always possible. We can set boundaries and be polite at the same time.

Leah: One time I said, "Oh, we vote now."

Nick: [laughs] That's a little—I mean, I like it. It's a little rude.

Leah: It's just, you know—it's just after a while, you're like, how much of my life has to get commented on by strangers, you know?

Nick: Right. Although this does happen with non strangers, so I think this happens to people, like, in the office, with the boss, with the colleague. I think this also happens in those situations, too. In which case, I guess the same approach. I guess that's when you could say, "Why?" And you could engage them.

Leah: I've also had people say—and they're basically saying, you should smile, but this is—instead of strangers, but in that situation where it's closer people, they'll comment on how serious my face is.

Nick: Oh, okay. Yeah, that's the same thing.

Leah: In a way that they think that maybe, you know, they're letting you know that maybe you should change how you hold your face. And I'll just be like, "Oh, this is my face."

Nick: So helpful. Thank you so much for the feedback. Thank you for your notes. So okay, I think we gave some options.

Leah: I really think you knocked it out of the park, Nick. Those were terrific.

Nick: Thank you so much. And I'm so sorry that society doesn't feel the need to criticize my face, and I can't use them myself. So sorry, half the population. So our next question is, quote, "My husband just got home from a local park, and he can't decide if what he experienced was rude or not." That's what we're here for. "He was sitting on a bench under a gazebo with his laptop and headphones in. Later, a woman sat down on the bench next to him and was shortly thereafter joined by a friend, and they began talking. My husband was distracted by them and had to move to another bench. There are lots of benches and picnic tables at this park, but the only covered space is under the gazebo. My husband thinks that because he was there first and was clearly working with his headphones in, the women should have respected his space and his need for quiet and gone to another bench. I, however, believe that it's a public park and talking, sounds of kids playing, dogs barking, etcetera, is to be expected. If he wanted a silent place to work, he should have gone to a library. We also wonder if the party with the larger number of people takes priority, or if the person who got there first should take priority. Thoughts?"

Leah: Unrelated to the question itself, I love that people are talking about—you know, that they're bringing this up at home and being like, what was the ...

Nick: Sure! Yeah.

Leah: You know, like, it's very interesting. I also—this was one of those ones where I was very excited to see what you said, because I feel like there's so many factors in here, including that this was the only seat that was under shade.

Nick: So many variables. Yeah, that's a wrinkle. That is a wrinkle, yeah. So I think the first question is, is it reasonable to have an entire park bench to yourself, especially if it's a "good bench," quote unquote. Like, I think arguably this is the good bench. In the whole park, this is the good one. It's the shady one. So there is some desirability here. And yeah, I don't think you can claim an entire bench. I don't think you can. So that's my first thought.

Leah: Unless it was one of many benches in the same—all under the shade, then it would be weird if people came and sat right next to you.

Nick: Right. That's the same as like, it's an empty movie theater and you picked the seat next to me, that's weird. Yeah. Similar vibes, but yes, given the enhanced desirability of this one bench, I think you do need to share it, yeah.

Leah: And I understand it's frustrating when you're working, you have your earphones on, and then they come over and talk, but I think because it's the only bench under the shade, it was bound to happen.

Nick: Now it would be nice if I was approaching this person on the bench to ask for permission. And I would be like, "Oh, hey. Do you mind if I join you?" And what you should say is, like, "Oh, yes, please. I don't own this bench, this bench is for everybody." And so you'd be like, "Okay." Now our person in the story, he may decline and be like, "Oh, no, I'd rather you not sit here. This bench is mine." But he should say, "Yes, it's okay."

Leah: And he also may feel differently if a person recognized and asked.

Nick: Yes, I think he would feel less aggrieved. Yes. Because then he could also have the opportunity and be like, "Oh, yes, please join me. I'm working over here, so if you wouldn't mind keeping your voices down." Like, there could be some negotiation or some conversation as well as part of that little exchange.

Leah: I can't really imagine saying that.

Nick: I mean, I couldn't either. I think you just have to share the bench, yeah. And it's true. I mean, one of the reasons why actually it's sort of helpful to do work in public spaces is you do have that background noise. Coffee shops are great for writing the great American novel, because you have all that sort of like vague distraction, which is useful. If you're in pin-drop quiet, like, I find it difficult to work.

Leah: Oh, me, too. I wrote my entire college thesis in a very loud coffee shop.

Nick: And you graduated.

Leah: With honors.

Nick: They took it. So, you know, I guess it worked. So yeah, and then the second question is: should the party with the larger number of people take priority? No, first come first served when it's a bench in a park.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: I mean, I think you can always ask, you know? I guess you could always ask, like, "Oh, hey, there's 40 of us. Do you mind if we, like, have this bench?" I guess you could ask, but I don't think that's required to give up your spot if you were there first.

Leah: I've definitely had, like—but not in a park. But I've been at a table where there was a bigger party that came in, and I had space. And there was a place where I could fit. And I'd be like, "Do you guys want to switch, and I'll go over here?"

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think the related situation is sort of like, in a fast-casual restaurant with sort of communal seating where it's a little modular, then yes, you might want to move around or not hog an entire table alone if there's another party that could, like, better use that space and like, yeah, move yourself to a smaller table. Yeah, that would be fine. But yeah, I think, generally speaking, first come, first serve. I think that's fine.

Leah: Yeah, I think so, too.

Nick: Okay. So our next question is, quote, "After a divorce, how much responsibility does an ex have in maintaining ties to former in-laws after the kids have grown up? My children are now adults, and their father's parents rarely make contact or show interest in them. Is it still my responsibility to reach out regularly to maintain a relationship? My former in-laws used to live in the same town as my parents, but have recently moved three states away. I want them all to still have a relationship, but I want to know is my role in this over?"

Leah: Yeah, I think you're free.

Nick: Wow, definitive! Okay, Leah Bonnema giving you permission.

Leah: Well, I mean, the children are adults. If they want to maintain a relationship ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Also, you're divorced.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Also, how many things—and I get this. I want to make everybody happy and be responsible. And, you know, how can I sort of grease these wheels so these people have a relationship?

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: But I feel like that doesn't have to be your responsibility.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You did it up until the point where they were adults.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess is this even an etiquette question? Because this is kind of like a relationship question. But I guess if we think of this through the lens of etiquette, etiquette would tell us that we want to do the thing that is going to maximize consideration for other people. And so I guess the question is: what do these other people want? What do all these other adults want? Do they want a relationship or not? And so it kind of sounds like they don't, or they're at least not very motivated to maintain one. So if they're not, then I don't know why you should be.

Leah: Yes, I agree with that.

Nick: And I agree. I think adults are responsible for maintaining their own relationships, so I don't think that's a responsibility of other people. So if these are adults, yeah, it's not your responsibility.

Leah: Right.

Nick: But I do find that in a lot of relationships, there is one person who sort of takes it upon themselves, or it just falls to them because no one else will do it, to be the person to maintain relationships. And that's like, the person that always reaches out to the in-laws, or the person that always arranges dinner with the friends, or the person that's always, like, handling the kids. Like, there's somebody who somehow, for one reason or another has that in their portfolio of things. And so I can see that that is maybe what is happening here, that this was just in this person's portfolio. And they want to know, like, does it still need to be?

Leah: That was the perfect way to say it. I was trying to think of the right way to voice that, and I think that's what it is, that I think this person has been the facilitator.

Nick: Right.

Leah: For everybody. And they're like, when does this—at what point have I reached my obligation?

Nick: Because I definitely get the sense from this letter that this person would like to be released from this obligation.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And they are no longer interested.

Leah: That was my—that was my choice of words: set yourself free. Because I felt like—you felt like you did the best you could with this. And they're adults now. And I don't think that you have any further obligation.

Nick: Right. And the phone works both ways. And so if any of these people want to have a relationship with any of these other people, they can make it happen. So, yeah, I think set yourself free. Put that on a pillow.

Leah: Put it on a pillow.

Leah: So our next question ...

Leah: Actually, let me just add something really quick. If you're very worried about it, if our letter writer, you could always ask your children.

Nick: Mm.

Leah: Hey!

Nick: Hmm, what a novel idea. Ask. Have a conversation.

Leah: Yeah, do you want—you know, you could just say this exactly. Like, I feel like I've wanted to make sure that you had a relationship with your other grandparents. Where do we stand with that?

Nick: Yeah, do you want that?

Leah: You know? "I kind of wanted to bow out and see if you guys wanted to continue a relationship. How does that make you feel?"

Nick: Yes. And the conversation could also be like, "I am happy to help facilitate, if that's what you want, but you're too busy or you don't know how. Or I'm happy to, like, arrange an annual croquet match for the whole family, like, if that's something that everybody wants." But, yeah. What do people want?

Leah: Yeah. And I think it's what do your children want? What the grandparents on the other side want is ...

Nick: Oh, yeah. I mean, I guess in etiquette world, we want to be mindful of everybody. But if we have to prioritize, yeah, your kids come first. Right. So, yeah, I think having a conversation.

Leah: But also, I think that if you want permission to have your role be over, your role can also be over in this.

Nick: Yeah, we give you that permission, too. So go check yourself into an all-inclusive resort and have a piña colada and enjoy yourself. I don't know why all-inclusive resort was, like, my go-to after being free of familial obligations, but it just felt right.

Leah: Sounds good to me.

Nick: Like a Sandals. Yeah.

Leah: I've never been to one.

Nick: In Mexico. Yeah. That's what I'm picturing this person should do.

Leah: Yes! Maybe one of those ones where—I think I've brought this up before, where you can swim out of the front of your room.

Nick: Yeah, you are obsessed with this idea, and I worry that you will go to one of these places and you will do it and you're like, "Oh, this isn't that great."

Leah: Have you met me? You know I'd just get delighted.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, that's true. Yeah. No, you will actually really like it. Yeah.

Leah: I just get very—I found this—there's this block of jasmine bushes, and I got so excited about it.

Nick: About jasmine bushes?

Leah: I mean, you walk through the whole block and you're just like ...

Nick: Multiple bushes. Okay.

Leah: Amazing. And then I went back and I was—now I'm like, I got to do it every day. I mean, I just get pumped. There is no way ...

Nick: Wow.

Leah: ... that swimming out of my room is not gonna be so delightful.

Nick: If you could only bottle this wonder of a child.

Leah: [laughs] Well, the great side is the other side of it, where it's just all emotions.

Nick: Okay. Well, I look forward to hearing about your first swim-up experience.

Leah: Oh, me too.

Nick: Our next question is, quote, "I own a small architectural and interior design firm. And friends and family act like I'm judging their homes whenever I'm over. They apologize, they explain the things that they don't like, and they seem to worry that I'm critical of their home. This makes me incredibly uncomfortable, because I'm not there because of their home, I'm there because I like them as a person. How do I help people feel at ease, without pointing out that what they're doing is making me uncomfortable?"

Leah: I would like to speak to the other people in this situation.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: Stop doing this to your friends, whatever their job is.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: This happens to me all the time with comedy.

Nick: And give me an example. Like, how does this come up?

Leah: Oh, people will be like, "Are you gonna use this for one of your skits?"

Nick: One of your skits?

Leah: They always say "One of your skits." Or they'll be, like—they're anxious, or they'll tell me something and they'll be like, "But I'm not a professional comic," or you know what I mean? And I'm like, "You know, you don't know how to—I get this feeling where you're like, you're making me so uncomfortable. But I don't know how to—like, what I can say to you to make you stop thinking about it."

Nick: So do you actually have a back pocket sentence you use or no? Or you'll benefit from this conversation today?

Leah: It really depends on how close the friends are. Because, I mean, strangers will say it. If you're, like, at a cocktail party and you say what you do, they immediately—so I can imagine this also happens to this person.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So it's different depending on my relationship to the person.

Nick: Sure. Okay. So I guess we need to come up with some back pocket sentences.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So how can we help? The one I came up with is, "Oh, don't worry about it. I'm off duty."

Leah: [laughs] I had that one.

Nick: Yeah, you had that, too? Okay.

Leah: Yeah. "I'm not working right now."

Nick: Yeah. Like, "I am a civilian right now." Yeah, I think that's the best. You just sort of make light of it and be like, "I am not working, I'm off duty. This is just, like, non-work time. Like, let me just enjoy myself." And I think you kind of just, like, say it light, say it fun, leave it there.

Leah: I also think our letter writer says, "How do I help people feel at ease without pointing out that what they're doing is making me uncomfortable?"

Nick: Hmm.

Leah: I think if it's with the same people and it continues, you can say, "Hey, I feel like you guys keep saying this. And I've tried to let you know that I'm not thinking about the situation that way. You're my friends, and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable."

Nick: "But if you do want my professional advice, here's my card. Call me on Monday, happy to set up a paid consultation." That's a little weird.

Leah: I mean, I don't know if I'd add in that second part.

Nick: [laughs] "You can pay me for my services if you'd like." And I think we don't want to not say something because we're worried about making them feel uncomfortable. And I think it's actually okay sometimes to make other people feel uncomfortable when they're doing bad things. So I think it's okay to be polite about it, but I think we don't want to live in a world in which we don't do anything and we continue to just allow this to happen either.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So I think you do need to say something or do something. So I think that's okay. And if what you say makes them a little uncomfortable because they realize, like, "Oh, I am actually being rude right now," I think that's okay. I think it is okay to make them feel a little uncomfortable when they have that realization.

Leah: I think so, too, because the implication is that you're showing up at their house, you know? I just don't like the implication when people act.

Nick: Yeah, I don't like that. What other professions does this happen to?

Leah: I'm sure this happens to doctors.

Nick: Well, that's more like, "Oh, you're a doctor? Would you look at this boil?" I think it's more that.

Leah: But I also feel like they're also like, "I know I shouldn't be eating this," or ...

Nick: Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Leah: I'm sure it happens to therapists all the time, "I know I sound ..."

Nick: Dentists. Like, "Oh, I should floss more." Yeah, okay.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: All right. Yeah, I guess it happens. So yeah, don't make professionals feel bad when they're off duty. That's the takeaway.

Leah: Or you could be like, "Yeah, your house is garbage."

Nick: "It's the worst! And now that you brought it up, let's go through it. Yeah. Let's talk about the fact that you've allowed the screws in your light plates to not be aligned vertically. Hmm. Wow. Okay."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I totally have the screws aligned in all my light plates. Our next question is, quote, "I'm a graduate student and I like to dog sit in my spare time as a way to make a little extra money. I always take very good care of my clients' homes and pets, and always try to leave the house just as clean or cleaner than how I found it. I just ran into an awkward situation at the home of the dog I'm currently watching. The owner told me before she left that I could sleep in the master bedroom or guest bedroom, and that both were clean. However, after she left, I went into the guest bedroom and the bed was bare with sheets all over the floor in crumpled piles. The laundry room also has sheets everywhere, some spilling out of the washing machine and some on the floor. I decided to just sleep in the master bedroom, but my question is, what should I do about the mess she left behind? I don't want to tell her or ask her about it, because I don't want her to feel bad. But I'm also nervous that she might forget that she left the guest bed unmade and the laundry room with sheets everywhere, and think that I'm the one who made the mess. Is there any polite way to get around this situation?"

Leah: This was another question where I wrote next to it, "Did I write this?"

Nick: [laughs] My first thought was, remember that whole conversation about finding a foot, a severed foot in a basement?

Leah: Yes. Yes!

Nick: And being like, should you tell? Maybe you should tell. This felt like a severed foot to me.

Leah: Mm. Great call, Nick!

Nick: Mm-hmm. So should you tell? What should she do?

Leah: I will say that I have been in this situation. It wasn't exactly these details, but it was a similar house-sitting situation where I opted not to tell.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: And then it came back!

Nick: Of course it did, yeah.

Leah: Because—and I was like, "Oh, you misremembered."

Nick: Mm.

Leah: But I overthought it—or not overthought it because ...

Nick: You underthought it.

Leah: No, I thought about it so many times that I eventually got to the other end of being like, I don't want to ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And it came back on me, because this person wasn't paying—they weren't as—they weren't paying attention.

Nick: Yes. I think you definitely should say something, because maybe there was a maid who she thought was coming and was taking care of it and didn't. Or, you know, maybe she did forget, clearly. So yeah, you definitely need to say something because they're gonna come home and then they see this mess and, like, you're responsible.

Leah: Yes, and I can say from experience that that is true.

Nick: And what happened in your little episode? How did it go?

Leah: She brought it up to me, and then I had to—in that moment, you know, I got so anxious, like I felt like I did something, even though I very well know I didn't. And then I had to be like, "Oh, no!"

Nick: And then how awkward to be like, "Oh, you forgot that you're a slob." Right.

Leah: Yeah, it's just …

Nick: That's an awkward conversation. Okay, so we need to say something. So now the question is, how do we tell? Because there is a way you could tell which is very accusatory, and then a way you could say something which is, like, nicer and more polite.

Leah: Again, I think we want to go with the nice and more polite version.

Nick: I would prefer that, yes. Thank you. I think we want to just be like, "Oh, hey. I got there. It looks like the bed wasn't made and there were some sheets in the laundry room. Do you want me to take care of those, or what should I do with that?" You could offer as part of the FYI, like, "Oh, is there anything you'd like me to do about it, or should I just leave it?" And I think that's one way you could do it.

Leah: Yes, I thought you could do that one, and then if you actually didn't—if a part of the deal is that you're not responsible or you don't want to take on that responsibility, you could also say, "Hey—" if you're just leaving a note and not contacting them during their trip, you could say, "Hey, I slept in the master bedroom. There was—it seemed that the sheets were off the bed in the guest room and they were in the—" like what you said, but after that, with no ...

Nick: Oh. Oh, how do you write that letter? "Hey, I slept in the master bedroom because there were sheets not on the bed in the guest bedroom, so I just left everything." Yeah. I mean, I would like this conversation about the sheets to happen at the beginning of this day. Also, if you're dog sitting, you are checking in with this person. This person is not going away for 10 days and then like, "See you when I get back."

Leah: Oh, that's such a good point.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So you are checking in.

Nick: You are, absolutely. I mean, I can't imagine the dog owner that's like, "I'm not concerned about my dog for two weeks. I'm sure it's fine." Yeah, like, that person doesn't exist. So I think at the first check in, which is probably within hours, be like, "Oh, hey. I got here and there just weren't sheets in the guest bedroom. And so I just wanted to know, like, do you want me to make the bed, or should I just sleep in the master? Should I leave these sheets? You know, let me know."

Leah: I think that sounds perfect.

Nick: And I think that person would then realize, like, "Oh, my maid didn't come," or like, "Oh, I forgot to do the sheets." And that way that'll save you some embarrassment.

Leah: And then you don't have to also think about it the rest of the time.

Nick: Right. Yes, because if you're Leah Bonnema, that won't be the last time you think about it.

Leah: No, just go round and around and around.

Nick: Yes. So you definitely should just say something, say it early, say it quick, and like so many etiquette things, saying it sooner is often better than later. Like, a lot of etiquette things don't get better the longer you wait. So that goes for, like, thank-you notes, that goes for apologies, that goes for letting homeowners know that they didn't make the bed.

Leah: Yeah, the simple reason in my—I a hundred percent agree, some reason in my mind, it was like, she was gonna have to take care of this at the end of the trip. But obviously you could just deal with it in the beginning.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I think it's like a Band-Aid. Just rip it off.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So our next thing is a vent. Quote, "I have a vent for you as a nurse. Many hospitals are very short of nurses, and don't have volunteers available. When the hospital states the pick-up time for your loved one is at a certain time, please be early or at least prompt. The nurses are the ones discharging, and if you're late or chatty at the curb, our other patients are missing us on the inside. So please be mindful of our time. And don't get me started on how dirty the insides of some of these cars are that we put surgery patients in."

Leah: Whoo! I felt that!

Nick: Yeah, it's a good point. I mean, you should always be on time, but yeah, when you're taking up a nurse's time? Yeah, that's definitely rude.

Leah: Because people are literally depending on them.

Nick: Like, actually, literally. Right.

Leah: Like, literally they're depending on them.

Nick: So be on time. And clean your cars, people.

Leah: Yeah, can you imagine you just put all this time and energy into a human being and, like, sewing them up and putting them together and wiping them down, and then you bring them out to the car and it's just like, full of wrappers and dirt. You're like, "I can't. I can't put them in here." This is ...

Nick: Yeah, I can imagine that's very—yeah, you try to create this very sterile environment, and then you're just like, "Oh, back into the Petri dish."

Leah: You'd be like, "Come on. Really?"

Nick: Yeah, come on! So do you have a vent for us? Or a repent? Or a question? You know we want to hear it, so send it to us through our website, Wereyouraisedbywolves.com, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!