Stealing Parking Spaces, Closing Bathroom Doors, Arriving Late to Classes, and More

Nick: Do you put your napkin in the wrong spot? Do you wear your name tag on the wrong side? Do you steal people's parking spots? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

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Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Oh, I'm anxious.

Nick: So here at Were You Raised By Wolves? we're all about informed decision making, so make whatever decision you want, just know that there are gonna be consequences for this decision. So Leah, are you ready for some big decisions and big consequences?

Leah: No. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Well, here we go. For today's amuse bouche, I want to talk about where the napkin goes when you're setting the table. So Leah, at home, if you're setting the table—I guess the first question is: do you set the table at home?

Leah: Sometimes.

Nick: Okay. So when you set the table, do you use napkins?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Okay, so it's not just like that blue paper towel from a gas station, like, just in the middle of the table.

Leah: But does that not count as a napkin?

Nick: [laughs] I mean, it is a napkin. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. And so where do you place it? Where does this go?

Leah: You know, this already hurts my feelings because I worked in—as waitstaff for so long, and I don't remember. I don't think about right and left, to be honest. It just goes right out the window. I'm pretty sure I put it on the left.

Nick: Okay. And does it go underneath the forks? To the left of the forks? Like, where is it going?

Leah: Underneath.

Nick: Underneath the forks. So why I bring this up is that there are people in the world that feel very strongly about this, and then there's everybody else. So clearly you are in the everybody else category, but just know that there is a subsection of people, many of them are listeners, who do actually feel very strongly about where the napkin should go. And so I just want you to know what those feelings are, and then what you do with this information is up to you.

Leah: I just wanna say really quick, the restaurants where I worked at, I had to fold it into a tent and put it on top of the plate.

Nick: Okay. Yes. I mean, that is very common. That is very common. And in terms of, like, napkin folding, that's a big topic. We'll have to talk about that another day. So some people feel that a napkin should never, ever—and I mean never—go underneath cutlery.

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: Ever.

Leah: Really?

Nick: Yeah. And it is sort of a Victorian notion that you don't touch anything you're not about to immediately use. And so if you were to try to get the napkin from underneath the forks, now you're touching the forks, but we're not about to use those forks, and so therefore, this is a problem. One etiquette person on the internet had some blog entry where they were talking about this concern, and they were saying that, like, "What if you took the napkin out and you grabbed all the forks, but it was a formal dinner, and then you didn't remember what order the forks went in, and then you're thinking to yourself, 'Oh, of course, I could just take a photo of the forks before I did it, so I could remember. But then taking photos of the table is rude and what have we done? And, like, how did we go down this line of inquiry?' No.

Nick: So it is true. I think if it is a formal meal, we definitely have options other than underneath the forks. And so the question then is: what are those options? And so your options are on the plate, as previously mentioned, or on the table to the left of the forks, but not underneath the forks. And then the question is, like, oh, which one is preferred? And so Miss Manners says you could do either way. Other people, though, have very strong feelings about which one of those placements is correct. And so there was, like, some book from the '50s I was reading which said quote, "Often, one sees the napkin placed on the service plate, but unless space demands this, this is not recommended. Service plates are usually of such loveliness that none of their beauty should be sacrificed." So if you have very nice place plates, then, okay, this would be an argument, I guess. Now of course, Emily Post, she has other feelings. Quote, "To put the napkin at the side of the empty plate in order to display it is very much like wearing a ring over a glove, as well as being incorrect for a formal table setting." So opposite opinion.

Leah: I mean, I feel like I agree with her on this one. It's way over there. It seems wrong.

Nick: Oh, it's too far away? Okay.

Leah: It's too far away.

Nick: Well, modern Emily Post, the descendants who have updated it, they say you can do whatever you want. It's a matter of personal preference.

Leah: I agree with that the most.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Do whatever you want.

Nick: Yeah, of course you do. Yes.

Leah: Fold it up. Wear it as a hat.

Nick: I don't think they are specifying that that's allowed.

Leah: Well, it wasn't a 'no.'

Nick: That is true. That is—it was not specifically discussed. That is true. But I think for me personally, I do not have beautiful place plates. Like, I am a minimalist, so I don't have some crest or some scene on my place plates. And so there was nothing that would be covered up necessarily. So I would put it on the place plate. I like it centered.

Leah: Yes. In the middle. That looks good.

Nick: Yeah, it looks good to my eye. But I think now that you know that this is a thing in the world, just know that this is a thing in the world and just make a deliberate decision, whatever it is. I was actually at a restaurant recently, which was one of those restaurants that's very expensive but is actually not that fancy. It's like that. In New York City, we have a lot of this genre of, like, oh, how did this entrée become $50? But, like, we're trying to be cool and casual? Like, what is happening? But they delivered the cutlery at the beginning of the meal in a bucket. And what they did is they had, like, the knife, fork, spoon tied up with a napkin, like, at the top in a knot, so it almost, like, looked like a bouquet of roses.

Leah: Oh, wow!

Nick: Can you picture this?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So now you have to, like, untie this knot around the forks, and they're like, "Oh, isn't this whimsical?" And I was like, "Eh, I don't know." Okay. Well, at least they knew what the rule should be, and they're making a deliberate choice. So I guess I do respect that.

Leah: Artistic choices.

Nick: Oh, there is actually one exception to the rule where you cannot put napkins under forks. If you are dining outside and it is windy, etiquette will allow you to do this, because etiquette is not cruel. Etiquette does not want your napkins to blow away. Etiquette is very practical, so it will allow windy conditions. An exception can be made.

Leah: Thank goodness.

Nick: So napkins ...

Leah: Wear them as hats.

Nick: Or not. Don't listen to Leah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Not correct. Don't do that.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and into socializing.

Nick: That's true. So, for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about networking events.

Leah: I think this is such a great topic.

Nick: Yes. I have actually been going to more and more lately. Just gotta get out of the house sometimes. And so I have a lot of thoughts on how this has been going. Are you going to networking events?

Leah: I've been pushing myself to go out to things more where I have to network. They're not quote-unquote 'networking events,' but they are for networking.

Nick: And networking, I think is good. I think we need to do more networking in person. IRL.

Leah: I think, unfortunately, we have to do it. It's horrible, but we have to do it.

Nick: Well, it can definitely feel exhausting, for sure. But there is no substitution. There's only so far you can get over email, call, Zoom, online. There is just something about that in-person thing. There just is.

Leah: And you're like, "I would rather be home on the couch with my dog watching mysteries. But I have to do this."

Nick: Because I have discovered in my travels that the people that get the jobs or the opportunities or get asked are the ones that people had some personal connection with.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: There's always a little of that. And I think all the opportunities I've had have never been off of, like, a resume. I've never gotten a job based on a resume. I've gotten a job or a gig or something because, like, oh, I knew somebody and I met them at this thing and then they remembered me. And, like, that's how that happened.

Leah: I really feel like the world definitely works that way. And I feel like a lot of us were raised—especially New Englanders—with the idea, like, oh, you just work hard, you show up, you put the hours in, and that's what matters.

Nick: Yeah. No. [laughs]

Leah: And it's networking. It's putting yourself out there.

Nick: Yeah. It is a dirty secret that the people that network harder do tend to get more of the stuff. And it's not fair. It should be that if you work hard, that that is how you get rewarded. But the world is not fair.

Leah: And a lot of people are just great networkers. Like, I have friends that are just, like, social. They know how to, like, talk about themselves, but not in a way that's off putting. You know, they're just great in that way.

Nick: Yes. And it is a skill. So I mean, you don't have to come out of the gate with that, but it is a skill and it can be developed. And it's worth pushing yourself to do it because yeah, it does—it does matter. So what I found at a lot of these networking events is that it is not a cocktail party. It is not a social event. And a lot of people there are primed for, like, business reasons. And so the conversation can feel a little more aggressive and business-y where, like, at a cocktail party, you would not be like, "So tell me what you do, defend yourself, explain your existence" kind of vibes, whereas a lot of these networking events—and maybe it's just a New York thing—it's a lot more of that vibe. And I wasn't ready for it initially. I was like, oh, that's real hot out of the gate. And it's like, oh, no, they're just not wasting time. And they're just trying to figure out, like, oh, do I have anything to offer them in this conversation? Otherwise they're gonna move on. And it's sort of like, eh, it's a little transactional, but, like, that's what this is.

Leah: On the other hand ...

Nick: Hmm?

Leah: ... I can see that. I have found, personally for me, that my best networking has happened when there was also—we had a regular conversation about something that we shared.

Nick: Yes. Oh, that's always better. Like, oh, can we make some actual connection? Yes.

Leah: And I feel like those are the strongest relationships I've made in quote-unquote 'networking situations' are people where we actually talked about—I've gone into, you know, they're like, "Oh, you have a meeting with these people?" And I think—I started out thinking, "I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna tell them about my projects, tell them what I'm doing." No, they want you to go in and tell you about themselves, and then you talk about themselves, and you almost don't even talk about work.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely how that goes sometimes. Yeah. And I think not having an aggressive agenda is also a little helpful. I think for these networking events, my goal is just like, oh, can I connect with somebody new and, like, get an email address or, like, follow each other on Instagram? Like, for me, that would be the goal. That's all that needs to be. And I think some people approach it a little more aggressively, which is like, oh, I'm looking for something more specific than that, which I guess is fine, but I feel like that mode is a little trickier to pull off.

Leah: And I think it's definitely a certain type of person who does that mode.

Nick: Yes. And they will find the people where that mode works, and that's great.

Leah: Oh, they're going to be very successful.

Nick: Yes, for sure.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Another thing to note is just keep it moving. It's okay to excuse yourself. Like, "Hey, great meeting you. Let's connect soon. I'm gonna keep mingling."

Leah: Yeah. I always say—well, first off, up top, I pump myself up. I say, "You don't have to stay for the full time. Just go in there, put on a smile, be positive to be there," and then I'll set a time limit. I'll go, "You don't have to stay past this amount of time." And then usually I'll stay longer, but I don't put the pressure on to stay the whole time. I say, "Just show up." And then I will say, "Okay, I gotta circle," like you just said. I'll be like, "I'm gonna walk the room. Great chatting."

Nick: And then I actually had business cards made. Actual paper, old school business cards. I found it was actually just easier because it avoids this awkward thing that happens where it's like, "Oh, let's follow you on LinkedIn, or let's exchange Instagram." And then there's this weird phone moment, which actually is a little awkward. And then if the other person's not really into it or they want your info, if it's not equal, and you're like, oh, I really don't want you to have my phone number kind of idea, then the business card is just easier. It's just like, "Oh, here's my card. It was great meeting you." It's also a nice way to exit.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: Because it's a very definitive, like, "It was so great chatting with you. Here's my card. If you want to stay in touch, I'm gonna keep mingling." And it's a real nice sort of way to tie that in a bow.

Leah: I love that!

Nick: Yeah. And I don't know. I like graphic design, and I'm absolutely that person from American Psycho. And that scene in American Psycho with business cards really resonates for me. And I don't think that's parody at all. And so I was actually kind of excited to have a reason to print up some business cards once again. Cause it's like, oh, this is a justified expense.

Leah: No, I definitely see—you're great at graphic design.

Nick: I love a good graphic design. Yeah. No, typeface research? Could do it all day.

Leah: I think even as a person who maybe you feel uncomfortable networking or you feel anxious, put on the face.

Nick: Yeah, I think I would take the Letitia Baldrige approach, which is like, fake it 'til you make it.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Just think it and soon you will be kind of approach. It is a good skill to have as we navigate this world because, you know, it just—it comes up in so many different situations, just having to introduce yourself to strangers. Like, this just comes up. This is a concentrated version of that. So it's kind of a gauntlet of that. But if you can survive that, then you can survive any wedding, you can survive any college reunion, you can survive the company picnic. You know, like, it's a good skill building exercise.

Leah: I think it's fine to make jokes about it, you know, with people. Because I think a lot of people actually it makes them anxious or they find it hard to do. And that's a good—could be a good icebreaker. But I would make a joke in a positive way. Like, "Ah!" You know, not in like, "I hate this," but in like, "Oh, my goodness!" You know?

Nick: And lastly on my list: name tags. A lot of these events have name tags, and it has come to my attention that some people are wearing their name tags on the wrong side. And we have discussed this in a previous episode.

Leah: We have.

Nick: And so it just goes to show not enough people are listening to our show because they don't know this. But do you remember which side the name tag goes on, Leah?

Leah: I'm pretty sure I said I won't put a name tag on my shirt because I hate it.

Nick: Oh.

Leah: I put it on my bag.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I think you did say that. All right. Once again, Leah Bonnema, finding a loophole.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Well, for the rest of us, name tags should go on the right. Your right. And the reason for this, or one of the reasons for this is that if you are extending your hand for a handshake, it is easier for the other person to sort of clock your name as they're extending their hand to go in for the handshake. So this is sort of one of the explanations for this. But yes, name tags should go on the right side.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And then lastly, lastly, follow up. So if you did get a business card or some connection, then it is nice to send a note the next day with just a, "Hey, great meeting you last night. Here's one of the things I mentioned, or here is my contact info," or just a "Nice meeting you. Hope to see at the next event." But just a nice, just connection. I think that's very nice.

Leah: I think so too. I also do a "So great to meet you," reference something they said. "I hope you have a great time on that. Ba ba ba ba."

Nick: Yeah. Leah: Looking forward to connecting in the future.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, if you can pull out something that you talked about in your conversation, that is wonderful because that shows you were paying attention, which I think everybody enjoys thinking that they were heard. And so that's real nice. That's real nice. I mean, I think everybody should strive for that.

Leah: Which I think that's why it's nice to talk about things that you relate to, because then you remember it. You have a connection about that thing. You could talk about it in the future.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. No, I think the whole point of this is, yes, it's sort of professional based, but yeah, making a personal connection with people, that is really, I think, what is key. Because yeah, at the end of the day, it's that personal connection leads to that business connection.

Leah: It really is.

Nick: Yeah, it's taken me a while to figure that out, but ...

Leah: Me too! I thought we just had to put our shoulders down and work. No.

Nick: Well, not working hard definitely doesn't get you anywhere. So you do still need to work hard. But a lot of times that's not enough. It's also the networking part, who you know, being in the right place at the right time. Also, there's just luck. Yeah.

Leah: And I will say if you wanna fake it a little bit, I like to put on a pump-up song before I leave the house for networking things.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I do a little dance, I shake my shoulders. You know, you loosen up.

Nick: That's good. Okay. Is there a go-to song right now?

Leah: I really oscillate between Broadway musicals and hard rock, so it depends on the day.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I think whatever it is to get yourself in the right space so you can walk into that room with confidence, I think this is great.

Leah: Throw those shoulders back, get in there and make friends.

Nick: And just know that you can always leave. [laughs]

Leah: You can always leave at any moment. And I will leave.

Nick: Yeah. Unless it's court ordered, you are free to go.

Leah: Free to go home and have snacks.

Nick: Exactly.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "We recently hired a new team member. He is talented and kind and works hard—a true asset! The first three days he was hired, I was at an off-site training. When I returned, I discovered that he's been parking in my parking space. It is labeled with our team name, but not with our individual name. And we do not have enough signs for the entire team. I am so thankful he is part of our team, and I only want to be hospitable and welcoming, and I worry that if I have a conversation with him, that I will appear petty over the parking space. If I ask for more parking space signs, I also feel petty, yet I want my parking space. What do I do?"

Leah: A) I feel the anxiety in this.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I don't think anybody wants to be petty unnecessarily. Although, as I just said that, I was like, oh, there's times that I really wanna be petty. [laughs]

Leah: I was like, "Nick." But I think you want your parking space.

Nick: Yes, you want your parking space. And I get with parking spaces, it's sort of like my space. Even if it's not really officially your space, it's sort of like the one you always get, and so I get it. I get it.

Leah: I think it is officially their space. There just wasn't a sign, so the person doesn't know.

Nick: No, I think there's, like, 10 spots that are reserved for, like, the Acme sales team, and anybody on the Acme sales team can be in any one of those spots. But it's not like Tanya gets spot 1D.

Leah: Oh, you don't think so?

Nick: No. I think this person is allowed to park in this space. Like, it's allowed because he's part of the team, and this is a team space. Because if this was her space, then it would just be like, "Oh, that was my space. You didn't realize it, but we don't have it labeled. But, like, FYI."

Leah: I think that's what it is, because why else would they ask for parking space signs?

Nick: Well, it sounds like there's not enough parking space signs for the team, so we need just to assign an additional spot in the parking lot for the team. But okay, if this specific space is your space and we've all decided it is your specific space, then we could just tell them that, like, "Oh, it wasn't labeled. You didn't know, obviously. No problem. That's my space, but we'll get you an assigned space soon." And, like, that's easy.

Leah: Yes, that's what I think it is. And that's what I also think the conversation should be, just a quick, easy, direct conversation.

Nick: But I don't—I don't think that's what that is.

Leah: You don't think that's what it is?

Nick: No, I think he's allowed to park there, you just are territorial about it because you've always parked there yourself, and you're just annoyed that now he's parking in this spot.

Leah: Oh.

Nick: And you're not entitled to this spot. You're entitled to any of the spots for the team. I think that's what it is. So if it is that, for some reason, that's a little trickier, because then yeah, you do seem a little more petty.

Leah: I didn't read it that way at all, so I didn't have mental prep time on that.

Nick: [laughs] I did. So one idea is that you could say something like along the lines of the following, although tone really would matter, but it would be like, "I noticed that you found the spot by the entrance convenient. I typically park there, and I just wanted you to know I'm sure we can figure out a spot that works for you too." So something in the, like, "Oh, so you know I usually park there, but, like, we'll find you a spot."

Leah: Can we get there earlier?

Nick: Or do we do what they do in, like, south Boston, where we just, like, leave lawn chairs in the parking space?

Leah: That's what I was thinking. I was like, can we leave a desk or, like, some drawers there?

Nick: [laughs] I think we just leave lawn chairs, cones. We just leave stuff in the space overnight, and then we just make sure that that's our spot. Yeah, I think we do a Southie approach.

Leah: I like that one very much. And obviously, we would wear tracksuits and chains when we did it.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I mean, the other option, just to go up and say, "Hey, I am obsessed with this parking spot, which is—you know, do you mind if I just get that one back and then we'll find you another one?"

Nick: Yeah. I mean yeah, that's not bad. I mean, I think just polite-yet-direct. I mean, if you want to die on this hill, if this is an important hill for you, then yeah, the polite-yet-direct, "Hey, I normally park there." Or how inconvenient is the other spot that you're parking in? Like, are you walking a mile further, or is it like, four slots over and, like, is that fine?

Leah: I really think that it's their spot, and there just wasn't a sign.

Nick: Well, then this is not a question to ask us, because then you just are like, "Hey, it's not labeled. It didn't have my name on it, but, like, that actually is my assigned spot. And, like, talk to HR to get your assigned spot assigned."

Leah: Well, I think you could ask that question. Well, it's easy for you.

Nick: [laughs] Well, that's what I'm here for. Yeah. [laughs] Well, I hope it's that because that's a lot easier. But if it's not that and you're feeling petty, then polite-yet-direct. Yes.

Leah: I think you could even make a joke. "Oh, I just have such a deep relationship with that spot!"

Nick: "It's the longest relationship I've ever had."

Leah: Yes. "People come, they go. Me and that spot?"

Nick: Actually, if you can name the spot, if you can anthropomorphize the spot ...

Leah: I think that that would make it a more light conversation, and the person would—you know, they'd be like, "Of course."

Nick: Right. And then they should say, "Of course." If they don't, and they continue parking in the spot, knowing that you are interested in that spot, then that's bold and aggressive and, like, we would want to hear about that.

Leah: I don't think that's gonna happen. They're new.

Nick: That would be wild.

Leah: That would be wild!

Nick: That would be wild for a new hire to know that that's your spot and you've just told them this clearly and directly, and you wish them to park elsewhere, and then they still park in that spot? Oh, that would be so interesting. So report if that happens.

Leah: Please report. And then start putting drawers and desks.

Nick: No, then you put spikes.

Leah: Nick's slashing tires.

Nick: I hire people for that. I subcontract. You think I personally go out and slash tires? No. No. Staff. We have staff. So our next question is quote, "What is the etiquette regarding bathroom doors? At my house, if the bathroom door is closed, I assume it's occupied. But sometimes when we have guests, they close the door after using the bathroom, and then everyone else avoids going in because they think it's occupied. Can you weigh in on this? After doing our business, should we leave the door open or closed?"

Leah: I like the idea that they're actually doing business in there. There's, like, a small shop that they've set up. They're on the trading floor. [laughs]

Nick: Yes. They're calculating their taxes. There's an abacus.

Leah: They're on a Zoom call.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. No, I hope there's actual business happening in there. Yeah. But yeah, what do we do?

Leah: This seems very much like a local etiquette, what local etiquette is.

Nick: Okay, interesting. So you think the rules might be different around the world?

Leah: Well, for example, my parents close the doors to the bathrooms because of heat.

Nick: Oh, isn't that a good point? Yes. Yes. Yes, so in wintertime, obviously, we're gonna—hmm. Okay, great point.

Leah: So it's just like a conversation.

Nick: Yes. But what is the baseline setting? Do we have one? Maybe not. I guess this is one of these etiquette things that society has not agreed on. Or is the agreement that it is purely local, and then we just have to figure out what the local rule is.

Leah: I think we could come to a happy middle ground where it's open, but it's cracked.

Nick: That's what I say. I say we leave it ajar. I like ajar because it says, "No one's in here," but it also says, "I'm not leaving the door wide open."

Leah: I think that works.

Nick: Yeah. Kind of communicates what you need to communicate. But absent the heat issue, which definitely trumps anything else, is there any other reason why we leave the door totally shut if it's unoccupied?

Leah: Do you want me to say?

Nick: I mean, if you have a reason.

Leah: I think what this person is dancing around saying ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: ... is what if their business ...

Nick: Right. Is not tax deductible? [laughs]

Leah: [laughs] Is—is—I'm trying to think of a business word that matches what I'm saying and I can't think of one.

Nick: If they had a lot of capital gains?

Leah: Yes. So what if their business had a lot of capital gains?

Nick: I see. Above the exemption?

Leah: Yes. Yes.

Nick: Right. Okay. And they were short-term capital gains, so taxed at a higher rate. Okay.

Leah: And they didn't necessarily want the rest of the house to be aware of these capital gains that happened in this doing their business.

Nick: Oh, I see. So they're wanting to do a little tax evasion.

Leah: But know that if you close the door, those capital gains are just gonna stay trapped.

Nick: Right. We can still audit. Yeah. [laughs]

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. We can definitely still audit those returns. Mm-hmm.

Leah: That's why I think ajar works perfect.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. So if you are concerned about ...

Leah: Capital gains.

Nick: ... the capital gains being too large and the tax hit to the rest of the house, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think then ajar, I think, would help mitigate that, right?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Okay. There'll still be some penalties in interest, but, like, at least ...

Leah: Leave the fan on.

Nick: ... at least be minimized.

Leah: Leave the fan on.

Nick: Okay. But ajar. Ajar is the right baseline setting absent some other heat concern. Because I think depending on where the bathroom opens up onto, I think a lot of people don't like bathrooms opening onto, like, living rooms or other public spaces. So I feel like people who live in that configuration do tend to keep the door to that room closed or ajar. So I feel like that also matters. Like, if it's a bathroom off a hall, maybe there's like, different rules, but I think that's a consideration.

Leah: I think ajar is perfect because you want a little moving air. Like, you know, there was—somebody took a shower, there's water condensation.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: You know, a little moving air.

Nick: Oh, you wanted air circulation. That's an interesting point. I'm saying ajar, because I want the door closed. Like, for me, the door should always be closed, but I want to send the signal that it's not occupied, so that ajar-ness sends that signal, which is like, "I'm closing the door, but you can come in if you want to. You don't have to knock."

Leah: Okay. Both our needs are met.

Nick: All of our needs are met. That's true. It does check off all of those boxes on those returns.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Yes. So if you have any questions for us about taxes or anything else, let us know. You can let us know through our website WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna repent.

Nick: Oh! Leah Bonnema, what crime have you committed?

Leah: Well, the worst part is that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna commit it again. So that's ...

Nick: Uh oh!

Leah: ... I think, what the crime is. I think my person has changed.

Nick: Hmm. All right. What are you talking about?

Leah: I'm talking about group fitness classes.

Nick: Ah. Always a great place for etiquette crimes.

Leah: And you know me, I was always early. I get there early.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I'm set up.

Nick: Yeah. You're ready to roll.

Leah: I'm ready when the teacher walks in.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: The last three to four classes, I was 10 to 15 late.

Nick: 10 to 15?

Leah: Yep. Not one or two.

Nick: I mean, is this like a traffic problem or is it just you're ...

Leah: No, I walk to the gym. This was just me not getting there on time with no excuse and being like, "I could just walk in and go to the back. Why am I killing myself?"

Nick: Okay. I mean, I think it's a question. Like, are you disturbing people if you're late and going to the back? Are you the only one that suffers?

Leah: I've decided maybe it wasn't that important anymore. And a part of me feels—you know, I spent a long time thinking it was, so I feel a little repentant that I'm, like, now I'm just a person who shows up late to group fitness. Let me say it's not a gym where they close the door and don't admit you when you're late.

Nick: Okay. So you're not breaking any rules.

Leah: I mean, I'm breaking sort of moral rules.

Nick: You're breaking your own code because you used to be known as somebody who's always on time and responsible. And now ...

Leah: Yes. I meant my moral code. I didn't mean others. Yeah, now I'm not. That's what's crazy!

Nick: Yeah. No, so you—you shouldn't repent. You should just be disappointed in yourself.

Leah: But I'm not, and I think that's what I'm repentant of. And I felt embarrassed to bring it up. I didn't want anybody to know that this is who I am.

Nick: Yeah, this is who you are now. Or has this always been who you were?

Leah: No, this is really who I am now because I'm still showing up on time or early for everything else.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: It's just these group fitness classes where I feel like it's in complete disarray. Why am I trying to hold the ship up by myself?

Nick: Oh, it's more that. So if this was more of a precise Pilates, we have a very set regimen about what's about to happen for the next 50 minutes ...

Leah: I would never be late for Pilates.

Nick: But this is some willy-nilly, mushy, poorly choreographed, Zumba-light type of experience?

Leah: I always felt like, "Oh, I have to do this. I have to be on time no matter what else is going on." But now I'm like, "Eh."

Nick: Okay. Well, it's been happening, but I guess the question is whether or not this is who you are now. And I guess the jury's still out on that. Doesn't have to be who you are. We can turn this around.

Leah: But why would we turn it around is the question.

Nick: Oh, yeah. Well, it's hard to help people who don't want to be helped.

Leah: I'm on time to everything else.

Nick: Well, but not this.

Leah: Not this.

Nick: We can't have exceptions in our lives.

Leah: I think I can now, which is what I feel bad about.

Nick: [laughs] Well for me, I would like to vent. So there is a disturbing thing that has been happening, and it's been happening with increasing frequency, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't think anything can be done about this, so I guess that's why this is a vent, because it's just something to vent about. So I was recently in Hell's Kitchen having a drink with a friend before a Broadway show.

Leah: Ooh!

Nick: And I—ooh, Broadway! And I got a glass of wine. I was sort of on the white wine train that evening, and so I know that bars are busy, especially in Hell's Kitchen, especially in that pre-theater time. Like, I get it. I totally get it. So I am handed a glass of white wine, and this glass was so hot, I almost burned myself. The stemware was, like, so fresh out of the glass dishwasher that it was like you were boiling this white wine. Like, it was the hottest glassware ever. And I have noticed this, like, with increasing frequency in New York City. And I know it is a struggle to always get fresh glassware up behind the bar, and this is an issue, and I get it. Logistically, this is very hard. But is there something that can be done? What can we do about this? Can we not have glassware that is at least room temperature?

Leah: Yeah, that's—I mean, it's a drink that you're expecting to be refreshing and cool, and then it's, you know, getting heated up in your hot glass.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess the solution is like, don't drink something that doesn't come with ice.

Leah: You know when it comes out of the dishwasher?

Nick: Yeah?

Leah: There could be a location where people just spray it with cold water.

Nick: I could handle a little bit of water inside of the glass that you then pour white wine into if it meant the glass was not piping hot. Okay, that's a trade off I would make. Yes.

Leah: Because the other option is then you have to set up another station where you have a fan on it, and that just seems like too much.

Nick: Where you have to put it in the blast cooler. Yeah. Or maybe I just bring my own glassware. Maybe that's the solution. Like, "Oh, I brought my own. Don't worry about it."

Leah: "Here, let me give you my glass. And then when you bring it back, make sure that's my glass."

Nick: Oh, obviously I have a label maker. [laughs] So I guess in the meantime, I'll just bring oven mitts. I guess that's what I'm gonna do now.

Leah: I think that would be so funny. Someone hands it to you and you're like, "Hold on one second."

Nick: "One moment. Oven mitts." Yeah, so that's my vent.

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: Well, I learned that there's a lot of debate around napkins.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: It's a hot topic.

Nick: It's very hot. And I learned that you know how to do some napkin folding.

Leah: Oh, I've done my time.

Nick: Yeah, for better, for worse. Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, I want you to follow us on all the socials because we actually don't post the same stuff on all of them, and so if you don't follow us on all of it, then you might be missing something. And we don't want you to miss something. So follow us on everything!

Leah: In the streets, back to our apartments. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I'm not sure if that was the homework, but at least social media.

Leah: Okay, at least social media.

Nick: And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I just want to shout out a little cordial of kindness to my cousin Leanne, who is just one of the most thoughtful people in the whole world.

Nick: Oh, that's very nice. And for me, I want to say thank you to the New York City Trivia League. So I had been going to some of these events with a friend, and they are well organized. They are very fun. It's the right vibe. You actually use your phone to enter your answers and it's like instant scoring. So you don't actually have to, like, fill out sheets and turn it in like the olden days. Very efficient. So it's been super fun.

Leah: I can so see you at these events.

Nick: Yes. I'm actually very good at a lot of the categories except music. I am terrible at the music category. Yeah, it's not where I shine. And I'm not great with sports. Not great with sports. But I do shine elsewhere. Although there was a question about can you name, like, all the Disney princesses since, like, 1988? And apparently Elsa from Frozen is not considered an official Disney princess, and I did not get a point for that. And I am still bothered by that because I feel like Elsa should be a Disney princess.

Leah: It seems negotiable that she would be. What else would she be?

Nick: Like, how is she not? Apparently she's not an official Disney princess. Apparently she's too popular. And so you cannot be a Disney princess if you're actually too popular. I guess that's just some Disney corporate issue.

Leah: I don't even understand what that means.

Nick: The movies were too popular, so ...

Leah: No, but I mean I don't get how that would be—I get what it means, but I don't get what it means.

Nick: She doesn't need the marketing boost of the label of 'Disney Princess,' I guess. She's good on her own.

Leah: Okay, so we're only boosting people who need some boosting.

Nick: I don't make the rules. I'm just telling you, Elsa from Frozen, not considered a Disney princess. I did not get a point for listing her as such.

Leah: I just am saying I'm on your side.

Nick: Great. But despite that, New York City Trivia League? Very fun. So thank you.

Leah: So cool!