Requiring Marriage Certificates, Reimbursing Acquaintances, Taking New York Taxis, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "One of my close friends of over a decade is getting married next year. I've been dating my boyfriend for about seven years now, and I texted my friend asking for more details on the wedding as travel plans need to be made. She specified that my boyfriend is not invited to the wedding as we are not married. She said that he will only receive an invite after she hears back from other people—essentially only if she receives no's from the first tier of guests. Is it rude to tell someone that their significant other is second tier? I want to have a polite-yet-direct conversation with her as my feelings are hurt to know that she doesn't consider my relationship important enough for an invitation. What should I say?"

Leah: Let me say out loud what I would say, and then we'll discuss if that—I don't mean it to be a backwards way of going into something, but this is what I would want to say.

Nick: Okay. What's your first instinct?

Leah: My first instinct would be to say—and not in a passive-aggressive way—just I would mean it directly like, "Hey, I'm not gonna go if he can't come because even though we're not married, we have been together for seven years."

Nick: Seven years. Yes. [laughs]

Leah: So let me know when you know if we're invited.

Nick: Okay. Yes. I mean, before we get there, though, there are so many etiquette crimes that have taken place here. I mean, this is so rude. It's so rude! And just to be clear, a marriage certificate is not required when it comes to who gets invited to an event like this. Like, you don't need that piece of paper. Etiquette does not require an actual certificate. And I don't know where our bride got this idea, but that's not a thing. And it's super rude that she thinks it is.

Leah: Well, and then also just to say, "Hey, you're not married, so he can come if a lot of other people say no."

Nick: Well, that's another etiquette crime.

Leah: What?

Nick: Because everybody who hosts a big event, including a wedding, you are going to have an A list, a B list, a C list. Like, that is understood, like, of course you do. But as we have discussed, etiquette is about maintaining a certain fiction. And what you must maintain is the idea that, oh, there is not different lists. Everybody should not know what list they're on. That is not something that your guests should be aware of. Everybody should feel like, oh, they're on the A list. And so to explicitly tell someone, "Oh, you are not on the A list," I mean, that's also super rude.

Leah: Yeah. That's why I feel like it's fine for our letter-writer to say, "Hey, I'm not coming if they can't come," because this person is just being aggressively rude to you, I feel like.

Nick: Yes. I mean, also the third etiquette crime is to not believe that your relationship is legitimate.

Leah: Yeah, it's very ...

Nick: Of seven years, you know?

Leah: It feels very disrespectful.

Nick: Super disrespectful. I mean, I've known you for 10 years. I've been with this person for seven of those 10 years. Like, you've known my partner for 70 percent of the time that I've known you. Like, what? What? And the general etiquette rule is that, generally speaking, if you actually had been seeing someone for a year, you're a unit, you get invited together. And so, like, seven years definitely qualifies. Even under a year. If it feels like a committed relationship at six months, I think you would seriously consider inviting both people. Like, the idea is just that couples get invited together however you want to define couples but, like, if they're a couple, then it's a unit. You gotta invite both. You can't just invite one.

Leah: Yeah, this is not a new relationship.

Nick: Definitely not. So yes, should you say something? I guess it's up to you how you want to address it. I mean, one etiquette approach is just like, "Unfortunately, I can't make it." And then, you know, the friend will probably be like, "Oh, why are you not coming to my wedding?" Which is like, "Oh, well my partner's not invited, so I'm not gonna leave him behind."

Leah: And we've been together seven years.

Nick: Seven years! [laughs]

Leah: Also, if travel plans are necessary, like, obviously they're going somewhere. So it's like a whole—it's not like I'm gonna drive down the street for the afternoon. I'm going somewhere. If I'm traveling and I'm spending money, my partner is coming. It counts as, like, a little vacation.

Nick: Yeah. No, for sure. No, I mean, there's no excuses here. This is just rude. And also, this is not an etiquette rule that our bride seems to be following. It's like, there's no etiquette book that's saying, like, "Oh, marriage certificate required for invitations." That's just like not a thing. So yeah, I think saying something in a polite-yet-direct way, which is like, "I was really hurt that you feel like my relationship with my partner is not as legitimate as some of our other mutual friends who are legally married, and it makes me sad that you feel this way and that you have made invitation decisions sort of based on that. And I just disagree with that. And so certainly if there's an opportunity for both of us to attend, then I guess let us know. But unfortunately, I can't attend alone."

Leah: I feel like that was perfect.

Nick: Yeah. So actually just take that soundbite and just play it for your friend.

Leah: I really was like, Let's just write that down exactly and then do that.

Nick: Yeah. And then, I don't know. I would really kind of rethink this relationship with this friend, you know? Is this just like a bridezilla moment where they've just had a lapse in etiquette judgment, or is this actually who they are? And I would be curious to know, like, oh, which one is it? Because, like, how I want to actually engage with this person moving forward, I think would kind of depend. Is this like just a temporary moment of etiquette insanity, or is this like actually their default character?

Leah: Yeah, it's like, do we—does our—the bride have some past history with the boyfriend?

Nick: Oh! Ooh! Mmm!

Leah: Because the only other way is that they genuinely don't see unmarried people as real relationships.

Nick: I mean, that's what it seems like. That's the way the question was asked.

Leah: And that's just—that would mean something about their whole person.

Nick: Right. And how they view relationships in general.

Leah: Well, how they view you, the letter-writer.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And that's what I would have trouble with.

Nick: But actually, the etiquette rule is: if you actually are in a relationship with somebody, you are a unit and you should be invited together even if, like, the bride had never met your partner or didn't like your partner, like you're you're a unit, you're a package deal. You actually cannot separate these things easily. Now you can do it, but it is just a major etiquette moment to do so, and you have to be doing it with significant care and thought, which is like, "I'm deliberately not inviting your partner for specific reasons, which ideally you would already know in advance."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: "And that won't come out of left field." Like, "Oh, your partner did XYZ to me, and so therefore they cannot attend." But it is a high etiquette crime to just, like, casually decide, oh, we're only gonna invite one half of a couple. But ...

Leah: [laughs] "Hey, your partner's not invited because they hate who I'm marrying." And you'd be like, "Okay, that makes sense."

Nick: Actually, you would actually have to think twice, you know? I think it would be like they hate who I'm marrying, but would they be able to bite their tongue and be a polite guest? And if they could just be an adult for the ceremony and they're your partner, I think then you just go with it. Like, you just invite them anyway.

Leah: Mmm.

Nick: You can't just, like, casually separate couples for invitations. Like, it's just—it has to be done with extreme care. You know, it's like the cut. The cut direct. Like, you gotta land it. And some of these things are irreversible. So once you do it ...

Leah: This feels irreversible. It's so insulting.

Nick: Yeah. No, it's gross. So sorry this has happened to you. I feel like if it's a friend of a decade, like, you gotta show up at this thing and an invitation will appear for your partner, and so you'll go and you're allowed to be privately resentful the whole time. [laughs]

Leah: That's—I feel like that's Nick's album, when Nick drops his album Privately Resentful. [laughs]

Nick: I mean, those are my memoirs. Absolutely. For sure. So our next question is quote, "What is the proper etiquette when repaying an acquaintance for something they picked up for you? For example, if a coworker offers to pick you up a beverage on their coffee run, and the total of your drink order comes to $4.45, I was taught that the polite thing to do is to round your repayment up to $5, as it's the least you can do to show your appreciation for their time and thoughtfulness. But is it considered rude to only pay the exact cost of the item? Perhaps the method of repayment adds some nuance. Something about physically counting out the exact change feels slightly worse than sending the precise amount electronically. Thoughts?"

Leah: I always round up.

Nick: Yeah, I think that's nice. I mean, it's nice to round up to five bucks. Yeah. I think if you're sending a payment request though, I think you do it exactly.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: I don't think you take the initiative to round up for them.

Leah: And then if you're sending a payment request, obviously you'll get that amount back because that's how it goes.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: But otherwise, I would just round up.

Nick: Yeah, I think that's what it is. And it is nice to give a little courtesy, which is like, "Oh yeah, you actually did spend time and effort on this thing."

Leah: And then maybe they threw a tip down. We don't know.

Nick: Oh, right. Actually, that's something to ask. Like, "Oh, does that include the tip?" Make sure that the dollar amount that they're telling you actually is correct. Yeah.

Leah: I think the only time is say you're going somewhere with somebody and you're splitting up all these different things, so it's like a running list.

Nick: Hmm.

Leah: And then you're, like, writing down all the different numbers. That would be a different story. But if you just like, "Hey, I'm running to the store. I grabbed this for you and it was $2.37." I'm gonna throw you three bucks.

Nick: Yeah. No, I think that's a good distinction. And yeah, does the method of payment matter? No. I think if it's electronic or it's cash, yeah, I think it's the same principle.

Leah: And I think Nick's point is very nice that if you're doing a request ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: ... do the exact amount.

Nick: Like, because what are you doing? Like, oh I want to overcharge you? Like, that's how that sounds.

Leah: "It was $37, but I rounded it up to $50."

Nick: Yeah. "Surely you don't mind. Yeah. Thank you so much." So—well, that's easy. Easy peasy.

Leah: And I love that our letter-writers are thinking about all of these things.

Nick: It is nice. Yes, it is nice to, like, oh, I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. And you are. So that's good. [laughs]

Leah: Lovely. Lovely.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "We run a seasonal outdoor business with a ticket booth right on the street, which puts us in direct line for tourist questions. These questions are mostly blurted out with zero niceties: 'Where's the bathroom?' 'When does the trolley come?' It seems so rude, and I struggle with how to deal with these questions all day long. I sometimes will start with a cheery 'Good morning,' to try to teach them to at least use a greeting, but it falls on deaf ears. Any suggestions on how to not lose my cool and stay polite all day long?"

Leah: I can imagine the first couple I would really throw it out there like, "Hey, good morning! Thanks so much for your question. Yeah, the restroom's one block down to the left." And then by, like, the 30th person who just yelled in my face, I'd be like, "Ahh!"

Nick: Yeah. No, this is maddening. And I feel like it doesn't get easier. Yeah, it doesn't get easier.

Leah: Well, you're in a tough position.

Nick: Well, you're in a tough position because also, presumably you are also trying to sell something. So you want to be friendly and approachable, which is like, oh, I want to potentially get some business from you today as well, so I do feel obligated to sort of be courteous to you because, like, if I'm rude, then you're definitely not gonna buy my tickets to the community playhouse production of The Life, or whatever it is that we're selling.

Leah: But I also think we also just want to have polite—we don't want to have a day that's filled with feeling angry at people, so we want to try to find a way—the energy's coming at you, and you're just turning it and moving it so it doesn't, like, stay with you. You know what I mean?

Nick: Oh, we're gonna do qigong. I see.

Leah: That was what I was thinking.

Nick: Have you ever done qigong?

Leah: No.

Nick: This actually would be very good for you. Yeah, this would be very—yeah.

Leah: Great.

Nick: Yeah. Well, you're in California now. I feel like I'm surprised it hasn't happened. Tai chi in the park, some qigong. Yeah, this is great.

Leah: I actually did Tai chi in New York.

Nick: Okay, great.

Leah: I've never qigonged.

Nick: Not yet.

Leah: Not yet. I have yet to qigong.

Nick: The day is young. So my first thing that I wrote down was let's just pretend we didn't hear them or see them. Like, let's pretend, if we could do that plausibly, with plausible deniability that we actually didn't understand that somebody barking something at us was to us, like, could that work?

Leah: And then are we saying—are we looking directly through them and smiling, or are we saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm—what was the question?"

Nick: I feel like we do need to do it in a way where, like, it's not rude. So you have to do it in a way where, like, you could get away with it. And so yeah, I don't think we want to make direct eye contact and acknowledge them and then pretend we didn't hear it.

Leah: Oh, so you're talking we're just completely ignoring that they're there.

Nick: Oblivious. Yeah. Yeah. We're just like ...

Leah: Wow!

Nick: Like, in New York, I'm great at this. Like, I could walk down the street and when people are, like, trying to talk to you, I don't flinch. I don't break my stride. It is actually as if I have not heard you at all. And I can do it in a way where, like, it is plausible that I actually just didn't hear you. And so it's a skill, but it's definitely one you can master. So maybe you want to do that, and you're just like, "Oh, I didn't realize that you just yelling, 'Where's the bathroom?' was actually for me. Oh, so sorry. Good morning."

Leah: One possible option.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I also want to say that is such a New York skill, because obviously I did not have it moving there. As somebody who feels—especially, I think, small town people, we feel like we make eye contact. "What were you asking me? How can I help? I'm available." And in New York, you just can't be.

Nick: Definitely not.

Leah: It is to your detriment. So I always wear headphones. I'm not playing anything in it, but obviously you can't do that here. You're working. But that was my New York thing. I gotta put headphones in because otherwise I feel obligated to make eye contact and interact. And once they have you ...

Nick: It's over.

Leah: It's over.

Nick: You're in. Yeah. So that's one idea.

Leah: I think you could take that idea, and then if they didn't want to completely ignore a human being and say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you asking me a question?"

Nick: Okay. I mean, that's a variation on the theme.

Leah: Because it's like, "Oh, me a human being. Me."

Nick: [laughs] Right. "Oh. Oh, good morning. I'm sorry. Were you wanting to know where the bathroom was?"

Leah: I wouldn't mind—I think I said this before, but there's a part of me that'd be like, "I'd be happy to help. What was the question?" I'm giving you a chance to rephrase it in a human way.

Nick: Oh, that's kind of interesting. Like, "Oh, I caught that quite late, but I understand that you want something. Good morning. Oh, how can I help you?"

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah, I think if you could say that in a way, which is like, "Oh, I understand you would like my assistance. Happy to give it to you, but because you were barking something at me, I wasn't registering it. So, like, let's start over." In that tone.

Leah: Because I think our letter-writer is more than happy to help. They just—nobody wants to get barked at.

Nick: The other thing I was thinking of is can we turn this into a game? Can we see how many of these people can we actually engage and then actually sell our services to? Because there is something nice about having a booth selling something in the direct line of fire of tourists. I mean, like, what a great spot! I mean, it's a double-edged sword but, like, what a great spot. So how many of these people can you actually convert into customers and, like, can we make that a game? How many people who don't say hello first can we actually sell tickets to? And, like, you know, if you can't be happy in terms of the etiquette, at least you can be happy in terms of the profit.

Leah: And I wonder if you could have a competition with the other people you work with. Be like, "I did five today!" And that way you can be like, "Oh, you know what? These many people barked at me, but I flipped 10 of them."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, so maybe just the way you think about it. Maybe that's the only thing that we can do is just change the way you feel about it, because we're not gonna change people barking at you. [laughs]

Leah: Yeah. And which I'm sorry about. That must be so—all day. It must get exhausting.

Nick: Yes. Although maybe you should just have a sign of, like, frequently asked questions, which is like, "Bathroom's this way. Trolley this way."

Leah: Yeah. You know people. You could have the sign right there and they'd still ...

Nick: I know. I don't even want to do that.

Leah: But I also do think that some people, when they're faced with oh, I was asking a person a question and I'm just yelling it, will regroup and ask more politely. I do, in my heart of hearts, believe that some people will fix their attitude.

Nick: Some. Okay. The idea of a percentage of people.

Leah: I would love to know what the percentage is.

Nick: Yes. I believe that it is some number other than zero. How much higher than zero, I don't know. But okay, I agree that it is probably more than zero.

Leah: Some people are just anxious, and then they realize, "Oh, I was just acting out of anxiety. I'm so sorry. Can you please help me?"

Nick: Yeah, okay. Yes, I think there is the inherent goodness of people. Yes.

Leah: Or they were flustered or scattered, and they weren't focused on the fact that they were talking to a human being. And now that they've been recentered, they—"Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry. I really gotta pee."

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. And, you know, sometimes you do. And so sometimes you just can't get a good morning out.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "I'm going to New York for the first time. What are the rules for hailing and taking a taxi like a local?"

Leah: I mean, Nick!

Nick: Well, you lived in New York for a long time. You've taken taxis.

Leah: I think the major rule is if there's somebody out on a corner, we don't then step in front of them.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. "Upstreaming" I think is the technical term.

Leah: Oh, is that the term? We don't go to the corner above them when we make eye contact.

Nick: Right.

Leah: "Oh, you're hailing here? Let me go five feet in front of you and hail directly in front of you.

Nick: Yeah. No, that's—that is pretty rude. And that definitely happens in New York because of our grid pattern. Like, it's easy to do. Yeah, don't do that. The only other thing I was sort of thinking of is New York taxis is sort of like taxis anywhere. But I think when we hail a taxi, we do it with more confidence. I feel like we definitely, like, stick out our arm in a more confident way than other places in the world. Like, I definitely notice—I can spot a tourist trying to hail a taxi in New York City by the way they hail it. And the way I do it is I stick out my arm and I point across the street to the buildings to, like, the second floor. That's like the angle. And I confidently have that arm out there. I do a two finger point. Some people do a whole palm down. You do you on this, but I like a nice two finger. But the angle that you want is a confident line from you across the street at the angle of the second floor of the building across the street. Like, that's what I do.

Nick: And then you just want to just, like, stand in the middle of the street, and you just want to start making eye contact, You know, that's what you want to do. Make eye contact with drivers. Even if you can't actually see them, you just want to look like you're ready.

Leah: And you're stepping off the curb.

Nick: I step off the curb, yeah.

Leah: I do too.

Nick: I'm basically in traffic at this point.

Leah: Yes. I'm telling our letter-writer, you gotta step off the curb.

Nick: Yeah. And is it a little dangerous? Yeah, probably. But, you know, welcome to New York.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So I am in the first—basically, I'm in the first lane of traffic when this is happening. I also try to position myself based on, like, where I'm heading. So, like, if I know I need to, like, be going a certain direction, like, I try to be on the corner, that allows that to happen.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Sometimes if it's around shift change, because, like, there are definite shifts in the taxi industry, like certain times of day where, like, oh, there's a big shift change where like taxi drivers do need to get back to, like, where they're going to turn the car over to, like, the next driver. If you have a short ride, sometimes what I'll do is when I'm signaling, I will make a little, like, inch symbol with my fingers indicating, like, "Oh, I'm only going a short distance." And that actually is a signal that some drivers recognize, which is like, "Oh, how far are you going? Because, like, oh, that's on the way I'm going. I can do one more fare." And so sometimes I'll do that.

Leah: Oh, wow, that's next level!

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Of course. Of course it's next level.

Nick: Yeah, of course. And the shape is sort of like making a little C with your thumb and your index finger, or you're just sort of like indicating, like, "Oh, how big was the sushi?" And you're like, "Oh, it was this big."

Leah: Bite sized.

Nick: So, like, that's what you're trying to make with your fingers. And you're just sort of indicating, like, short distance. I was reading online—because I was looking this up. I was like, "Oh, is there anything else I've missed?" Somebody on some tourist blog says that if you're going to one of the airports, you flap your arms like a bird to indicate that you're going to an airport. [laughs] I've never seen that done. I don't think that's a thing. I love that somebody is making it seem like a thing to get tourists to do that.

Leah: I don't know. That—that feels like a trick, that somebody's setting people up.

Nick: [laughs] Although I kind of like that idea. I like that idea of just, like, all these people flapping their wings, their little arms on the street looking for cabs. [laughs]

Leah: You're gonna be in somebody's Instagram video.

Nick: Yeah. No, don't do that. Yeah, don't—don't flap your arms.

Leah: And when the cab pulls up ...

Nick: Yeah?

Leah: Get right in, close the door and then say where you're going.

Nick: Yes. And I always just give an intersection because, like, nobody knows where 439 Ninth Avenue is. Like, no—like nobody knows where this is, but, like, "Oh, I'm going to 32nd and Mad." And so, like, then we know what those coordinates are. Or like a good landmark. Like, "Oh, I'm going to the Met." And then you specify Met Museum or, like, Met Opera. But yeah, landmark.

Leah: Or you can say, "I'm going to 237 Fifth, which is in between blank and blank."

Nick: Oh, sure. Yeah, "I'm going to this address between these streets." Yeah. But yeah, specific addresses? I think that's always a big tourist thing.

Leah: Know your cross streets.

Nick: Which is like, nobody knows where a specific thing is. And sometimes I actually don't know where I'm going specifically, so I'll be like, "Oh, just drive up this avenue. I'll tell you where we're going in a second. But just—like, just go north. Let's just start the car." So you can also do that. And then just wear your seatbelt. It's a good idea.

Leah: Oh, yeah. Wear your seatbelt in a cab.

Nick: Yeah. Even if, like, traffic is only going 10 miles an hour through Midtown during rush hour, it's a good idea. Oh, and actually the last, last thing? Sit in the back. It's very weird if you're only one passenger and you sit in the front. I have seen this happen and you're like, oh, that's a little strange.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Right?

Leah: It would be. I would enjoy watching it happen. But much with the arm flapping, if you want to flap your arms and sit in the front.

Nick: Yeah, you're not from around these parts. Yeah, we get it. It's fine.

Leah: I mean, I don't know if you're from any parts if you're doing this.

Nick: Well, there are actually—there are places in the world where you actually do sit in front in a taxi. New York is just not one of those places.

Leah: Well, I was more thinking of the arm flapping. I'm really stuck on that.

Nick: I'm pretty sure that there's no place in the world in which we do that.

Leah: I do not think we're doing it anywhere.

Nick: "Heathrow, please!" Yeah, no. [laughs]

Leah: I would think, "Are we going to the ocean to see pigeons?" It's just ...

Nick: Yeah. Although, wouldn't it be great, actually, if you actually signal the destination with some gesture? So like, "Oh, I'm going to the museum," and you, like, are painting. Or, like, "I'm going to Broadway," and so you tap dance.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: "I'm going to the restaurant," and so, like, you pretend to, like, shove spaghetti in your face.

Leah: Empire State, and you just stick your hands up really high.

Nick: Yeah. "Statue of Liberty." Yeah. "I'm going to the aquarium." Yeah. I mean, actually, this could actually be an innovation. This actually might be something we might want to actually introduce.

Leah: Rockefeller Center, you're just doing, like, a kick line.

Nick: Or you're a Christmas tree.

Leah: Or you're a Christmas Tree!

Nick: Right! [laughs] I think we're actually on to something here.

Leah: I think if you want to flap your arms, then you gotta do the whole gamut of act outs for all the different locations.

Nick: Yes. If you're gonna do it for airports, you gotta do it for everything.

Leah: Across the board.

Nick: So our next thing is a bonkers.

Leah: Bonkers! And besides being a bonkers, this is also a thing that puts me through the roof.

Nick: [laughs] When this came through, I was like, "Oh, I think Leah has something to say."

Leah: This has happened. I see this happen. This has happened to me. Oh God, we're putting it out there. Thank you, letter-writer. This is bonkers!

Nick: So it is quote. "I, a woman, went to my gym today. I live in a city, so I'm fairly anonymous at the gym and I prefer it this way. After using the elliptical machine, I decided to use one of the weight machines. I used the machine to my satisfaction, cleaned it after my use obviously, and started to walk towards the stairs to exit the building. A man I'd never seen before—let's call him Chad—who has the gym employee's uniform on, says to me, 'Is that it? Is that all you're gonna do?' I said, 'Yes,' and I tried to walk away, headphones in while he continued on. 'Do you need personal training? Women tend to really benefit.'

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: "On top of this, he says that he could offer personal training to me on the side, which would be cheaper than what he could offer through the gym's membership. As I stood there stunned, I wish I had thought to say one of my favorite things I've learned from you both: 'Unfortunately, that just won't be possible.' For sure rude!"

Leah: Major FSR!

Nick: I mean, what do we do with this?

Leah: And it's such a tactic. And it's happened to me and I see it happen and it's negging.

Nick: Yeah. This is the definition of "negging." Yeah. And is there anything more rude?

Leah: Nothing is more rude. Oh, you're gonna make me—A) Why are you commenting on my activities? It's not your business.

Nick: Right. For sure.

Leah: B) You're gonna try to make me feel insecure about what I just did so I give you money?

Nick: Yeah, I think that's the strategy. That's the business strategy here.

Leah: I cannot! Do women really benefit? Okay, buddy.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I just find this so maddening. It's so rude and disrespectful, and I can't stand—I want to go to this gym right now.

Nick: Yeah, I would be curious to see where this is. Also, I love that this trainer is trying to actually sell services on the sly. I'm sure his employer would not be super excited to hear that.

Leah: And they're trying to do their own business in the gym.

Nick: Yeah. Which is like, I'm sure you're not allowed to do that. I'm sure there's probably some rules about that. So sorry this happened. This is definitely bonkers.

Leah: This is bonkers!

Nick: Although is it bonkers because it's so common? Like, right. Is it bonkers? Are we shocked?

Leah: What's bonkers is that it's common that this happens to people. I actually get uncomfortable going to—I think a lot of people get uncomfortable going to the gym for this exact reason, because there's always somebody who wants to come over and comment and be like—I had a guy at my gym in college—I still remember him—who always did that. "Is that all you're doing today?"

Leah: [laughs] Oh, that exact line. Oh, I didn't know that that was actually the line.

Leah: No, that is the line, to make you feel to the point where—because in college I was not the standing strength you see before you now—I would preempt it by being like, "I'm in a hurry today." Not that he—how did he deserve an explanation?

Nick: Yeah, you do not owe him anything.

Leah: But this is like a thing!

Nick: Well, it shouldn't be a thing. And so we gotta—we gotta do our part to try and end this.

Leah: I think we should try to end this. This is the top of the list because—I'm so glad our letter-writer—it drives me crazy. Who are these people who think they can comment? We gotta come up with a line that we all use across the board.

Nick: All right. Well, let's start brainstorming. And audience, if you have a good one-liner for this, send it in. Let's start compiling a list.

Leah: I think it is even a little stronger than "Unfortunately, that won't be possible," because I think we need to have that person take a little mirror to themselves.

Nick: I mean, I like a good "Thank you for your concern," and that's it.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Right? "Thank you for your concern."

Leah: I almost would want to employ the staring at a person's face, which you know is my favorite, where I just stare at them with my dead eyes and not say anything.

Nick: Uh ooh, I don't know if that message gets through to this type of person.

Leah: No, but it makes me feel good.

Nick: Well, okay, there's some benefit to that.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: All right. Well, we're gonna put all this stuff on the whiteboard.

Leah: So I actually have an idea for a possible line because of something that happened to me last week.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Not gym-related. It was comedy-related, but this male comic came up and said something to me that was the extent of what this comment is.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: And I was so taken back, I just said, "Did you think that was going to work on me?"

Nick: Oh! Oh, I like that. Yeah, because that's—that's not rude. Well, I mean, I guess it depends on how you say it. [laughs] But I like that sentiment, which is like, "Oh, did you believe in your heart of hearts that that was going to be successful?"

Leah: [laughs] Yeah. It's like—because that's how I felt. I know what you're doing, and you should know that I know what you're doing.

Nick: Yeah. And it will not be successful.

Leah: It will not be successful.

Nick: You have no power over me.

Leah: Yes. You have no power over me.

Nick: Yeah, it's very Labyrinth.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. Oh, I like that. Oh, no, that's very good. Yeah, because I think it just calls it out. And sometimes that is a perfectly fine thing to do.

Leah: And that way you've not said anything confrontational. You just sort of put it back to them. "Hey, did you think that was going to work? I gotta go."

Nick: Or maybe not even phrase it as a question, which is just like, "Oh, unfortunately that technique doesn't work on me. Have a great day."

: Oh, I like that too!

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: "That doesn't work for me. That doesn't go with my vibe. Thanks."

Nick: Yeah, because often I don't like actually asking questions and engaging further. I just like to have a declarative statement and then I'm leaving.

Leah: I think I sometimes ask a question in a declarative statement kind of a way.

Nick: There are certainly rhetorical questions. Absolutely, yes. But I like the idea of just calling it out, which is like, "Oh, I understand what you're doing, and I just want to highlight the fact that that's not gonna work for me."

Leah: I do like to point out, like, "I get this is a tactic and I don't agree with it."

Nick: Yes. I have a philosophical disagreement with your rudeness.

Leah: [laughs] Yes.

Nick: Yes. So thank you for sending this in. And do you have a bonkers story for us or anything else? Let us know! You can let us know through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message, (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!