Passing Along Discounts, Letting Toilets Mellow, Avoiding Wearing Black Tie, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many good questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "What do you do if you're picking up something for someone at a store and that person gives you the correct amount of money, but you receive a discount that is only applicable to you, such as a veteran's discount, student or senior discount? Do you keep the extra money, or do you pass it on to the person for whom you are shopping? And does it matter how much the discount total is? This happened when I picked something up for my sister. I kept the money because we're sisters and I know she would do the same."

Leah: I feel like this is one of those things where it's like, I have no idea what it's like to have a sibling.

Nick: Oh, you think this is a sibling thing?

Leah: I do, because I would never keep money for, like, a friend. You know what I mean? If I got the—I would give them the money back. And I wouldn't do it with my parents. I would give them the money back. But I do think that siblings have a different relationship.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. I mean, is a sibling relationship different? I mean, I would like to think that we just don't keep money no matter who it is. Because also, it's not that we're keeping money, it's that we're probably not telling the person that we got a discount, right?

Leah: Oh, yeah. They're definitely not saying that we got a discount.

Nick: That's really the piece.

Leah: It'd be very funny to say "I got a discount because of my blank, but I'm gonna keep that money."

Nick: Right? You would never do that. So then you're just like, oh, I just don't wanna mention it. And then that—is that deceit? It's certainly an omission.

Leah: This person might do that, though. They might be like, "Hey, I got this discount because I'm a blank, and so I'm keeping that money. That was my discount."

Nick: Oh, that would be so bold.

Leah: I mean, that's what I imagine sibling relationships are like.

Nick: I mean yeah, I guess if this was the relationship and our letter-writer, it does sound like, "Oh, this is my relationship with my sister. This would be what she would do. And so obviously turnabout is fair play."

Leah: But I cannot imagine personally doing that. I would always give the money back and be like, "Hey, I got a discount."

Nick: Yeah. Because otherwise it feels a little underhanded. I mean, it feels like if we were sharing a hotel room, Leah, and I had some status with the hotel, and we got free breakfast as part of the deal, but I was like, "Oh, I'm just gonna charge you for breakfast because the hotel is covering breakfast for us, but you don't know that, and so I'm just gonna charge you for breakfast."

Leah: Did you see that my face—I visibly—my feelings were hurt.

Nick: [laughs] You should be honored that we're sharing a hotel room in this story.

Leah: No, it started out great. And then ...

Nick: Wouldn't that be fun? Pillow fight. Mud masks.

Leah: [laughs] You should be honored.

Nick: Yeah. No, you should be honored by this hypothetical situation.

Leah: It started out great.

Nick: Yeah. Okay.

Leah: And then it hurt my feelings at the end.

Nick: But for this letter-writer, I think we want to disclose. I think keeping money, it feels underhanded, and if you wouldn't tell them you're keeping it, then obviously that's your answer, that you know, like, oh, our relationship is not that I just keep money without telling you.

Leah: Also, isn't it kind of fun to give money back? It's sort of like, hail, hail the conquering hero. You know? You're like, "I got you a discount!"

Nick: Yeah, that also would be fun. Like, oh, my goodness, what a bonus. And I guess if this person was like, "Oh, then keep the change. Like, you keep the difference. Like, I don't need any money back," then that's a win. And then everybody's in the clear.

Leah: And then maybe they'll say, "Let's take this money and go get ice cream together."

Nick: Because also on the flip side, if the dollar amount of the thing turned out to be more, like, "Oh, you actually didn't give me enough money," then obviously you'd want to be reimbursed as well, right? Although, I guess depending on what the dollar amount was. If it was a couple bucks, you know, you might just cover it.

Leah: On that reverse. If it was like, 50 cents more, I'd probably just cover it.

Nick: Right. And I wouldn't say anything. Be like, yeah.

Leah: Although, I mean, if it was a sibling, this is how I imagine sibling relationships are. I'd be like, "Just so you know, it was $15.50, but I can cover it."

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Yeah. All right. So I think that's a good etiquette lesson, is that etiquette is contextual, and it does depend on your relationship with somebody. So depending on what the relationship is, I think that could be your etiquette answer.

Leah: And seemingly, this is your relationship with your sister.

Nick: Right. So then I guess everybody's in the clear here. So our next question is quote, "My dad asked me to throw a surprise party for my mom on his behalf. He's not up to managing it himself due to poor health. I sent the invitations for him and have been managing the RSVPs, and he decided a week before the event to cancel it. So now I have to notify all the would-be guests. My first question is this: if somebody did not RSVP by the date requested, can I assume no response is a no and not inform them that the party is canceled? Or do I have an obligation to inform everyone who received an invitation? The reason that the party's being canceled is that my mom has an operation scheduled for a few days after the date the event would have taken place, and she's just not feeling well enough for it. We know because we decided it was better to spoil the surprise and ask her if she wanted a party, given her health, and she said no. I don't want to tell everyone that the operation is the reason in case she wishes to keep information about her health private. My second question is: do you have suggestions for a polite way to word the cancellation notice?"

Leah: Sending good vibes for a great, easy, quick recovery operation. Want to say that up top.

Nick: For sure.

Leah: Most importantly. And then can we ask our mom? Be like, "Hey, I'm gonna, you know, send out cancellations. What do you want me to say?"

Nick: Well, before we get there, the first question is: do we have to let people know who never RSVPed?

Leah: If there's an easy way to do a 'reply all,' like, to all the people that the RSVPs went out to, then I don't see why we wouldn't.

Nick: Well ...

Leah: I mean, I see why we don't have to, but it could save us time later for when those people message you the day before and say, "Oh, I'm coming." And you'd be like, "Oh, it's been canceled." Because they inevitably will.

Nick: Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about this, and I've been thinking like, oh, who am I today? Who am I in terms of etiquette? Because not responding to an invitation is so rude. It is so rude! Your obligation as a guest is to respond promptly, yes or no, and just to do it. To leave your host hanging is so rude. And the only people who do it are the people who have never hosted anything in their lives. And anybody who's ever thrown a wedding, thrown a party, like, anybody listening can totally relate to this. How annoying to chase down RSVPs. And so part of me feels like, oh, there is something a little poetic about not telling people who never bothered to RSVP and having them just show up to a party that's not happening. I kind of like the idea of them, like, showing up to some restaurant and there's no party happening, and they're like, "Oh, where's the party?" And you could be like, "Oh, it got canceled. We never heard from you, so we assumed you were a no." Like, there is something poetic, and there is some justice in that, right?

Leah: I absolutely agree with that a hundred percent across the board. No buts.

Nick: [laughs] However ...

Leah: And also ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I think that A) the party could be at these people's house.

Nick: Well, then that's what I was thinking. Like, oh, we're gonna have people showing up at mom's house. Because I don't want that.

Leah: You're gonna have people showing up at the door. And I think you're saving—I don't think you have to for exactly the reason Nick said, these people didn't RSVP. It's none of their business. But it may save you energy in the long run.

Nick: I mean, I think the etiquette rule, I guess, if you really wanted to be, like, correct about it, would be everybody who was invited should be informed that the event is not happening. That would be proper. Like, it would be nice, even if you haven't heard from them yet. Like, that would be a courtesy, even though it would be so much more satisfying to have them show up somewhere.

Leah: Heavy is the head that takes the high road.

Nick: Right? I know the high road. It's not satisfying. I know. So you should do the right thing.

Leah: But also, we understand if you don't. But it will be easier on you, because inevitably, at least one of these people, and I'm gonna say more than one, is either gonna show up or email you two days before. "What do you want me to bring?" You know? And then you just have to send all that information again.

Nick: Right. Yeah. No, so you just let everybody know. In terms of what to say. I think we just say, like, "Hey, unfortunately, the surprise party on such and such date has been canceled. We'll let you know when it's been rescheduled. Sorry for the late notice." If it's late notice.

Leah: That sounds good.

Nick: And then that's kind of it. Yeah, I don't think we need to give explanations. Nosy people may write back, in which case then you can sort of handle each individual inquiry. It would be sort of rude to inquire because, like, I feel like if you are close enough to your family, like, they probably know what's happening.

Leah: Yeah, they know.

Nick: Like, they probably are aware. And then if they're not close enough, well, then it's none of their business.

Leah: I agree with Nick.

Nick: Yeah. So. But yeah, it's just please respond to invitations promptly. I mean, it's not hard. It's really—it's so easy. And it's the only thing you have to do as a guest. You just have to respond.

Leah: And I think—we've discussed this before, but I'm just gonna throw it out again. Say you don't know because you have work that day, or you have this other thing, you email them and say, "Hey, I'm interested in coming. Thank you for inviting me. I'm waiting on this information about this work thing. When can I tell you by?"

Nick: Right. And then the host could be like, "Oh, I just need to know by such and such a date," or, "Oh, I'm actually putting it together now, so best if we don't count you in this time. But I look forward to seeing you next time."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Or whatever it is.

Leah: Whatever it is. Just keep people notified.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "It's a bathroom question! If one is at a friend's place and uses the bathroom and can tell that they have an obvious 'if it's yellow, let it mellow policy,' is it rude to go ahead and flush the toilet, even if it's just for yellow output? I sometimes flush automatically. Just flush when I'm done without thinking about it. Other times, I worry about the buildup of toilet paper clogging the plumbing. And so I flush then, too. Am I being rude? Should I apologize when I flush? Or is proper etiquette to ask for permission? Or is it better to just go on like nothing happened and not say anything?"

Leah: What a question.

Nick: So I have some initial thoughts.

Leah: I have some initial thoughts as well. Would you like to go?

Nick: Sure. I mean, my initial thought is "You can tell that they have an obvious policy." And I'm like, you can tell? What does that mean?

Leah: It probably means there's piles of toilet paper in the toilet.

Nick: I mean, that's what that means?

Leah: Or there's a sign.

Nick: Well, okay. No, that there's an actual policy. That's a written policy. This is just like, "Oh, we just have a hunch."

Leah: Or when you walk to the bathroom, they, like, made some kind of vague "If it's brown, flush it down" comment.

Nick: Okay. But I mean, just the idea, like, "Oh, I could just tell that they have this policy. These are just those types of people. It's not been said to me. There's not a sign. But yeah, I could just tell." Okay, I guess we'd have to take that at face value.

Leah: I'm gonna assume that they were somehow told, or there was a sign or there was, like, physical—physical things they could see that made them think so.

Nick: So, okay. Yes. I mean, I think there's lots of reasons why people may have this policy: plumbing, water conservation. I think the general etiquette idea is that, like, we wanna respect the rules of the house. So if your hosts sort of tell you these are the rules of the household, I think we want to do our best to follow them.

Leah: I would say 99 percent—and I know I'm gonna get some messages about this.

Nick: Uh oh!

Leah: I will just accept it because this is my honest opinion.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I'm not gonna pretend to be somebody else.

Nick: No.

Leah: To say what the right thing is. And the right thing is to respect the rules of the house.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I'm flushing my pee.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And if there's 30 layers of pee when I get in there, I'm flushing that pee before I pee.

Nick: Okay. [laughs] Okay. Yeah. No, I mean, I see how we get there.

Leah: And I'm not gonna apologize for it, because then we have to have a conversation in public about it. I'm just not gonna bring it up. And I would say every other situation in my life, I'm happy to follow the rules of the house. Unless it's like, "When you come in, you have to murder somebody." Too far. You know what I mean? But rational things. And otherwise, I would just talk to somebody about it. Not in this case. I don't want to have a conversation about why I feel that way about pee. I'm just gonna flush it. Unless I know that they're out of water. Maybe there's no water.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Like, the water's been shut off. You know, if there's, like, a logical reason, I come in and they're like, "Hey, the water in the building's been shut off." I get it. Okay.

Nick: Yeah. No, I think all that—all that is sort of reasonable. I mean, I think the idea of having a conversation about it, I don't want that.

Leah: I don't want it.

Nick: Like, we're just—we're not having conversation about it. And I don't think we're asking for permission first. I don't think we want to apologize after the fact. I think we do want to just pretend that nothing has ever happened.

Leah: Yes. This is really—and this is really off the road for me for everything else, but I'm not bringing it up.

Nick: And then I think as a host, if you hear sort of an inordinate amount of flushing and this bothers you, then I guess we just make note of that guest, and we're like, "Oh, this guest just is over flusher. And I guess we just don't want them in our house in the future." I guess that's how it would handle this, right?

Leah: I guess we could ...

Nick: Like, or am I having a polite-yet-direct conversation with you about your flushing?

Leah: I mean, you're gonna get my honest answer.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I will—how's this? I can't believe I'm telling our listeners this. If I walk in there and there's just piles of toilet paper and lemonade, I'm gonna flush it. I will flush once, and then I will leave. We've started fresh, and then I will not flush a second time.

Nick: Okay. Okay. [laughs] This question is so bonkers!

Leah: [laughs] You know what I mean? But I'm not gonna—I don't wanna have, like, a paper where now it's gonna block the toilet. And I'm ...

Nick: I think keeping the plumbing working and in working order for everyone in the house, that's important. So I definitely don't want to be clogging the toilet. I don't want my actions to make things worse. So I feel like there is a world in which you need to make sure the plumbing is working and is working for everybody.

Leah: And if they were like, "Why'd you flush?" I'd be like, "I went in there, there was a pile of toilet paper. I flushed it."

Nick: Right.

Leah: So I'm fine with the one flush in the beginning, and then I'll leave my pee for the next person to decide.

Nick: You just want a clean canvas.

Leah: I want a clean canvas. I don't want to get involved with what happened before.

Nick: Okay. So yeah, did we kind of cover this?

Leah: I feel like we covered it. And I mean, obviously, this is Nick and I saying, "Don't talk about it. Don't follow the rules of your host." But I mean ...

Nick: Yeah. I mean, is that what we're telling people? It makes me uncomfortable to, like, go so far away from classical etiquette advice.

Leah: Well, that's why I apologize up top. But I'm being honest. I'm flushing.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I will just do one flush, though. That, for me, is my middle ground, and it's gonna be the first flush. And then ...

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I would like to stand by the idea of let's try to follow the rules of the house as best we can to the best of our abilities.

Leah: And that is the best of my ability in that situation.

Nick: Yeah. And so your best may not be good enough for a host, but as long as you've done your best, then I guess that's all we can hope for in etiquette world, right? But I think we want to make an effort. If that's the rules of the house, let's make a real good effort to try and follow those rules, and up to the point when you just can't anymore.

Leah: How about you look your host directly in the eye and you say, "Oh, hey. I noticed you have a 'If it's yellow, let it mellow policy' here. Do you mind if I go outside and pee in the woods? Because I cannot pee on other people's pee." Is that direct?

Nick: That is direct. It's not impolite.

Leah: And you're then following the rules of the house. And you say it like you're more than happy to do it, not in, like, a threatening way. "I would love to pee in the woods. May I just be set free, please?"

Nick: Okay. I mean, yeah, if they have woods available.

Leah: "Or your front yard. I mean, you set up these rules. Look at what you've pushed me to."

Nick: [laughs] Leah has hit her breaking point.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Okay. But that's—okay. Yeah, I don't know if I have anything else to add here.

Leah: This is—this feels like a totally different kind of question than we normally get.

Nick: It's a little bit of a curveball. Yeah.

Leah: So, no, I'm very excited the person wrote in because it's something they've been thinking about.

Nick: Oh, for sure. And I think other people may have this question, and I'll be very curious to see if we get an overwhelming amount of feedback from listeners, pro or con, on this topic.

Leah: And I'm accepting that what I said may be very divisive, and some people may be angry about it. I have my personal reasons, which I'm not going to say out loud, but if you want to message me, I will tell you why I am morally against peeing on pee.

Nick: Oh. Oh, there's a whole other layer that we haven't gone to. Oh, the backstory.

Leah: Yeah. Because it may be too far.

Nick: Oh, I see. Thank you for your restraint.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I will say one of the joys of the TOTO NX1 toilet is the power of the flush. And on some level, to deprive me of that joy of hitting the electronic button panel, you know, you are kind of sucking the fun out of it. And so I guess the question is: is that courteous to your guests?

Leah: Is it courteous to your guests to deprive them of joy?

Nick: Right? I mean, it is to push the little button. Oh, it is fun!

Leah: Also, have you ever walked into a bathroom that wasn't flushed?

Nick: Yeah. No. I've been to households where this is the policy and okay, I can be along for the ride.

Leah: I definitely know this is very Maine. A lot of people—you know, and it's water conservation, which I appreciate. And I'm happy to take one less shower a week to make up for it.

Nick: Okay. Maybe that's the trade-off. Yes.

Leah: In fact, I'm happy to take two less showers a week. I will make it up somewhere else.

Nick: Okay. It's sort of like, carbon offset.

Leah: [laughs] Yes.

Nick: Okay. So our next question is quote, "I'm a plus one to a wedding where the attire is listed as 'black tie requested.' I don't own a tux, and I wanted to know if wearing a suit is considered as meeting the dress code, or whether I'll be required to rent a tuxedo. I'm not very close to the couple, and it's already a destination wedding, so I'd like to keep costs down."

Leah: Nick?

Nick: I mean, I'll weigh in, but Leah, surely you have some thoughts here.

Leah: Of course I have thoughts, but I also, following the last question, I feel like, am I ...

Nick: You can't be trusted.

Leah: Am I gonna do two back to back where I'm like, "Don't follow the rules?" I mean, you know?

Nick: Well, okay. The attire is listed as 'black tie requested.' Now I think that is different than black tie, because if it's black tie, it's gonna say black tie. So 'black tie requested' to me says, "We really want you to wear a black tie. That is our preference." But I think you can get away with the dark suit. I think you could. It would be nice. And everybody else is probably gonna be in a tux.

Leah: They're not. They're not gonna be in a tux, and you're gonna go, "I wish I'd gone with my gut."

Nick: You think everybody else is not gonna be in a tux for this?

Leah: I think a lot of people are gonna be saying the same thing. "This is already a destination. I have a really nice black suit with, like, a super nice black tie that's, like, very fancy and chic with beautiful shoes. It's close enough."

Nick: Maybe. Although the fact that this is a destination wedding is not license to do something different. Just because something's a destination wedding doesn't mean you're allowed to, like, cut corners elsewhere. Like, you've committed. You've said yes to the destination. You know the cost. That's the deal. So you can't be like, "Oh, I'm gonna show up in PJs because I flew in for this." No.

Leah: Can we ask the person who's the invite? Because we're really the plus one. We didn't really agree. We are—we agreed to be a date.

Nick: We're a plus one. Oh, yes. That actually is the most material detail. It doesn't matter what you think or what the invitation says. You need to ask the guest, "Should I wear a tux or not? Because I am sort of representing you at this event, and so I need to do what you request." Yeah. Actually, I think that's the most important question.

Leah: I would ask them if it's okay with them if you wear a black suit.

Nick: Yeah. And if they're like, "Oh, no, I'm gonna be quite formal," or, like, "Oh, I know these people getting married. Like, everybody's gonna be in a tux." Like, you gotta be in a tux. That's your answer.

Leah: Yeah, I agree.

Nick: And I think if the person inviting you doesn't know, then they should ask the hosts, like, "Hey, I saw that it was black tie requested. Is that, like, meaning, like, oh, actually it's black tie? Or is that actually like black tie optional?" Because the word 'requested,' what do we do with this word? Like, I've requested many things in my life that I haven't gotten.

Leah: Well, it sounds like, "If you can." That's what it sounds like to me. That's why I feel like there's a lot of gray area.

Nick: Right. Yeah. I mean, I don't think there's a lot of gray area, but there is some gray.

Leah: There's definitely enough gray area for you to slip a black suit in there.

Nick: But I think that black suit definitely has to have tuxedo accessories. So I think we want to try and, like, have a bowtie with that, maybe. Or, like, tuxedo-esque shoes, a little velvet slipper, little patent leather.

Leah: I think a nice shoe really, really ups the whole game.

Nick: It does take it from desk to dinner. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, I feel like if they wanted a black tie, they would just say, "This is black tie."

Leah: I agree with that.

Nick: Right?

Leah: That's why I think a lot of people are gonna show up not black tie.

Nick: Well, I think it depends on who these people are. So, like, if I was having an event and my invitation said "Black tie requested," and you knew me, you'd be like, "Oh, that just means black tie." I mean, I would never leave that ambiguity to my guests.

Leah: That's what I'm saying. You wouldn't do that.

Nick: But if you knew me and you were like, "Oh, do we think Nick really wants people in tuxes or not? Is this really kind of flexible?" Like, you might be like, "Oh, no. Nick probably wants everybody in tuxes."

Leah: I would ask our date what does that mean? What kind of people are these? What does requested mean? Because requested means if you can.

Nick: It means if you can, but it also means, like, we really want you to.

Leah: But then if we really want you to, it should say "Black tie."

Nick: Yeah, that is what that should say.

Leah: That should say black tie. They added the third word.

Nick: I think another clue is what time is this event? I assume this is evening, because are we animals? We're not wearing tuxes before 6:00 pm. But if it's a daytime event, then that could actually be a clue.

Leah: Just ask your date.

Nick: Ask your date first and defer to their judgment. And then whatever they say, that's what it needs to be.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "Raised By Wolves is growing in popularity. With more listeners, the chance increases that the Lisas and Chads in our questions will hear themselves called out publicly. When that happens, does the questioner's public vent turn into occasion for a repent when Lisa or Chad get angry at being publicly exposed?"

Leah: I recognize the urge to apologize, but you have done nothing wrong. They did something wrong. And it's not like you said, "This is Lisa and from this town. This is her last name, and this is where she lives."

Nick: [laughs] Okay, fair. Interesting that that's your first take on this. Interesting that that's your first take. Because it is true. I think we have a lot of listeners who turn their friends and families and co-workers onto our show, and then it's sort of like, "Oh, the people in my life who I spend a lot of time with who commit etiquette crimes now also listen to the show, and am I allowed to vent about them," to us, where we might actually say something on our show and that they'll hear? Yeah. And then the loop is completed.

Leah: But what a great opportunity to have a discussion about the thing that upset you.

Nick: Well, but shouldn't you just have a polite-yet-direct conversation with that person directly, rather than putting them on blast when we say it to a global audience?

Leah: Well, do you want to tell people that? Because then we would have no questions, Nick.

Nick: [laughs] Well, this is a dilemma. It's an etiquette dilemma. I think we do a very good job of anonymizing all of the questions we receive.

Leah: We really do.

Nick: Part of that is just to protect the innocent—or the not so innocent.

Leah: The not innocent.

Nick: And we definitely strip out some of the specifics just to make it feel just a little more universal and non-specific. So I think your question is probably safe. But if somebody does recognize themselves in the question somehow, yeah, then I guess the question is, if you can't do the time, should you do the crime?

Leah: I mean, you could literally just say that to them. Although, obviously, I'm being a person I want to be. You know I would immediately be like, "I'm so sorry!"

Nick: Well, that's why I was a little surprised by your answer.

Leah: But you could just look at them and say, "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime." Although I will say I have had friends come to me about vents and go, "That was me, wasn't it? That was me." And it has never been them.

Nick: Yeah, I've had this. I've definitely had this. And it's sort of like, "Yeah, that wasn't about you."

Leah: "That wasn't about you at all. And honestly, to a point where it's like, I don't even actually know how you could have thought that was about you."

Nick: Yeah. And I think you definitely have a lot of plausible deniability if somebody does think it's about them, because the questions that we get, these things are happening all over the place. People who are being rude in restaurants, people who are doing wild things at parties, people who are doing crazy things in the office, like, this hasn't only happened once in the world. Like, these things are happening all over the place.

Leah: So I think when Nick is giving you permission to tell a fib and look them directly in the eye and go—you could say, "I recognize you do that. But I did not write that in."

Nick: I mean, I guess there are circumstances, like, if you happen to be in an airport and you happen to have your foot up on your luggage and you're reading a book wearing sandals, and someone happened to come by and tickle your toes and say, "Coochie coo!" How often is that happening?

Leah: That's very specific.

Nick: But if you are listening to our show and you did that to somebody, I think you should know that that person wrote in. I feel like, actually you should know that that happened.

Leah: You should feel bad.

Nick: Yeah. Actually, I feel like that's a legit feeling for you.

Leah: Well, I think I told you this person that I complained about at Runyon, in the canyon, one of the dog-walking women.

Nick: Which time? Which vent about Runyon?

Leah: Exactly. Well, one of—this lady has been acting completely differently to me, and so I had this panic that she heard.

Nick: Ah!

Leah: Or somebody was like—who listens to the show was like, "Hey, somebody's, like, obviously talking about you." And then I had a panic about it, and then I thought, did I mean what I said? Yes!

Nick: Sure. Yes, absolutely.

Leah: I was honest. I'm not being disrespectful. I'm just saying exactly what they did.

Nick: Yeah, you were. And so okay.

Leah: We do pull out a lot of specific details.

Nick: And also, like, if you're worried about somebody hearing who you know listens to the show, well then ...

Leah: Don't send it in.

Nick: Use the tools in our show. Use the lessons of Were You Raised By Wolves, and solve it with that person directly.

Leah: We don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.

Nick: No. Yeah, at the end of the day, I don't want to do that.

Leah: I've definitely had a few things that I really wanted to bring up that I didn't because I know.

Nick: Oh, yeah. Oh, no. There are so many vents that I would love—I would love, love to—oh golly, so many. But these are about specific people in my life who absolutely listen. And if you're listening right now and you're a friend of mine, oh, you should be worried that there are things that I've not said to you. [laughs]

Leah: We've actually had questions that I was like, "Nick, this is too close to, like, a thing that's going on in my life. And they're gonna think that I wrote this in."

Nick: Oh, that's true.

Nick: Yeah. No, I'll get, like, some random email from somebody in Croatia, and Leah would be like, "Oh, this is very close to, like, something that happened to me. And if we have this question, that person's gonna think it's them." And it's sort of like, okay, I guess we'll skip it.

Leah: But so for our listeners, that's how many similar questions there are. There are questions that are ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: People are going through it. It's uncanny how similar they are.

Nick: Yeah, it's wild. And also, what's interesting is that it comes in threes. Like, we'll get the same exact scenario, like, the same week. Like, oh, everybody's having a problem with somebody putting somebody else's dog poop in my trash can.

Leah: I was gonna say we had a real, real uptick of dog poo.

Nick: Yeah. No, we probably got several dozen in, like, a four-day period from all over the world. And it's sort of like, did the weather change? What's happening out there?

Leah: The poo weather. [laughs]

Nick: Right? I mean, so—but it does happen like that where, like, oh, just like the same, you know, exact scenario is just happening all over the world. So yes, is it about you? Is it about a different Chad and Lisa? Who can say? We won't! But yes, if you're worried about it, then yeah, err on the side of caution. Like, don't hurt people's feelings, but please don't not send us questions because you're worried about it. Because then if you don't, then what will we have?

Leah: What will we have?

Nick: What will we have?

Leah: We will have nothing.

Nick: We're gonna shrivel up into nothingness.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: We'll have no meaning, no reason to live. No reason to get up.

Leah: No reason to être.

Nick: Yes. We'll have no être. Yeah.

Leah: Don't leave Nick and I without an être.

Nick: Yeah. Sans être? Uh, quelle damage!

Leah: Quelle damage!

Nick: [laughs] So I actually want to apologize for our French just now. I know that was not bon.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So thank you for that great question. Please keep sending in those questions. Speaking of sending us in things, we have recently launched a new feature, which is like, my new favorite thing called SaidToMyFace.com. And it's like, rude things that people have said to your face.

Leah: Or emailed to you or texted you.

Nick: And—and these are wild. Speaking of universal, so similar, eerily similar what people are saying to people out there.

Leah: I also want to say that our live show in DC, the most—we had really terrific audience members. Obviously, all of our Wolves listeners are terrific. And we had launched Said To My Face, and we said, "What could be the soundbite or, you know, I always make a noise after everything."

Nick: Oh, right. Yeah, what's our sound effect?

Leah: And one of the audience members, I believe her suggestion was, "No, you didn't!"

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Or "No, she didn't!" And then I took something really fun and lovely. "No, she didn't." And I turned it into "No, she didn't." Which I thought was ...

Nick: Yeah, that was Leah's interpretation of a very good audience suggestion.

Leah: That was a great audience suggestion. And I just made it really sad. "No, you didn't!" So that's what I think is gonna be me. "No, you didn't."

Nick: And so we've gotten so many fun ones, and so here's a couple that just came across the transom. Quote, "Do you feel badly that I've had two husbands and you've had none?"

Leah: That was said by someone's sister.

Nick: Uh-huh. [laughs]

Leah: Siblings! If that was my sibling, I would keep the change.

Nick: That is so rude. Yeah, that's so rude. Next, at a hospital, we have the circulating OR nurse who had a surgeon say to her quote, "Stop talking." As she was trying to confirm a specimen's description.

Leah: Ugh!

Nick: I mean, this feels—I mean, wow. Okay.

Leah: Just unbelievable! "Oh, sorry. I was trying to do my job and be helpful."

Nick: Yeah. "Sorry I'm trying to, like, save lives over here. Okay, I guess I won't give you information you need."

Leah: Unbelievable.

Nick: That's wild. Quote, "You're too smart to waste it just being a teacher." Which was said to this person right after she got accepted into her educational program.

Leah: I can't even.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I mean, no, we would like teachers that don't know things.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, okay. [laughs]

Leah: Teachers are like the most important people.

Nick: Yeah. No, it's totally unbelievable. Our last one here is quote, "'Yes, but you're not a normal woman,' which was implying that I was one of the guys and therefore not a fool like normal women."

Leah: I don't even know if I want to open up my can of mouthworms on this one. It's just I've had people say this to me. It's just ...

Nick: Leah, are you a normal woman?

Leah: Also, where is that one woman that represents all women? We're all the same. We are exactly—it's all the same. You can just put us all—as long as you make our razors pink, we are happy.

Nick: Yeah. You're not a normal woman, Leah. Not a normal woman. [laughs] And you would actually never—I mean, you would never say, like, "Well, you're not a normal man."

Leah: It's so rude.

Nick: That you would never say that.

Leah: You would never say that, right?

Nick: I mean, wow. So SaidToMyFace.com. Let us know what's the rudest thing that anybody has ever said to your face?

Leah: And this is a collective ...

Nick: Catharsis.

Leah: Catharsis. Getting it out, I think you'll note we get a lot in that are very similar. I think it will actually makes people feel better to realize it's not you, it's these wild people out there letting things out of their mouths.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, the idea of this is not to, like, just have all these rude things being said. It's that, like, oh, you'll realize, like, oh, it's just happening everywhere. It's so universal. It's not you. It is not you at all.

Leah: No, you didn't!

Nick: [laughs] No, you didn't! But actually, please do. Yeah, please actually do send them to us.

Leah: Yes, please.

Nick: Yes, please. And if you have other questions for us or a vent or repent, a bonkers story, an etiquette crime report—oh, we have so many things now—let us know! You can send it to us all through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!