Naming Dogs in France, Going to Open Houses, Reading Books in Bathrooms, and More

Nick: Do you give your dog the wrong name? Do you use the bathroom at open houses? Do you interrupt people at the gym? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Let's get in there.

Nick: So for today's amuse bouche, I want to take you to France. And I want to take your dogs to France.

Leah: [gasps] They would love to go!

Nick: And listeners, if you don't know for some reason, Leah has two dogs: Lacy Jane and Greta Mae.

Leah: That is correct. Lacy Jane and Greta Mae. Gorgeous girls.

Nick: And we're gonna pretend that these dogs are purebred. What are they? Do you know?

Leah: They are purebred perfection. They are purebred angels.

Nick: So I don't know, I've seen some videos of them. They're—I don't know if they're always angelic.

Leah: [laughs] Well, they're always a good time.

Nick: Well, that's true. So we're in France, and so Lacy Jane obviously was born in 2015, right?

Leah: No.

Nick: Okay. And Greta May, she was born in 2011?

Leah: No!

Nick: So you're like, "What is happening right now?"

Leah: What is happening?

Nick: [laughs] So in France, there is an official registry for dogs, and the year that they're born, that determines what letter their name starts with.

Leah: [gasps] Wild!

Nick: Right? Isn't that fun trivia? And so for nearly a hundred years, they have this system where each year there's just like a different letter of the alphabet. And now they skip K, Q, W, X, Y, Z, because it is too difficult to find French names that begin with those letters. So it's just a 20-year cycle. And so this year, all purebreds that get registered are gonna be an A name this year. So we're gonna get Amelie, Agnes, Antoine, Armand, Alain. You know, we're gonna get all of these dog names in France.

Leah: That is so wild!

Nick: Right? And it is technically only required for purebreds who want to be registered in the official registry, but a lot of French people do follow this tradition anyway. You do not have to, you can call your dog whatever you want in France. But if you wanted to follow this tradition, then it's a fun tradition.

Leah: Imagine if we did that for people?

Nick: Oh, can you imagine?

Leah: And then everybody's like, "Oh! 1986."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess then you would always know how old people were. Wow! So you couldn't lie about your age, unless you're just like, "Oh, no, no. My name is Liz, not Elizabeth." [laughs]

Leah: My name is Liz with a silent G.

Nick: Right. Right. Yeah. Oh yeah, I guess there's always a way to cheat the system.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Always a way. But in France, I think this is kind of a nice tradition. So if you're in France and have a dog or if you want to just be French about it, this is very fun.

Leah: I just imagine a dog with a little baguette.

Nick: That apparently is a popular dog name in France.

Leah: Baguette?

Nick: Yeah. Croissant. Baguette. Yeah. And Bijou. Bijou apparently comes up a lot. Yeah. I was looking at popular French dog's names today. So they all seem very charming.

Leah: It is very charming.

Nick: Yeah. No, it's a great, charming tradition. So there you go.

Leah: Merci!

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and into other people's homes.

Nick: [laughs] That's right. So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about open houses.

Leah: And I'm so glad we're doing this, because I often want to walk into an open house.

Nick: Mmm?

Leah: And I think—I feel anxious.

Nick: Okay. Well, let's talk about it. So for open houses, I'm talking about, like, real estate. Like, you are listing your house, and you want potential buyers to come see it to see if they want to buy it. That type of open house.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And yeah. I mean, it is fun to see how other people live, for sure. Yeah. I mean, in New York City, obviously, this is quite common, you know, just going to open houses on Sunday for sport. I imagine in Los Angeles, this is also the case.

Leah: I would imagine so as well.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I also see signs everywhere. And you think, "Are we—can we just walk in?"

Nick: Yeah. I mean, in so few words, yes. But I mean, there are some rules. There are some rules. At least there's etiquette rules. And so I think the first rule is do not waste people's time.

Leah: Mm-hmm.

Nick: This is a commercial transaction. These agents are trying to sell this apartment or this house, and we do not want to take up their time unnecessarily. So if you are a serious buyer and you're really interested in the house, well okay, obviously go see the house. I think what you're talking about, Leah, is, oh, I'm just intrigued. I'm not actually going to buy it. And for that, I think it is also fine to go see it. Like, it is fine, but just do it in a way that does not distract the agent.

Leah: Yeah, that's what I would worry that I would, like, take up people's time when they're trying to do their job.

Nick: Yeah, exactly. And I think when you walk in, I think it's okay to tell that agent, like, "Hey, just looking. Not serious today." And so that they know, like, okay, we're just gonna make sure that you don't steal anything, but I don't have to worry about, like, answering your questions or following up with you. Like, I can focus on more serious buyers. And that's fine.

Leah: I like, "Just looking, not serious today," so they know that maybe in the future I might be serious.

Nick: And it is true. I mean, brokers are happy for people to come through because yeah, you might be not looking today, but if you like me and you think we have a nice connection, you think you might wanna work with me in the future then, like, oh, you will remember this interaction favorably, and maybe I'll capture an email address and, you know, maybe I'll stay in touch with you and maybe at some point you are interested in doing a transaction and you'll remember the time we had. So it's not that, like, you're never allowed to go and they don't want you there, but I don't think they want you, like, distracting them if they're trying to talk to, like, a real serious person who might actually buy it today.

Leah: And I assume they don't want you making up a full story about how you're looking. And you—I mean, that seems horrific.

Nick: Yeah, definitely don't do that. No. I mean, you should be honest. And if you're like, "Oh, I'm just looking," and they're like, "Oh, we just don't have room. We're very crowded. We'd like to make space for only people that are serious," then I guess you would respect that. But rare is that the case.

Leah: I would go, "Well, you know, none of these people are gonna buy it, so ..."

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. "Have you seen the wallpaper?"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So I think that's the baseline. We just don't want to waste people's time. So open houses, they are always on a set schedule. It's always gonna be between this time and this time, and so do not arrive early, and do not arrive five minutes to the end expecting a full tour. It really is between 1:00 and 3:00. And that agent probably has somewhere to be, but might not have anywhere to be, but has just been at an open house being charming for two hours, and they're exhausted and they would like to leave. And so just respect the hours of the open house.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And so you've arrived, and I think one thing agents I think are very bothered with is when you walk in and you do not acknowledge their presence. Like, say hello. Like, "Oh, you are a human being. Hello." Like, just that's all you gotta do. They may ask you to sign in, which you should do if requested. And you can just sign in with your name. You don't have to give them your personal information if you don't want. If you're working with an agent yourself, you can leave their information so that both brokers can get in touch with each other. But it's polite to sign in because this agent also has to report back to the seller, which is like, "I'm doing my job. I got X number of people showing up with my marketing efforts, and so here's the list of the people that came." And so it is a courtesy even if you don't leave any contact information. And on the flip side, if you do not want to be harassed and added to their mailing lists, you may not want to leave your email address because you will get added to their newsletter list. So that's something that happens. And then it's okay to open things. Like, it's okay to, like, open cabinets and closets to check out closet space, but we are not touching personal effects. We're not taking a book off of a bookshelf. We are not—like, we're not touching stuff.

Leah: Oh, I would never.

Nick: And even before sitting down, like, even before, like, sitting down on the couch, ask for permission from the agent. Like, "Oh, would it be okay if I sat down to take in the space?" Just ask. It's a little—I think it's a little provocative just to like, oh, I'm just gonna sit down on the couch right now as a total stranger in this house.

Leah: Yes. That feels provocative.

Nick: Right? And the agent will say, like, "Oh, it's fine." But, like, I think it's just—it's a nice courtesy to ask.

Leah: And Nick, I think we all want to know, what about the bathroom?

Nick: [laughs] I think if you can avoid using a bathroom in an open house, you really gotta avoid using it.

Leah: I mean, that definitely seems very provocative.

Nick: It's just like, you put the agent in a real tight spot because, like, what are they supposed to say, "No, please don't use the bathroom?" But if you don't have to, just don't.

Leah: Just go in the backyard.

Nick: Oh, okay. Oh, just bring down the property value that way. [laughs] Okay. But yeah, I mean, I'd be curious. I'm sure we have a lot of real estate professionals in our audience. I'd be curious how everybody feels about when open house people use the bathroom at the open house. I don't love that. I don't love that idea.

Leah: I don't love it. Obviously some people are in an emergency situation.

Nick: Sure. In which case, obviously health and safety always trumps etiquette. So have at it. But ...

Leah: But don't save it for the open house.

Nick: [laughs] Oh, the way you just phrased that. Wow! Oh, gosh. Oh, that's imagery I'm not gonna get rid of anytime soon. Okay. So okay, so yeah, bathroom. I just—I—also, the agent's responsibility is also to protect the property, and there can potentially be things that are, you know, stealable in the bathroom. Obviously any seller is told, like, "Oh, please remove any jewelry or prescription medicine or, you know, things from the bathroom and the medicine cabinet before the open house." Like, they're told that. But there's just opportunities for things to go awry. And now the door is closed and the agent's sort of like, "What's happening in there?" It just—it would just be easier for everybody if you didn't have to.

Leah: Yes. Are there snacks?

Nick: Sometimes there's snacks. I mean, I think it's kind of a cliché, but I think agents do do it, which is, like, bake cookies to have that warm, homey smell.

Leah: Yes. Ah, dream!

Nick: I've seen that happen once in New York City when I was sort of on the open house circuit myself. Like, there was one broker that, like, did cookies. And in New York City, it felt so wrong.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Because it felt actually, like, manipulative, and it just felt like, oh, this is like some weird trick you're pulling. And, like, what smell are you trying to cover up? That's really what I think everybody was thinking because they're like, clearly there's a smell in this apartment and you're trying to cover it up with vanilla. So I think it does happen, though. I mean, if you want to eat strangers' food at an open house, I guess eat it at your own risk. I wouldn't.

Leah: Oh, Nick. You know I do.

Nick: Yeah. No. Yeah, Leah's happy to roll the dice on that. But you eat airport sushi, so I mean, what standards do we have?

Leah: I've recently had it again too. I think I texted you.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. No, I think it's great, you know, if you want to roll the dice with food poisoning and then get on an airplane. What a way to live.

Leah: Keeps it exciting.

Nick: And then lastly, I think if you have questions, great. You can ask, like, I think, clarifying questions, or sort of important questions in the moment, but I think for anything more in depth or we're actually negotiating, do not take up the agent's time at the open house unless you're the only person there and they have nothing else to do. That's something to save until, like, the next day or later that evening. That's not an open house conversation, usually. You can do it but, you know, usually there's other people there and, you know, you don't want to suck up too much of that agent's time. And so, you know, it's often better to save longer conversations for another time.

Leah: Mm. Very good to know.

Nick: Yeah. And I think finally, all the good properties, those are by appointment only, so you're not gonna get to see those.

Leah: [laughs] Okay!

Nick: And interestingly, you know, I've been to a lot of open houses my day, because in New York City, it's a fun weekend activity. What I think is most surprising is you go into an apartment in New York City, and the people knew you were coming, they knew this open house was on the calendar. And when you walk in, like, how clean it is or how organized it is, they knew you were coming, and they're like, "This is fine." And so then it's sort of like, how do you live? What's happening when people aren't expected? What is your life? So that's always the most fascinating.

Leah: It is fun to see how people live.

Nick: Yeah. And it's also fun in my building, a lot of the apartments in the line are the same layout, and it is fun to see, like, your exact apartment, but just decorated in a totally different way. It's like, "Oh, I never thought about putting the couch there" kind of thing. So no, open houses are totally great. Yeah. As long as you're not disrespectful of everybody's time and property, then have at it.

Leah: What a lovely weekend activity.

Nick: Yeah. And who knows? Maybe you'll buy a house.

Leah: Maybe you will. Maybe you'll be like, "This is where I'm gonna be." And then you go home and you put it on your dream board, and then it happens.

Nick: Manifest!

Leah: I knew I would get you eventually onto the manifesting team.

Nick: I mean, I'm not doing that, but I support your choices.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "I'm afraid the question is lavatorial in nature, but it is something I am struggling with. In my opinion, the lavatory is to be used to relieve oneself in a timely manner, then ensuring the lavatory bowl, seat and surrounding areas are clean, washing your hands and leaving the room. However, other people seem to want to take their time. I've been informed by my guests—mostly male—that reading material should be provided for those moments when they may need to sit a while. So my question is this: should one provide reading material in one's own lavatory? And if so, what should one provide? A copy of the bestselling periodicals? A crossword puzzle book and pen? A freshly ironed copy of the Times? Or War and Peace for those who really wish to take their time. Shall I be nice like Nick and give them what they want, or be more like Bonnema and say 'No way, that's disgusting?'"

Leah: Two things off the—three things, actually.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: First off, this opening sentence, "I'm afraid the question is lavatorial in nature?"

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Yes. Delighted.

Nick: So great.

Leah: What a thrill.

Nick: Love things that are lavatorial in nature.

Leah: Freshly ironed copy of the Times? What a visual.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And three, I don't know how we got here, but I'm so excited that now it's nice like Nick.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, I—that's highlighted on my sheet. I flagged that.

Leah: Or be more like Bonnema and say, "No way, that's disgusting."

Nick: Yeah. Very interesting that our letter writer thinks that that's how we would come down on this.

Leah: I just love the idea I'm gonna be nice like Nick.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I don't know if that's ever been said.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that's—all right, this is a new thing. Okay. I mean, I'll go with it. Sure.

Leah: I'm delighted by it.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess think it and maybe soon you will be. So okay Leah, what do you think? Is this disgusting? Is this a "No way" for you?

Leah: Oh, not at all. I love a bathroom read. And what I suggest—my suggestions are a daily affirmations book.

Nick: Oh?

Leah: So fun. Like a positive—like a fun one.

Nick: Are there daily affirmations books that are, like, not positive and not fun?

Leah: No, but I mean like a fun silly or just like a positive thought for the day. But not like a—you don't need to dredge your soul, you know?

Nick: Okay. It's just like, "You're good enough!"

Leah: Yes. [laughs]

Nick: "Hang in there." Okay.

Leah: I wouldn't say "good." I would say you're—I want one that says, "You're more than enough."

Nick: Oh, okay. Yeah, that's why I guess I'm not writing affirmation books. Among other reasons.

Leah: A short stories book.

Nick: Okay. Short stories? Okay.

Leah: That's fun. And then I always like a book of poetry.

Nick: Book of poetry. Okay.

Leah: Just a quickie.

Nick: Okay. Yeah. I mean, for me, Nice Like Nick? Yeah, Nice Like Nick is not, like, let's leave reading material. Well, first of all, I do not like the idea of a pen involved here. For whatever reason. I don't like touching a pen that's in the bathroom.

Leah: I definitely don't like the pen either.

Nick: Yeah. So we're not doing crossword. We're not doing Sudoku. We're not doing, like, find the word puzzles. No. So I think I'm gonna draw a line there. We do want our guests to be comfortable. I mean, that would be the etiquette rule involved here. Like, we want our guests to be comfortable. I don't know if reading material is required for that. I mean, because everybody has their phone. I mean, do you not have your phone? You have your phone.

Leah: That was my first thought. But I do think maybe we're like a classic house where we have, you know, books.

Nick: Books. Oh, I see. Oh, we're classy with books. Okay.

Leah: We're classy with books in our bathroom.

Nick: I mean, so if we do want to do it—and I guess, I mean, is it wrong to do it? I guess it's not wrong. It's not incorrect. I was feeling like magazines are better than books because it feels like magazines, like, I know at least this magazine is only this months old, and so the number of people that have interacted with it in this space is maybe more limited than Tolstoy.

Leah: I mean, that's a nice idea.

Nick: Right? But then I was thinking, like, okay, maybe just lean in real hard. And so then I was thinking, like, oh, what if it was like, a picture book about volcanoes or waterfalls? Or it's just a chili cookbook? Like, what if you just lean in real hard to the reading material?

Leah: I love that. It's a theme.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, maybe make it thematic, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, so I guess that's how I come down on this.

Leah: I think if you don't want reading material in your bathroom ...

Nick: That's fine.

Leah: That's fine. They do have their phones.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: But I always am like, "Oh, look! e.e. cummings."

Nick: Oh, is that what you think?

Leah: Yes, I'm delighted!

Nick: Yeah. I guess I don't want people to linger.

Leah: Is that a little Emily Dickinson? I could do a quick Dickinson.

Nick: Is that Tang Dynasty poetry? Is that Li Bai?

Leah: I mean, why not?

Nick: I mean, why not? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I guess it also depends on how many bathrooms we have, And is this an overnight guest or is this like—like, what type of guest room is this? Because I feel like if this is a guest bathroom off of a guest bedroom and it's really only for the person that's staying in that bedroom, then somehow reading material feels more, like, luxurious and spa-like. But if this is like the powder room down the hall and my dinner party guest is gonna be using it, then it's sort of like, no, let's get it done and, like, come back to the party.

Leah: Mmm.

Nick: Right? So I feel maybe there's some nuance there. Like, where is this bathroom and who is using it?

Leah: And what if you only have one bathroom?

Nick: Yeah. Then I feel like we have to make it really unpleasant to spend a lot of time in there.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So bright lighting, pigeon spikes.

Leah: Yeah, I was gonna say maybe like a weird screeching soundtrack.

Nick: Sure. Yeah. Not whale sounds, just peacocks screeching.

Leah: Walk in, but it's sort of far away and people are like, "What is—is that—what is that noise?"

Nick: Yeah. I mean, if you have only one bathroom and everybody has to use it? Yeah, we do not want to encourage people to stay there longer than necessary.

Leah: So I recently had to have a colonoscopy.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Talk about needing reading material in the bathroom. And ...

Nick: Okay, you found a loophole.

Leah: And I was not looking forward to it. And I came home and Dustin set the bathroom up with spa music.

Nick: Oh, nice!

Leah: And, like, nice lighting. And you're like, "Oh, I could stay in here forever."

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Definitely gives that vibe.

Nick: And did you have reading material?

Leah: Yeah, I had reading material. I had an iPad, I had spa music. I had, like, a different light in there. He set it all up. It was lovely.

Nick: Wow! Okay, so it's sort of romantic, but in a non-romantic way.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, okay. So I feel like if you are gonna have a colonoscopy, then yeah, reading material. Okay, yeah. I gotcha.

Leah: But I was also saying, like, if you do make it welcoming, people are like, "Oh, I could just—I could literally just stay all day."

Nick: Yeah. And I guess that's the question as a host, is that what you want for your guests in this room? Maybe it is. Yeah. In which case, then have at it.

Leah: Have at it.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "I'm writing in for my dad, who has a conundrum at the gym. His workout time is very limited, and he goes to a generic Globo gym in the early morning. He's very much a let-me-focus-and-get-in-and-get-out kind of guy. It's one of the few times during his week where he isn't required to interact with other humans. The problem is that a casual friend of his—let's call him Chad—also often works out at the same time and is a retired social butterfly. He will often come and stand next to him mid workout and expect a full conversation, even if my dad is running full out on a treadmill. My dad has tried waving him off, dropping hints, offering to go out to lunch, and even fully explaining, but nothing seems to keep him from interrupting his workout. Chad is very nice and they are friends, but it is becoming quite the problem. If you have any suggestions for how to handle this, we'd appreciate it."

Leah: I was wondering if dad could talk to Chad outside of the gym. Like, a serious sort of like, "Hey, I always love seeing you. The gym is my me time, my start the day time. I don't like to talk to anybody."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: "Maybe you could come over for dinner." Set a date way in the future. And then just you've said it. It's been a serious conversation. And then moving forward we say, "I'm not talking!" You know, when they come up.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Remember the conversation we had?

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I guess—because it sounds like the dad of the story has done all the things.

Leah: Yeah. Done all the things.

Nick: Dropped hints, offered to go out to lunch at another time. Yeah. Even fully explaining. So yeah, like, that hasn't worked. So I mean, I wonder even if this direct conversation would even work. I mean, it sounds like Chad is just not getting it.

Leah: Chad seems to not get it. I just wondered if we took it out of the gym and we said, "Hey, let's set this date for dinner."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: "I don't like talking at the gym. Let me remind you why." And then after that, we just—they start talking. We go, "I don't want to talk."

Nick: Yeah, I guess that would definitely be on the table. Yeah. And there is this thing where you don't want to be rude to somebody who's being rude to you. And this is rude at this point because, like, you have set a boundary and they are just blowing through it. And you don't want to be rude about it, but you might have to. Or you might have to, like, kind of be blunt in a nice way but, like, just be blunt, which is like, "Sorry, can't talk. Workout mode. Sorry, I need to keep moving. Let's catch up later." And you just keep saying it until they stop, or you just start ignoring them, which is really uncomfortable. But, like, that's fair at that point.

Leah: Oh, I can't imagine ignoring. I can imagine saying, "Sorry, can't talk," but I can't imagine ignoring. I think I would—I would pass out.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, that's—that's definitely, like, the nuclear option to just, like, stop paying attention to them and just ignoring their attempts to engage you. But it's warranted. I mean, if you've just set this boundary over and over and over and they just will not stop, and you've made it so clear that they have to, then yeah, you are well within your rights to ignore them.

Leah: Ugh!

Nick: But I do think we could probably do something where it doesn't have to come to that.

Leah: Yeah, that's why I was thinking if we talked to them outside and then we picked a date for the dinner. "Can't talk."

Nick: "See you on the 23rd."

Leah: Yeah. "See you on the 23rd."

Nick: "Can't wait." Yeah, I like that. I guess at the gym, we could try a preemptive strike. We're just like, "Oh, hey, Chad, Nice to see you. Just a heads up, I'm on a tight schedule today. Need to focus. Can't chat, but catch you another time."

Leah: "Catch you on the 23rd."

Nick: Yeah, some combination of, like, preemptive, like, oh, we're not talking today and having something to dangle in the future.

Leah: That's why I said in the future, because you're gonna have to keep rescheduling it every time because he's gonna come back and talk to you immediately afterwards.

Nick: And then I guess the other option is we just have to go at a different time of day, which I don't love that idea of, like, oh, I have to now rearrange my schedule to accommodate what's happening. But that would probably work.

Leah: Yeah. I think I've told our listeners I had a lady at the gym that just would not leave me alone. I literally tried everything short of being mean, and I was like, I shouldn't be changing my schedule, but I couldn't take it anymore.

Nick: And so you did.

Leah: I did, yeah.

Nick: Solved the problem.

Leah: Solved the problem. [laughs]

Nick: So it does work. Yeah.

Leah: I mean, I felt like—I was like, "Am I being—is it ridiculous that I'm—" but I really had tried everything. The only thing left was, like, yelling or saying something that I—that felt cruel, you know?

Nick: Or ignoring. Can we not just ignore?

Leah: I cannot stand there with people talking in my face and ignoring them. I cannot do it.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I couldn't do it in New York, which was to my own detriment.

Nick: That's a problem. That's a skill you need in New York City.

Leah: And I mean, that's why I put earphones in and I aggressively chewed gum. You know what I mean? If I don't have my accoutrement, my subway accoutrement, I can't do it to somebody.

Nick: Oh. Like, in New York, if somebody had a clipboard and be like, "Hey, do you have a moment for the environment?" you would have to engage them?

Leah: I have to say something.

Nick: Oh, interesting!

Leah: I can't just ignore them.

Nick: Oh, yeah. I can pretend that I don't hear it.

Leah: I cannot.

Nick: Won't even flinch.

Leah: [laughs] Yeah. I just can't do it.

Nick: Okay. Well, fair enough. Well, I'm sorry that this is happening to our letter-writer ...

Leah: Me, too.

Nick: But I think we just need to dial up the directness while not sacrificing the politeness, and hopefully Chad will get it. Yeah.

Leah: "Can't talk right now!"

Nick: "Bye!"

Leah: "Bye."

Nick: "Bye. Thanks so much."

Leah: "Thanks so much." Put the earphones back in.

Nick: So you out there, do you have questions for us? Oh, yes you do! Send them to us. Send them to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna vent.

Nick: Okay. What has happened?

Leah: So this is going to be like—because it's happened more than once recently.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: So I'm gonna also call it my new pet peeve.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: So when somebody asks for your advice ...

Nick: I see where this is going. [laughs]

Leah: And I'm not talking about. like, "Do you like this shirt?" Or "What time do you think would be the best time?" I'm talking about, like, you're digging from the well of your life experience.

Nick: Right. I have this thing happening in my life. I'm not sure what to do. I reach out to you, I tell you what's happening and I'm like, "Leah, what should I do?"

Leah: And we have, like, a full conversation. I have now dedicated time and probably my emotions to this. I don't care if it doesn't work for you.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Do you know what I mean? If at the end of me—you asking am I available, I put myself out there talking about something. It's a whole thing. For you to just go, "That doesn't work for me."

Nick: Oh, that's the response. I haven't tried it yet.

Leah: You haven't tried it. You don't even give it a second—I'm sharing my guts to you, and then you go, "Ugh, that doesn't work. That wouldn't work for me." Or my other favorite is, "I'm too busy for that." Oh, am I like a nepo baby out here, just, like, living off royalties?

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: No, because then you're putting me in a business to be like, "Well, I sort of organize my time differently." I don't want to have to defend things I've done.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Or also, if you're too busy for that, just keep it to yourself. You basically are asking me for my time, a favor of my time and all of my experiences.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So then you're basically insulting me by being like, "I would never do that. I can't do that. I'm too busy." Okay, so don't come talking to me.

Nick: Yes. "So sorry you asked me for my opinion and I gave it to you."

Leah: I just can't take it.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I literally can't take it.

Nick: Yeah. No, that's rude. I mean, the correct response is, "Thank you so much for sharing your ideas. I will take that into consideration."

Leah: Yeah, that's it. What?

Nick: Yeah. Not just like, "No."

Leah: "No."

Nick: "Nah."

Leah: Or a "Hmm." What? What just happened to me? What just happened?

Nick: And obviously, when you're ever asked by these people in the future to give them advice, the answer is always gonna be, "No, thank you."

Leah: The answer is going to be, like, "Nope."

Nick: Not gonna do that again.

Leah: I'm not putting my—setting myself up for that.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, that's super rude. Yeah. Like, don't ask for favors and then be like, "Nah, thanks."

Leah: I think that people don't see, "Can I get your advice on something" as a favor. But it is.

Nick: Yes. Well, because it's time and expertise.

Leah: Time and expertise.

Nick: And I think people do not value other people's time and expertise. That's why you get all these people asking for free career advice from professionals. That's why this happens. Because it's like, "Oh, you do this for a living anyway, so you just, like, know this stuff. So I'm just going to, like, get that information out of you." And it's sort of like, "Mmm."

Leah: I just don't—I really do not like it. I didn't realize how much I liked—I disliked it the first time. And then with the second person, I was like, oh, this is my new thing where I actively dislike—I'm just gonna walk around and actively dislike this."

Nick: Good. So for me, I would like to vent. So I am on the bus—and I love the bus in New York City. Some people are scared of it. I think it's a great, great way to get around. And so I'm on the bus. And as we know, we do wait for passengers to get off the bus before we get on the bus.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: This is a very standard etiquette rule. I am on the record of believing this very strongly. It's very important. I practice what I preach. And so the bus comes, and it's the type of bus where you actually can board at any of the three doors. It's all-door boarding.

Leah: Ooh!

Nick: It just makes it faster for everybody. And so I make sure that nobody needs to get off the bus, and so then I proceed to step on. And then from a distance, I hear this woman, which is like, "Come on, guys. What are you doing? Let people off first." And here's a woman who was deep in the bus. There was nobody blocking her way. She, I think, just didn't realize this was her stop, and she was annoyed that me and now, like, three other people behind me had all gotten on the bus and she wanted to get off. And she was so—I mean, I kind of loved it because she was, like, so aggressive about it. And she used expletives in that as well. I'm giving you the sanitized version. But she was so upset that she was now blocked. And it's sort of like, don't be mad at us. You weren't ready. I made sure the coast was clear. No one was getting off. I didn't see any movement, so I got on. That's what I was supposed to do. So don't put this on me. But I just thought it was kind of funny that she was not subtle about it. Like, it was not under her breath. It wasn't directed to us. It was a comment for herself, like, "Oh, come on. What are these people doing?" But obviously it was for our benefit, so I'm gonna vent about her.

Leah: New York!

Nick: Yes. New York is so great. So that's my vent.

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: Well, I had genuinely zero idea that there was an alphabetized naming system for purebred dogs in France.

Nick: Yeah, there sure is. And I learned that you need some daily affirmations in the bathroom.

Leah: I don't need them.

Nick: Oh, that's true.

Leah: But I do enjoy them. I do enjoy them.

Nick: Yeah, it's not a requirement, but you're happy to have them.

Leah: If I see them, I will open to the day.

Nick: Okay. Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we want your questions. Just what's on your mind? What etiquette conundrums have you been thinking about? What etiquette debates do you want us to settle, or what do you want to complain about? Just reach out to us. Just we want to hear from you. So go to our website and send us a note.

Leah: Give it to us!

Nick: Okay. Or if you want the more aggressive version. Yeah. Send it to us!

Leah: That's Bonnema. That's the no nonsense Bonnema. Give it to us!

Nick: That's the Bonnema. Yeah. Or you could be nice like Nick. Please go to our website if you have time. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: Nick, I always get to go first.

Nick: That is true. Okay, I'd be delighted. So we have a new sponsor that's a food box delivery, and they sent me, like, a free box to fill out and I could pick what I wanted. And they have grocery items like fruit and vegetables. And so on the website they had apples, and I thought, "Oh, apples, I like apples. And so let me get, like, six apples." And so I, like, added six apples to my, like, cart, and then that was that. And it turns out it wasn't six apples, it was six two-pound bags of apples.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Which happens when you order online. Like, you're not always sure, like, what's gonna come. And so now I have 12 pounds of apples. And so I texted some friends in the neighborhood and I was like, "Hey, I have apples. Anybody want some apples?" And I didn't actually say how many apples I had. I was just like, "Oh, I have extra apples. Would you like some apples?" And they're like, "Sure!" And so I dropped off, like, 11 pounds of apples to my friends just with their doorman with a note. I was just like, "Apples." And they're like, "What are we gonna do with all these apples?" But the cordials of kindness is they baked a apple pie for me, and then they just brought it over.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: And delicious, totally delicious apple pie. I'm sure now they have 10 pounds of apples remaining. They'll figure out what to do with it. They have a bigger kitchen than I do. But I do wanna say, like, thank you for A) taking all my apple excess, and then thank you for baking a pie and then bringing it to me. So thank you. And so for you, Leah, what is your cordial today?

Leah: My cordial is—so I'm not sure if I've mentioned to the listeners, I am in a—essentially, it's a ladies' weightlifting group.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And, you know, we check in with each other at the end of the day and, you know, everything we've done. And it's just really—it's really meant the world to me. And it's, like, such a great group of women, and I just love them so much, and I'm so thankful to have them.