Making Introductions, Attending Super Bowl Parties, Avoiding Bad Salad Dressings, and More

Nick: Do you introduce people in the wrong order? Do you double dip your chips? Do you cut the line at Costco? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

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Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse bouche, I want to talk about how to introduce people.

Leah: This is incredible timing, because last night I was at an event, and I was just introducing everybody because it was—it was actually my event.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: And I had all these people from different walks of my life, so I was in major introductions mode.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And somebody said to me, "I love your introductions, but I don't know if they were correct."

Nick: Ah, okay. I'm sure they were correct.

Leah: Well, I think they were probably just friendly. They were not ...

Nick: Which, you know, etiquette is contextual, so that could be correct. So introductions? Very important. It's very polite to do it, because if you don't do it, it can often be very rude. And so we don't want that to happen. And there are a lot of scenarios in which introductions happen. And what I'm thinking of is, like, we are standing with somebody, and then somebody else comes up that you know and you want to introduce these people together. Like, that kind of introduction. And this is not, like, formal protocol. This is not, like, international diplomacy kind of introductions. This is more like your event last night where, like, you knew somebody and you wanted to connect them. And, like, how do you do that correctly?

Leah: I mean, I know how I would do it but, you know, so often what I'm doing is not correct. It's just done with excitement.

Nick: And I'll take that. And interestingly, there was a time when introducing yourself to someone was, like, very rude and, like, you wouldn't do it. And actually, most Jane Austen novels are based on this fact.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Like, for a woman to introduce herself to a man, like, "Oh, harlot! Oh, how scandalous!" Right? So the first thing to note is when in doubt, introduce. Like, even if you think they know each other, just do the introduction anyway. And then if they do know each other, then that's fine. But to not introduce because you think they know each other and then they don't? Oh, that's not good.

Leah: Which I've definitely been guilty of. I've been there, and then people introduce and I go, "Oh, my goodness, I thought you knew each other." But then I go, "Let me redo it!" And then I'll introduce them after they introduce themselves.

Nick: Good save. Yes. So the first thing to note about introductions is you have to kind of determine who is considered the VIP in this situation. Who is the older person, or who has the higher status, or who is more senior in this scenario versus the other person, because that's the person you want to start with. And so if you have a boss and a colleague, well, the boss. That's your VIP. Or if it's someone older to someone younger, probably the older person. Or if it's the mayor of your town? Okay, the mayor is probably the VIP here. If it's an out-of-town guest versus your neighbor, the out-of-town guest would probably actually have a little more seniority already there, et cetera, et cetera. And with gender still, yeah, if you want to be real traditional about it, the woman would maybe be more VIP to the man. So that's a consideration.

Leah: Be like, "Hey, we don't get paid the same, but we will get introduced first." [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So you'll start with the VIP and you will say, "VIP, may I introduce you to—" and then the other person. So, like, "Grandma, may I introduce you to Leah Bonnema? Leah, this is my grandmother, Anastasia Beaverhausen."

Leah: "Oh, so lovely to meet you. I love your hat."

Nick: Oh, very nice!

Leah: I'm sure she would—Anastasia Beaverhausen has an incredible hat.

Nick: Yes. Oh, she's all about millinery. Of course. So that's how that goes. We start with the more senior person and we say, "May I present" or, "May I introduce you to" and then the other person. Now Emily Post, she has some ideas about how this should go. So she really likes "May I present?" That is her preferred phrasing. But Emily actually lets you omit that phrasing, and you can just use people's names if you have the right inflection. So you could say, like, "Grandma? Leah Bonnema." And so, like, that's how that introduction can go.

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: Right? And if you're not sure, Emily also likes, "Have you met?"

Leah: I think that that's what I usually go with.

Nick: Mmm. But Emily has one exception to that, which is "Mr. Smith, have you met Leah Bonnema?" But you cannot ask a woman if she's met a man. It is apparently not appropriate to ask, "Leah Bonnema, have you met Mr. Smith?" Too far.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: And, like, what is being implied there? Like, "Oh, you know this gentleman?" Like, is that—is that the subtext?

Leah: [laughs] I think that's what she is implying that would be implied. I mean, this is a different world.

Nick: This is definitely different. Right. This is 1922. We have come a long way.

Leah: This is before women could get credit cards.

Nick: [laughs] Right. Yes. I'm sure Emily had great credit, though.

Leah: She had no credit. She was a woman.

Nick: [laughs] Emily also says, quote, "Under no circumstances whatsoever would you ever say, 'Mr. Smith, meet Mrs. Jones.'" She hates that. You would never just say, "Meet this person." She calls it preposterous.

Leah: [laughs] I hope somebody introduces me and goes, "Meet Nicholas Leighton." And I go, "Preposterous!"

Nick: I would love for you to do that. [laughs] And she also is very bothered if you repeat the names. So you would never say, "Mrs. Jones? Mrs. Smith. Mrs. Smith? Mr. Jones." She says to say each name once is quite enough.

Leah: Whoo!

Nick: Right? So that's Emily. We have come a long way. You could be much more relaxed about this whole thing.

Leah: I always like to throw in a context of, like, how I know them and what they're into.

Nick: Ah!

Leah: So they have, like, a conversation starter or they know where I know this person from, they know where I know that person from. They know what they're into. Ba boom!

Nick: Yes. Oh, that is next on my list.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: Yes. So we want to give a little wisp of a context. How do I know this person? What is the relationship? Maybe a conversation prompt. Yes. Like, "I know Lisa from my boarding school." Or, "Chad is also a graphic designer." Or whatever it is. But yeah, just a little context of, like, how do I know this person? That really helps get the ball rolling.

Leah: Little taste, little starter.

Nick: And then we step back and we let them exchange pleasantries. So then they say, like, "Nice to meet you," or, "How do you do?" Or, "Charmed, I'm sure." Or whatever it is you want to say.

Leah: I would like to say, "Charmed, I'm sure."

Nick: [laughs] You should. I think we should bring that back. Now, in the UK, I will warn you, the idea of saying, "Nice to meet you," or, "Pleased to meet you," is seen as a little more loaded. Like ...

Leah: Oh, hello!

Nick: Upper class, very posh people, they don't typically say that. They would say, "How do you do?" And you'll catch their eye if you say, "Pleased to meet you," which, as an American, I mean, what a bonkers thing. Like, that does not register for us as problematic at all.

Leah: Does "Pleased to meet you," imply that, like, I actually care about other people and that's very not upper class? [laughs]

Nick: Well, I think actually there's something to that. It's I don't know you yet. How would I know if I'm pleased to meet you? How insincere of me to say such a thing. Because who can say if it's nice to meet you? Who can say if I'm pleased? I don't know you yet.

Leah: I'm always pleased to meet everybody. It's so exciting! New person!

Nick: Right? But yeah, I think tons of British people—actually, I feel like a lot of the royals, they do say, "Nice to meet you," or, "Pleased to meet you." So I feel like maybe this is like some old school thing that doesn't apply anymore. I'm just highlighting this, though. If you go to the UK, you might want to just say, like, "How do you do?"

Leah: How do you do?

Nick: You want to be very formal. But in the United States, have at it.

Leah: "How do you do?" is kind of fun.

Nick: "How do you do?"

Leah: I don't hear anybody say it. "How do you do?"

Nick: Yes. And it's not a question, it is just a statement. We don't actually care how you are. It's just, "How do you do?" And the response to that is also, "How do you do?"

Leah: "How do you do?"

Nick: No, no. No, no. That—that's a question. No, no.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: "How do you do?"

Leah: "How do you do?"

Nick: Wonderful! Yes, that's how that goes. Now also, last names, like, yes, it is proper to, like, actually use people's titles or their last names. Like, "Oh, Grandma. Please meet Leah Bonnema." But if you're in a casual setting, like, "Mike, this is my friend Leah." That's also fine. I mean, that's great.

Leah: I just realized as we were going through this, like, all of my "How do you dos?" and, "Charmed, I'm sures," I'm just pulling from movies.

Nick: Oh, yeah. Yes.

Leah: "Charmed, I'm sure." White Christmas.

Nick: And they're black and white.

Leah: And ,"How do you do?" My Fair Lady. And she does say, "How do you do?" And I think people were like, "No." [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. That may be why the United States decided, oh, we're not doing that anymore. Yeah, shut it down. [laughs]

Leah: Oh, no. In White Christmas, she says, "Mutual, I'm sure."

Nick: Oh, I like that variation. Yes. I mean, the point is just you don't want to make someone feel left out or excluded. And that's why we want to do an introduction, and we want to make everybody feel included. And, you know, I kind of want to vouch for you as my friend. I want to sort of pull somebody else into the conversation. I want to make connections because ultimately that is what humanity is all about. We are social animals at the end of the day. We need that. That's what makes society function. And so that's why this is sort of important.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And today in America you can also introduce yourself. That's also fine. But we just want to make sure everybody's introduced one way or another.

Leah: "Charmed, I'm sure."

Nick: "How do you do?"

Leah: "How do you do?" No, no, no. I'm kidding. "How do you do?"

Nick: We're gonna get there.

Leah: "How do you do?"

Nick: "How do you do?"

Leah: I'm just gonna say it with different emphasis on even—"How do you do?" [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and into the seven layer dip.

Nick: [laughs] Okay, so for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about Super Bowl parties.

Leah: Super Bowl parties!

Nick: And so this is, I think, from a guest perspective. I don't think we're so concerned about the host for the moment.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Right? So what's first on your list? Well, I guess first, do you like Super Bowl parties?

Leah: I do. We usually host them.

Nick: Oh, you host them? Okay. All right, So I want to hear about all the horrible things your guests do.

Leah: You know me, Nick. I just think everything's delightful. I just love a gathering that involves food. And, you know, I have a lot of friends—well, this is on the list, so I'm jumping ahead. I'm jumping ahead. And I know a lot of people don't like football, but they like a gathering. And you have the commercials, you have the halftime.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So there's something for everybody.

Nick: Yes. And actually, that was on my list. I think it's important to know as a guest what type of party it is. Is it a "We're watching the game" party? Is this a "We care more about the commercials and then we talk during the game?" Is this a "We only care about the halftime show?" Or is it a little of everything and everybody has different needs?

Leah: In my experience, it's been a lot of a little of everything, and everybody has different needs. So, like, if you're not a game person, I wouldn't, like, just talk trash about it or talk over it when it's happening because you're just there for the commercials.

Nick: Okay, so I guess that's the first note, is be respectful of everybody else and what they need. And so, you know, let everybody watch the part of the game that they're interested in without too much disruption.

Leah: And we've definitely had Super Bowl parties where there was people that liked opposite teams.

Nick: Hmm!

Leah: But you gotta keep it friendly. It's gotta be a friendly competition.

Nick: Yes. Everybody should be good sports.

Leah: Good sports. If you can't be a good sport, and you're so intense about your team, I don't think it's appropriate to go to a party where you know there's going to be friends that are the other team and you're gonna get in a fight and break the chip bowl.

Nick: But wear the jersey. Have at it.

Leah: Wear the jersey! Have a good time!

Nick: So let's rewind to the beginning. We have invitations. We need to respond promptly and let our host know if we're coming or not. Okay, party baseline. And I guess, are there formal Super Bowl parties? Like, is there linen? Like, no, these are always cash, right?

Leah: I went to a pretty fancy Super Bowl party in Vegas.

Nick: Oh! Okay. So what did that mean?

Leah: But everybody was dressed football casual.

Nick: Okay. So what made it fancy? Or it was just expensive?

Leah: I mean, there was—they had a marching band that came out every time somebody scored.

Nick: Every time?

Leah: [laughs] Yes.

Nick: Oh, okay. Oh, that is—okay, that is fancy.

Leah: And there were like—yeah, it was just very—I mean, it had everything.

Nick: So at your party, which I'm sure also has everything, I'm a guest, and of course my instinct is like, "Oh, what can I bring?"

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And so what do you say as host?

Leah: I will be—I'll say what we're making. "This is what we have. This is what we have for drink options. Bring anything else you would enjoy."

Nick: But I think there should be a conversation if you're planning on bringing something that's contributing just to make sure it's compatible with what your host has in mind.

Leah: Yes. And in the past—this was a while ago. I have matured, or as they say, "Matured." I didn't ask, and I brought something that the host actually doesn't eat.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And they were like, "Oh, fine. Other people will eat it." But at that point, I was like, mental note.

Nick: Yeah, you wanted to die.

Leah: Be like, "Is there something ..." Yes. "Is there something—do you have any food allergies? Is there anything you don't eat?" And then as my host, I'm not gonna bring something into their house that they don't ...

Nick: Yeah. Oh, that's very conscientious. Yeah. Oh, that's a good note.

Leah: Even though they say, "Don't worry about it. Bring it for other people." Uh ...

Nick: Right. Yeah. No, your host actually handled that quite graciously, for sure.

Leah: I was mortified. I threw myself out. You're right. I, like, rolled over the side of the couch and laid on the ground the whole time. "Ah, why would you?"

Nick: But you never made that mistake twice.

Leah: Never made it again.

Nick: And so when should we arrive? I guess that's—that's the next question.

Leah: Okay. A lot of Super Bowl parties have, like a—have like a fun betting. Like, some people have—like, I have a friend who has, like, a competitive betting. But, you know, some people just do, like, a dollar. And you bet on, like, commercials, you bet on halftime show. You bet on, like, all different things.

Nick: What time will be kickoff. Right.

Leah: And so if you want to be a part of that, you have to get there early because you can't come in and then be like, "Oh, I want to bet." "No, no, we already did it."

Nick: Ah, okay.

Leah: It has started.

Nick: Right. Okay, so I think we have to also ask our hosts, like, "Oh, what time are doors opening?"

Leah: Yes. What time should I be there?

Nick: Yeah, because I think we don't want to, like, walk in in the middle of the game, because that seems a little disruptive.

Leah: Well, I think you can if you're just like, "Hey, what time you want to be there?" And you say, "Well, if you want to do bets, you gotta be here half hour before—before it starts. If you're coming from somewhere, you just wanna swing by, come in whenever." That's how I do it.

Nick: Yeah, fair enough. Okay, so we're bringing something snacky, something appropriate. And I think we wanna just be good guests. We want to use coasters in this home, if possible. If it's a coaster house. Not all houses are coaster houses. Although I guess, like, the beer koozies. Cozies?

Leah: Koozies.

Nick: Koozie or cozy?

Leah: It's koozie.

Nick: It's koozie. But I would put a cozy around a teapot. And is this not the same thing?

Leah: Mm-mm.

Nick: Hmm. Interesting. I mean, it is beer koozie.

Leah: It is.

Nick: But it's teapot cozy.

Leah: Well, tea's cozy.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: And maybe it's supposed to rhyme with "boozy."

Nick: And is it because, like, one keeps something cold and one keeps something warm? Because they both are sort of insulating sleeves for beverages.

Leah: [laughs] Yeah, but nobody's gonna say, "Can I please have a beer cozy?"

Nick: [laughs] I mean, I think I just did.

Leah: [laughs] I know, but I mean, nobody who drinks beer.

Nick: Ah, fair enough. Okay. Touché. [laughs] Okay. Well, so we want to just be mindful of the surfaces in our host's home in some way.

Leah: Shoes, no shoes.

Nick: Oh, shoes, no shoes. A lot of, I think, the snacky foods are actually messy. So, like, let's not rub Cheeto dust on their couch. Like, let's use napkins.

Leah: Oh, that Cheeto dust. Really! I mean ...

Nick: I mean, also, there's wings. There's like, it's all finger food. Like, there's no cutlery at this party.

Leah: I love a dip. I mean, I think that's almost why I love Super Bowl parties so much. It's so many dips.

Nick: Yes. And what do we say about dipping?

Leah: Make sure you double dip in front of people so they know what kind of person you are.

Nick: Okay. Oh. I mean, when people show you who they are, believe them.

Leah: Believe them and take the dip away.

Nick: Yeah. Well, no, you leave the dip for them then, because now it's their dip.

Leah: It's now their dip.

Nick: It's their dip. But yeah, no double dipping, please. I mean, come on!

Leah: [laughs] I wish, you guys—I just wish I could take a snapshot of Nick's face after he said, "Come on!" Come on.

Nick: It was—it was a disappointed look.

Leah: It was disappointed.

Nick: Yes. I'm not mad about it. I'm just—I'm disappointed. Yeah.

Leah: He's disappointed.

Nick: And, you know, it does happen where sometimes you might lose a chip in the dip, in which case we have to bring in a chip lifeguard.

Leah: Yeah, you gotta bring in a lifeguard. You gotta bring a lifeguard chip in.

Nick: Yeah. And, like, that's okay. I mean, but let's keep it sanitary. These are communal things.

Leah: I actually—talking about this, I want to have a party right now. I also, just because it's fun as being in the entertainment industry, the commercials, I usually know at least five people per commercial. I mean, not per commercial, per the whole Super Bowl. So it's, like, always so exciting.

Nick: Oh, so you can, like, text a friend and be like, "I just saw you in that insurance commercial!"

Leah: You're gonna take a snapshot. But that's like one of those things where you're like, don't say anything mean about the commercials because somebody in the room might know somebody acting in them. [laughs]

Nick: Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. And that—actually, that doesn't come up that often when watching TV.

Leah: But it's Super Bowl commercials. That's—they get—there's so many commercials.

Nick: Yeah. And then the last thing on my list, once the game ends, you probably need to get out of there because you have been in this house for, like, five hours, and the host probably wants you going. So just, like, read the room. Are they in their PJs? Are they vacuuming? Are they holding your coat and standing at the front door? Have they slapped their knees and said, "Welp?" Like, you know, are there any signs that they're ready for you to leave?

Leah: I always like to say, though, before I go, "Do you need any help cleaning up?"

Nick: Yes. That's very nice. Like, yeah, at least take your cup into the kitchen.

Leah: Yeah. "Where can I put this?"

Nick: Yeah, that's very nice.

Leah: And I think have a good time. Like, if you're like, "I don't like football. I don't like the whole thing," don't go.

Nick: Oh, yeah. If you're gonna be a mood killer, then yeah, just don't attend.

Leah: Because, you know, some people just want to—whether they like football or not, they just want to have, like, five hours of a good time.

Nick: Yeah. Of dip.

Leah: Just want to dip and watch a halftime show, and pick their favorite commercial and, like, yell when someone makes a touchdown. And ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: If you go have—be in it.

Nick: Oh, actually, this is also on my list. Last last thing. If you are not familiar with the rules of football, then actually, it is worth it to familiarize yourself a little bit just so you can kind of come up to speed so you don't actually have to ask everybody, like, what is happening. Why is that worth three points? Why is that worth seven? Like, why are they going two inches? Like, it would just be useful to, like, have a little background.

Leah: And I—at the same time, I don't think people mind explaining.

Nick: Oh, no. I'm sure the people in that room would be delighted.

Leah: Delighted to explain.

Nick: Delighted to explain how it works. Absolutely. Yes. But it is also good to just have a little background. Yes.

Leah: Also, if somebody, like, really loves a team, but they've been, like, behaving and not, like, yelling about, you know, being competitive, and they've been really good and their team loses and they're sitting there for a second taking a moment, don't go, "It's just a game."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Like, let them have their—let them have their moment.

Nick: Don't minimize their pain.

Leah: Don't minimize their pain by being like, "They still got paid." [laughs]

Nick: Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. This is a commercial endeavor at the end of the day. Yeah. This is not volunteer work. So that's the Super Bowl.

Leah: Can you tell I've been around a lot of people whose team lost and they were, like, devastated, and you're like ...

Nick: Yeah, it feels like your friends just need to be picking better teams.

Leah: [laughs] Nick, that's how it works! You support your team through up and through downs.

Nick: I guess I'm still a 'Niners fan if I had to pick a team. Yeah. I think that's still my home team.

Leah: You stay with them.

Nick: Okay. Could not tell you how the 'Niners are doing.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I wish them the best.

Leah: Nick wishes them well.

Nick: I do. Yes. All the best from me to you. [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "Can we talk about the perils of the double checkout line? I went to Costco, and there are two lines for the self checkout. One for the registers on the right and another for the registers on the left. There's a Costco worker standing in the middle for help should anyone need it. When I went to get in line, I saw that everyone had lined up behind one person on the left, and there was only one person in the line for the right. So naturally, I went behind that person so I could be next in line. Someone in the other line said, 'Hey, there's a line here.' To which I responded, 'Yes, I am in line.' And then I asked the Costco worker, 'Excuse me, are there two lines?' And she responded, 'Yes.' And I stopped myself from turning back to that man and saying, 'See? I technically wasn't doing anything wrong. I did get in line, just the shorter one.' However, of course, I turn to you for your input. Should I have gone to the people at the front of the other line and given them the heads up that there were two lines, and then given a loud announcement to everyone else who could have been behind me and then gotten in line at the end? Shouldn't the Costco worker have done that? Should I have just gone to the back of the other line and let us all be stuck in the incorrect single line formation? Was it my fault that they didn't know there should have been two lines? How much responsibility should a civilian take to make sure that others are following a store line's policy? What's the proper thing to do next time?"

Leah: This is really a problem.

Nick: Oh, this is the worst. I really dislike when stores do this.

Leah: I just had this happen to me at the local Target, and it was the opposite situation where when I got there, the cashiers were like, "One line!" So we were, like, all lined up in the middle, waiting to see which thing opened next.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then another person came in and got in line directly behind the other cashier.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: And then the cashier just goes, "It's fine." And it was like, well, you just had us all line up. You gotta take responsibility.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, I don't care for that.

Leah: Well, I think they just get exhausted, and it was the end of the day, but it's like ...

Nick: Yeah, but still.

Leah: You're like, we gotta have a structure. We gotta have a structure.

Nick: There is a place in New York called Pret A Manger, and they have a line of cashiers, and their thing is like, oh, one line per cashier. And this is so maddening because inevitably you will be in line, and you are behind someone who's asking for a latte. And the way they do it there is like, whoever you ask for that latte makes the latte. And now we're waiting for milk to be steamed. And it's sort of like, oh, I could have been in another line with somebody else. And it's sort of like, why should I suffer? And it's like, why can't we just have one line, and then the next cashier that's available takes the next person? Like, why can't it be this way?

Leah: I wish it was that way across the board.

Nick: Like, why isn't it across the board? In what world is it better to have one line per cashier?

Leah: In no world.

Nick: No world. Yes. So letter-writer, I think you did fine here. I think you looped in the Costco authority. I think that was good. You had your behavior confirmed as correct, and that's the end of it.

Leah: I mean, obviously all the people waiting in the other line thought it was one line.

Nick: Yes. And the Costco person should have clarified this.

Leah: The Costco person. That's the thing. It's like, we need to have signage. There needs to be signage.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: If we could just at every establishment have one sign that said "One line."

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, we just need to know what the rules are. I think people are happy to follow rules if we know what they are.

Leah: Well, that's the thing. Everybody's getting into that one line because they assume that's the rule, but that's not the rule.

Nick: Not the rule. Yeah.

Leah: Our letter-writer was following the rules.

Nick: And our letter-writer should not be punished for knowing the rules. So next time, what should our letter-writer do? I don't think our letter-writer should, like, not take advantage of this two-line system.

Leah: I don't know. I don't know if you want to, like, go to the cashier and say—I'm just trotting this out because technically our letter-writer did nothing wrong.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And it's not your responsibility. But I don't know if, like, as a group we want to go to the cashier and go, "Is this one or two lines?" And then they tell you. And then you just yell down, "Hey, guys. Two lines!"

Nick: Okay. Yeah, that could kind of be a nice heads-up to everybody else. Yeah. So I guess next time you're approaching the self checkout, if you only see people on the left and you know it's a two-line arena, then I think you could go to the front of the second line, yell to the Costco employee, "Hey, is this one or two lines?" And then the Costco person would be like, "There's two lines," yelling it back to you. In which case, then we all know, and then you win. I mean, I don't like yelling across the store, but I feel like that would achieve what we're trying to achieve here.

Leah: And that way, everybody gets the heads-up. You're getting in line in the wrong place.

Nick: And you are asking about the line situation before technically being in line. So you're standing where the second line would be, and you're clarifying. "Hi. Am I in line right now?"

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And so I think that's a nice detail because it is not assuming I'm in the right spot.

Leah: Yeah. You're just asking, is this ...?

Nick: Just asking the question.

Leah: Is this a line?

Nick: Yeah. And then, "Yes!" And then everybody else is like, "What?"

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: You're like, "I know!"

Leah: And that way, it moves the responsibility back onto this store.

Nick: Yes. Because the store needs to take responsibility for the chaos that they have created.

Leah: Imagine if that was our thing, Nick. You know, we always talk about, like, what is our one thing?

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And our one thing that we have that we really make our—what's it called when it's like your landmark?

Nick: It's our North Star. It's our signature.

Leah: Or the thing we have to—the change we really want to make.

Nick: It's our mission. It's our raison d'etre.

Leah: That becomes, like, our primary goal.

Nick: Our prime directive.

Leah: Like, wouldn't it be crazy if we—that became our prime directive? Like, instead of getting people to stop clipping their nails on the subway or saying thank you when they hold the doors, it became we want stores to have signage for lines.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I'm on board with that. I think that would make a big difference in this world. That would really have a big impact.

Leah: Like, we just get, like, a big signatory going, and then we're like, "Hey, we just want proper signs so people don't feel cut off."

Nick: Yeah. Okay. All right, let's get the petition. I'll buy some clipboards on Amazon right now.

Leah: We just stand outside stores and go, "How is your—oh, we're not affiliated with the store whatsoever. We're just interested in keeping the world a kinder, easier place so everybody knows what's happening. Did you feel there were signs? If there was one or two lines?"

Nick: "Did you know where to stand?"

Leah: "Did it give you anxiety? Did you worry about other people's feelings? Yes? Okay, well, we think there should be signs."

Nick: Okay. All right. Well, that is our new thing now. Okay, done.

Leah: Also, if you manage any stores and you listen?

Nick: Fix it. [laughs]

Leah: No, no, no! Get in touch with us. Let's—let's make signs!

Nick: Yeah, we'd be happy to advise on signage.

Leah: Let's start this movement.

Nick: Okay. I mean, great. Finally, a reason to get up.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "In my group of friends, I have by far the best home for entertaining, so we have meals at my house frequently. Often, we have potlucks. My dear friend—let's call her Lisa—invariably brings a lovely salad with bottled dressing that each guest can pour over their own salad. I find her chosen type of salad dressing to be extremely unpleasant. Would it be acceptable to add a bottle of my favorite salad dressing next to hers so that guests can choose which dressing they would prefer? I don't want to hurt Lisa's feelings, but I really have a hard time using her salad dressing. Also, there is a group of three of us—Lisa, another friend and I—who meet together regularly and take turns providing the entire meal. If Lisa brings an entire meal to my house, does that change the etiquette around adding another flavor of salad dressing on the counter? Naturally, I would never complain about her food. When she brings dishes I don't like, I eat them and smile and tell her how much I appreciate her bringing the food. I'm certain she has no idea how much I dislike her soup. She is a dear soul. I love her and never want to hurt her, but does that mean I have to eat her nasty salad dressing over and over?"

Leah: I don't know why I find this question so delightful.

Nick: [laughs] I mean, what is this salad dressing?

Leah: [laughs] Extremely unpleasant. She has no idea I hate her soup.

Nick: Yeah. I guess we have to separate when it's a potluck and when it's sort of like a totally hosted event. I guess that's the first sort of division I would want to make.

Leah: Well, no matter what, it's at our letter-writer's house.

Nick: Right.

Leah: So that that bottle of salad dressing is right there in that fridge.

Nick: It is available. It is accessible.

Leah: Also, Lisa is not making this salad dressing. You're not making a comment on her handmade salad dressing. This is a bottle.

Nick: No, but it is a comment on her taste because she did procure it.

Leah: Yeah, but people like different things. I'm not—let me say, I also love that Lisa doesn't mix the salad, because I think that's so great, because then people can do their salad dressing to taste.

Nick: Mmm, okay. Although I actually prefer a well-dressed salad that's already tossed. I don't like gloopy salad dressing on top of, like, naked leaves.

Leah: Really? I like it when I'm allowed to do it myself because then I can figure out how much I want. What if Lisa's a heavy-handed salad dressing person?

Nick: Yeah. No, that's a good point. Okay, I stand—I stand corrected. You can have different techniques.

Leah: You're—you can have what makes you feel happy. That's just why I like it, because I usually like less salad dressing than people usually pour.

Nick: Right. I guess I like a well-dressed salad with the appropriate ratio.

Leah: Yeah. So if they asked you first how much you wanted and then mixed it accordingly.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, now we're talking.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Okay. All right. Now we're on to something.

Leah: I just would not feel any type of way if I brought a salad and a dressing and my friend was like, "Oh, my God, I have my favorite dressing in the fridge. Do you mind if I use that on mine?"

Nick: Do we think anybody else has a problem with the salad dressing?

Leah: I'm sure everybody hates it. Everybody hates it.

Nick: Oh, okay.

Leah: No, I think in our—I think our letter-writer is particularly talking about herself. Like, what if it had cilantro in it?

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And you're one of those people that cilantro tastes like soap, or whatever that gene is.

Nick: Right.

Leah: Some people just don't like certain things. I don't feel like it's—it's a bottled salad dressing.

Nick: Yeah. I think if it's a potluck in your house, I think there's a world in which we're like, "Oh, Lisa, I have a couple of other dressings here. Should we put them all out to give people some choices?"

Leah: I honestly don't even know how Lisa's gonna know if you just put a little on the fridge on there.

Nick: Oh, we're gonna just, like, sneak a bowl of salad into the kitchen and we're gonna put our own dressing on it? Okay.

Leah: Well, in my mind, I was imagining, like, it's all set up, like, on a kitchen island. You know, I've always wanted a kitchen island. That's on my manifestation board. And you just sort of like—so you're just, like, doing your thing and you like—I don't think it has to be a thing. I think you could just—you're not hiding it. You're just like, why would you not add the salad dressing that you love?

Nick: Okay. Yeah. I think if we just put the bottles on the counter next to her salad dressing and, like, "Here's all the salad dressings I have in the house." People have options, and we don't say anything about it and we just sort of do it.

Leah: You just do it.

Nick: And then if Lisa says something—which she wouldn't, because I'm sure she's lovely—you just be like, "Oh, I just felt like this one."

Leah: Or you could say, "I'm obsessed with this new salad dressing right now."

Nick: Right. Yes. "I'm so into Hidden Valley Ranch. Have you heard of it?"

Leah: No, but I mean, I don't know if you eat like this but, like, I'll go through things with salad dressing. Like, right now I'm into this, really—this yogurt dill one. I can't stop. I'm putting it on everything. So that would be the one that I wanted because I'm in that phase of my life.

Nick: I see. Yeah. Okay, I think if you're in a certain dressing phase.

Leah: I just can't imagine taking it personally if my friend was like—wanted to use a different dressing that they had in their house because that's their favorite dressing. I just don't see how that would be about me because I just—I didn't make this dressing. I don't even think I would care if I made the dressing. But this is in a bottle.

Nick: Yes. It's a little harder to be offended, but it's—I mean, I could see how it could feel like a pointed attack. So I could see why our letter-writer's concerned about how it'll come across.

Leah: Well, I understand why they're concerned, but I'm just calming them. I'm trying to be like, "Don't worry about it." They didn't make—you're already eating the soup.

Nick: [laughs] Right. So you're already—you're already doing your part here. But about the soup, when Lisa's doing the whole menu and is just sort of commandeering your kitchen and you're just a venue, you're not the host, I think then you do have to deal with the salad dressing because that is part of her menu, right?

Leah: I'm so specific with what I eat, and I don't have trouble telling people that. Like, I would be at a party and I'd be like, "Hey, you guys mind if I use my macro-approved salad dressing?" You know, I would just be upfront about it, and I wouldn't make it about the taste. I'd be like, "This is what I'm eating right now."

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, and I guess you just have to weigh how much do you hate the salad dressing against the potential damage to the relationship if you swap it out with something else. And, you know, maybe you're willing to take a little heat. Like, it's not gonna end the friendship, so if Lisa's bothered by it, like, how bothered is she gonna be? And can you—can you handle that level of bother?

Leah: How about if you said to Lisa, "I'm obsessed with this salad dressing right now. Do you mind if I use this? Do you want to try some?"

Nick: Okay. Yeah. I mean, it seems a little silly to have to ask permission to use a different salad dressing, but I guess that would be polite. Yeah. And then offering is nice. Yeah, that kind of softens the blow.

Leah: Because then you're also offering. I feel like you're saying it because you're really offering. I'm gonna—I'm gonna have my salad dressing regardless. I'm not gonna eat food I don't like.

Nick: I mean, watch this be one of those situations where Lisa only brings this dressing because she thinks you like it.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: And this actually happens quite often where you hate this food that somebody bakes for you, and they keep making it for you and they do it because they think you like it. And if only they knew they would stop doing it.

Leah: I really think you shouldn't be eating salad dressing that you don't like.

Nick: Life is too short.

Leah: Life is too short.

Nick: Life is too short.

Leah: Life is too short! [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. Fair enough. So thank you letter-writer for this great question. And we want to hear how did it go? Did you manage to solve this problem of bad salad dressing? Let us know!

Leah: Lettuce! Tossed or untossed. Let us?

Nick: [laughs] Uh-huh. And you can send us your great puns or your etiquette questions, your vents, your repents. You can send it all to our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna repent.

Nick: Oh, okay. What have you done?

Leah: Well, first off, really quick—and I know Nick loves it when I do this—I just want to say back on the last question, I absolutely love that our letter-writer cares so much.

Nick: Yes. Oh, wonderful instincts.

Leah: And I totally get why you would care. I'm just saying let's be free and have the dressings that we love.

Nick: Have the dressings you want. Yeah.

Leah: So my repent.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And I think Nick is gonna appreciate this one because of the topic.

Nick: Oh, okay. Oh, I'm all ears.

Leah: So I'm in Pilates class.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: The lady on the next reformer has a Love Island water bottle.

Nick: Oh! Okay. Love it.

Leah: Which for our listeners, Nick actually got me a Love Island water bottle for Christmas.

Nick: Yes. And Love Island, for those who don't know, is a show about love and relationships. And it's definitely the trashiest thing I watch, and I'm not gonna apologize for it.

Leah: It absolutely is. And Nick and I have somehow gone down this road together. We watched the different—we watched Australia, UK, one US.

Nick: Yeah. Only the last season of the US is worth watching, everybody. FYI.

Leah: You don't even know how pertinent that is to what I'm about to say.

Nick: Oh! Okay. All right, continue.

Leah: So the lady I'm speaking with has an accent, so I think somewhere in my subconscious, that plays a part of how I behaved.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Oh, no!

Leah: So after class, I sit—I'm sitting down next to her to change my socks. We're changing socks next to each other. And I say, "I love your Love Island water bottle."

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: And she says, "Thank you. I work on the show."

Nick: Oh!

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Oh.

Leah: And I say, "How wonderful. You've given us all so much joy."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then I'm still moving ahead with that she works on Love Island UK because of her accent.

Nick: Uh-oh.

Leah: But she does tell me she works on Love Island US.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I say, "I watch all of them with my friend Nick." And I say, "Right now we're watching Love Island Australia. I really like the host. I feel like she's so fun. She's so into it." She goes, "Oh, I haven't watched the Australia." She goes, "Which one's your favorite?" And I said, because I was being honest, Love Island UK.

Nick: Yeah. Well, that's fair. That's a—that's a valid response.

Leah: I feel like I should not have said that because—and then she goes, "That's everybody's favorite." And then I backtracked. I said, "You know, I have the most experience with the Love Island UK. That's how I came to it. So that is—" I go, "But the last season of Love Island US was a real banger."

Nick: Yeah. True.

Leah: And I go ...

Nick: Did she work on that season?

Leah: Yes, she was on that season.

Nick: Okay, good. [laughs]

Leah: And I go, "And, you know, I'm gonna watch it from here on out."

Nick: Okay. All right. So you—so you saved that.

Leah: I did feel like I saved it, but I also felt like I knew that she worked on Love Island US, and that she loves her job and she's proud of it. And that I could have started with—because I do need to be honest all the time. It's a horribly punishing quality that I have. I could have said—I could have just said, "I have the most experience with Love Island UK, but I really love them all.

Nick: Right. Yeah, I guess because she did say she did work on the USA version of the show, and you knew that. So then when she asks you which is your favorite and you're like, "The one that you don't work on."

Leah: Yeah, I just ...

Nick: That does—yeah, I could see how that's a little—that definitely caught her—caught her eye.

Leah: Yeah, it caught my—I'm upset. I'm still upset now that I say it out loud. How could you, Leah? I did try to regroup.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And it is true that I only have only watched the newest season of Love Island US.

Nick: Yes. Yes. Okay, well, all this is fair, but yes, I think there was an opportunity to have done this differently.

Leah: I know that, Nick. That's why I'm bringing it up.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I already feel guilty, but I hope that at the end she knows how much joy and happiness that she has brought so many people who are just trying to tune out.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And I did say that. I said that exactly. I go, "It's so nice to have something to watch that I don't—that, like, just is outside of my life."

Nick: Yes. And I guess that's fair. There's nothing offensive about that. Yeah. Because she knows she's not making art, right?

Leah: Well, it's—it is outside of my life. It's just like it's not politics. It's not—I'm not—it's not like violence. You know, it's nothing that's gonna disturb me. And I'm up—I'm up late.

Nick: Right. Yeah. It's basically a dating equivalent of the British baking show.

Leah: It's just very love—oh, now I'm gonna worry about the second part that I said that that wasn't somehow ...

Nick: [laughs] That's what I'm here for.

Leah: Thanks, Nick. Now I have two things to worry about. I did really barrage her with compliments at the end.

Nick: No, I'm sure she's fine. Yeah. Well, for me, I would like to repent. And funny you should mention accents. So I was at some event, and it was sort of a cocktail party, gala-y type thing. And I was chatting with somebody I didn't know before this, and we were just sort of making that light cocktail conversation. And she was like, "Oh, where are you from?" I was like, "Oh, I'm from San Francisco, and how about you?" And she's like, "I'm from Texas." And I was like, "Oh, I caught a bit of an accent." And she was so taken aback when I said I caught a bit of an accent that my internal monologue was like, "Oh, no! What did I just say? Was that offensive? Was it offensive to call out her accent?" And it's sort of like, maybe it was. Maybe she isn't proud of her accent. Or maybe she doesn't like that I called it out, or maybe she's worked hard at trying to get rid of it, or I don't know. But she was, like, so taken aback that I said something that she had a bit of an accent, and I felt bad about it. I was like, oh, gosh, let's pivot real hard. And so I was just like, "Oh, I haven't been to Texas. It's on my list. Where should I go for my first trip?" And it's like, oh, let's just, like, not talk about the accent part.

Leah: What a pivot. Nick the pivoter.

Nick: Yeah. But, like, I guess calling somebody out for their accent? I guess that's not great. I mean, I guess there's different ways it happens. Like, it would have been worse if I heard an accent and I was like, "I hear an accent. Where are you from?" Like, that wouldn't have been good. So, like, she already volunteered that she was Texan. Does it make a difference?

Leah: I don't know. I think the Texan accent is lovely.

Nick: I think it's great. But also, it is a little tricky to compliment somebody on their accent because that can sound patronizing. Like, "Oh, your accent is so adorable!" Like, you don't want to ...

Leah: I mean, we all technically have accents, you know?

Nick: We definitely have accents, for sure. I mean, I have definitely a very Northern California twang.

Leah: I mean, if you were in England, everybody would say, "Accent!"

Nick: Yeah, for sure.

Leah: But, I mean, I get why you feel bad. If somebody makes a face after you say something, it's always that, like, run through your mind. What did I say? Did that come out wrong? Did they take it a certain way?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Should I lay down on the floor and beat my head?

Nick: Right? Yeah. So I guess I probably shouldn't have mentioned that I had heard an accent that confirmed that she was from Texas, I guess. So I do apologize for that. So I repent.

Leah: Next time you have to just go, "I love Buc-ee's!"

Nick: What's a Bucky?

Leah: What's a Buc-ee's?

Nick: Is that some chain restaurant in Texas?

Leah: Oh. Oh. Oh, okay.

Nick: [laughs] What? Is it a food item?

Leah: It is. Of all the things that we—you haven't done that we need to do, this has now moved to the top slot.

Nick: Is it indoor paintball? Like, what's Buc-ee's?

Leah: Buc-ee's is—it's classified as a gas station/rest stop.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: But it is—they start advertising, I'd say 190 miles out. I'm just making up that number, but that's about—and it's a beaver. Buc-ee's—Buc-ee is a beaver. That's their ...

Nick: The mascot of this ...

Leah: Yes.

Nick: ... alleged gas station.

Leah: It is a gas station, but it's also, like, borderline a mall.

Nick: A service station.

Leah: If you pull in, it's a city. It's a city. And they have all—they have—last time I was there, we got—they make so much food. I always get their pralines or pralines. I always get their pralines.

Nick: I don't know. It depends on your accent.

Leah: They have so much food, and then they have big, beautiful bathrooms that always have paintings. Like, paintings for sale.

Nick: Paintings. For sale?

Leah: Yeah, they have clothes. They. I mean, the amount—I actually can't describe it. You have to go. And their billboards are really fun. They have, like, really fun billboards. I actually have a bunch of pictures in my phone because every time I drive through—and then it also says, you know, "120 miles to go," "89 miles to go," "65 miles to go." And you're like, "I'm almost at the Buc-ee's!"

Nick: And is there only one Buc-ee's, or is it a chain?

Leah: It's a chain.

Nick: Interesting! Okay. I mean, next time I'm in Texas.

Leah: You go in, it's unbelievable.

Nick: I mean, this is totally up my alley. Yeah. I'm all about this.

Leah: I would get married at a Buc-ee's.

Nick: I am sure that has happened.

Leah: I hope. I really hope it has.

Nick: I would—based on how you've described it, it sounds like inevitably there has been a wedding that has taken place at Buc-ee's.

Leah: There's so many choices of fountain drinks. It's overwhelming.

Nick: But no, the art in the bathrooms that's for sale, I'm curious about their curation.

Leah: It's a great time.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And when I tell you, clean bathrooms? Mm-wah!

Nick: [laughs] Chef's kiss. Huh?

Leah: Chef's kiss on the bathrooms.

Nick: So, okay. So I mean, I guess I repent for calling out somebody for a Texan accent, but Texas sounds great. So I'm gonna go.

Leah: And on my repent, I think what I should have—would have been a great time was that I should have brought up how I think that the editors of Love Island deserve, like, some sort of a Emmy nomination. Because I do think it's incredible television, the way they make something—and the music. I mean, it's unbelievable.

Nick: Oh, as a production for this person you met? Oh, you could definitely compliment a lot because it is a very tight, polished show.

Leah: It is such a tight, polished show. And that would have been a time to drop it. I was just—she might not have even thought anything. She might have been like ...

Nick: No, I think your encounter actually sounded completely innocuous. And the idea that the UK version is everybody's favorite, which is the original OG version? Of course, it's everybody's favorite. So that's ...

Leah: They just misbehave so much more in the UK on that show.

Nick: Yes. The casting is definitely more provocative.

Leah: They are so—yeah, especially in the earlier ones. You're like, "Wow!"

Nick: So listeners, that's Love Island. [laughs]

Leah: And Buc-ee's. And Buc-ee's.

Nick: And Buc-ee's. There you have it.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned that when you say, "How do you do?" it's not a question, it's a response of "How do you do?"

Nick: How do you do?

Leah: Oh, that was really nice.

Nick: Oh, I've been practicing.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And I learned all about Buc-ee's. Who knew?

Leah: I knew. And I can't wait for you to see one.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, okay. I think we do need to have a road trip, Leah. I feel like we need a road trip.

Leah: It has been requested to me to get Buc-ee's fudge for people, which I've done.

Nick: Oh, okay.

Leah: I've carried Buc-ee's fudge across America.

Nick: I mean, I do expect to see some fudge in my mailbox from you.

Leah: Do you? Because sometimes I think—well, you like the caramel topped one. You know, I have a running list.

Nick: Oh, I—I'm very equal opportunity when it comes to fudge.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we want your questions. This is your personal invitation to send us some questions.

Leah: I think Nick particularly likes it when you get him to choose a side in an argument and break the tie.

Nick: I love that! I do love that. Why do I love that?

Leah: I[laughs] I don't know, but it's—I know you love it, and it seems very like what you were born for, Nick.

Nick: Well, because I just wish life were black and white, and there were winners and losers and things were just clear and definitive. Like, I just—I wish we lived with that certainty. And so I just want to make certain of an uncertain world.

Leah: Or you want to have a gavel and be like, "This is what Nick says."

Nick: Oh, I need an etiquette gavel.

Leah: You need an etiquette gavel.

Nick: All right. Well, listeners, send me your questions so I can use my etiquette gavel. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah, it's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I want to give a cordials of kindness shout out to Jessica Earle, who I actually met at Burning Man, and she's from England. On theme.

Nick: How's her accent?

Leah: Beautiful and perfect. And we became close friends because we both had dogs that we missed, and we shared pictures and we now have a long-distance friendship. She comes back to the US for work a lot, but she is just so kind. She, like, made me—she's, like, made me fun videos for my stuff just out of, like, the kindness of her heart. And she did, like, a whole thing for my audiobook, and just the sweetest, loveliest, most giving, heartwarming person ever. And I'm so grateful for her in my life.

Nick: How nice! And for me, I want to read a nice review we just got, which is quote, "I just finished listening to all of these great and funny episodes for the second time."

Leah: Oh!

Nick: "Even though I remembered a lot of the episodes, I still fell on the floor laughing at the great puns that Leah provides. And I still get so mad at the mysterious Lisa that does things that should not be done. Thank you Leah and Nick, for this wonderful podcast that makes my day."

Leah: That is so lovely.

Nick: Isn't that lovely? I mean, I guess somebody out there likes your puns.

Leah: I mean, I only need one, Nick, and I will carry on, my sweet soldier.

Nick: So thank you for this nice review. It made our day.

Leah: It's so lovely! Thank you!