Experiencing Lucha Libre, Perfecting Guest Rooms, Spying On Neighbors, and More

Nick: Do you avoid picking sides? Do you make your guests wait for coffee? Do you spy on your neighbors? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So I was just in Mexico City, and one of the highlights of my trip there was going to see lucha libre live. So Leah, do you know what this is?

Leah: Mexican wrestling.

Nick: That's right, Mexican wrestling. And it is so fun. I had such a great time. And actually, it's not originally from Mexico. It was imported from Europe in the 1800s. But in the 1930s, there was a guy who created a national organization for this, and it turned it from, like, a regional sort of thing into, like, a big national sport. And then once we get to the advent of television in, like, the 1950s, then it totally took off. And it's in the world of American wrestling like WWE. Like, there's a lot of similarities in that, like, it's very dramatic, There's storylines, there's dramatic costumes. But there's, I think, less brawling in lucha libre, and there's a little more acrobatics, like, more flying, more people, like, jumping and landing on people. And I think in lucha libre, there is gonna be more two on two and three on three. Like, there's more tag teaming than American wrestling. Not that that doesn't happen but, like, I think there's just, like, more of it in lucha libre. But the biggest difference is the masks. That's like a big deal in lucha libre. And you've seen these, right?

Leah: Yes. I feel like the masks are iconic.

Nick: Totally, but they're not, like, just, like, costume, and they're not just like a gimmick. Like, the masks in lucha libre are, like, so sacred. They protect the identity of the wrestlers. Like, the identity of a lot of these wrestlers is a secret. Nobody knows their real names or where they're from or how long they've been wrestling. Like, these are secrets. And as a wrestler, you don't take the mask off in public, like, ever. Like, that's not a thing that happens. And a lot of wrestlers, when they're traveling, especially internationally, they'll travel alone because they can't travel with a mask because they have to go through security and stuff. And so they will often just be solo so they're not recognized. And they certainly wouldn't travel with, like, another wrestler who may know who they are because, like, you know, you wouldn't want to be spotted with somebody. So, like, there's a lot that's done to, like, protect the identities of these wrestlers. And the masks are so sacred that if you lose your mask for some reason, like, if you are unmasked, that could be, like, career ending. Like, that could be devastating. And there are battles where if you have, like, some rivalry with another wrestler, you could challenge them to, like, a mask-versus-mask battle, and whoever loses has to take off their mask.

Leah: No! I didn't know this.

Nick: That's a thing. Yeah. I mean, that's intense.

Leah: That is intense!

Nick: Right? And so that happens. Unfortunately, the night that I saw it there was no mask-versus-mask battles, but, like, oh, wouldn't that be exciting? And one of the most famous was this guy named El Santo. And he was big starting in the '40s through the '80s. And he had a silver mask—very chic. And at the end of his life, in the late '80s, he did a television interview where, like, without warning, he took off his mask.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: To say goodbye to his fans. And that was like the first time that had ever happened. And then a week later, he died.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: How dramatic, right? And he was buried in his mask.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: Right. I mean, that's sort of—yeah. And then his son actually is a wrestler now today. So, like, it's a family affair. But not every wrestler actually wears a mask. It is not required, and actually some start their careers not wearing it.

Nick: And I was talking to somebody about this, and they said one explanation for this is if you're very handsome, it actually could be better for your career if you just don't wear a mask.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] And so there are—there are actually plenty of wrestlers who just, like, don't wear a mask. And if you do get unmasked at some point in your career, like, you can still continue wrestling and, like, that's fine. So, like, that does happen. But there is some shame in losing your mask. And so the mask thing is really kind of wonderful. But here is my favorite part about Mexican wrestling, my favorite part. And this is, I think, what is most relevant for our show. There are two types of wrestlers. There are the heroes and then the villains. And the heroes are the ones that, like, follow the rules. They're more technical, they're, like, wrestling in good faith. And then there are, like, the villains who, like, break the rules. And like, these are the people, like, that fight a little dirty, they brawl a little more. And the terms for these people in Mexican wrestling are the 'technicos' for, like, the good guys. And then the word for the bad guys is 'rudos.'

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Isn't that wonderful? So we have these technicos.

Leah: That's so perfect!

Nick: And the rudos. And so I love that. I love that they're called rudos. And so rudos, they don't hide their behavior. They're not sneaky. They go out of their way to offend. And so, like, it's a lot of fun to watch. And so there's plenty more to say about, like, oh, the background. But let's talk about the etiquette. If you were going to attend a match in the arena in Mexico City, like, here are, like, some things to know. And so number one, you gotta get in with the energy. Like, this is a crowd participation event. You cannot go and just sit in your hands. Like, that's not gonna work. That's—it's just not gonna work. Like, what are you doing? No. You gotta—you gotta participate. And you gotta pick a side. You gotta pick. Are we rooting for the technicos or the rudos? And you can root for the rudos. Like, that's totally fine. You know, you could—you could pick either side but, like, you gotta pick a side because you gotta chant for your side. You got to, like, say bad words against the other side. Like, you gotta pick a song.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And speaking of the name calling, yes, there is quite a lot of bad language that is getting shouted in this arena. And so, you know, is it rude if that's what's done? I guess it's fine if that's just, like, what we're doing. So you could yell things like, "Vamos!" Or, like, things that are more polite in Spanish. You could go for the more crude Spanish if you prefer. There's plenty of that happening. One interesting thing that I did observe is that there is a naughty phrase in Spanish which has a certain rhythm when you say it, and people whistle in that rhythm. And that's, like, another way to say this phrase. And so I kind of enjoy that, like, oh, there's a whistle version of this. You also actually hear it on the street with people honking their horns in cars at other drivers. [laughs]

Leah: Wow!

Nick: So you do hear this, like, rhythmic thing, which I will not repeat, but you can easily Google it. But I think that's kind of fun. So if you're a good whistler, you could certainly join in on that as well. And then don't block people's views. That's kind of important because everybody's very close. And the rake in this arena is actually pretty shallow. And so you don't want to block other people. Like, if something amazing is happening and you can't help yourself, like, okay, you're out of your seat. But I was actually front row, and they actually specifically told us in the front row, like, do not get up because you will block everybody. So I sat the whole time. But you could certainly yell loudly from your seat.

Leah: This is so exciting!

Nick: And the other thing I noticed is that people in the audience were wearing masks. So if you have a favorite wrestler, you can wear the mask of your favorite wrestler. Like, that's allowed. Like, that's flattering. And even if your wrestler has been unmasked in their career, you could still wear their mask as sort of like a tribute to them. Like, that apparently is also allowed. And there was a lot of people wearing masks. It was, like, super interesting.

Leah: Oh, that's so fun!

Nick: Yeah. Oh, it's a total blast. And lastly, a question that comes up is, like, is it real? Is any of it real? Is it all staged? Like, what—what's happening? And it is actually hard to get a straight answer on this. Definitely there's, like, choreography that's happening. And I think definitely, like, the outcome is predetermined. Like, there is some of that happening. But is it always? Because, like, you have these mask-versus-mask battles. And, like, I don't think those are predetermined. Like, I don't think anybody's, like, going out of their way to, like, lose their mask. And so, like, that's pretty real. And then, you know, even if it is choreographed, like, these are people still doing the thing right in front of you. That flip you just saw, that was a real flip. That is not a fake flip. Like, that person is really actually, like, flipping in front of you. So I can think it's kind of like saying, like, "Ugh, Elphaba isn't actually defying gravity. This is fake. None of this matters." And I was like, well, that's not what this is. Like, yes, it's also entertainment. So I think we kind of have to just, like, appreciate it for what it is.

Leah: Yeah, I think it's about, like, just losing yourself in it.

Nick: Yeah, totally. And I did. I really did. It was, like, totally great. And so I think the next time you have the opportunity to see lucha libre, you should absolutely take it.

Leah: Yes!

Nick: Si!

Leah: Si, si! Vamonos.

Nick: [laughs] Great.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep, and I felt like this one was, like, what a treat for the imagination.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Well, for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about putting together the perfect guest room.

Leah: Right? This is what I'm saying. When we decided to do this question, I was like, "This is so fun. I'm gonna imagine what life would be like if I had an extra room, and could make it up for people any way I wanted."

Nick: That's true, yeah. For both of us this is a bit of a fantasy. Yeah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And this was actually inspired by our private Facebook group, which we have. Which is quite lovely. You might want to join because, like, the people in there? Very nice. And if you actually want etiquette advice in real time, like, everybody in this group is using the Were You Raised By Wolves? approach to etiquette and manners. And so, like, you'll get advice, like, in our vibe. So that's kind of nice.

Leah: I hear great things about it.

Nick: [laughs] Yes. Leah is not in the group because it's very VIP, but I monitor what's happening. And so somebody posted this question, which is like, "I want to put together the perfect guest room. What should I do to be the perfect host?" And so here we are. And so my first question actually is: do we want to be the perfect host? Do we want houseguests? Is that actually something we want to encourage? That was my first thought.

Leah: I love how Nick comes in on these questions.

Nick: [laughs] That was my first thought, though, because, like, I actually enjoy not having a very comfortable couch because it does not encourage guests to want to return. And so, you know, this is great.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: In New York City, I don't need houseguests.

Leah: Let's assume that people want their friends to stay with them, or family, and want them to be comfortable.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I think your—your question is noted.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think it's just a question. I mean, it's sort of like when you have a weekend house. Like, the first rule of having a weekend house is you don't say you have a weekend house. So if you have a guest room, yeah, do you actually want people to know about it? But okay, we are gonna try to be a nice host who likes their guests and wants them to be comfortable. Okay, fine. That's our baseline. And so to this end, how do we achieve this?

Leah: Okay. Do you want me to say what I wrote?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I mean, these are just things—obviously, there's a bed with sheets and blankets on it.

Nick: Yeah. Yes. Yes. There's a door, there's a roof.

Leah: There's a door. I mean, honestly, after being in New York for so long, it doesn't need to have a door. You just have, like, a corner that I could throw a curtain in front of? Amazing. But I don't even need the curtain. But door is lovely. And then towels? Nice. I like a place for people to be able to put their stuff.

Nick: Yeah. Some surfaces.

Leah: I just thought maybe a glass is nice, so if they get—in the middle of the night and they want to get themselves a little water, that would be lovely. This is me imagining my perfect guest room. Also, I like a fan. Sometimes people need, like, a little moving air. Maybe they need some noise. I'm gonna have an option of that for them for a fan. Also, I am not going to have a plugin.

Nick: You're not gonna have a plugin? What does this mean?

Leah: I just want to talk about that. I feel like I've been in a lot of places where they have a very strong scent plugged into the wall.

Nick: Oh, I see what we're talking about. Okay, we're not plugging in our electronics—because that's on my list. We do not want to have heavy scents.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Maybe like a nice, light scent. But some of those are so intense.

Nick: Yeah. No, I think that's a good note. Yeah.

Leah: And then when you unplug them—I've been in a lot of Airbnbs with them, and I get headaches from them. I will unplug them. And then they actually stain the floor.

Nick: Oh, golly!

Leah: Whatever is in them. So you have to then find a place to put it where—because whatever's in there is so intense. So I think—and it may be a light fragrance, yes, but let's not—let's not burn people's noses out.

Nick: Okay. Now number one on my list is: give me instructions for how to make coffee in the morning if I'm up before you. Just I need to know how that works so that I can take care of that first thing in the morning and not worry about it. Like, that's actually number one.

Leah: I like that one. That's lovely.

Nick: And then number two is I need to know about the WiFi. So somewhere in this guest room, if it has not already been established, I just need to know, like, what is the WiFi situation?

Leah: I like both of these. I feel like when my friend comes over, I'll tell them these things before they even get to the room when we're hanging out.

Nick: Yeah. These might not even be, like, in-guest-room items, but it was just, like, as a guest in your house if I'm spending the night, these are two things I want to establish. I think in the room, I want to be able to plug in my phone, and I want to be able to, like, have my phone plugged in near the bed. So you need to have some way to make that possible. And so if you don't have outlets near the bed, then we need to have, like, an extension cord. There just needs to be some way for charging and phone use in the bed to happen at the same time.

Leah: And I like a light near the bed.

Nick: A light near the bed? Yeah. With an on-off switch. That seems obvious, right?

Leah: I mean, these are obviously all ideal per—we're creating the perfect guest room. I'm happy if you can put me in a corner on a chair. I'm grateful. But I'm just saying if I'm imagining the perfect guest room that I can make for people, these would be all the things.

Nick: Yeah. This is to take it from good to great.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Another thing that actually does bother me when I'm a guest is when there's no trash can anywhere. And, like, whenever I'm traveling, I'm always just generating trash. You know, there's gonna be, like, the wipes I use to clean my eyeglasses, or there's the luggage tag from when I checked my bag, or there's just, like, paperwork. And, you know, it's nice to be able to put that somewhere appropriate rather than, like, having to take it downstairs to the kitchen or something.

Leah: I agree. And we had a letter a while ago—maybe in our first year, Nick. Was it in our first year when we were wee lass and laddies?

Nick: Wow. Was there a peanut farmer in the White House? [laughs]

Leah: Cardigans. A trash that has a bag in it as opposed to a naked trash.

Nick: Yeah. That's an enhancement.

Leah: And I mean, if we're going all out on this guest room ...

Nick: Oh, let's go all out.

Leah: I think if we have pillows—if—ideally, we have pillows for a person to put their head. Maybe we have two. And I'm just throwing this out. This may be too wild. Maybe we have two different types of pillows. Maybe one pillow is like a more of, like, a hard foam for those fellows.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: And then the other pillow is more of like a down smushy, depending on—we don't know what kind of necks we got coming in.

Nick: I mean, that is definitely hosting 2.0. Yes. If you're offering a menu of options of densities for the pillows. Yes. I mean, that's thoughtful. Yeah.

Leah: I mean, most beds have two pillows, so we could just get two separate pillows.

Nick: Well, then you have to ask me, do I want sateen or do I want percale? I mean, like, where does this end?

Leah: This is the ideal in-my-imagination guest room. I'm not asking you what kind of sheets you want. That you're just getting what you get. But if I have to have two pillows—I assume this is not a single bed—I might as well make them different in case they want to decide which one they like.

Nick: All right. Well, as long as we're talking about fantasies, then I want blackout curtains.

Leah: I think a curtain that keeps out the light is nice.

Nick: Yeah, I think that's very nice. Yeah. This does not always happen. In fact, I can specifically recall one friend of mine who's probably listening right now where you have a guest room that does not have such window coverings. And it is an issue. Yes.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: I've said it to his face, and yet has not been fixed.

Leah: I feel like Nick is a little bit on the hunt today. I don't know if anybody else is catching that vibe.

Nick: Oh, just you wait 'til later on this episode. Oh, just you wait. Yeah. No, I'm real aggressive today.

Leah: I'm definitely feeling it.

Nick: [laughs] Other things that were mentioned in our Facebook group that came up, which I think are very good to note: a place to sit when you're dealing with your shoes. So some sort of, like, bench-type thing to put your shoes on.

Leah: Oh, that's nice!

Nick: Mm-hmm. I think that's a very nice touch. Yeah. So somebody mentioned that. And then something to adjust the humidity level up or down. So if you're in a very dry climate then, you know, something to add moisture. If you're in a very humid climate then, you know, something to dehumidify. So some humidity-regulating option.

Leah: This has been—I'm just gonna bring this up because hey, that's what I'm here for. I have been staying at friends' houses before where there's one bathroom, and it's very close to both where they're sleeping and I'm sleeping.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And then, you know, you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and you wonder, if I flush the toilet, am I gonna wake them up?

Nick: Flush.

Leah: Some people say don't flush.

Nick: Oh, this is a totally separate conversation which I'm not prepared to have with you at this moment.

Leah: I always say to my friends, "Hey, I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, is that gonna wake you up?" I just say, "Is that gonna wake you up?" That way I don't have to worry about it in the middle of the night. That way, in the middle of the night, I don't have to go, "What am I supposed to be doing right now?"

Nick: Are you asking them for their permission to not flush?

Leah: No, I'm telling them. I'm letting them know if there's gonna be a thing, tell me now. If they're like a yellow you let it mellow because you're waking me up in the middle of the night, I'm a light sleeper and I'm gonna hate you forever, tell me now.

Nick: Okay. I mean, what are they supposed to tell you? Like, what is this conversation, though?

Leah: Don't flush in the middle of the night.

Nick: Okay. Just leave it. We'll get to it in the morning.

Leah: My guess is that I've shared a lot more spaces than you have.

Nick: Oh, yes. [laughs] For sure.

Leah: And I'm not gonna feel bad about asking people if they're light sleepers and if they don't want me to flush.

Nick: Yes. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I guess it is courteous, but I think when in doubt, just flush in the middle of the night.

Leah: Well, that's why I just bring it up in advance, so I don't even have to have a second of doubt. I don't have to worry about it.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Or think about it.

Nick: Okay. We're gonna put a pin in this and revisit this at another time for a deeper exploration on this topic.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Okay. But speaking of bathrooms, as a host, I think it is nice to offer some toiletries, you know, things they may have forgotten. So I think you want the basics. We wanna make sure we're offering soap, shampoo, conditioner. And so I think that's nice to offer these things.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Yeah. Don't you think?

Leah: I have very specific curly hair products.

Nick: Yes. I mean, I think most guests will bring their own things, you know, especially if they have specific needs. But I think it's nice to offer basics. Like, I don't want to go into your guest bathroom and it is void of everything except a washcloth.

Leah: Oh, in my—this fantasy now we have two separate bathrooms?

Nick: Yeah, of course. Yeah. I'm not sharing a bathroom. Ew! This is en suite.

Leah: Okay, so if this is en suite, then I'm gonna have the bathroom obviously set up for a guest, and then there'll be, like, little things that they're welcome to use. Yes.

Nick: Okay, good. Yeah. No, fantasy. This is the fantasy, Leah.

Leah: I'm still feeling very judged by you being like, "I would never worry about waking somebody up with my flushes."

Nick: I mean, I feel like flushing trumps sleep. No, you're—you're baiting me into this conversation. We will have it at another time.

Leah: I do not feel like flushing trumps sleep.

Nick: Does flushing trump sleep? Okay, we will—we will address this. We'll come to some conclusion.

Leah: I'm talking about when you share a bathroom and there's a—you know when someone's bathroom is attached to their bedroom and you're using that one?

Nick: Yeah, yeah. I get it.

Leah: And you don't want to wake them up.

Nick: No, I get that.

Leah: I'm just being polite. I pee a lot. I'm drinking over a gallon of water a day. Do you want me to flush it or no?

Nick: So then I guess as a host, I should not offer that carafe of water as previously mentioned. There should be no water option.

Leah: Well, if you offer it or not, I'm still peeing.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. That's how that goes.

Leah: Unless you're also offering sleeping pills.

Nick: Earplugs. That's something to add to the list.

Leah: We can put earplugs.

Nick: Yeah. And then the last thing on my list is a full-length mirror. I cannot tell you how many times I have been a guest in someone's home, and there is no full-length option anywhere. And I really don't like that.

Leah: And if you're gonna put a mirror in, please make it a nice mirror.

Nick: Yes. Actually, remember that home I was referencing without the blackout curtains? So ...

Leah: Oh, these people are getting pummeled today.

Nick: [laughs] No, I've said it to their face. Maybe I could finally shame them into fixing it. No, in one of the guest bathrooms is a mirror, of course, but it's one of those, like, American Revolutionary War mirrors that bubbles out, like, a foot into the room. And so it's a funhouse mirror. And so, like, you cannot actually—like, you see yourself, obviously but, like, this is not the reality of what we're looking at. And so, like, it is not helpful at all. It looks nice visually. Very attractive mirror. Not functional.

Leah: I recently saw a mirror that I was so taken aback by that I had to go get somebody else and be like, "Can you come look at this mirror?"

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. You're like, "Is this what I look like?"

Leah: "Is this what we look like?"

Nick: Right. Yeah. So you need to have an honest mirror. Yes. An honest mirror.

Leah: I don't necessarily need an honest mirror, but if it's gonna lie in one direction or the other, I want it in the nice direction.

Nick: Exactly. So that's the perfect guest room. [laughs] I think we learned a lot about each other today.

Leah: I feel like we—I don't think we learned anything. I think we both know ...

Nick: Yeah. No, I think things were confirmed.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Reconfirmed. But I look forward to being all of your guests, audience. So invite us. Just make sure you have blackout curtains.

Leah: I mean, now—now Nick is like, "You better have blackout curtains and I'm not gonna talk to you about sharing a bathroom at all. And your mirror better be perfect. And ..."

Nick: And oh, how do I make coffee?

Leah: Yeah, how do I make coffee?

Nick: Yeah, that's it. I'm the perfect guest. Yeah. It's so weird. I'm not invited more places.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "My friend hosted a great but a bit over the top Thanksgiving dinner. He had set up a Splitwise, but everyone also brought a dish. Now he's asking to settle the Splitwise, and the total cost per person is extremely high. The Splitwise includes all the chair and table rentals, a turkey stuffed with foie gras and high-end wines. Is it appropriate to split all the costs evenly? Should there have been a clear max on the budget? He created the Splitwise to make it fair for everyone, so it comes from a good place. Money isn't a big issue for him, but now in the end, it's costing people on a budget much more than expected."

Leah: I feel like, unfortunately, we're after the fact.

Nick: Yes. Yes, we are a bit after the fact. But this is Chekhov's gun. Like, the Splitwise was introduced in act one, so of course it was gonna go off at the end of this play.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Like, of course the Splitwise was gonna go off. Like, what were you expecting?

Leah: I feel like the dream would have been like, "Hey, we're setting up a Splitwise. Let's cap it. Let's stay under this."

Nick: Yes. Yes. I mean, I think the issue here is that we did give this guy a blank check.

Leah: That's what it seems like.

Nick: Yeah. So I don't want to victim shame here, but you admit that this guy is a bit over the top. So, like, what did you think was gonna happen? Like, of course there was gonna be foie gras in this turkey. Of course the wines were gonna be expensive.

Leah: It's also crazy that also everybody brought a dish.

Nick: Yeah. So that is a potential loophole here, which I think you could explore. Because, like, did the Splitwise include everything for this dinner including, like, whatever dishes the host made? In which case, like, he's getting off easy because, like, we're not taking into account all the other contributions. So, like, we would need to balance that out a little bit, right?

Leah: Yeah, that needs to be balanced out. I mean, technically, I feel like there shouldn't have been a Splitwise at all. He was hosting, he did the turkey, and everybody else brought a side dish. So, like, that was what he gave, and then they brought side dishes. So I feel like that technically should have evened it out.

Nick: Yes. I mean, the way Thanksgiving would work with friends is, like, oh, yeah, somebody hosts, somebody does the turkey, people bring the sides. And, like, that's kind of how it is. And, like, it's all even.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Ish. Close enough. Like, there's table rentals, though? Chair rentals? I mean, this definitely sounds like a big event.

Leah: It's just so messy because it's after. I feel like what happens is they set up a Splitwise and be like, "Okay, since we're splitting everything, let's also then subtract what everybody's bringing for their side dish."

Nick: If you were gonna say something, I think that's your only path in.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Like, that would be the only pathway in. Because otherwise, I think you just gotta pay it. Like, it's done. We did agree to do this, and we didn't ask if there's gonna be a max budget in advance. And so we're kind of on the hook there.

Leah: I also feel like if I went to this party and I did not understand how much this person was going to spend, like, I was really taken aback and this is out of my budget and I don't have it, I would message this person and be like, "This is significantly more than what I was expecting. I don't currently have this. Like, I didn't know you were gonna get top of the line wines. I would have said no." And then start that discussion.

Nick: Right. Yes. I mean, I feel like if that's the situation, then obviously have a private conversation with this person being like, "Here's the deal. How can we work this out?" Yeah, totally. And I think that's fair. And there's definitely a polite way to handle that. Sure.

Leah: So I just think that could be a private conversation if that's what the issue is, you know?

Nick: But I think this is just something to note for next year. I mean, you know that this is an over-the-top friend. And so now we really know what that means when it comes to Thanksgiving dinner. So next year, I guess it's like, "Hey, this sounds fun but, like, any idea how much this is gonna clock in at?" And then we can sort of have that budget conversation before the event, before we agree to attend. Or work with our host to be like, "Hey, this sounds fun. How can we keep it under this budget this year? Like, what corners can we cut? You know, what mid-price wines can we do instead?"

Leah: My guess is that the other guests did not realize that this person was gonna be renting furniture and splitting the costs on that.

Nick: Yeah, I could see how that might be a little surprising. Yeah.

Leah: It's like, "Oh, you're inviting me over to your house to pay for your furniture rentals?" I just think that's probably a shocker.

Nick: Yeah, I would be a little surprised to see that on the Splitwise. Yeah. Because then, like, what is our host doing? I guess our host is coordinating. They're not hosting. So the word 'hosted' is actually, like, the wrong word here.

Leah: Yeah, it's the wrong word.

Nick: It's the wrong word. This is the event coordinator.

Leah: Yes. I just definitely feel a little—I get that you agreed. One agreed, and then so you owe the money. But I do feel bad for somebody when somebody just goes extravagant. You didn't know, like, you were gonna be paying for a chandelier.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And then all of a sudden they're like, "Oh, but that's what you owe."

Nick: Yes. And I don't want to let this host off the hook. This host should have been more mindful of his guests' happiness and budget and feelings. And it sounds a little oblivious that they just sort of like, "Okay, I have a blank check, and this is the party I want to throw and everybody's gonna split it with me because that's fair." And, like, did not have any consideration for, like, how that was gonna land. And so that was a miss.

Leah: Yeah, I think that's what I feel as well. I think they're oblivious, and that that's gonna be taken out on their friends' wallets.

Nick: Yeah. So now we know for next year. Decline. So our next question is quote, "How should one deal with or avoid shared glances through windows that face neighbors? In Chicago, and I'm sure in many cities, it is not uncommon for building neighbors to have front row views of each other's activities. For example, I like to leave my curtains open in the morning, and have noticed my neighbors glancing over as I stroll to my morning coffee, often in PJs—or even just skivvies. And it's not like these neighbors are voyeurs. They simply happen to be looking out their windows. But still, it does make for an awkward moment. I feel I have the right to comfort and relaxation in my own space, but how can I be sure I'm not offending? Is it my responsibility to always be presentable when my curtains are open? Is this one of those situations where we just all pretend it never happened? What is the proper way to deal with those moments where you catch each other looking at the same time? Is it rude to acknowledge with a wave or even a smile? And what if you catch a neighbor's eye as they are mid moment in something private? And what if they see you see them in a state of less than full dress? It's not like you could just turn away. They know you're there. And what if you should happen to encounter a neighbor in real life with whom you shared these window moments? Should you acknowledge or ignore?"

Leah: I think do a little wave. "Hey!" And then go about your business.

Nick: [laughs] Okay, so the first question is: are you obligated to, like, be presentable in your own house? I guess how do we feel about that?

Leah: This is how I feel.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: It's your house, baby. You pay that rent.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You want to walk to get coffee in your skivvies? Maybe you just came out of the shower and you're in a towel? Okay.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: If you want to stand in your window nude?

Nick: Okay.

Leah: That's aggressive. That's a lot for walking by people.

Nick: That's a good point. Yeah. Are you in your apartment doing apartment things, or are you at the window sipping that coffee naked? Yeah, there is a difference.

Leah: Like, if you're at the window and you're basically like, "I want you to see this."

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: That's maybe not good for neighborhood children. You know what I mean? But if you're walking—I used to have a guy that lived behind us in Queens that I was like, he just wants us to see him.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: This is not a man walking to get a glass of water. And you're like, "Too much, my guy." But you're walking to get a glass of water. You're walking around your house, coming out of the shower, just—I think if somebody sees you, obviously, they accidentally made eye contact. Just wave "Hey!" And then go about your business.

Nick: Yeah. I don't know if I need the wave. I don't know if I need the wave there. But I do agree. I think we just go about our business in our own homes. As long as we're not, like, going out of our way to just, like, be that person in the neighborhood. But, like, yeah, I mean, if we're just in our house.

Leah: Yeah, because that person is like—should be on a list. You know what I mean?

Nick: I was thinking, is there a difference on what floor this is happening? Because it does feel like on the second floor of your house or in an apartment building high above the sidewalk, it does feel like the rules get more relaxed. Whereas, like, if you're ground floor in a home and, like, there's the sidewalk right there, it does feel slightly different, doesn't it?

Leah: Is this a man?

Nick: I don't know. Does that make a difference?

Leah: I would be interested.

Nick: And then what about the question of if you run into them on the street?

Leah: I would just continue as if it was, like, nothing. I wouldn't even bring it up.

Nick: Yeah. We pretend it never happened. Yeah. We absolutely live in the fiction that none of that ever happened. We don't acknowledge it. We don't remember it. Yes, nothing happened.

Leah: But it's also like, oh, I was walking by, and you were walking by your window on your way to get coffee in your shorts, and it was nothing.

Nick: Right. Yeah. I think it's the same vibe of, you know, you see people changing in the locker room.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And, like, whatever is happening in the locker room is what that is. And, like, we don't—there's nothing to say outside of the locker room. I mean, we certainly don't want to be like, "Oh, like your new boxer shorts."

Leah: Yeah. I wouldn't be like, "Remember when I saw you in the locker room naked? Hi!" That would be weird.

Nick: And now here in New York, I do have a lot of friends that do have binoculars on their windowsills who do seek out entertainment. So I don't know what we do with that.

Leah: I do feel like I don't keep any windows open, because I am afraid of people with binoculars.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And I do think that we live in a world in which if you have your windows open, you gotta assume somebody's looking at you.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess that's—that's also fair. Yeah. I mean, it is sort of fair game on some level.

Leah: Which I don't necessarily feel good about, but I do think that that's the hard reality.

Nick: Yeah. No, I wish that weren't the case. Yes. I mean, I guess this is why it's nice to live in the woods where you don't have any neighbors.

Leah: And then it's just the deer looking in. "Hey!"

Nick: Which I'm okay with, right?

Leah: Yeah. I'm so living, like, a Snow White, we're all talking to the animals fantasy.

Nick: But yeah, I guess if it bothers you then, you know, some shears. Yeah, some privacy screens, things that let in light but don't let in views. I guess that's how we solve this.

Leah: Yeah. Because, I mean, if it—you know, it makes your whole day to walk from the shower to the coffee machine in your towel, I don't want to steal that joy. You know, you're paying your own rent.

Nick: Well, because also, like, what am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to get dressed before I get my coffee? Like, I don't live in that world.

Leah: That's wild!

Nick: No.

Leah: I don't live in that world.

Nick: And then, like, I want to somehow actually put down my curtains in a way where I'm not actually, like, showing anything through the window at the window. Like, that's difficult.

Leah: Yeah, that's difficult.

Nick: Or am I forced to draw my curtains the night before? Like, that's too much consideration for your neighbors. So I think as long as we're not going out of our way to be provocative and offend, then live your life.

Leah: Which is not our letter-writer at all.

Nick: Definitely not. No. So thank you for this great question. And you out there, do you have any good questions for us? Oh, yes, you do! Oh, yes, you do. So send them to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) Call-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or Repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I would love for you to get to go first this time.

Nick: I would be delighted! So for today, I would like to vent. And so there is this new grocery store in Soho. Fancy neighborhood. And this grocery store is sort of flair. I really want to hate it, but it is beautiful. But it's so Instagrammable. Like, it is an Instagram grocery store. Like, it's not a real place where you buy things, but the food is actually very tasty. And they have great protein and two sides happening. And, like, ah, I want to not like it, but I really like it. But because it is so beautiful and is very Instagrammable, there is a clientele that tends to shop there that is super maddening.

Nick: And I was waiting in line, and these two people in front of me are checking out, but they have decided to continue doing their shopping. And so first it starts with, like, "Oh, let me just grab a bottle of water." And it's sort of like, okay, all right. Go run real quick and get a bottle of water. Okay, fine. And so one of the people in the couple goes and gets water and comes back. Okay, fine. And, like, okay, we're done here. We're gonna move it along. And then they're like, "Oh, actually, should we get yogurt? Yeah, let's get yogurt." And so now we're gonna go get yogurt. And, like, yogurt is not water. That is a different category. That is a grocery item. That's not—that's not a beverage. Beverage I can get. I can excuse beverage. One beverage, last minute thought? Okay, fine. Yogurt? No. No, not yogurt. And so, like, now we get yogurt and we come back, and of course, the yogurt is not, like, right there. That's a bit of a journey.

Nick: And so I'm like, okay, clearly we're done. Oh, but we're not. Now it's like, "Oh, you know—you know what would be nice with the cheese? Some fruit. Yeah, let's get some fruit." Now we're getting grapes. So now we're in produce. And it's like, what are we doing? No! This is not how this works. And so the rule, people, the rule is once you enter that checkout line, unless you can do whatever it is you need to do up to the second when you are ready to be checked out then, like, do it. But the minute you make anybody behind you wait, now you've gone too far. You are disqualified. Get out of the line, do your shopping, and go to the back of the line again. Like, that's it. And if you're already halfway through a transaction, complete that transaction, put it in a bag, and now you can go shopping again if you need to, and you can join the line like normal people. But we do not do our shopping while we're checking out. We do not do it. No. Full stop.

Leah: I wish I could have seen your face during this whole thing.

Nick: It was so mad. Well, I mean, when it became grapes, I was just sort of like, "Oh, I mean, now I have content for the show." So I actually did kind of enjoy that this was happening in some weird, twisted way where I actually enjoy etiquette crimes now. And I don't know how we arrived there. But no, this was—it was still maddening.

Leah: I mean, of course I'm getting a great visual of these people.

Nick: Oh, yeah. No, these are the people that you would think would pay, you know, $20 a pound for grapes.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, that's what was happening. So just a reminder. PSA. Yeah. Grocery shopping, once you are checking out, that process is one way, it is irreversible. You gotta go to the finish line. If you forgot something, no problem. Complete the checkout, go back, start over.

Leah: I think it would be so fun for you to come back to, like, a small town with me and see how grocery stores work.

Nick: Oh, my gosh, the amount of chit chat? How was your day? How's it going? What are you up to?

Leah: You got chit chat. Definitely people are like, "I forgot a potato." I did my first solo show, I talked about how I would leave New York and go back home and then, like, people would start counting their change out for, like, 98 cents.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And, you know, because when you grow up, it doesn't bother you. And then you leave, and then you come back and you're like, what are we doing? Just put down a dollar!

Nick: I would want to slap that change out of their hand and be like, "No! Here's a dollar. Get out of here." [laughs] And you, Leah. Would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I really just need—I've been racking—I've been waiting all week. I was like, somebody do something!

Nick: Oh?

Leah: See, I'm in this really weird place, Nick, where we almost might need a third category. I'm in this, like, weird place where I'm just letting things go really fast.

Nick: Oh, but that's not good for our show.

Leah: [laughs] I know.

Nick: I need you to hold grudges.

Leah: I can't. I just don't have any. And I've been looking. I've been walking around going, "Somebody do something." And then when I mess up, I just either apologize or I think, "Oh, well."

Nick: Oh, that's not fun.

Leah: [laughs] I don't know what to do.

Nick: Okay, so we have ...

Leah: I will say—I will say this week, I had something come up that really upset me.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I handled it in the moment. Nick knows it was an email. These people who owed me money, and they made it like it was my fault instead of just being like, they messed up. And so I sent an email back that I thought would—would have been perfect for being crafted on Were You Raised By Wolves? I was like, this is the kind of email that we would tell people to send.

Nick: And you sent it.

Leah: And I sent it right away.

Nick: All right.

Leah: And the situation was remedied.

Nick: That's a little disappointing. [laughs]

Leah: But it did—it did hit one of my things where they acted like something didn't happen because it was my fault instead of just being—my thing is if you're like, "Hey, I did this, my bad, I'll fix it. It's just gonna take a little longer." No problem. But, like, don't blame me for something you did.

Nick: Okay. Well, so you have nothing for this week. That's okay. Because we will use this statistically against you when we do the tally for episode 300.

Leah: What do you mean 'against me?'

Nick: And this will actually help my—well, because it'll help my score relative to yours because you will have one less repent. Because this is—this is gonna count. It just won't count as a repent or a vent. So we—somehow I'll make this work in my favor.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Somehow, statistically, this will work to my benefit, in which case this is fine. But I think we need to put you in more places where etiquette crimes happen.

Leah: I mean, I feel like I am in—I live in Hollywood. I go to comedy clubs at night.

Nick: Yeah. You do fitness. You do go on airplanes. Okay. Well listeners, if you have ideas for where Leah needs to go to have reliable sources of vents, let us know. We'd be very curious.

Leah: What if I've just reached a higher level of my being where everything just rolls off?

Nick: Oh, this is etiquette enlightenment? Is that what's happening?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Okay. I mean, who needs a Bodhi Tree?

Leah: You know, I just think I see their behavior. I think it's not about me. They're dealing with their own issues.

Nick: [laughs] All right. Well, I still have a long way to go, but you will be my inspiration. You will, Leah Bonnema.

Leah: I'm sure as soon as we hang up, 30 things are gonna happen to me.

Nick: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So please write them down for next time.

Leah: I do think that by saying this, a lot of things will happen, because I've now set off some kind of a thing.

Nick: No. Good. I hope the universe gets you.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Nick, the universe is working for me, not to me.

Nick: Uh-huh. All right, let me know how that goes.

Leah: The universe supports me. The universe supports me.

Nick: [laughs] Just keep telling yourself that.

Leah: I will. The universe supports me. Things are always working out for me.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: Well, I learned about the mask off.

Nick: Oh, yes!

Leah: In lucha libre.

Nick: Mask versus mask.

Leah: Mask versus mask. So intense, so dramatic!

Nick: And I learned that the universe is happening for you, not to you.

Leah: Yes. And I think everybody's welcome to take that home. It's a really good thing to repeat in your mind instead of, like, negative self-talk. You go, "You know what? The universe is happening for me. Not to me."

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we want your etiquette crime reports. These can be historical etiquette crimes, crimes in progress, or it can be like Minority Report and future crimes. So please send them to us. And you can send them through our website, EtiquetteCrime.com.

Leah: Oh, and some of the ones we get, they are bangers. They are so wild, I have to read them aloud to the dogs.

Nick: Yeah. So if you are the victim or witness to an etiquette crime, please send it in. EtiquetteCrime.com. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only gave you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: Okay. So are you ready for this?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Do you remember way back when, in the middle of our relationship, I was coming back from Palm Springs. I got a bolt in my car. This is the first time I've had this. My tire is just going down. I pull off. I'm in North Hollywood. I pull into this place that's closing, and this hero of a human being comes out.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: And is like, "I can save that tire." Doesn't even make me pay. They could have said a tire was $8 million, and I would have been like, "Okay, let me just get a job here for the rest—" Like, I had no idea. He goes, "Oh, I can just patch this. It's not in the—" amazing person. So we remember this story. So I'm driving to North Hollywood. My tire starts getting flat.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: So I'm coming from the other direction. So I don't at this point even remember that this is where I came last time I got a flat. I pull off the 101. The first two places are closed. I see one across the street. I just pull into this place. It's the same place I was at very randomly. Came off the highway in the opposite direction. I go in. The guy goes, "Oh, it's just because of the temperature change. Let me just refill all your tires for you." Refills my tires. Is like, "No, we're not gonna charge you.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: What is this place?

Nick: It's a magical tire place.

Leah: Of course, I tipped. It's a magical tire place. It's called Ron's Tire and Wheel. And I want to just give them a shout out because they are so kind. And so—because both times I was in a full state of panic, and they're just like, "Pull in, pull in. Let us look." And then they were just completely honest about it. So helpful. How random that both times from different directions, I ended up at Ron's. I mean ...

Nick: Ron's the place.

Leah: Ron's is the place!

Nick: And for me, I want to say thank you to everyone who came out to see us in Denver. We had a great live show at the Bug Theater, and we had a great crowd come out and see us. And it was really nice to meet everybody. And we have never done so many autographs. Like, we need more Sharpies.

Leah: We weren't prepared.

Nick: We were not prepared.

Leah: We were not prepared.

Nick: Yeah, because, like, we sell tote bags and stuff afterwards, and people wanted us to sign them. And, like, it did not occur to us that, like, oh, that's a thing that people would want. And so we did not have, like, thick Sharpies handy. Like, actually, somebody brought their own Sharpies—very well prepared in Denver.

Leah: Which was lovely.

Nick: So now I'll bring some Sharpies for our next live show. But it was so fun. Like, had a great time. So thank you, Denver. Thank you, Bug Theater. It was a great night.

Leah: So great. Thank you so much!