Eating Baguettes in France, Spitting Wine at Tastings, Returning Gifts to Guests, and More

Nick: Do you put your baguettes upside down? Do you wear perfume to the winery? Do you refuse gifts from your dinner party guests? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: My palms are sweaty.

Nick: So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to talk about baguettes in France.

Leah: Lovely!

Nick: Or baguettiquette? Is that what we're gonna call it?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I love it!

N And for the purposes of this discussion, Leah, just pretend that you eat gluten. Can we—can we just suspend your gluten issue for a moment?

Leah: Just so everybody knows at home, I haven't eaten wheat in 10 years. I hate to be in the gluten fad, but I just can't eat wheat.

Nick: So baguettes. And there's a lot to say. So I'm just gonna give you a couple highlights today. But, like, the traditional baguette in France actually does have, like, a legal definition, which I love. I love that about France. Like, there's actually, like, a legal definition of what a baguette is.

Leah: I love that.

Nick: Right? So it has to be made on site, and it can only have four ingredients: flour, water, salt, yeast, and that's it. And it can't be frozen at any time.

Leah: This is a fabulous definition.

Nick: And what's interesting is there's not actually, like, a definitive origin story of, like, where it comes from. But I did come across four good stories. And Leah, you can decide which one you think is true.

Leah: Great!

Nick: The first one is that it comes down to Napoleon, and he wanted something that was easier for soldiers to carry because, like, before the baguette, you know, bread was round. You know, round loaves. And for a soldier, oh, where are you gonna put that? So a baguette, long stick, easier to carry in a bag. Okay. It's an idea. I don't know about that, but idea.

Nick: The other idea is that it actually comes from Vienna like the croissant. But, like, French people aren't into that idea of, like, giving credit to the Viennese for anything. But you do hear that story. Another story is that in 1920, a law was passed where people were not allowed to work before 4:00 am, which meant bakers weren't allowed to be up early baking bread that needed time to rise. And so the baguette sort of was invented because it was a shape that actually doesn't take as much time to rise. Interesting.

Nick: But then the last idea I came across—which I think is my favorite, and I hope you agree—is that it comes down to when the Paris Metro was being built, and workers would bring their lunch with them, of course. And you always have bread, and if you have a round loaf of bread, you have to cut it with a knife, and so workers had knives. But then the workers were getting into too many knife fights.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And so the main engineer of the Paris Metro was like, "We cannot have all these workers getting into knife fights, so we need to invent a type of bread that does not need a knife to be cut." And so the idea is that oh, we'll just invent the baguette.

Leah: Obviously, I'm going with that one as well.

Nick: [laughs] Right? I mean, I hope that's true because what a bonkers origin story, right? Like, oh, knife fights!

Leah: That's a fun one. Although I can imagine Napoleon and his quote-unquote "crew" with a baguette slung over their shoulder.

Nick: I mean, I kind of like that visually. Yeah, that's kind of fun.

Leah: Almost like a bow and arrow, where the baguette is the ...

Nick: Oh, you need, like, a special baguette holster type thing.

Leah: Yes. You would have a baguette holster.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I'm into all of these ideas. I mean, I'm into baguettes in general. I'm just into baguettes. So Leah, I want to take you to France. And so let's go to Paris, and let's go to, like, a cool bistro, very cazh. And so we are seated and there are no plates on the table. It's just us, no plates. And then they bring us a basket of bread. Okay Leah, would you like some bread?

Leah: Yes, thank you.

Nick: And so you are going to take a piece of bread out of this basket. What are you gonna do with it?

Leah: And there's no plates?

Nick: There's no plates on the table.

Leah: Well, I'm gonna hold it in my hand and then move it into my mouth.

Nick: Okay. So you're gonna take an entire piece of bread and just shove it into your mouth all at once. Is that what's happening?

Leah: No, I'm gonna eat—I'm gonna take a piece of it.

Nick: Okay. And then I'm gonna put that in my mouth.

Nick: And then you're just gonna keep holding on to the bread?

Leah: And maybe I'll rock it gently, sing to it a lullaby.

Nick: You're not gonna put it down?

Leah: On the table?

Nick: I don't know. What are you gonna do with the bread, Leah?

Leah: I'm just gonna hold it.

Nick: You're just gonna hold it the whole time? The whole dining experience?

Leah: Well, if other plates come, I'll put it on the plate.

Nick: So the rule is you actually do put it on the table, directly on the table. Yes. Yes, to the left where the bread plate would go. But yeah, it goes right on the table. Doesn't go on a plate, doesn't go on a napkin, doesn't go on anything else. Right on the table.

Leah: No.

Nick: [laughs] This is really—this is really the rule in France. Yeah, this is really how it's done. Yeah. And it does trip up a lot of tourists. Like, most of our instincts would be like, oh, I cannot put bread on a table. I need to put it on a plate. And you're probably only gonna get a plate for bread in an upscale restaurant in France. Like, in a casual bistro, there's not gonna be a plate. It goes right on the table. Yeah.

Leah: I mean, at this point, I'm glad I don't eat bread because I'm not putting my bread on a table where I don't—who was there before? There's no tablecloth.

Nick: Yeah, I mean ...

Leah: No!

Nick: ... is it hygienic? You know, I don't know. But I—you know, when you buy a loaf of bread, they often just grab the loaf with their hands, too. So, you know, it's—the crust is protective, maybe?

Leah: I love this. I love this false narrative we're telling ourselves.

Nick: [laughs] I don't make the rules, I'm just letting you know how it's done with the bread.

Leah: I appreciate that.

Nick: Yes. Now Leah, what do you do if your bread is cursed?

Leah: Well, I would say a blessing over it.

Nick: So in France, there is also a superstition around bread where if you put a loaf upside down, or a piece of bread upside down, it is considered very bad luck. You will have doomed yourself, and all around you there will be so much misfortune, and you definitely never want to turn bread upside down. And it's called the executioner's bread.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: And so this goes back to the Middle Ages. And there's a lot of different, like, versions of this story, but one that I heard is that a lot of small towns had an executioner. That was just like a job in town. And so the executioner was somebody, like, not everybody loved, and I think most people actually feared them. And so there was an issue where, like, people didn't want to give them service, like they didn't want to sell them bread. And there was a royal decree which was like, uh, no, bread people. You are public servants, and you must give the executioners bread. Like, you can't not sell the bread. Now because the bread that they would then make for the executioner had, like, bad vibes inside of it, or they just didn't want to give, like, the best loaves to the executioner, on the counter, they would flip those loaves over so that it would be separated from, like the good loaves, the loaves that didn't have bad vibes in them or, like, the better loaves. So only the loaves that were flipped over, those were for the executioner, thus the executioner's loaves.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: Right? Isn't that fun? And so the idea that anytime bread is flipped over, it's like, oh, this is not good, this is where this comes from.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: So don't do that. And now apparently to lift the curse, what you have to do is you have to mark the bread with the sign of the cross, and then I guess that fixes it.

Leah: The blessing.

Nick: Yeah. So yeah, you were right on the right track with that.

Leah: Isn't this the first time maybe in my life—I was gonna say our lives, but otherwise I would just say this is the first time, but I can't speak for you—that I've actually felt bad for the executioner. I never thought this is just their job. They're just trying to keep a roof over their heads, and this was the only job available. And they—because they're always portrayed as, like, the meanest, evilest people.

Nick: Yeah, that's true. Yeah. What—what's their story? Yeah, what is their burden? Yeah. What happens when they go home?

Leah: Maybe they go home and they cry and they cry and they cry. But they just—they—no, I didn't want to do this, but I have to feed my children.

Nick: I mean, this could be your next great play, Leah.

Leah: I'm thinking about it right now.

Nick: The executioner with a heart of gold.

Leah: And upside down bread.

Nick: Although honestly, an executioner in the Middle Ages? I mean, how brutal.

Leah: Brutal!

Nick: These were not fun executions, you know?

Leah: As opposed to the fun executions.

Nick: Right. Yeah, there's no bouncy houses.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. No, these were—these were pretty gruesome. And so yeah, I can see why people weren't thrilled. And also, like, the idea of hooded, I guess, is so that you wouldn't know who they were in town. Although a small town, how could you keep a secret like that?

Leah: Of course you know who it is.

Nick: Yeah, right?

Leah: You'd be like, "I recognize your feet."

Nick: Yeah, it's like, "Oh, I know those shoes." Right. Or, like, "Oh, Bob, he just works in accounting? I don't think that's his day job."

Leah: Also, everybody else is here except for Richard. I wonder who it is.

Nick: [laughs] Right? He has an upside down baguette in his hand.

Leah: I mean, I think we could say the Middle Ages were just brutal across the board.

Nick: Yeah, I don't think that was a fun time. That wasn't a fun time for anybody.

Leah: I'm delighted to be here with hand sanitizer and running water.

Nick: And baguettes.

Leah: And baguettes!

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and to the country.

Nick: Yes, to wine country. So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about winery etiquette.

Leah: Delightful!

Nick: And wineries, yeah, I mean, a nice little tasting at a winery? This is a very nice thing.

Leah: The amount of comedy shows I've done in wineries ...

Nick: Oh, is that like a thing?

Leah: Oh, it's a huge thing.

Nick: That's fun.

Leah: Between wineries and breweries, I think I've traveled 50 percent of this country.

Nick: I mean, alcohol and comedy does go together.

Leah: Goes together.

Nick: So I think the top advice I have is that you're there to taste, not to party. I think, like, it should be a little more about the tasting. You should have a nice time but, like, let's not get rambunctious, right?

Leah: [laughs] I was wondering what word you were gonna use, and I'm thrilled by 'rambunctious.'

Nick: I guess what I'm thinking of, the times I've been to wine tastings is there's always that group that's like a little loud, and it's sort of ruining it for everybody else. And I guess I just don't want your fun to affect other people's fun.

Leah: So it's like, don't let your fun be so fun that it bleeds into the next group.

Nick: Keep your fun contained. [laughs]

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: No, but, like, you should have a good time, and everybody should have a good time. And, like, this is not like prim and proper and library voices, but it's like there are—we've all—we've all been around people who are just getting a little—a little out of control. And it's like, that's not fun to be around.

Leah: I think there's also, like, a lot of bridal showers. You know, people do it in ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: For weekends, where maybe the goal of the weekend was to get a few ...

Nick: I think if you want to have a nice sash and some sort of decorative hat while you do it, that sounds great, but it's sort of like, do you need to be affecting my ability to have a fun time in this wine tasting room? I guess that's the question.

Leah: I'm just thrilled by decorative hat.

Nick: [laughs] We can all picture the types of decorative hats.

Leah: Yes, I think that was a very classy way to say it.

Nick: Decorative. Yes. So that's just like a top-line thought. It's just like, let's just remember that this is a shared space. It's a shared space, unless you're doing a private tasting, in which case, okay, some of these rules may not apply.

Leah: Sounds like a solid point of entry to the etiquette of wineries to me.

Nick: And then another important thing is do not wear scents. Wine is such a sensory experience, and definitely you don't want to wear scents on yourself because that'll affect your enjoyment, but it will also affect the enjoyment of the people around you, too. So this is sort of related.

Leah: That's such a good point because I wouldn't have thought of that. I mean, I—it just wouldn't come up in my ...

Nick: Yeah. I mean, a lot of people do go to these tasting rooms for the point of tasting, and so you are going to be affecting other people's ability to do that.

Leah: Yes. Very good point, Nick.

Nick: And then I think the third most important thing on my list is just wait until they give the spiel about the wine before you taste it. A lot of people who work in these tasting rooms do find it really annoying when people just start drinking the wine before, like, everybody's even been poured, or before, like, some of the tasting notes or sort of described. Like, just wait a beat until the person is sort of like, done with their thing.

Leah: Lovely. I mean, I feel like this is directly off our conversation for paying attention to the in-flight.

Nick: Oh, the safety briefing?

Leah: Yes. We're paying attention to people.

Nick: Yeah, we're the best passenger.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yes. You want to be the best wine tasting room guest.

Leah: Just like ghost tours, give them your full ...

Nick: Yeah, 110 percent. Yes. And then I have been in tastings where, like, there's always that one person who just knows a lot about wine.

Leah: Oh.

Nick: And really wants you to know that they know about wine. Don't be that person.

Leah: Don't be that person. Don't be that person anywhere.

Nick: Right. Yeah. I mean, usually it comes up at, like, food tours or, like, walking tours.

Leah: Unless you're the person giving the tour, that's who people are paying to see.

Nick: Right. Yes, unless you are the person being paid for the information. Yeah, so just, like, don't be that person. And if you have questions, I think that's totally, like, great, that you should actually ask all your questions. Like, that's such a wonderful opportunity, but there is a difference between, like, asking questions and interrogating.

Leah: Or also asking questions to show how much you know, which is my favorite kind of opposite day question.

Nick: And next on my list, let's talk about spitting.

Leah: Wow. Okay.

Nick: Yeah, let's talk about it. It's totally cool to do. You can do it. In fact, you should do it if you're actually tasting a lot of wines because it can catch up with you. You know, a day of wine tasting? That's a lot of wine,.

Leah: A lot of wine.

Nick: But spitting is an art and must be practiced. And so you want to do it in sort of a directed, targeted quick burst. This is not like a dribble from your mouth kind of situation. So it's kind of like I think at the dentist, you know, when you're spitting into the thing.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Like, it's that kind of targeted. I think that's maybe the vibe. And one good thing to do is to practice at home. So, like, in the shower, practice with water and, like, try to hit your shampoo bottle.

Leah: I was gonna say, I hope there's a practicing-at-home segment of this.

Nick: [laughs] That's a homework you could try. Yeah, because you just want to be good at it because you definitely don't want to hit somebody else. You don't want to dribble on yourself. And it's sort of like you are spitting in public, which is not what most of us are used to doing, and so you gotta have to do it with, like, confidence. And that takes some practice.

Leah: And where are we spitting, Nick? Directly onto the floor?

Nick: You are spitting into a designated vessel. So usually there's gonna be a bucket for this purpose.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Does one spit on the ground? I have not seen that done. Yeah, I don't think we do that.

Leah: I think this is where all of my fellow sports players from high school, we excel.

Nick: Yes, some people have a lot of practice with this.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And so the learning curve will not be as steep. But it is good to practice because you want to do it and you want to be, like, slick about it, so I encourage people to practice. And lastly, tipping does happen. In the United States, tipping definitely happens in these tasting rooms. And so it is good to sort of just be mindful of what the tipping rules might be where you are. Like, it could be a paid tasting, in which case you kind of could tip on that dollar amount. A lot of these tastings are free though, and so you might want to tip based on, like, what the wine sort of would have been. So this is why tipping is horrible because, like, how are you supposed to calculate this? How stressful! Like, oh, what is an appropriate tip?

Nick: I cannot give you this guidance for every wine tasting room in the United States, but basically, the idea is like, tipping is a nice thing to do in a lot of these places. And so you might want to just sort of like ask, I guess, if it's not clear what the tip should be. And they'll tell you. Rare is the person that would like to be tipped who will not tell you.

Leah: Also, since we've had many tipping conversations about how randomly you're supposed to have cash and we forget—especially now with Venmo—and I've now since put cash into the—I carry a fanny pack, everybody.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I love a fanny. I put it in the inside pocket. And I was recently at an event and I was like, "We should tip these people." Nobody had cash. And I was like, "I have cash, everybody!" And I handed out cash to everybody, and everybody was like, "We'll Venmo you. Can we have your cash?" And I was like, "Absolutely." And it was so exciting. I was so excited that I was the person with the cash.

Nick: Now I'll see your fanny pack and I'll raise you.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: I also always carry $20 in cash, but I carry it in $2 bills because it's less volume, and generally speaking, the tip in New York City it's gonna be $2. Rare is the dollar tip anymore. For a drink at a bar, you know, a coat-check person, like, it's always gonna be in increments of two now. So $2 bills. And also how fun is that?

Leah: How fun. This is the most Nick Leighton I've ever heard. One of the top five most Nicholas Layton things I've ever heard.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: "No, I carry $2 bills to tip people."

Nick: Yeah. No, because they're fun and they're rare and, like, it's unusual. And I like being a little unusual. And you actually do have to order them from your bank.

Leah: Yeah. No, I figured. [laughs]

Nick: Like, most banks don't just have them available. But I place a special order. So yeah, you know, get 100 bucks in twos. It's fun. Yeah. So I recommend everybody get $2 bills today.

Leah: You know, I was excited with the ones, but I also think that's a lovely idea. [laughs]

Nick: Yeah so they are. So wineries, I think that's some things to keep in mind to have a better time.

Leah: Yes. And if there happens to be a comedy show there, laugh and clap because we are filling a void in our life and we need you deeply. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "My sister is getting married soon, and just found out that her fiance's brother and his wife are expecting and their due date is three days after their wedding date. She is now concerned that there's going to be some sort of overlap, and while they're very excited to welcome a new niece or nephew into the world, they're very disappointed in the potential date overlap and that things were not more thought through. And she's now wondering how to approach this situation with both her brother- and sister-in-law, but also with her future in-laws and asking them to please stay for the entire wedding. So if you have any advice on how she should approach that conversation, we'd really appreciate it."

Leah: Do you want to lead off?

Nick: Um, sure. I mean, I think my question is: what conversation?

Leah: I was so stuck on the things we're not more thought through that I ...

Nick: Well ...

Leah: ... I forgot what the question was. [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. I mean, that's really—I mean, that's really the thing we should discuss. The idea that we're mad that things were not more thought through, which is like nine months ago, really wish you'd kept my wedding date in mind. Is that—is that—that's what we're talking about.

Leah: I feel like that's what that implies.

Nick: Yeah. No, I think that's what we're talking about. Yeah. Which with all due respect, uh, I'm not on board with this logic.

Leah: Yeah, I think we should pull that out of our brains. Let's not get upset about that.

Nick: I mean, "My wedding is so important. Everybody should accommodate my date. Special day. Me me me me me!"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] That's—that's kind of my internal monologue with this.

Leah: But now it's external, and we all enjoyed it so much!

Nick: But I mean, I think that—that's where that's coming from, and I don't think that's a great place to be coming from.

Leah: Yeah, I think we don't want to be coming from there.

Nick: So if you are gonna have a conversation, I think we just want to make sure that it's not coming from that place. But then it's sort of like, well, what is the conversation? I'm disappointed in you?

Leah: No, I think that you could—if you want to have a conversation, I think the conversation is if she goes into labor early or can't—like my question is: are they traveling? They must all be at home because otherwise they're not—I don't know.

Nick: Yes. I don't get the sense that this is necessarily a destination wedding.

Leah: Because that's another—because then the question could be, I assume you don't want to travel or ...

Nick: Right. To me, the question is, like, "Oh, if there's a new baby, you might not be at my wedding, you might be doing baby stuff, and I would be disappointed in that because I want you at my wedding."

Leah: If a baby comes, a baby comes, and we're excited for them.

Nick: And obviously, the parents then would need to do the baby thing, not the wedding thing. The in-laws? I mean, I guess the question is like, would the grandparents of this child want to be there for the birth, and would that conflict with the wedding? I can see them wanting to make that choice.

Leah: I think for our letter-writer's sister, she really wants the parents-in-law there.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: And so I think with the soon-to-be parents, we just say, "Oh, they may go into labor. I'm excited for them." And let that be. But for the parents, I think we could say, "Hey, if she goes into labor, I would love you—could you stay for the 30 minutes for the ceremony just so you're there because we love you, and then I understand you want to be with the baby?"

Nick: Oh, you think they're gonna, like, dash out during the event? Like, they'll be—the ceremony, but they may, like, not stay for the reception kind of idea?

Leah: Or they are like, "We just want to be in the hospital when they're in labor," or ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: The thing is, we don't know when the baby's gonna be born. The baby could be born—three days is—"So if the baby is not being born at this exact moment and we're all in the town, can you stay for the ceremony?

Nick: Okay, yes. If this is pre-baby.

Leah: This is pre-baby, or maybe the baby was born the day before. Can you rush out for 20 minutes? I don't—I feel like that could be a conversation as opposed to, "I'm disappointed in the scheduling of the labor."

Nick: [laughs] Right. Right. Yes. I mean, I guess you could have a conversation, although I think that conversation doesn't need to be had because if these people could make it to your wedding, they will. Like, if there's not a reason for them to not be at your wedding, they will be at your wedding. And so if there is a reason for them to be with the baby, well then they're gonna do that. And so I guess you could request or just remind them, oh, how important it is for you to be there, how meaningful that would be. But I do feel like they're gonna be at your wedding if they can. I don't think you have to ask. They've already said they're gonna be there. It's just this last minute—last minute!—last minute baby thing that just came up.

Leah: I also—again, I would talk—have her fiance talk to his parents.

Nick: Ah, the Leah Bonnema in-law rule. Yes. That's—I think that's also a good point.

Leah: And then—but I do think, like, say our letter-writer's sister is very into, like, what's the plan, I think they pull out any kind of feelings of this should have been scheduled in advance.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And just sort of like, "Baby coming is exciting. We want everybody to be happy and be there for—" and just say to our fiance, "Hey, can you talk to your parents and ask, like, what the plan is?"

Nick: Okay, I think that could be the conversation to clarify what is their thinking if the baby comes the day of the wedding, I guess you could ask.

Leah: Or even if it's the day after the wedding. Sometimes people want to be—you know what I mean? What's—just to get what their vibe is.

Nick: Yeah, I guess you could ask. I do not get the sense from this question that, like, oh, we need to know because we have a headcount for catering. I'm not getting the sense that, like, that's a consideration here. We're worried about, like, oh, leaving empty seats, potentially.

Leah: I also want to say that I understand that your sister and her fiance have been looking forward to this wedding. They've planned it, and then they feel upset that half the family might not be able to make it.

Nick: Sure.

Leah: But I feel like—because obviously you want the people you love to be there for your big day.

Nick: Yes, this is reasonable.

Leah: And I do think that, though, nothing good will come from feeling that.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Because it's sort of—it will harbor a resentment instead of two big celebrations. So if there's a way to just rework how you're thinking about it and being like, "This is what's happening. I want everybody to feel good. This is my big day and my fiance's big day, and there may be a baby coming and I'm gonna move forward being like, these are all positive things."

Nick: Reframing, I think that's your best bet, for sure.

Leah: Because there's A) nothing to be done about it. And B) it's ...

Nick: No, there is no B.

Leah: Yeah, there's no B.

Nick: Yeah. No it's just A. [laughs] So our next question is quote, "Recently, my husband and I had a mild difference of opinion after some dinner guests left, and I'm asking you for a ruling. We have people over for dinner often, and guests often bring the obligatory bottle of wine for the table. We drink very little red wine these days, and so bottles of red tend to linger, and we regift them when we go to other people's homes. Several times over the past few years, as guests were leaving, my husband offered their unopened bottle of wine back to them, saying that we were not likely to drink it. I was a bit mortified. When I brought it up to him, he says he doesn't want it to go to waste and he wants them to enjoy it if we won't be drinking it. I find this cringey because it appears that we are rejecting their host gift and are judging the poor quality of their wine even if we say we don't drink red these days, I think we should thank people for the wine—red or white—and on the shelf it goes ready for the next party or a host gift. What are your thoughts on sending guests home with their own wine?"

Leah: I have very strong thoughts on this, but I want to flick back to our last question real quick.

Nick: Sure! Okay.

Leah: Because I want to give a Nicholas Layton that's now turning into a Leah Bonnema.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah! Okay.

Leah: So I don't have any siblings.

Nick: Right.

Leah: But what if we had a sibling who, every time we did something, they then planned to do something so our thing didn't get focused on?

Nick: Okay. Yeah, that dynamic is not unusual.

Leah: It does happen, I do know ...

Nick: Oh, sure.

Leah: So what if we were like, this was—they knew I was getting married. They knew the date, and then they went out and on purpose got pregnant.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And this was the one time—like on my graduation, they were on America's Got Talent. Like, you know what I mean? They just constantly do this.

Nick: Uh-huh. Okay.

Leah: And you're like, "Why? Why do you have to keep doing this?" And so if this is the circumstance—that's not clear in the letter, but ...

Nick: [laughs] Okay. All right. So this is a pattern.

Leah: This is a pattern.

Nick: This is just one of many in a sequence.

Leah: And it was done on purpose.

Nick: If it was done on purpose then wow, that's a long game!

Leah: That is a long game. But I want to give this to our—I want to give this possibility. Then I think that we want to enjoy our wedding, and we just set it up so there's not gonna be, like, four open seats up front. Like, reschedule it so they don't have to be there. They can do their thing, and you still have everything. Like, whatever their duty was in the wedding, just fill it with somebody else. Be like, "I know you're gonna have a baby. I don't want you to worry about anything. You know, we switched these tables around. Do you." And then go about your business.

Nick: And then change the invitation to make it adults only. "Sorry, no children at this wedding."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: There he is. There he is.

Nick: Okay. No, I mean, I think thank you for allowing that possibility.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: If it was on purpose, I mean, wow, that's—I mean, that's impressive. I'm impressed by that.

Leah: I mean, those people exist.

Nick: Yeah. No, those people do exist. So other people exist, including our letter-writers who have a question that they want us to settle.

Leah: And the sum up of this question, even though it was just read by Nick, but we bounced back, is that they—the husband is giving back the people's wine when they leave.

Nick: Yes. And they want to have us issue a ruling, which I mean, I am delighted. I'm delighted to be a judge.

Leah: I immediately imagined to bring back a decorative hat when we issue rulings.

Nick: So okay, what is the ruling, Leah? What are your thoughts?

Leah: I think we are not sending guests home with their own wine.

Nick: No, we are not doing that because it—yeah, it doesn't send the right signal. Because these gifts are like gifts—thank you for the hospitality. And when you give the gift back, it's like "I reject your gift. Take that thoughtfulness back with you."

Leah: [laughs] "Take that thoughtfulness back with you."

Nick: Now I think we could steer our guests to different gifts. Like, if it's just like red wine is just not a thing for you, I think you could probably make that more clear. Which is like, "Oh, please don't bring anything." Which PS - it is not required to bring wine to a dinner party. Miss Manners says the thing you need to do is reciprocate the invitation. But okay, everybody does bring wine now so, like, it's kind of a thing. So you could continue doing that but also you could steer these people towards soap, candy, tea towels, something else. So I think maybe you want to just steer your guests into a different direction besides red wine.

Leah: Or if that feels uncomfortable in some way, just keep it, and like you said, bring it to the next dinner party you go to.

Nick: Yes. Or there's lots of things you can do with red wine. You can make sangria, we can do poached pears, we can make beef bourguignon. Like, lots of things we could do with red wine so, like, maybe let's just, like, do something with it.

Leah: You could dress it up in outfits for different holidays.

Nick: Oh, dress it down with jeans, up with pearls.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Dressed to dinner. Very versatile. Yeah, but I think also just, like, saving it for the next party I think is also fine. Yeah.

Leah: I think we just do not want to give it back.

Nick: Yeah. I don't think we ever want to give a gift back because also you are burdening that person now with what to do with this. It's like, why we don't actually reject gifts at all. You always just want to accept them graciously, even if it's, like, the wrong size. Like, you deal with the return at Target of that sweater. Like, do not give it back to the person and be like, "Oh, exchange it for a medium." Like, just—if you can take care of a return or an exchange, like, just do that. Don't burden the gift giver with a task.

Leah: I feel like we have many options here, all of which come down firmly on the side of not giving it back. But we've offered an array of things to—say "Please don't bring anything." Say "Please specifically don't bring wine." Dress it up and make outfits and do lawn ornaments. Give it to the next person. Just don't give it back.

Nick: That's it. Case closed. So you out there, do you have any cases for us? Let us know! You can let us know through our website WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I would love to let you go first.

Nick: Okay. Delighted to. And today, I would like to repent.

Leah: Ooh, one for the numbers!

Nick: Yes, we are trying to do one for the numbers, but it actually is a legitimate one. So long story short, I have another friend who is also on a non-gluten journey. And I am often invited to his home for dinner parties, and it's delightful, excellent cook. And I often bring dessert because I like a good dessert and always happy to bring it, and so I do. And so I last time asked, "Oh, should I bring ice cream?" Because, like, honestly, who doesn't love ice cream? And so ice cream. Great. So I'm in the deli. I asked them to get the keys because in New York City everything is locked up, including ice cream.

Leah: Ice cream is locked up now?

Nick: Oh, you cannot buy Haagen-Dazs without a lock and key. Yeah. No, there's no such thing as, like, ice cream you can grab in New York City. Yeah. No, it is locked up.

Leah: Wow!

Nick: Right? What a world we live in. So I get them to unlock the ice cream, and I select three pints—because I like a little variety. And so I selected classic vanilla, and then I selected a bing cherry cheesecake and a hazelnut chocolate cookie. Great variety. I thought we had, like, a little fruity, a little vanilla, a little chocolate-y. What a trinity. And so turns out though, there was gluten in two of the three flavors, and it did not occur to me like, oh, my friend cannot enjoy two of the three flavors I just bought. And it did not—it just didn't occur to me. I was just being mindless. I was not being thoughtful in that moment, just slipped my mind. So luckily, there was at least one flavor that was gonna work, but I felt bad about this. And so this is a repent because I should have been a more conscientious guest.

Leah: I mean, I have nothing to say.

Nick: I know. Yeah, let's just take a moment to acknowledge that Nick has repented.

Leah: Nick has left somebody with only vanilla as their choice.

Nick: Is it a metaphor?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Who can say? So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna vent.

Nick: Okay, what has happened?

Leah: I've been taking a lot of gigs out in the deserts.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: Arizona, Palm Springs, Cathedral City, Joshua Tree. And if I'm overnighting, I obviously get a place where I can bring Lacey. We get up, we go for a nice walk. Lacey has to wear a coat in these cold desert mornings.

Nick: And Lacey is a dog.

Leah: Lacey Jane is our dog. And, you know, they have a lot of outside dogs there, which I think Lacey is like, "What are these dogs doing living outside? Don't they know about couches and soft blankets?" So it's fun to get her to see that, but so she has a jacket on, which I think throws a lot of dogs off. They're like, "What is this outfit?"

Nick: You're like, "Ooh, LA style."

Leah: So LA. So LA.

Nick: Sunglasses and a smoothie. Okay. "Dressing on the side, please."

Leah: "Excuse me. I am not eating—is that kibble? Um, no." So we're walking down the street. Three coyotes!

Nick: Oh, whoa!

Leah: So at this point, it's a cappella group.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Come running out of, you know, the bushes on the side and start circling us.

Nick: Ooh, that's scary!

Leah: And I see Lacey looking at them. They're very good-looking coyotes. They—they are well fed, their fur is beautiful. Lacey is like, "Are we playing?"

Nick: Oh!

Leah: And I was like, "Oh, we most certainly are not playing." And they're looking at her like, "Is that dog wearing a jacket?" And it was a whole—they circled us, and I made a lot of noise. I obviously picked Lacey up, threw her right over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and I just kept moving and making loud noises. They circled. Lacey kept being like, can we just make friends? And then this person in a pickup truck pulled up next to me and stayed there with me until the coyotes went. So this vent is against coyotes daytime on a main road. Which come on!

Nick: So your point is that the coyotes were rude because they were out during the day and harassing you. Is that what we're ...

Leah: They weren't harassing me. They were harassing Lacey. And I didn't—personally, I felt, you know, Lacey was being harassed, and it was during the daytime on a main road. And I thought, "Okay."

Nick: Okay. I mean, I think technically this satisfies the assignment, but this is a bit of a stretch, Leah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Bit of a stretch.

Leah: I mean, you know?

Nick: But good story, so we're gonna let it go. We're gonna let it slide today.

Leah: I think that's a solid vent. What are we doing with coyotes walking down the middle—middle of the road during the day?

Nick: What are we doing? Yeah.

Leah: Confusing my Southern California, jacket-wearing, soft blanket-needing dog.

Nick: Okay. All right, I'll allow it. Case closed.

Leah: Case closed!

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned this incredible choice of four baguette history. Choice of four!

Nick: And I learned that you'll eat something off the floor, but you won't put a piece of bread on the table.

Leah: Yeah. And the main difference here is I would say that's not true, but we all know it's true—is that on the floor I employ what is scientifically known as the five-second rule. And ...

Nick: I see. Okay.

Leah: ... if it was on the table for five seconds, you're actually putting it down.

Nick: Ah.

Leah: Entirely different.

Nick: Okay. That is entirely different. Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we want to make sure that you're following us. Follow our show in whatever app you're using. There's probably, like, a little bell or a little plus button, or it might say 'Follow.' So please do that.

Leah: We would deeply appreciate it.

Nick: We would. Yes. And it really helps our show. And you'll get notified when we have a new episode and everybody wins.

Leah: Yeah. You don't even have to listen to it. You just get the notification.

Nick: [laughs]Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I mean, we would rather you listen to the show but, like, that's optional. Yeah. But we at least wanted you to know that there's a new episode.

Leah: Yes! Please!

Nick: So please do that, and we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I would like to send out a big cordials of kindness to librarians. I think we all know I'm obsessed with libraries, and I—you can also bring your batteries. You know your used batteries you're not supposed to throw away? Libraries take them. You can bring your batteries to libraries.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And at this recent library that I went to, the librarian was the most delightful, and we had a fantastic time. And then I also took my batteries.

Nick: Very nice! And for me, I want to read a nice review we got from superfan Joe, and it's quote, "This is such a phenomenal podcast. I just completed my eleventh trek across the United States, and my partner and I binged about 90 episodes during our six-day drive. This pod and the hosts are so engaging that by the end, we were still singing and seat dancing along to the theme, laughing, screaming, and howling along. I will not get the image of Nick suggesting eating cotton candy on Zoom, or Leah saying, "What is happening?" out of my head. Thanks a million."

Leah: I love this. And I actually know Joe, and Joe messaged me. I met Joe through the podcast, and here in Los Angeles and he is absolutely lovely. And he messaged me while they were on this Were You Raised By Wolves journey, and I was like, "You're gonna listen to all of the whole thing? That's so much us!" And he's like, "Yes, it's fun. It was so delightful."

Nick: 90 episodes of us is—like, that's a lot of us.

Leah: I mean, I'm delighted.

Nick: Yeah. No, it's delightful. Yeah. I mean, glad you didn't get sick of us. So thank you.

Leah: [laughs] Thank you so much!