Dining Late in Spain, Taking Care of Pets, Using Toilet Bowl Brushes, and More

Nick: Do you eat dinner too early in Spain? Do you feed cats the wrong food? Do you cancel other people's events? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse bouche, I want to take you to Spain.

Leah: ¡Muchas gracias!

Nick: Have you ever been?

Leah: I haven't, and I would love to go.

Nick: Oh, Spain is wonderful. I mean, there's a lot of wonderful places in the world. Spain is definitely on that list, because it's so geographically large and there's so much variety in terms of the culture and the food and the history. Like, it's totally great. Like, we will go, and when you do go, you'll be prepared for dinner time.

Leah: I just want to make sure everybody heard that, that said, "We will go."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Everybody write that down. Nick said we will go, meaning Nick and Leah.

Nick: Yeah. No, the Nick and Leah adventure will happen at some point. I just have to prepare myself mentally, But then we will—we'll go on vacation, Leah. It's gonna be a whole thing.

Leah: I have to prepare myself mentally.

Nick: Whether or not we're both gonna come back alive, who can say?

Leah: Who can say?

Nick: So in Europe in general, dinner times actually vary quite a bit. And it's kind of geographic. Like, in Northern Europe, dinner times tend to be on the earlier side. And in, like, Southern Europe, it is actually on the later side. Like, dinner at 9:00 in Italy is, like, kind of normal. Like, that's not a crazy thing to be like, "Oh, let's do dinner at 9:00." But in Spain, 10:00 is totally normal, maybe even 11. And, you know, Tuesday night dinner, 11:00 reservation. And so, Leah, the question is: why do they eat so much later in Spain? What is it about the Spanish that actually pushes this dinner time, like, so much later than everyone else in Europe?

Leah: I'm gonna assume that they are stand-up comics, and that that's when they got home, and they're like, "This is the perfect eating time."

Nick: Right?

Leah: Because that is the perfect eating dinner time for a stand-up comic.

Nick: 11:00?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Okay. So there's a lot of reasons for this, but the big reason is that Spain is in the wrong time zone. So here's a little history. So up to World War II, Spain actually was in the same time zone as London or Lisbon. And if you look at the map, that makes sense. I mean, Madrid is actually to the west of London, and so that is the time zone that makes the most sense for Spain. So in 1939, Francisco Franco came to power, and he was a dictator. And when World War II was rolling along, Hitler actually reached out to him and was like, "Hey, join us! You know, be on our team." And Spain had just emerged from a civil war. And so, like, Franco didn't actually have that much to offer Hitler. And the United States was also there saying, like, "Don't do it. Don't do it, don't pick sides."

Nick: So Franco couldn't really help out, but what he did do is say, "Okay, I'll change my time zone to be yours, Germany." And so Franco just decided one day to just change the time zone to match it with Germany. And he just moved all the clocks forward an hour.

Leah: I'm processing.

Nick: Right? Isn't that wild that one person can just decide, "Oh, we're gonna just change the clocks?"

Leah: Well I mean, dictator.

Nick: Right. Yes. And so that's what happened, but because solar noon is what it is, like, the position of the sun at midday is always going to be the position of the sun at midday, regardless of what it says on your clocks, the Spanish people actually just kept their same schedules. And so when they were normally having dinner at 9:00, that just became 10:00 on the clocks, but it was still sort of like biologically 9:00. And so the Spanish people just kept that schedule going.

Leah: Oh, Francisco Franco!

Nick: So after World War II, the expectation was, "Oh, I guess we'll just, like, move back. We'll, like, put the clocks back to where they were." But that never happened. And so this is a problem. I mean, this is definitely a problem because some survey was done where Spanish people actually get almost an hour less of sleep a night than other Europeans, and obviously, like, to just be permanently sleep deprived, like this is not great.

Leah: Not great. Dictators will mess you up.

Nick: Dictators will mess you up. Yeah, it's true.

Leah: There's a very light way to say something.

Nick: [laughs] Right. Yes. So it's very interesting, though that, like, one person can have such a profound effect on the etiquette of an entire country, and that the etiquette now in Spain is that, yeah, we just eat dinner much later than everyone else.

Leah: Works well for stand-up comics, though. If you are a stand-up comic in Spain, everybody else is on your schedule.

Nick: Oh, that's true. All right, so nailing it.

Leah: For a very small group of the population.

Nick: This is ideal.

Leah: Ideal.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. I mean, I'm kind of a night owl, so I don't mind eating this late, but I could see how it's not for everybody.

Leah: Yeah, I definitely can see how It's not for everybody.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: [singing] Deep and with some furry friends.

Nick: Right? So for today's question of etiquette, let's talk about pet sitting.

Leah: I realize they don't have to be furry. They could be fish, they could be amphibians. Who knows what people have as pets?

Nick: Yeah. I mean, pets come in all shapes and sizes. And for me, I didn't grow up with pets. And so I actually don't have a lot of experience taking care of pets. And if you ask me to take care of Lacey, I would have to, like, watch YouTube videos to know what to do. Like, I don't actually know what to do. Like, it has recently come to my attention that, like, you're not allowed to give dogs grapes. Like, that's actually not a thing. And I guess everybody knows this, but I only became aware of this recently. I knew about the chocolate thing, but grapes? Who knew?

Leah: Um ...

Nick: Everybody.

Leah: I would like to say that this brings us to a great point, which is ...

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: I think—I mean, maybe you would want to dog sit. You'd be like, "I've always wanted to do this."

Nick: Oh, I always like new experiences. Yeah.

Leah: And I think the—my first thought, I've been pet sitting a lot for different people, is to make sure that everybody's comfortable with what the rules are.

Nick: Yes. I mean, I think that would be the number one thing I would need from you is, like, what am I supposed to do? What are the rules? Tell me how it works. Because I don't want to, you know, be taken advantage of by a dog that, like, thinks that it's cool to be on the couch.

Leah: [laughs] I also think—this happened. I was just cat sitting for our neighbor. And I love her cats, and we're delighted to catsit whenever. And one of the reasons I realized our relationship was so good, A) we know exactly what the feeding times are. We know exactly how much to feed. We know where the—we know all this stuff. And then last week, we had a surprise heat wave.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: And we walked into the apartment, hotter than normal.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: Obviously, you don't want animals to get hot. We just immediately texted her, "Hey, it's hotter than normal. It feels like it's hot for them. What should we do?" You know what I mean? To have that, like, feels like this is out of the regular. Let's just shoot them a text real quick, get that information, we'll adjust all of our plans.

Nick: Right.

Leah: I think that communication is so big.

Nick: Yeah, I guess we want to have instructions before we start pet sitting, and then we need to have open lines of communication as we go along in case something comes up.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: And then what happens if you weren't able to reach them? I guess you just have to make an executive decision.

Leah: Make an executive decision. And I think that if you're gonna be unreachable and you're leaving somebody with your pets, you have to say up top, "I'm gonna be unreachable."

Nick: Oh, yeah. I don't think I want to be surprised by that. Right.

Leah: Yeah. And then so if that's the case, you know, I'm gonna—I'm gonna have a lot more things I want to outline. What if ...

Nick: Yeah. It's really that emergency thing would make me very nervous.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: For sure.

Leah: I recently had a friend who was out of town, and they had a friend dog sitting. And their dog had an emergency at their friend's house. You know, so they were like, "This is the vet. Please go to the vet. Go to the emergency vet."

Nick: Right.

Leah: You know, but they were available for that conversation.

Nick: And we actually just got an interesting email from a listener who had a pet sitter who left the place a mess. Like, dirty dishes in the dishwasher, like, the sheets were apparently askew, like, just like the place was not ideal. And the letter-writer's question was like, "We asked them to watch our pets, which they did, but it also sort of involved housesitting as well. And I guess that's the piece that they kind of missed. And are we allowed to be annoyed?"

Leah: Are we assuming this person is a friend or is this like a professional house sitter that comes to your house and watches your animals?

Nick: This letter appeared to be a paid relationship with some sort of professional.

Leah: I mean, I don't even know if that necessarily matters. I was just trying to fill out the full picture in my mind.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, does it matter? Yeah. Well, no. I mean, like, don't leave dirty dishes in my dishwasher no matter who you are.

Leah: I feel like whether I knew the person or whether I was hired, I wouldn't do that. But for some reason, I just wanted to ask.

Nick: [laughs] Right. No, we want to paint a picture. Sure. But I think in general, pet sitting often does involve being in their house, which means you do also need to be respectful of, like, the rest of the space.

Leah: Yeah, I feel like it's sort of like a leave-it-the-way-you-found-it kind of a situation.

Nick: Well, leave it better than you found it, ideally. You know, because we see how some people live.

Leah: I'm not gonna redo someone's home and be like, "Hey, you know what? I thought I could make this better."

Nick: "I thought the couch looked better on this wall." [laughs]

Leah: [laughs] "I actually changed all your art."

Nick: Actually, I think you're more of a warm autumn, so I think this wallpaper looks great now."

Leah: "I also redid some of your clothes, because I noticed that you're not actually dressing for what really looks great on you."

Nick: "Actually, I thought this house was the wrong layout for you, so I listed it and it actually sold. And then we bought you a new house in a different neighborhood. You're welcome. [laughs] So yeah, all of those are great options.

Leah: I will say this: I was also recently dogsitting a friend's dog. There is—obviously you're taking care of someone's fur baby, and there is a level of anxiety because you want to make sure everything's—I think cats are a little easier because cats are sort of very self-sufficient, but with, like—you know, so you kind of want to be in—I sort of felt like I didn't want to necessarily assume that their dog could do everything that my dog could do.

Nick: Yes, I think that's important. What are the ground rules? I mean, that's one of the things we want to establish up top. Like, where are they allowed to eat? Are they allowed to eat from your hand at the table? Are they allowed to eat people food? Like, et cetera, et cetera.

Leah: And also with exercise. Like, Lacey is a high energy—you know, I gotta run her at least twice a day. You know, you want to just get this information up top because you want to be—you want to be extra careful with their good little boy and good little girl, you know?

Nick: Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I mean, I think that would be the thing that would make me the most nervous is, like, doing something wrong.

Leah: I think that's definitely the overall feeling. You're sort of like, "I don't want to do something bad."

Nick: It's a huge amount of responsibility.

Leah: Yeah. And I think from the other point of view, like, when we have somebody pet sit—we haven't had friends pet sit yet, we have, like, a person we take her to, and we take her to that person's house, so they haven't been at our house. And we have that relationship laid out. This is when she eats. Here's her food. I bring her stuff. Here's her favorite toy. And now I know this person well enough that I know she has an extra bed that Lacey loves. But in the beginning, I don't assume anything. Do you need her crate? Do you need her—you know?

Nick: Right.

Leah: Ask all the questions. And then I, because I'm a little high maintenance, I say, "Hey, I'd love a pic."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, you really just want video, though, don't you?

Leah: I'll take—I like pics.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I'll take whatever. I just want to get a—you know, I'm walking all of a sudden my phone dings, I look down, there's a little Lacey face.

Nick: Yeah. I guess that's the final note which is just like, oh, what level of communication do you want just to check in?

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah. What's helpful? While you're away, like, do you want just a picture? Do we need to FaceTime? Like, what do you need to feel good about this?

Leah: Yeah. And also, some people don't want to be in communication that much. So it's like, "Hey, text me if there's an emergency, otherwise I trust you." Or send me a pic or whatever it is. Just set it up in advance. It's that open communication. I also think if somebody has a list of things where they say, "Please don't do this with my dog," just don't do those things.

Nick: Well, no. [laughs]

Leah: Don't be like, "Hey, it's a treat," you know? "Mom and dad are gone. Let's go to McDonald's." You know, let's just follow the rules.

Nick: Yeah, you're not the grandparents who can spoil the grandkids. Right. Give them sugar and then give them back to the parents? Yeah. No, that does not work here.

Leah: Because you don't want to risk some kind of weird health thing.

Nick: Well, it's not even about risk. It's just you were entrusted to follow some rules, and so you're being entrusted to do that. And so then if you've agreed to do that, then do that.

Leah: Just do that.

Nick: Then just do that. Right. Yeah, this is not up for debate.

Leah: I think the thing is with this is that if something—things go wrong, you know what I mean?

Nick: Oh, of course.

Leah: I've stayed at people's house. Things go wrong. And I think that just the quicker we deal with it, the less of a problem it is. You know, I have Lacey. I know things go wrong, you know what I mean? So if you're pet sitting and something goes wrong, we just want to deal with it right away.

Nick: Yes. And you want to disclose it to everybody and just be above board. Yeah, let's not keep secrets.

Leah: Let's not keep secrets and be like, "I can't believe this happened." Let's just fix it.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. No, hiding something? No, that's—yeah. No good will come of that.

Leah: No good—but I understand that feeling of being like, "Oh my goodness, what did I do?" I feel—you know, just deal with it as fast as possible.

Nick: So would you let me dog sit Lacey?

Leah: Not only would I let you ...

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: I would watch from afar.

Nick: [laughs] It would definitely be interesting. It would definitely be interesting because I basically talk to children and dogs like they're adults, so I would try to reason with Lacey.

Leah: I would love to watch that because Lacey would be like, "I don't care. We're doing what I want to do. I don't know what you're saying right now. I'm not into it. Get over here. Play ball with me."

Nick: "It's midnight and we're gonna be playing ball. That's what we're doing. So let's go. Yeah."

Leah: "Let's go!" [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] All right. Can't wait.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "I just returned from a three-week trip of Europe, and I noticed something that left me wondering. It seems that in Europe it is customary to have a toilet bowl brush in every bathroom. I saw this at hotels, my Airbnb, train stations, department stores, bars, restaurants and museums. Is it the custom in Europe that if after you flush if there's any remnants, that you should use the brush for the next patron?"

Leah: I feel like in any country in the world, we are not leaving remnants in bathrooms.

Nick: [laughs] I mean, have you been in public bathrooms, though? Like, how much experience do you have in public bathrooms around the world, Leah?

Leah: Well, I'm just saying ...

Nick: This would be the ideal.

Leah: Yeah, I don't think anybody—if I see a remnant I go, "I'm moving to the next stall."

Nick: [laughs] Sure. So I think the question, though, is is the premise of this question correct? Are toilet bowl brushes more common in Europe than in the United States?

Leah: And I feel like you would be more adept at answering that because you've been in more parts of Europe.

Nick: No, but you've been to a lot of places in the United States. Do you not see brushes in hotel rooms or elsewhere?

Leah: I've never—this has never come up in my brain.

Nick: Yes. Fair.

Leah: I mean, I have a toilet bowl brush. I've never been in someone's house that didn't have a toilet bowl brush.

Nick: So I have been giving this a lot of thought since we got this question, and I do think it's true: in residential situations in the United States, everybody's got a brush.

Leah: Everybody's got a brush.

Nick: Everybody's got a brush. It may not be out. It may be, like, tucked away somewhere, like—but, like, there's a brush nearby. Like, nobody doesn't have a brush. Now I think it is true in public spaces in the United States, like museums or like Port Authority, there's probably not brushes in every stall. And I think that is true. I think that is a true statement.

Leah: I do feel like I've seen some nice toilet brushes because I always admire them. Because I ...

Nick: Admire them?

Leah: Some of them are just so much cuter than others.

Nick: I mean, okay.

Leah: Some of them have, like, a little thing that you click in and then it closes and they'll have, like, a design on them and you'll go, "Oh, cute toilet bowl brush!"

Nick: Uh-huh?

Leah: Whereas some people just have one out and you're like, "What's going on right now? I don't want to see that."

Nick: So in researching this, there is apparently a difference between European toilets and American toilets that may explain what is happening.

Leah: It's a shallower bowl.

Nick: Yes. There's a lot less water in the bowl. That's true. And apparently, in my research, I have discovered that there's actually different mechanisms by which toilets flush. And so one of the methods is called the wash-down method. And this is where basically water, using gravity, flushes the bowl. So, like, the pressure of the water goes in the bowl and, like, out it goes. And this is the method that is very common in Europe, and it basically requires this sort of like less surface area design. And the bowls themselves can actually be smaller. And I think in Europe they like space saving, and so this style of toilet is very common in Europe.

Nick: But because of this it is less efficient, and I think it does leave remnants more easily than the other type of toilet, which is called the Siphonic, which uses two actions. One is where water goes into the trap and creates a siphon effect where it sucks the water out of the bowl, plus additional water jets into the bowl so you get a full evacuation. This is more common in the United States, and so I think because of this, our toilets just do a better job of the job.

Leah: Not bragging, just saying.

Nick: [laughs] Just saying our toilets are kind of awesome. And so that may explain why we don't have such a big need or bigger or as big. We certainly have a need, but it may just explain why there are less toilet brushes in public spaces. Maybe. So there could be something to this.

Leah: I also wonder ...

Nick: Okay?

Leah: A) That's terrific. Very good point. Because as soon as you brought that up, I was like, "Of course! Their bowls are different."

Nick: And then it does appear that American water pressure may be a little higher than what's common in Europe as well. So there may be like an actual water pressure difference, too. And also, interestingly, the size of the pipe that our toilets connect to is actually much smaller in diameter than what's in Europe. So that actually means that European toilets actually don't clog as easily, and American toilets are actually a little easier to clog because I guess the pipe that connects to the toilet is, like, smaller. So I learned a lot about plumbing.

Nick: I mean, you have done some serious research.

Nick: Yeah, I really went deep in this. Very deep. So yeah, I guess toilet brushes? Great that they are around. I think it is courteous to the next passenger or patron or user ...

Leah: I really like "passenger." I think that's the winner on that one.

Nick: [laughs] Right. The next person. It is courteous to leave the bowl how you would wish it to be found, which I think is such a good rule in general, but I think definitely applies here.

Leah: Please, let's leave bowls how we wish them to be found. I came upon one this week at an airport that I almost felt like bringing in other people from the bathroom to be like ...

Nick: [laughs] "You gotta see this."

Leah: "You have to see this. This person had to go out of their way."

Nick: I mean, that is always what's surprising. It's sort of like you really outdid yourself.

Leah: [laughs] Did you bring—it was almost as if they brought a pot of water in that they'd filled at the sink. I was like, "Can we get photos? Throw it on a crime scene tape!"

Nick: All right. So great. Our next question is quote, "I own a lake house in a lovely portion of our state, which is popular with cyclists and is also about an hour and a half from where I live. Recently, a gentleman from one of my cycling groups reached out to see if I would be willing to host a ride from my house. I said I would love to and additionally I would provide showers, burgers, beer, pickleball or boating for anyone who wished to partake after the ride. Dates were thrown out, and although it wasn't the most convenient for me, I agreed to the most popular date.

Nick: "Because these gentlemen were coming for a 10:30 am ride, I knew I needed to arrive at my lake house the night before to prepare. I left straight from work the night before the event, picked up the food and drove to the lake. I didn't arrive to my house until around 7:00 and immediately started preparing for guests. This is a lake house, and therefore there is much de-webbing, blowing off debris, and of course general preparation which any good hostess would do. Around 8:00m I stopped my tasks and I looked at my phone. The gentleman who was the quote-unquote 'organizer' had sent a group text at around 7:15 stating that it was gonna be too hot and humid to ride the next day so he was canceling the event. He had not asked my opinion nor texted me, emailed or called me first, but just canceled via group text. I know I am right to be a bit miffed, but how should I have responded to this group text? How should I have responded to the following text saying, 'Can't wait to reschedule?' Was this man raised by wolves? PS - not that it matters, but I am the only woman in this group."

Leah: I didn't like this at all.

Nick: No, this is terrible. This is terrible!

Leah: Because it's sort of like ...

Nick: No good deed goes unpunished.

Leah: And also, you've already picked a date that worked for everybody else.

Nick: That I don't love.

Leah: It's unbelievable! I would have texted. I mean, this has already happened, and you were shocked.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So I—obviously, anybody would be shocked because this is unbelievable!

Nick: Well, it's just so inconsiderate. I mean, that's such a light word, but it's just like no consideration for any effort that is required to host people. Like, he has no concept of what is required to have people at your house.

Leah: None. And I would want to send out a text, "Hey, just seeing this, I'm actually already here, and I've opened up the house and everything, so if you just want to come up, that's cool."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess that would be the best way to do it. Because you are there.

Leah: Because I want this guy to know that you had to get there the day before. You had to open up the house.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You had to prep.

Nick: Yeah, buy groceries. Yeah. I mean, all this stuff. Yeah.

Leah: And I think I would say when he's like, "Can't wait to reschedule," I would say, "Hey, I found it a little—"we'll work on the word, "—sort of taken aback that you would cancel without talking to me because I had to come up the day before and do all this work."

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think I do want this person to know that I'm not happy. And I guess a private—a private message out of the group text, I think would be the way to do that. And I think that's fair. I think that's totally fair and that's appropriate. And there's a polite way to do that, which is like, "Oh, so surprised to see your text. I was already here. It actually would have been possible to keep the event just as a party without the ride."

Leah: Or we could have started earlier.

Nick: Yeah. Or something. Some conversation. I don't think we need to reschedule.

Leah: Yeah, I would not want to reschedule.

Nick: And yeah, how do you respond to the texts which are like, "Can't wait to reschedule?" I think you just ignore that. I don't think you have to weigh in on that.

Leah: But I—which we've said, but to reiterate, I would let this person know that you had to come up the day before. You were already there, and you were taken aback that they didn't message you first. It should have been a conversation.

Nick: Yes. And I think the problem here is that you were not being treated as a co-host of the event, and you really were a co-host. And so we have one person that I think did not acknowledge that.

Leah: I mean, technically, you're the host, and this person is just getting to boss everybody around.

Nick: [laughs] Yes, that's true.

Leah: "Hey, can we do this at your house? These are the dates that work best for me, even though they don't work best for you. Oh, I'm gonna cancel that." I don't like this person at all.

Nick: Yeah. No, when you put it that way. Okay. [laughs]

Leah: This person is the host. They weren't bringing up food. They didn't get there early to clean.

Nick: Yeah. No, that's true.

Leah: I'm just so—I don't like this guy, and I like almost everybody.

Nick: That's true, yeah. If Leah says you're on her list then you know you really did something bad.

Leah: I have a quick idea.

Nick: Please!

Leah: I wish that we could get, like, this guy, the woman who's cutting her neighbor's flowers without permission ...

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: ... the person who makes their friend take old soup, the person who wants that woman to be a chaperone at a kid's party where her kid's not invited ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And we put them all in a house.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I'm listening.

Leah: And we create some sort of a show, some sort of a rude-off. And that's R-U-D-E-dash-O-F-F. Not as in the reindeer. And will they learn lessons, or will they just all be so over the top too much rude that—you know, what will be the outcome?

Nick: [laughs] Okay. So it's Big Brother meets Were You Raised By Wolves?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Okay. And will they become better people?

Leah: Will they become better or will they ...?

Nick: No is the answer. I could just—I could answer it right now. No.

Leah: But I don't think that they will make friendships because they're like, "Oh, you're just like me." I don't think they will do that either.

Nick: Oh, definitely not. No, being rude makes it hard to form human connection. I think one of the nice things about etiquette is that it rewards people for acting politely. We have better relationships with people, and when you're rude, the converse is true. It is harder to have relationships. People don't invite you to parties. People don't do nice things for you. Like, your life will be harder if you're rude. And so there is some justice. It's a very long arc, but there is some justice at the end of the day for rude people. It's not quick. It's not instant, unfortunately.

Leah: Wow, is it not quick.

Nick: [laughs] Right. Yeah. I mean, what we need is to create an artificial island in the middle of the Pacific, and we just need to create a new society for them where they can live and they can do what they want to do. They don't have to return texts. They can ghost each other. They can not hold open doors. They can RSVP for parties and not show up. Like, have at it. Just enjoy the society that you want.

Leah: [laughs] Yes.

Nick: And they can just all do it together. That sounds great!

Leah: Cancel other people's parties. Do your thing!

Nick: Yeah!

Leah: But on your own island.

Nick: Yes. Just whatever you want to do, whatever the etiquette rules you guys set for yourselves, that becomes the etiquette for that and I don't have to go there. Yeah, I think this sounds like a totally great thing. Yeah. Sign me up.

Leah: And then there's like a little van that comes and picks you up if enough friends have nominated you to be sent to that island.

Nick: [laughs] You kind of just get shoved into the van in the middle of the night. Yeah. I mean, if only the world could be this way. But in the meantime, we just have to do our best to convince people that it actually is in their best interest to be considerate and polite and mindful.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: So we have our work cut out for ourselves.

Leah: Whew!

Nick: Do we ever. So do you have questions for us? Oh, yes, you do. Please send them to us. You can send them to us through our website Were YouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux-pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna vent.

Nick: Okay. What's happened?

Leah: I walk into a restaurant.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I will say, not that I think it matters, but I'm letting you know I was wearing my gym clothes. Very casual.

Nick: Okay. I mean, in LA I feel like that's also just called "clothing."

Leah: And I had a backpack on.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I sit down to eat.

Nick: All right.

Leah: And I order.

Nick: Okay, so we're doing normal restaurant things.

Leah: And then he has me pay before they bring the food out. I hadn't seen anybody else yet, so I thought maybe this is just how they do it here.

Nick: Right. Okay. I mean, I think there are some restaurants where that is the thing.

Leah: There are some restaurants where that's the thing.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: So I thought okay, maybe that's one of these restaurants.

Nick: I don't like where this is going.

Leah: No. So then another couple comes in.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: They order their food, no check.

Nick: And their pants were probably made out of more of a natural fiber.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Is that what was happening? Less stretch?

Leah: Yeah, they had—like, they weren't working out. I mean, I don't know what to tell. And then a lady came in by herself and she also didn't get the check. So then I just stared at these checks.

Nick: Oh, okay. So they—so they asked you for payment and you're just now staring back?

Leah: No, they asked me for payment, and I—well, I'll tell you what I did.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: It's the only way that I felt like I could handle this situation.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: I overtipped.

Nick: [laughs] What? Of course you did. Oh, that's such a Leah Bonnema move.

Leah: And then when I—I watched him not do it to other people, and then he became obsessed with making sure I had everything I needed.

Nick: So just to make sure there wasn't a misunderstanding, do you feel like you were specifically asked to pay first because they thought you were a flight risk?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Like, is that what was happening?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Because you were in gym clothes.

Leah: With a ripped shirt and a backpack.

Nick: But I mean, I've seen you in gym clothes and, like, you still look put together and, like, you still have mascara and, like, you still, like, look good.

Leah: Why else would you not charge other people?

Nick: Right. Oh. Ooh, don't love this at all!

Leah: I didn't love it at all.

Nick: Is this even etiquette, though? This just feels like something worse than that.

Leah: Well, I think we don't judge our diners.

Nick: We don't want to judge our diners. Right. Because also was there, like, linen on the tablecloth? Like, how fancy was this place?

Leah: No, there wasn't linen. So that's why I was like, maybe this is not how that place rolls.

Nick: Right.

Leah: But then when I saw the other people come in and order and not get it.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, this is terrible!

Leah: It was very gross. And then he, like, went—like, I went to go to the bathroom. It was full. Then it was empty. He came to be like, "Hey, it's open now. Do you want to go? I'll watch your table." You know, I was like, "Okay, so now you're trying to make up for it because you know,you did a bad!"

Nick: Yeah. I don't think I would go back to that place.

Leah: Well, I'm not going back to that place.

Nick: Yeah, definitely not.

Leah: And I was hesitant about telling you that I overtipped, but that's just how I handle things. I go the extra so they know she's nicer than me. I'm a poo poo head. Now I have to make up for it.

Nick: No, you are a better person. Yeah. I mean, guess that that is what a heavy tip does convey. And so I actually do like the message that that does send, which is like, "Oh, you know, you did a bad thing. And you know, I know. And this is what I'm gonna do about it to prove the point that you're a bad person and I'm better than you." Yeah, I definitely like anything that is I'm a better person than you.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I do—I do appreciate that.

Leah: I knew you'd come around to my way of thinking.

Nick: Yeah. The more I think about it, yeah. No. Okay, I approve of this. Yeah.

Leah: Because my only other option at that point would be to get upset about it, which I'm not gonna—it's not gonna get what I want out of it, which is ...

Nick: No. Just your food and just to, like, leave. Right.

Leah: And also for then him to be—realize that he made a boo boo.

Nick: Okay. I mean, sometimes the subtle approach is the right approach.

Leah: I'm not even making this up. By the end of the meal, he started telling me where he volunteered.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. He's like, "I do good things. I do charity work. I volunteer."

Leah: Legitimately, this is what ended up happening by the end of the meal.

Nick: [laughs] Amazing. Okay. Well, I'm glad that there was sort of a comeuppance.

Leah: He did a boo boo. He judged—he was judgmental.

Nick: Yeah, he definitely was. And that is rude. Well for me, I want to just toss out a quick vent, which is just I was doing laundry and there's a woman in the laundry room who's blocking the dryer that I needed to get into. And she was loading the dryer right above it, but she was layering it like a lasagna. She was adding one piece of clothing one at a time in, like, neat layers, like a trifle. And it's sort of like, do you not know what happens when you turn on the dryer?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Like, do you know what's gonna happen to this neat stack? And then I was like, oh, is this actually like, you're an alien? And this is one of the ways we can catch you because you do something like this where it's like, oh, this is like a subtle signal like, oh, you're not from this planet? So I just waited. But it was like, what is wrong with you? Why are we doing this? Like, oh, this is so unnecessary.

Nick: But that's not the vent today. So I want to repent-ish, because we're actually coming up on episode 200 where I'll go back and I'll, like, look at our percentages. So I want to just make sure I at least have one on the books.

Leah: I love how you added an "ish," so we all know it's not a repent.

Nick: Well, because it started out as a vent. And so as you recall, I was just in Taipei. I was doing a solo trip there. It was kind of a food-cation because I love Taiwanese street food. It is amazing, and I highly recommend it if you're in the neighborhood. And so for most of my time in Taipei, I was actually just in the night markets eating street food, which is like my favorite and it's amazing. But I thought for my last night, I'll do a fancy-schmancy dinner where, like, it's indoors and I can wear pants and, like, it's a tasting menu and, like, we'll do that.

Nick: And so I go into this restaurant, and I am seated at the end of the bar. So it's like right at the bar where we're watching the chefs prepare the food. And I'm like settling in and I'm like looking at the menu, and the guy next to me, like, turns to me and is like, "Hey, like, is this your first time here?" And I'm like, ugh. I don't—I don't want to make friends. I don't—I don't need to be making friends and have small talk for the next two hours for this tasting menu. Like, that's not what's gonna happen here. So I do reply nicely and I'm like, "Oh, no. This is my first time here." And then I ask, like, "Oh, what course are you on?" Because, like, if he's having dessert and is, like, on the way out, fine. I can handle another 20 minutes of this. But he's like, "Oh, I just got here," and I'm like, "Oh, we're not gonna be friends. I just need, like, a little solitude. Like, that's what's gonna happen."

Nick: So I'm real polite about it, but, like, I feel like I'm kind of conveying the sense of, like, let's not continue past this. Like, I'm gonna be polite but, like, that's what it needs to be. But he doesn't take the hint or he just wants to kind of like keep chatting. And so I am like, "Uh, okay." And then there is a turning point where I'm like, "Fine. Fine. Maybe—maybe I should just have a conversation with this person. Like, okay. You're solo in Asia and, like, you're having a nice meal and, like, here's somebody who's also in, like, this interesting restaurant. And so, like, fine.

Nick: And so we actually got to chatting and it turns out totally fascinating guy! And, like, he's a big foodie and he's, like, been to every major restaurant in the world and, like, totally fascinating. And so, like, we had a great time and, like, we're now, like, Instagram friends. And so I guess it's a repent that I was, like, so quick to want a solo meal and, like, was so quick to want to cut him off. And I shouldn't have been that way, and I should have maybe been more open from the beginning to just, like, wanting to have that experience. And so it's a repent then. From his perspective, I was totally polite and, like, he didn't know the difference. But from my perspective and my attitude, yeah, there was an evolution during this meal. So I think it is a repent, and I think it's a reminder that we should be open to meeting new people wherever they are.

Leah: I love the idea that your heart is melting slowly.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, all it takes is a tasting menu where you have, like, squid and squid and squid, and the menu is totally wild, by the way.

Leah: I feel like eventually you're gonna be me just talking to everybody.

Nick: Oh, wow!

Leah: In elevators. I mean, look at—look at this slippery slope! [laughs]

Nick: I mean, can you imagine? Can you imagine if we get to that point? I mean, the world will have ended.

Leah: [laughs] I'm glad you had a nice time. That's so great.

Nick: Yeah. And now I have a repent-ish on the books, which we will definitely count when we do some accounting.

Leah: And it's just a nice note for everybody out there. You can just wear Nick down. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] That's true. I do get exhausted at some point. Yeah, that's true.

Leah: And then he's like, "Oh, people? Not that bad!"

Nick: Yeah, I guess maybe it's fine. Yeah. [laughs]

Leah: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: I learned this amazing history about Spain's time zones.

Nick: Right. Isn't that interesting?

Leah: Very interesting!

Nick: And I learned that you've had some interesting experiences in airport bathrooms.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: The things you've seen!

Leah: The things I have seen.

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we would love it if you would help support our show, because as you may have noticed, there's no end credits. It's just Leah and me making this whole thing. And we would love it if you would help us do that. So go to our website and click on "Monthly Membership", and see all the little levels and see if there's a level that works for you, because we would love it if you would join us.

Leah: We would so, so love it!

Nick: And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: So I think our listeners know, but I'm not sure I was talking about—I did Whole30, which is where you take out different food groups to see if something's actually bothering your tummy. And so when you take out a lot of food groups, they just won't go back in.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Long story short, I've been eating non-dairy ice cream.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And I've been on the lookout. I've been on the lookout for great non-dairy ice creams.

Nick: All right.

Leah: So I go to this place. I look it up. Everybody says, "Wow, the best!" I say, "Yes, I'm going." It's called Cosmic Bliss. I go in, they have—hold onto your hats.

Nick: I'm holding.

Leah: They have gluten-free waffle cones.

Nick: Wow!

Leah: Now I haven't had wheat in over 10 years, so I have not had a waffle cone. I look at them and I fantasize.

Nick: It's like riding a bike. You never forget.

Leah: I never forget but I dream, you know? I think, "One day." I walk in, I see this. I lost my mind. I legitimately lost my mind. I was like, "Are you for real?" I was so excited that they just gave me a waffle cone. They were like, "The joy!"

Nick: [laughs] They're like, "Can we get this woman out of here?"

Leah: [laughs] They were like ...

Nick: "If you give her a waffle cone, maybe she'll leave."

Leah: "Can we get this woman a waffle cone?" No, then they were like, "Let's try everything!" They treated me—I have—I mean, I was like a child on Christmas Eve. I lost my mind. It was amazing. And it was so nice to have them excited that I got excited. Just a delight. I mean, thank you so much. I'm gonna think about that for a year.

Nick: What a treat! Well for me, I want to give a special thank you to our Patreon family. And these are people who support us every month. And it is so lovely that you support us because we really appreciate it, but you also, like, engage with us and send us messages, and you all talk to each other. And so I really like this community that you guys have created and that we're part of, and it's really lovely. And so I'm so honored by this. And I just want to say thank you.

Leah: A huge thank you. Really grateful!