Demanding Gift Cards, Meeting up With Childhood Friends, Sticking Fingers in Wine Glasses, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go! Our first question is quote, "I don't know how to classify this, but I know it's not right." And so our letter-writer sends us a screenshot of a text that they just got, and it is quote, "So our housewarming is coming up. If you will be attending, we are accepting GIFT CARDS from Target, Walmart or Amazon!!!" Three exclamation marks. "The highest contributor will be getting a gift card from us. We look forward to seeing you here."

Leah: I feel like what our listener wrote in at the top is honestly the only response that I feel like these people could get, which is: "I don't know how to classify this, but I know it's not right."

Nick: Yeah. No, there is something that is not right here. There is something not right here.

Leah: I mean, there are—it was already weird. "We are accepting gift cards from—" you know, and then GIFT CARDS is in capitals. "TARGET, WALMART, AMAZON." Capital. And then to be like, the highest contributor ...

Nick: That's—I think that's where you've lost me.

Leah: That's really the boom!

Nick: Yeah. I mean, why is this rude? Why—what is so problematic? Well okay, housewarming in general, there is a gift sort of requirement when we show up for housewarming. I think as a guest, it is polite to show up with something to warm the house. Now I believe that when it comes to gifts, the person giving the gift gets to pick what the gift is. I don't love registries for this reason. I don't like telling people how they should spend their money. I don't like giving people a shopping list. And so I would prefer that gift givers get to pick. And so we have dictated what gift cards specifically, the three stores we will allow are. So right there I don't love this.

Leah: You know, I'm more flexible on registries.

Nick: I know.

Leah: But I do think there's a nicer way to say, "If you will be attending, we are accepting gift cards from Target, Walmart and Amazon." As if you're attending, these are the only things that you should be showing up with. That's what that sentence says to me.

Nick: That is definitely what that's saying. Yeah.

Leah: I feel like there's—if you were—like, wanted sort of a registry for your housewarming, and then you were hoping to steer people in a way that was, like, in the—I feel like there's much nicer words for that.

Nick: Yes. I think the assumption that gifts are happening? Like, that's a little rude. Like, we shouldn't assume that we're gonna be given gifts. And so that's a little presumptuous, even though the etiquette is that if you're going to a housewarming, it's nice to show up with something. But, you know, the fiction that, like, this gift is, like, a voluntary thing that I'm giving, you know, out of my own volition. We want that. We want that in this exchange because otherwise this is so transactional.

Leah: Oh no, I definitely agree that it feels very uncomfortable. I'm just saying, you know, I don't know if you could say, like, "We're not expecting gifts, but if you want to bring us something, these are helpful things."

Nick: Well, the thing to do is to not talk about gifts at all." We look forward to seeing you at the housewarming this weekend, 2:00 to 4:00. See you there!" And we say nothing.

Leah: I agree with you 100 percent. I am just trying to find—if we're going to be like, "We really need a Walmart gift card," I'm just trying to find would there be language?

Nick: I know. Well, in terms of etiquette world? No. There is no polite way to extract treasure and presents and money from people. Like, there's just not a polite way to tell people how to spend their money and give them shopping lists. There's just not a real polite way to do that. So you would say nothing about gifts, and then if somebody was like, "Gosh, do you need something?" Or "What can I bring?" Or "What do you like? I don't know your taste." Then you could say, like, "Oh, if you want to bring something, then a gift card from a Target or an Amazon or Walmart, that would be perfectly lovely and totally great. And no pressure, obviously, but those would be three stores that we do like and shop at. So that's some ideas." And that's a private conversation that you have one on one, if asked. That would be the way to handle registries.

Leah: Well, what's funny is that that's not even really the dooziest part.

Nick: [laughs] Right. Yeah. No, that aside, all right, so we want some gift cards. Now we have a contest.

Leah: "The highest contributor." Is it a raffle? Are you raffling off your home to us?

Nick: Well, I guess the question is: what is the gift?

Leah: What is this prize?

Nick: What is the gift? Yeah.

Leah: I think our person should write back, "Well, what's the prize?"

Nick: It's a valid question. Yeah. And also, are there terms and conditions, like no purchase necessary to enter the contest?

Leah: I can't imagine. Highest contributor's getting a present from us. It's probably like something they brought from the last house that they don't want anymore.

Nick: Yeah. What are people like this likely to give you as a gift?

Leah: It's probably something you gave them at Christmas and they had it in the ...

Nick: [laughs] It's a regifted fruitcake from four years ago. Yeah. Like, the idea that we want to make sure we extract the highest dollar amount out of everybody. and want to incentivize people to do that because then they'll get a gift from us. Yeah. I mean, it's clever. I mean, I will say it's clever.

Leah: But, I mean, highest contributor? I could just buy something for myself.

Nick: Yeah. Well, and actually, can I tell them where I would like the gift from?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: You know, "If I win, here are the gift cards that you can buy me. Here are the stores that I want gift cards from." I mean, that's fair.

Leah: Ooh! It's just so uncomfortable!

Nick: Yeah. no, that is—yeah. No, the prize element, I think, is the bonkers part. So letter-writer? Yeah. Something's not right here. Something's not right. So I would say—because they are so clear about what is acceptable gifts, I would just give them one of these three gift cards, and make sure it's just the budget that you set for yourself. Don't go over. Don't get tricked into spending more so you can win their prize, and ...

Leah: Which I guarantee you won't want.

Nick: You do not want their prize. Whatever gift this is, you do not want it.

Leah: Also, you could not go.

Nick: You could also not go. Although I feel like if you've got this text, you've probably already RSVP'd that you were going.

Leah: No, it's a message on Facebook.

Nick: Oh.

Leah: So if they went, it must have been a Facebook invite, which we all know are fluid. And so it says, "If you will be attending."

Nick: Oh, right. Okay. There is the 'if.' There is the 'if.'

Leah: "If you will be attending."

Nick: Hmm. Yeah. So this is optional. Yeah. And if you don't attend, you don't have to give gifts.

Leah: I mean ...

Nick: So there's that. I mean, that's the solution here. Wow! Yeah, don't do this, people.

Leah: Don't do this.

Nick: Don't do this. No, this is not correct.

Leah: It's graphic.

Nick: It's shameless.

Leah: It's definitely shameless.

Nick: And it misses the point of hospitality and graciousness, and what it means to be a host in your home, and how friendships are not transactional and all of this. Yeah. It's really missing the forest for the trees here.

Leah: I feel like with the one we had about a month ago where they changed the wedding to, like, "Will you bring all the food?"

Nick: Right. Yeah, "We're having a wedding, but you have to bring everything on a boat. And then carry it."

Leah: On a boat with ice. If you could also carry ice and appys. And then this one, you're sort of like, what's happening out there?

Nick: What is happening out there? Well, I think it comes down to this grand accounting ledger that a lot of people keep track of, which is like, "I've been a guest at all these other housewarmings, and I paid money, and I brought gifts. And so now it's my turn to recoup all my losses." And I think there is this weird accounting that people do, which is like, "I need to be reimbursed for all the gifts that I gave other people, and here's my chance."

Leah: I just don't think that way.

Nick: Yeah. Because that's rude. And you're not a rude person.

Leah: Oh, Nick! Nicest thing you've said!

Nick: [laughs] So our next question is quote, "I live in the big city of Berlin. My parents live in a different country. And apparently a childhood acquaintance, the son of my parents' friends, also lives in Berlin. My parents keep pushing me to meet up with him. I'm sure he's a cool guy, but I haven't seen or spoken to him in at least 25 years, and I would only be doing so out of social pressure from my parents. According to my parents, he's interested in meeting up with me. But no one has asked me whether I'm interested. I don't remember having a lot in common with him as a child, and I simply don't have the desire to meet up with a stranger just because we live in the same city. Since my parents keep bringing it up, I would love to get your thoughts. Should I meet up with this person just for the sake of my parents' social harmony, or do I continue to change the subject when it gets brought up?"

Leah: I think this is an interesting question.

Nick: Oh, yeah. Because also, this is happening all over the world. This is not specific to Berlin, Germany. Like, I've had this happen.

Leah: Yes, I've had this happen. And I would ask my parents, I would say, "You guys keep bringing it up."

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: "Obviously, you know I'm not interested."

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: Or maybe not even say that part. I just think—what I think the first question is to your parents is, "Why are you so interested in getting me to meet up with this person?" Like, I wonder if your parents are just doing it because it will somehow make them feel closer to you because you're far away, and they know that they see this person's parents every once in a while, so then they have something to talk about with them and they could, "Oh, our kids are far away." And it somehow is like a shared experience of their kids being far away, and they miss you and it's more out of them missing you.

Nick: Okay?

Leah: Not that that means that you then have to do it, but I think it would also draw attention back to them so they could think about that they keep asking you when you sort of don't want to. And why is it? I would want to know why it's important to them.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I think that's one way to handle it. My first thought, though, was I don't think this guy wants to meet with you either. Because he hasn't made an effort to reach out to you. Like, why do you have to initiate this invitation? If this person wants to have coffee with you in Berlin, let him email you. Let him reach out and be like, "Hey, I live in Berlin too. I would love to grab coffee with you and catch up. When are you free?" That email has not happened yet. And so until there's an invitation, I don't feel the need to have to respond to anything because there is no invitation here.

Leah: Yeah, I guess you could say, "Well, he has my email, so—" and then deal with it when he emails.

Nick: I mean, I guess there is the possibility that parents haven't given the email out yet. But we know parents, they're giving out your email.

Leah: But I also think you could also just say, "I really don't want to meet up with somebody that I barely know."

Nick: I mean, you could do that. Yes, you can set that boundary.

Leah: Also, sometimes I do hang out with people as a favor.

Nick: Yes. I mean, I think that's the other side of this is like, will it kill you to have coffee with somebody for half an hour? And you could do it at the time and place that is convenient for you. I mean, sometimes when I have obligatory meetings like this, I don't inconvenience myself unnecessarily. I'm gonna schedule this at a location and a time which is like, right up against something else I have to do in the same location. So it's sort of like, "Oh, I have a meeting at one o'clock in this place. There's a coffee shop across the street. I will schedule something for, you know, 30 minutes before then." And so, like, it's not a huge interruption to my day. And then we check off that box. You could do that.

Leah: Because I also think—I mean, I love that we're giving literally every option here, but ...

Nick: Hey, that's what we're here for.

Leah: I think that sometimes maybe this person is not acclimating well. Maybe they're lonely, maybe they're homesick. And basically his parents are like, "Can someone just have lunch with my kid?" You know what I mean?.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And then, like, maybe you could, you know, be like, "Hey, it's great here. Here's some places." You know, I mean, I've definitely met up with people who I barely know when they're in a city that I'm in and they're new.

Nick: Right.

Leah: I was busy, but I just did it as, like, a friend-of-the-family favor.

Nick: And also, you never know where connections might lead. And at the end of the day, connections and relationships kind of is the name of the game—professionally, socially, romantically. Like, that's kind of what it is all about. And so who knows? Who knows who this person knows, what this might lead to, who else you might meet through this person, what could come of it? And so, you know, unless it's really inconvenient or there's some, like, overwhelming reason that you really can't or don't want to, yeah, it might lead to something interesting. And so maybe that's worth taking the chance.

Leah: I think this is where I'm gonna end finally. That's—we've worked our way through. I think if this sentence, "I don't remember having a lot in common with him as a child," if that is leaning towards you saying in a polite way, "I didn't like him as a child."

Nick: Oh, he was like a mean kid to me or something.

Leah: Then don't meet up with him. If what you're flagging is that you actually feel uncomfortable around this person, if that's the subtle undertone, then just say, "I appreciate it. I recognize that we're, you know, both far away. I don't want to meet up with him." You know, if that's what that means, if there's an undertone to that. Otherwise, I think, do the thing where Nick said, "Give him my email."

Nick: Okay. Yeah. So if it's not that, then I would say, "Give him my email," lob the ball over the net to their side, and leave it up to them to figure it out. And if they reach out, then at that time you could decide whether or not you want to do it, or if you do, how to make it convenient for you.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Okay. I feel like that's what we—okay. We really had a whole journey there.

Leah: We had a whole journey. And I feel really good about—I will also say that sometimes people have been like, "Hey, can you meet my friend?"

Nick: No, there's no more "also says." We covered it all, Leah.

Leah: No, but I'm agreeing with this thing that you said earlier.

Nick: Oh. Well, then you can continue.

Leah: Yes, that's why I thought you would like it.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I've had friends be like, "Hey, can you meet up with my friend? They're just new, and they don't—" and I went and met them, and then we've actually become friends.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I think this is also a possibility. So yeah, give it a shot.

Leah: Unless they're icky, then ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: No-sies.

Nick: Okay. So our next question is quote, "Quick question. A co-worker who I'm not fond of because of a history of rude and inconsiderate behavior, put me down as a job reference without ever asking for my permission or letting me know he was applying. This would be a job in addition to his current job where I'm at. I am so taken aback by his presumptuousness and that he didn't ask if I was willing to be a reference in advance. Would you speak up to him about the etiquette here? This person is in their late 40s, so they're not new to the professional world."

Leah: I would love to know if the person came over to them and said, "Hey, I put you down as a reference for a job I applied for," or if the person at the job has already called them and been like, "We got you as a reference."

Nick: I think that this person was put down as a reference without warning. And the way they know that is that I think they were contacted for a reference.

Leah: Yeah, I got that they got put down as a warning. I just didn't know how they found out. Did they get contacted or did someone say, "Hey, someone's contacting you?"

Nick: Well, the coworker, I don't think, has volunteered this information.

Leah: So I think in that case, what you do—but I mean, in that case, it's already over. Do you know what I mean? Because in that case, I would literally—I think I said this on the podcast. I had somebody do this to me. And the person call—and I want to give people good references, but this was not a person that had certain skills.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: And when the person called, I didn't know I was a reference. And they could tell that I had no idea what they were talking about.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And they go, "Did this person not tell you you were a reference?" And I said, "Yes. They didn't. That's correct."

Nick: Mm-hmm. [laughs]

Leah: So then that person is getting everything they need to know from that.

Nick: Right. Yeah. I mean, I think you have two choices. You could speak to this co-worker and let them know, like, "Hey, you know, I was surprised because I think it's a courtesy to give people a heads up before you list them as a reference." And you could do that to make sure that this person doesn't do this again. Or yeah, you don't have to do anything, and then when you are called for that reference, you could do what Leah just did, which is like, "Oh, I'm listed? Oh, how interesting. Oh, unfortunately, I cannot give a reference for this person. Good day."

Leah: Oh, I gave the reference, but with them knowing—well, I said that they worked for me and this was their job and that they were nice.

Nick: Okay. So we could read between the lines.

Leah: But I mean, and none of those things were a lie. But I'm obviously shocked that I'm a reference. So, you know ...

Nick: Right.

Leah: ... what you're walking into.

Nick: It's a bold move. Yeah, and I think when we list references, the idea of that reference is somebody who can say nice things about you. And so we do want that person to be prepared for that conversation, and for them to know that, like, oh, this is coming. And so have nice things at the ready to say.

Leah: Yes! Other people who have asked me in advance, I wrote out. I was ready.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I would walk over to them and say, "Hey, just in the future, you gotta ask somebody in advance."

Nick: So I guess then the question is: do you want to do a nice thing? Because they're doing this to other people too, and are probably listing other names as references that also don't know. And do we want to help this person in their career somehow? Which is like, "FYI, you can't do that. And it is in your best professional interest to not continue doing that." And unless somebody says something to somebody about that, you know, they may not know that it's not a thing. Like, if they don't listen to our show, they may not know don't list references without permission. So maybe you gotta be told.

Leah: Maybe they gotta be told.

Nick: And so I guess, letter-writer, it's up to you to decide if you want to do a nice thing for society and stop one more person from listing references without permission, or if you want them just to have their comeuppance and just get what they deserve and let them continue doing this, and then they'll wonder why they don't get jobs, and then they'll figure it out eventually.

Leah: I just—what's going on?

Nick: Yeah, what can we say?

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "Recently, a girlfriend and I went out for a glass of wine. We sat at the bar of a fairly busy and well-lit restaurant, and about halfway through my glass of wine, I realized that a little gnat had found its way into my glass. I was totally stumped on how to handle this. If I were home or even in a more discreet environment, I admit I would have fished it out with my finger. I could have possibly tried a knife, but I feel like that wouldn't have put me in a great etiquette position, and would be hard to do without calling a lot of attention to myself. Other options could have been just keep enjoying my wine and try to ignore the invited guest, or I could have sent the wine back, but that seems like an overreaction to a minor problem. What would you do?"

Leah: I think that "you" is you, Nick. Because we know what I would do.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. You would be like, "I'm just gonna let this gnat hang out for as long as they want."

Leah: Oh, no. I would stick my finger in it.

Nick: You're gonna shove your whole hand in the glass.

Leah: No. One finger.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: I'm gonna take one little finger. I'm gonna move it to the—very discreetly, and boop! It's out. It's gone. No biggie. I'm not gonna let it sit in there, and I'm gonna continue to make eye contact with it. I mean ...

Nick: [laughs] Okay. So just to be clear, because we have a lot of global listeners, a gnat is like a little fly. Like a very small type of winged insect.

Leah: It's almost like a fruit fly. Like it's barely—it's little, little, little.

Nick: So I guess my first thought was different bugs feel different because, like, if it was a big fly, like a housefly, that feels totally different than a gnat.

Leah: That's very different.

Nick: So it does feel—and also, mosquito feels different than gnat, right?

Leah: I mean, gnat is very little.

Nick: So it does feel like the size of the bug matters. So that was some consideration.

Leah: I think that's a really good point, Nick. The size of the bug does matter.

Nick: [laughs] And then I was thinking, like, where we are also matters, because if we are outdoors on a patio, if a bug flies into the glass, that feels like one type of scenario. But if we're in an indoor environment, then that also feels like a different type of scenario, right? In terms of, like, whose responsibility was this gnat? Because if it's outdoors, it's like, eh, we're outdoors. But if we're, like, deep in a restaurant at the bar, far away from windows and doors, then it's like, huh. Okay. That's a different thing.

Leah: Yeah. If you're outside in the bug's environment.

Nick: Right. Yeah. We're in their turf.

Leah: We're visiting them.

Nick: So then I was thinking, like, okay, the etiquette rule here has to be you gotta be slick about it. I think that's the rule. Like, what is the slickest way to handle this without drawing too much attention, without making anybody uncomfortable? Like, that's really the question, right?

Leah: Well, I also think it's very important that our letter-writer is obviously not bothered by—I think some people do not like bugs.

Nick: Yeah, that's a perfectly valid position to have.

Leah: So if you're a person that's like, "I don't even want a gnat in it, then obviously you're not a gnat—but I think our letter-writer is not bothered by it. They just don't want to fish it out for other people.

Nick: Yes, it does feel like our letter-writer would be totally cool just to let the gnat chill in the glass.

Leah: Yeah. So that's why I really think just get it with your little finger.

Nick: Although one thing they didn't mention is, how about just drink the gnat?

Leah: It's protein.

Nick: I mean, that was one option that was not listed. So okay. So we have to get the gnat out of the glass, right? I think we all agree we gotta get it out of the glass. And so fingers in the glass ...

Leah: Can we do a little piece of our napkin? Just a little, like, roll up our napkin and doop!

Nick: So I feel like I would ask for a spoon and a cocktail napkin. Because one thing that is not being discussed here is okay, we have the gnat out of the glass. Where am I putting that? Am I flicking it onto the floor? No, I don't like that. Am I putting it on my side plate? Like, I don't want that. Am I just, like, putting it on the counter or the table? Like, no. So I feel like we need a cocktail napkin to go with this.

Leah: There's probably one on the table, don't you think?

Nick: And if there's not, then let's ask.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: But it needs to be a paper napkin. We cannot put the gnat in a cloth napkin. It's sort of like if you had gum or something. Like, we need to have some sort of disposal material available.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: Oh, I just had an idea.

Leah: Hit me with it.

Nick: This might be a bad idea. Could we excuse ourselves to the bathroom with our wine glass? Is that weird?

Leah: It is weird because ...

Nick: To walk through the restaurant with a wine glass?

Leah: It is.

Nick: Okay. That is. If this were, like, a private party in somebody's house, I think that would be okay. Like, oh, I'm gonna excuse myself. I'm gonna go to the restroom and then handle it in private.

Leah: It's just because people—when you bring beverages into the bathroom with you, people are like, "Oh, no."

Nick: Yeah, that's weird. No, ignore that I said that. I'm just brainstorming.

Leah: No, I love that you're brainstorming.

Nick: [laughs] But back to the glass. We're gonna ask for a spoon—iced teaspoon, maybe? And I think knife, I guess, could be okay. But knife does feel a little aggressive because knives, like, that's not a utensil that is usually associated with liquids. But I think a spoon somehow is paired more with liquids, and so I think visually that is gonna draw less attention. And then I think we're gonna scoop the gnat out with the spoon, and then we're gonna use our cocktail napkin to decant, and then we're gonna crumple up the napkin. And then as soon as there's a server, we are going to ask them to take it away. I think that's what we're gonna do.

Leah: I don't think that's what our letter-writer is going to do because at that point, you might as well have sent it back because the waiter is gonna see you digging stuff out of your drink. And they said, "I could have sent it back, but that seemed like an overreaction to a minor problem."

Nick: Well, I think if you ask for a spoon and a cocktail napkin to a server, like, "Oh, hey. A gnat flew in my glass. Would you bring me a spoon and a cocktail napkin so I could fish it out?" That could be the server's opportunity to be like, "Oh, let me get you a new glass."

Leah: Which, for sure they're gonna say.

Nick: Which then great. Now we have a new glass.

Leah: It would be so wild if you said that to a server, and they were like, "Yeah, let me go get you some utensils to dig out your glass."

Nick: Yeah, I guess how much wine is left? I don't know what my mood is. There's a world in which I'm cool with, like, fishing it out. And then there's a world in which, like, oh, I need a new glass. I guess it depends on who I am that day.

Leah: I'm also with a friend. You know what I mean? I'm not with a co-worker. I'm not on, like, a meet and greet, you know?

Nick: Right. Yeah, if this was a date or you were with, like, the boss, then I think we do not want to be fishing gnats out of our wine.

Leah: Well, unless you want to let your date know exactly who you are up top. And then ...

Nick: Which actually you should do, in which case, you should do whatever you're gonna do.

Leah: I'm a gnat fisher, so if this is gonna bother you ...

Nick: FYI.

Leah: FYI.

Nick: Right. Better you know now that six months from now. Yeah.

Leah: Because six months from now, I'll go back to who I am, and then it will bug ya. Get it?

Nick: Leah. No.

Leah: Don't wanna be gnat-sty.

Nick: Okay, you get one more on this episode, Leah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Get one more, and then I'm cutting off your mic. [laughs] So all right. So did we land on anything?

Leah: Hmm. I feel like we basically said, "If you're outside, for sure, just get in it."

Nick: No, that's not what we said. I feel like if it's outside, though—I don't like the idea of shoving my fingers in my wine. Like, I just don't like that as a baseline. And I think no matter where we are, I don't love that idea.

Leah: Well, I'm also strapped with hand sanitizer. I got one in each pocket like it's the wild, wild west. So I would sanitize a finger and boop boop!

Nick: Yeah. No, this shoving your hand in a wine glass is not about you.

Leah: It's not a hand. It's a finger.

Nick: [laughs] Getting your paws in there. I don't know. I feel like even if you were totally—even if you got rubber gloves out, which would be wild.

Leah: Which would be hilarious. If somebody pulled out a pair of rubber gloves at a restaurant and then put them on like they're about to go into surgery, I would be like, "I want in on this."

Nick: So even with that, I feel like I don't want you getting in the glass to fish this out. I do want some utensil used. But I feel like if we're outdoors, my tolerance for doing that versus asking for a new wine, I feel like I'm cooler with fishing something out of a glass if it was outdoors. If I'm indoors, I'm more inclined to want a new glass, I guess.

Leah: I still think you could roll up a paper napkin that's probably already on the bar and dip it on the gnat and pull it out, and then we don't have to ask anybody for anything.

Nick: Yeah. Okay. Can we use almost, like, a wick?

Leah: Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Nick: Right. Can we wick it out?

Leah: Like, in a cone shape?

Nick: Yeah. Um, yeah. I mean, that feels like that would draw more attention than a spoon. But ...

Leah: I don't think so because you have to ask for a spoon.

Nick: Oh, so the act of asking a server is drawing attention to it.

Leah: No, it's not. But it's also like, now we got five minutes on the clock. You know what I mean? This—literally, this is how long it would take me. I'm pulling the napkin from the thing. I'm rolling it, I'm dipping it. We're done. That was what? That was less than two seconds.

Nick: Okay. All right. I see what you're saying. Okay. I think I'm on board with this concept. Yeah, I think it's—because it is quick.

Leah: And it's not your finger.

Nick: Right. Because also—yeah, that's true. If I'm with somebody, I'm like, "Oh, can I get a spoon?" And now we're all gonna wait around until the spoon comes. And now it's like a thing. Yeah. Okay. Whereas cocktail napkin, boom, done. It's over. We've moved on.

Leah: We've moved on.

Nick: Okay. If there's not a cocktail napkin, though, then ...

Leah: Use your shirt. Is that what you were gonna say?

Nick: [laughs] Nope, I was not gonna say that.

Leah: Oh.

Nick: So close, Leah. So close. Okay. I think our letter-writer gets the idea.

Leah: They do.

Nick: Right? Like, we have set some parameters here of how to approach this problem.

Leah: We got so many options for them, they're buzzing.

Nick: And three strikes.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next thing is a brand new feature.

Leah: Brand new feature!

Nick: And so how do we describe this, Leah? How do we describe this?

Leah: Well, you know, so Nick and I have been doing—we got the Bonkers.

Nick: We got the Bonkers.

Leah: We got the etiquette crimes.

Nick: We got the etiquette crime reports.

Leah: And then to even cut closer to the bone, I would say, is what it is.

Nick: Hmm, that's true. We are getting the pith.

Leah: The pith of really what sends us all over the edge. The things that when you're walking down the street and somebody said—or maybe you're sitting there unaware. It could happen at any moment. And the words come, and then you black out, and then you come to days later thinking, "I can't even believe that was said to me. This is what I should have said." Those, those sentences.

Nick: And so we are calling this feature, "Said To My Face."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And these are the rudest things that have ever been said to your face.

Leah: And that includes, like, on email or text, your metaphorical face.

Nick: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, it can be to your face literally, but yeah, anything that has been said directly to you that is so rude, we want to hear about it. And so we have been asking people on our social medias to, like, send in some of these. They are wild.

Leah: Wild!

Nick: So wild. And so, like, here's an example. Somebody who says they're 71 years old, says this happened a long time ago, but it stuck with them.

Leah: Stuck with them.

Nick: Quote, "Everywhere you go, you bring darkness." [laughs] That's so. I mean, is that rude? It's kind of—I mean, it's wild.

Leah: It's poetic.

Nick: Like, what does that mean?

Leah: I imagine that you have, like, a flowing cape, sort of, and then you sort of fling it over the lights in the room.

Nick: Yeah. How do you bring darkness? I mean, what a superpower!

Leah: It really feels like a compliment in many ways.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, but—I mean, that's rude.

Leah: It's so rude to say to someone, "You bring darkness."

Nick: "You bring darkness." And also, it is so inconceivable to me that one of our listeners is bringing darkness anywhere.

Leah: I don't believe that.

Nick: Like, I just don't—I don't see how that's possible for our listeners. So that's an example of something that was said to her face. And so you out there, let us know. What is the rudest thing that has ever been said to your face? Go to SaidToMyFace.com and let us know.

Leah: Please let us know. And I will say that there is the cathartic experience of getting it out. And then we reading it, and we go, "Ah!" Like, obviously upsetting. But as we're reading these, I also feel—because people are saying horrible things to people, which I don't like. I'm upset for them. But then also, you sort of realize a lot of the horrible things said to you, there's just mean people out there saying it to everybody, and it has nothing to do with you. And it's just—it sort of takes the power away.

Nick: And there is something kind of nice? Nice is the wrong word, but there's something. There's—there's solace. There's solace in this.

Leah: Oh, I find solace. I remember when, like, I was younger and people would say mean things to me. I wouldn't tell people because I felt like it was somehow, you know, bad. And then that's what I love about comedy, is I take anything mean somebody did and I say it out loud, and I feel like it takes away.

Nick: Yeah, it loses power. Yeah, it loses power.

Leah: So that's what I—that's what I like about this, that we can all say that person's bad. You're great.

Nick: Yeah. Oh no, this is the ultimate in validation. That, like, oh, that was totally rude. And yeah, there's something nice about getting it off your chest. There is something nice about that. So SaidToMyFace.com. Go there, send us your best rude sentences that have been said to your face and we will read our favorites in future episodes. And this will be fun.

Leah: This will be fun!

Nick: And of course, if you have questions or vents or repents or Bonkers or etiquette crime awards or all the other things, we will certainly take those. You can send those to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can text those to us or leave us a voicemail: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!