Celebrating Christmas With Fried Chicken, Tipping in Coffee Shops, Showing Gratitude for Gifts, and More

Nick: Do you not eat fried chicken on Christmas? Do you comment on people's diets? Do you forget to send thank you cards? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Let's get in it!

Nick: So for today's amuse bouche, I want to take you to Japan.

Leah: Oh, I'm delighted!

Nick: And I want to take you to Japan at Christmas time.

Leah: Double delight! Double delight!

Nick: I mean, it's my favorite thing plus your favorite thing? I mean, what a vacation!

Leah: This is amazing.

Nick: So we're in Tokyo, it's Christmas, and I want to do the thing that millions of Japanese people are gonna be doing to celebrate. So Leah, what are we gonna be doing?

Leah: Are we doing Kalle Anka? [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Call back! We are not. And I'll give you a hint. This is a food. This is something we're gonna be eating. What are we gonna be eating in Japan on Christmas?

Leah: Oh, Nick. I feel like—I mean, I could go—where are we?

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. Yeah, Give me a guess. What do you think we're gonna have?

Leah: I think we're going to have—we could do something that's like a raw fish cut into the shape of a Christmas tree.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: Or maybe—wouldn't that be lovely?

Nick: I mean, that's interesting.

Leah: Decorated in wasabi for the greenery. Come on!

Nick: Oh! Maybe, like, little sprinkles of roe as, like, tinsel?

Leah: Yes! Yes! I love this!

Nick: [laughs] Okay. You're not even close.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: So what we're gonna do is we are gonna go and have Kentucky Fried Chicken. That's right. We're actually gonna be going to KFC.

Leah: Because I would not have gotten there.

Nick: And I do hope you remember to pre order your bucket back in October, maybe November, because once they sell out, they sell out. And I don't want to have to wait in line for hours on Christmas for my chicken.

Leah: Oh, wow!

Nick: Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, this is a thing. This is absolutely a thing in Japan. There is so much demand for KFC chicken that they're actually trying to stretch it out over the whole week, and not just make it a Christmas thing so they can keep up. Yes. They do, like, 10 times more business on December 24th than they do, like, all year. Yeah. No, it's unbelievable.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And just to be clear, while millions of Japanese people do this, like, there are plenty of people who do not celebrate in this way or celebrate at all. So it's not like every Japanese person is doing this, but millions of people are. Like, this is definitely a thing that is happening.

Leah: Do people get, like, the full—is it just the chicken or are they getting the full dinner?

Nick: Oh, it's a full dinner. And it is more elaborate than anything we have in the United States. I mean, this obviously comes with chicken of different types. You can get fancy versions, like a whole roast chicken or, like, chicken and red wine sauce. And then the bucket is also gonna have things like interesting sides, like shrimp gratin or, like, a whole chocolate cake.

Leah: What?

Nick: I know! Does KFC have cake in the United States? I've actually never been to KFC, so I'm not actually sure what they offer, but you can get it in Japan if you pre order. Yeah. And the bucket itself also, like, changes designs. It's like the Starbucks holiday cup. Like, there's like, a different one every year. And there's a commemorative plate. There's actually, like, a plate that you save. Yeah.

Leah: This is so fun. I want to go!

Nick: Right? So the real question is: how did this happen? How did this become a tradition in Japan? And so let's set the scene. After World War II, Japan was increasingly open to Western ideas, Western foods. And we get to the 1970s, which is when, like, the first wave of Western brands started to really come in, like fast food chains. And KFC was one of the first in the 1970s. And there was a manager, or so the story goes. There was a manager of one of the outlets in Nagoya, and he overheard a Western customer talking about how he couldn't get roast turkey on Christmas, and how the closest thing he could get was, like, fried chicken. And so then that manager was like, oh, isn't that interesting? And so the next year, they, like, made sort of like a holiday, like, promotion around it.

Nick: But then KFC Japan took that idea national in the mid-'70s, and they blew it out. And they had a whole campaign called "Kentucky for Christmas." And the "Kentucky for Christmas" campaign is probably one of the most successful ad campaigns in the history of the world, because it basically made the people of Japan think that an American Christmas tradition is to have fried chicken on Christmas.

Nick: And they really pushed it. I mean, they really pushed it. I was watching an ad from the '80s, and it's showing, like, this suburban house with snow. And people are coming home, and through the window they see, like, mom with the chicken. And then they, like, are having the chicken. And, like, oh, isn't this warm and cozy? And in the background of this ad, there's this song that's playing that sounds like a Christmas carol, but it's actually a song called My Old Kentucky Home, which I'm not familiar with. But it's just like, you know, it's a song that exists, but, like, it's not a Christmas carol, but it just creates this vibe, creates this mood. And it definitely hits, like, all the emotional notes of Christmas.

Leah: Oh, I can't wait to watch this commercial. This is so exciting.

Nick: Yeah, I'll post a link to it in the show notes. And I guess why did it work? I guess in some way, Colonel Sanders does look like Santa if you dress him up in red.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Which, of course, is exactly what happens at Christmas at all the outlets in Japan. Yeah, there's definitely Colonel Sanders dressed as Santa in Japan. And only, like, one to two percent of Japanese people actually identify as Christian, and so there isn't a Christmas tradition in Japan. And so KFC just, like, filled the void. And December 25 is also not a holiday in Japan. And so if you wanted to, like, do something to celebrate it because you're like, "Oh, that's kind of fun to celebrate Christmas," it's a workday if it just happens Monday to Friday. So, like, it's not a day off for people. They can't, like, be at home all day roasting. But the idea of, like, "Oh, let's just get take out fast food for dinner and, like, celebrate that way," like, that totally works at the end of a work day.

Leah: I love the idea that they're ordering in advance.

Nick: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, this sells out. Oh, this absolutely sells out. Yeah. Or you have to just wait in very long lines for anything they may have left on the day. Yes. And if KFC sells out, then, like, other convenience stores in Japan do sell fried chicken, just, like, capture some of that fried chicken holiday magic.

Leah: That rollover?

Nick: [laughs] Right. It won't be official KFC fried chicken but, like, you'll still get that karaage vibe that you're looking for.

Leah: You're not getting the plate, though. You're not getting the commemorative plate.

Nick: You're not getting the commemorative plate. And I guess the last thing to kind of note here is that the Japanese relationship with fast food is very different than ours. I think for us in the United States, we do often look at fast food as like, sort of being not healthy and not good for you. And in Japan, they don't necessarily have that feeling. It's more just about convenience. It actually can be very high quality. Like, there's great fast food in Japan, and so, like, they just have a different relationship to fast food. And so the idea of like, "Oh, let's go to KFC for Christmas," like that feels fine. It's just about the convenience.

Leah: Also, I just love that we're learning Christmas traditions in different countries.

Nick: [laughs] Right? Well, my goal is to help you celebrate Christmas globally.

Leah: Nick, this is the best goal.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I thought it was right up your alley. So that is Christmas in Japan.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep and onto the tipping screen.

Nick: So for today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about tipping screens in coffee shops. And you can picture it: that slow rotation around. You're presented with some options. Some of these options may seem bonkers. And it causes anxiety. You're like, "What is the move here?" Do you experience this?

Leah: Yeah, when you see the screen slowly turning, it's like I actually experience it in slo mo.

Nick: Right? Yeah. And it's sort of like, what is the right move? Because it is just a tip jar, you know? There is not an actual obligation. You do not absolutely have to tip in this circumstance. It is an optional act, as opposed to if you were in a sit down restaurant where, like, oh no, you absolutely have to tip. That is required here.

Leah: You must.

Nick: But in a coffee shop, tipping is still technically voluntary. And so the question is: what is the move? And there's a lot of different tipping screens. I mean, there's the tipping screens that give you options that are flat dollar amounts. So, like, on my $3 coffee, I might have options of $1, $2 or $3. And, like, $3 on a coffee, I mean that's a lot, right?

Leah: $3 on a coffee is like if you were Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, and you just woke up after the ghost visited you and you're, like, just doubling everything.

Nick: [laughs] Right. Yeah, that's what that is. And, you know, in which case that's fine. I mean, there's a world in which that's fine.

Leah: You may be having that kind of a day.

Nick: In which case pay it forward. That's great. Or you get the percentages. This is also very common. But, like, what is the right percentage, you know? And sometimes these screens start at 20 percent. Like, I've seen tipping screens where the first option was 20 and then it was 25, 30, 35. And it was like, oh, okay, I guess that's what we're doing. And so I had an idea. And I think this has been floating around. Other people have kind of mentioned this, and so it is not mine alone, but maybe I can make it happen.

Nick: Here's my idea. We have, like, the screen. It has dollar amounts or it has percentages, but then it has a description of what each of those things means. So, like, underneath where it says "25 percent," it gives a description of what feelings you should have right now about this interaction to lead you to this choice. So, like, 25 percent is, they knew my name, they knew my order, they went above and beyond, they made my day, I feel better about myself, my self esteem is higher, like whatever it is. But, like, some description about what 25 percent means. And then we have other descriptions for other percentages. What do you think?

Leah: I think it's whimsical. So I feel like if I saw that screen I would be more apt—like, if 50 percent was like you filled the void in my heart, I would—it would make me giggle, and I'd be more apt—I'm gonna tip anyway. I always tip on coffee. I treat it like a sort of a bar.

Nick: Right.

Leah: I would also like to add to this screen though, because when I find it the most is when it's like self-serve coffee. And then there's like a tipping thing on the screen.

Nick: [laughs] Sure.

Leah: And you're like, "I need the option that is like I did it myself so people don't think I'm not tipping." I want that on there.

Nick: So there should be a zero percent button which is like, this was a self-service gas station pump.

Leah: Yes. That is what I want on there. So people don't think I'm, like, not tipping. They're like, "Oh, this was—she self served."

Nick: Right. Okay. Yes, I think that would be a fine description for, like, when are you allowed to not leave a tip? And that is definitely an occasion where it's sort of like, yeah, you do not have the tip when you did an e-commerce transaction online to buy a sweater. Yes, you could ignore that tipping screen totally. But I think there could be a definition of, like, oh, what is a five percent tip here? What does a dollar mean today? And I think that might be helpful just to have some, like, words to go along with these numbers.

Leah: I definitely think there's something wrong with the screens. Like, we've gone off in a way that's not working and it needs to be fixed. And I like the idea that you're throwing out ideas.

Nick: Well, because it needs to be fixed because it is so broken. I mean, we do need to just get rid of tipping in the United States. We just need to get rid of it. We have to, like, go to a European or Japanese model because it is not working. It is totally broken. It is unfair. I mean, the amount of inequities that this causes, it's totally out of control. And it is new. There was a time in the United States when tipping did not happen. And so, like, we do need to rethink the whole thing. The idea that I am personally responsible for somebody's compensation based on my whims or my biases or whatever, like, that's not fair. And, like, we cannot push the burden of compensation from the employer to the customer. Like, this is just not working.

Leah: I mean, that could be one of the buttons. "I will tip now, but I want it to be registered here that I think that we should be paying everyone a livable wage."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: That could be one of the buttons on the screen.

Nick: Okay. Yeah. Like, "I'm tipping today, but I want society to be different." Okay. [laughs]

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So this is just an idea, you know, until we can fix this problem permanently and just get rid of this whole tipping madness. Because also what is happening is because tipping screens are showing up everywhere. Like, everywhere in places you never expect it, that we just are so exhausted by it. There's so much fatigue. Some people have thrown up their hands completely, and they're not tipping in places they should tip. They're not tipping in that sit-down restaurant. And it's sort of like, oh, no, you have to tip there. That's actually required. That's not optional. And so it's causing people to give up on the whole thing. And, like, we can't have that.

Leah: We can't have that. I worked as a waitress in a New York restaurant where I was getting $3.25 an hour.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You gotta tip in restaurants.

Nick: So, yeah. Tips mattered.

Leah: Tips matter. I always do a dollar amount. I'll do custom tip every time.

Nick: Yeah, I think a flat dollar amount is perfectly fine.

Leah: I just treat it like I would treat a bar.

Nick: Yeah, I guess that is one way to do it. Yeah. If you just have a standard thing that you do, and you kind of just do that regardless of what the screen says.

Leah: And then I make sure to stand and talk to them and take up their time like people do at bars.

Nick: Okay. All right, you just become Norm.

Leah: I'm totally Norm at the coffee shop. And they're like, "She better tip because this girl will not leave! And we have to say her name every time she walks in!"

Nick: So listeners, if you think I'm onto something with this, I guess let me know. Like, would this be helpful, or is this actually a terrible idea? I don't know. So I think we're workshopping.

Leah: I love a workshop. I love that we're trying—we're trying to find ways to solve problems.

Nick: We're just trying to make the world better. And, you know, the tipping thing definitely is some area of opportunity.

Leah: Our listeners might have some ideas, too. I also want to say that I think people—baristas are actually tired of it. I've had baristas X through the tipping screen and just flip it over to me.

Nick: Oh yeah, they're just like, "Oh, just don't leave me a tip." Just like ...

Leah: They're just like, "Make it stop. Just sign it and let's move on."

Nick: Yeah. No, it's—everybody's exhausted. We're all exhausted. So we gotta do something.

Leah: I do want to say on days where I'm feeling like the universe is bountiful ...

Nick: Yeah?

Leah: And who cares about debt? I'm gonna—I'm gonna hit that highest tip on there.

Nick: Yeah. I mean it sounds like you might have just encountered three ghosts, and have seen maybe the past and the future and the present, and have woken up and are feeling very generous today.

Leah: Yes. And I'm out in my slippers and my night coat, and I'm getting—"You get a coffee, you get a coffee. Everybody gets tipped."

Nick: "Boy, what day is it?" [laughs]

Leah: "What day is it?"

Nick: Exactly. Yeah. So pay it forward.

Leah: Lovely.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "When should you drop someone from your Christmas list? Reciprocity isn't a priority to me. That feels a bit grinchy. However, between extended family, friends, church community, and now my child's friends, I'm at about 200 cards. It all feels like a bit much. However, I have a hard time cutting anybody. My parents' aging friends don't reciprocate, but I think they enjoy seeing the kids' photos, especially since we don't use social media. So it's a once a year family update. And with new friends, it seems like a good olive branch to try to encourage those friendships to grow. Family would be hurt, so I just don't know who to cut. Maybe it's no one?"

Leah: You know where I'm gonna come in on this Nick, so ...

Nick: [laughs] Well, you're either gonna come in on, "Send them to everybody. Christmas is the most important thing ever," or you're gonna be like, "Don't send them. Cut everybody."

Leah: I mean, obviously I—we know that I've missed Christmas cards the past three years, but I—this person obviously has a plan. They get their Christmas cards made. They have beautiful pictures of their families on it. I say we don't cut anybody. It's too hard to pick. How are we gonna pick? And then we just get everybody in the family involved like an assembly line on getting these cards. We have a day that is our Christmas card day. Everybody gets in it. We have a little—some cookies. Maybe we have, like, a little marzipan dipped in a chocolate. I don't know. I'm throwing that out. We have some—maybe we have The Muppets Christmas.

Nick: Oh!

Leah: John Denver and The Muppets Christmas record playing. Just—I'm just tossing out some ideas. And then we just bang those out together as a group.

Nick: Yeah, that was on my list. Can we share the burden? Yeah. How old are these kids? Can we make it a family event?

Leah: Because it's too hard to cut.

Nick: Yes. Yes. Yeah, it can be hard. Although other ideas include: can we kind of phone it in a little bit? Like, are we doing very long personalized notes for all of these cards? Or on some of these cards, can we maybe leave a briefer message? You know, something that's not quite as time consuming to write? You know, is that possible?

Leah: Can we get, like, some cute stickers? Boom, boom, boom?

Nick: Stickers is too far for me. If we're gonna do it, we're gonna use a pen and we're gonna write something. But we could do something that's not that long.

Leah: Could you guys bring back the stickers I got for Nick?

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Take them back. Throw them away. No stickers!

Nick: Are you talking about, like, a label, like, with a pre-printed message on it that I'm just, like, slapping in the card?

Leah: No, no. I'm talking about a sticker, like, say for your kids' friends. Like, say they're into dogs. I don't know what is the new thing that kids are into. I just—that is the oldest I've ever sounded in my life.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: "I don't know what these kids are into."

Nick: Yeah, dog stickers.

Leah: [laughs] I just—that's what I think everybody's into. And so for fun—you know, you make it funsies. You're like, "Oh, let's just dress that one up so everybody feels like their card is unique." But we didn't write—we didn't have to write, like, a heartfelt thing. We just, like, threw some stickers on it.

Nick: Oh, I see. So the message might be the same for everybody, but you are personalizing with stickers.

Leah: Stickers for the kids. I don't know how old these kids are. Like, if they're teenagers, stickers may be not appropriate unless it's me and it's dogs, you know? But I'm just trying to think of something that's personalizing it that's not a lot of work.

Nick: Another idea I had is: can we go digital for some of these people? You know, maybe there's certain people on the list where a digital card would be the thing that would take the edge off. It's a way to sort of reach out, but maybe is less burden.

Leah: I don't know. In my mind, I feel like this person is organized, and they have, like, a card that they've made and they just order a certain amount.

Nick: Yes. Yeah, I do get the sense that this is the family holiday card. They did, like, the photo earlier in the year.

Leah: Yeah, because it talks about the photos. So I mean, they're already doing it.

Nick: They're already doing it. Yeah. Then I guess you can cut people who don't reciprocate. So, like, that's a good place to start. And if you think they wouldn't notice they were cut.

Leah: But then do you want to cut your parents' friends who probably aren't sending cards out, but they for sure look forward to seeing your kids every year?

Nick: Yeah, we keep them. Yeah, we keep them. Yeah.

Leah: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I guess I don't love the idea of holiday cards being a burden because, like, this should be fun.

Leah: It should be fun, but that's why I think maybe we make it an event and we get everybody involved.

Nick: Yes. Or even if it's just you doing it, I think we have to create a little ceremony around it. So we can still have the John Denver Muppet album. We can still have the marzipan chocolates. You know, just, like, create a nice day for yourself. And also, don't try to do it all in one day.

Leah: Or get a candle, like a nice Christmas candle. You know what? Maybe we should do is download the audiobook of Leah Bonnema's The Holiday Breakdown, and by the time you play, it's about five and a half hours, you will be completely finished.

Nick: Okay. I mean, wow.!I mean, nice plug, but very organic.

Leah: [laughs] Thank you, Nick.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, so I think let's make it an event. Yeah. And try to remember that this is supposed to be fun, both for you and the recipient. And if it's sort of not becoming fun, then it's sort of like, we do need to rethink this.

Leah: I also—I have a friend whose house I'll go over to when we're both wrapping on wrapping days. And then so we are wrapping together separately. Do you know—like, we're together, we have a candle going. We'll have, like, a movie on in the background or an audio book that's Christmas themed. And we have snacks.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: But we're getting our—the things we need to get done done. But we're—you know what I mean? So maybe you have a friend who also has a Christmas list they have to go through.

Nick: Ah. Okay, I gotcha. Yeah. So if you have another friend that does a lot of holiday cards, you could just have a holiday card writing party.

Leah: And then you have some nice cheese. "Hey, you wanna come over? We'll have cheese."

Nick: Yes.

Leah: That way all of our cards smell slightly like cheese. [laughs]

Nick: I would need—yeah. Well, when you say cheese it's like, I can't touch the cheese with my hands, so I would need picks of some sort.

Leah: Yeah. Cheese on toothpicks.

Nick: Yeah. Or silver. You know.

Leah: Of course.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: Cheese on toothpicks or silver, depending on ...

Nick: Yeah. Type of cheese.

Leah: I actually—you know what I mean? I'm gonna give the third option. Or, like, a pulley system where it just throws the cheese into your mouth.

Nick: Ah! I'll give you a fourth option. We have that aerosol cheese where I can just spray it into my mouth and I don't have to touch it.

Leah: I love these options!

Nick: [laughs] Okay. All right, so I think we solved Christmas for you.

Leah: It's—yes!

Nick: Our next question is, quote, "I eat a special diet for health reasons. How do you respond to people that question your diet? I have a brother-in-law that incessantly asks questions about every little thing. He has no filter or manners. It is so rude, but if I respond to him in a stern way, then I am considered the rude one in the family. Help!"

Leah: I think Nick and I's favorite thing is when the person who's just sticking up for themselves or is like, please stop being rude to me, gets made into the rude person.

Nick: Yeah, I don't love that. No.

Leah: I think you could just say—and I wrote this down. "I would love to not talk about my diet."

Nick: Oh, I like that. Oh, that's nice phrasing. Okay. Yeah, that works.

Leah: And then if they bring it up again go, "Can we not talk about it?"

Nick: Yeah, I guess that does work. Yeah. I mean, I had phrases like, "I feel my best this way." Or, like, "This is what my doctor and I decided works best." Or there's my favorite, which is, "Thank you for your concern. I'm fine."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I use that for a lot. That works in a lot of situations. But no, yours is good. Yeah. Because you're like, "I don't want to talk about it."

Leah: Because I feel like when you're like, you know these people that want to then debate, "Oh, is that the best for this?" And you're like, "I don't—I don't even care if you have a different opinion about it. I don't want to talk about it."

Nick: I did write down if you did want to actually engage, which is, "Why is this important to you?"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: But I don't know if that's actually a can of worms, and that's just not a road we want to go down.

Leah: I like all of these options. I think it depends on what is the—who are we that day.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: To use a Nick phrase. And also, what did we want to gain? I think the fastest way to get out of it is, "I'd love to not talk about my diet."

Nick: And there are few ruder things than commenting on what people are eating or not eating or how much they're eating. Like, we just don't comment on people's food. Like, that's just not something we do.

Leah: No. I really hate it when people comment on how you're eating. Unless it's like, "That's delicious. Can I get that recipe?"

Nick: [laughs] Right. Fine. But, "Oh, I notice you aren't eating the peas."

Leah: And then you have to be like, "Yes, I find peas to be the most disgusting food out there, and you have it on your table and I can barely breathe through my nose."

Nick: And you made me say this because you asked.

Leah: "You made me say it out loud when we all could have just ignored it."

Nick: Now because this is a brother-in-law, can we do anything with our sibling here? Can we enlist our sibling to intervene? Because, like, this has been going on for a while. This is not a one off. This is a pattern. Or do we just handle it ourselves and, like, not get our sibling involved?

Leah: That's a great question, Nick, because I actually wonder if going through our sibling will make it bigger.

Nick: Yes. It might add more energy to this.

Leah: Yeah. A little—little gasoline on the fire.

Nick: Yeah, I don't want that. Yeah. And then there is this thing about, like, oh, I'll be considered the rude one if I respond sternly. And it's sort of like, that's interesting because it sounds like everybody takes his side if you ever speak up for yourself.

Leah: Which we don't like that.

Nick: Yeah, I don't care for that. In general, though, it is totally possible to be polite and set a boundary at the same time. And so I think we don't have to be stern, but I think we can be firm. And I think it's possible to be firm, but sort of light or humorous, but still firm.

Leah: And then I guess the last question that is: Do we care if they think that we don't want to talk about our diet in a rude way?

Nick: Oh, yeah, that is—yeah, you might just want to make that decision, which is like, I'm fine with that.

Leah: And then what, are people going around saying they don't like talking about their food?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: That's true. I don't.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, Yeah, I could live with that. Yeah, that actually could also work. Yeah. Let people be mad at you for not wanting to talk about your special diet for health reasons.

Leah: Yeah, let people be—yes! Sorry.

Nick: Sorry. Yeah. All right. So I think this is good advice.

Leah: "I would love not to talk about it." I'm gonna work—what was the first one you said? Because I'm definitely—that was my favorite. I mean, that was one that I want to try to incorporate into my life because it makes me laugh so hard.

Nick: The "Thanks for your concern" part?

Leah: Yeah, you've said it before, and I still have not ever said it out loud, but I just think it's so fun. And now I'm reminded again how much I love that phrase, "Thanks for your concern."

Nick: "I'm fine."

Leah: "I'm good. I'm fine. Thanks for your concern. I'm fine."

Nick: "I'm good" works. Yeah. Yeah. "I'm good." Yeah. "Thank you for your concern. I'm fine."

Leah: [laughs] I hope I'm somewhere where I get to see you say it in the wild.

Nick: Oh yeah, it doesn't come up that often because I feel like my vibe gives that off before I ever have to say it.

Leah: Yeah, you don't really have to say it.

Nick: So rare is the time when we actually have to say it but, like, oh, I'm prepared to. I'm absolutely ready. Yeah. That is definitely in my back pocket at all times. So our next question is quote, "I'm wondering the etiquette with receiving Christmas gifts. Should a thank-you card be sent? If so, how would this apply to children? I have two young boys who receive gifts from grandparents, aunts and uncles from around the world. While it would be a lot of thank-you cards and a very time-consuming task, should it be done? I worry about setting a precedent that couldn't always be lived up to year after year. But I want the kids to understand gratitude."

Leah: I want you guys to know that Nick is staring at me like I'm being tested.

Nick: [laughs] Just want to know if Leah is gonna weigh in with the correct response here.

Leah: Nope, I am not.

Nick: [laughs] Because there is a correct response here.

Leah: Well, I know—I know what you—I think my response is slightly different than your response.

Nick: Okay, I'll give mine and then you can let me know what you think.

Leah: Okay.

Nick: We often hear from grandparents and aunts and uncles from around the world that they give gifts to their relatives, you know, the children in their lives, and they never get a thank-you note back. And they're like, "Isn't that rude?" To which I say, "Yes, it is." And I say stop giving presents to people who do not want them. And so I think it is important to show gratitude. We must show gratitude for gifts we have received—at any age. Now there's a lot of different ways we could show that gratitude, so it does not necessarily have to be—and this is where I think Leah is gonna come in.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: It does not have to be a handwritten note necessarily, even though that is the societally agreed way to do it. But there are other ways. Other ways to show gratitude. So I feel like we do need to show that gratitude. And then how you do that, I will kind of leave that discretion up to you.

Leah: I'm glad you know where I came in.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: I do—showing gratitude, I think, is very important. I do think—I am not a parent, and I can imagine that if you have two kids, they have thank-you notes to all these people. It's you that's actually going to be getting this done.

Nick: Well, right. Yes.

Leah: I don't know how old your kids are. So I can imagine that it feels overwhelming because you also have your things. So I thought so you don't feel so overwhelmed, we could do video, phone video thank-you notes.

Nick: Yep.

Leah: And that way we get our kids involved and we say, "Okay, go—go grab the sweater that Gam Gams got you. Go get the toy that Uncle Richard got you." You know what I mean? And then they put it on, you tape it, they say, "Thank you so much." You send it off. They switch it, you tape it, you send it off. Because if they're old enough to write their own notes, that's—but I think that we definitely want to show gratitude, and I think we want it to be specific gratitude, not one video for everybody. But I think that that might be a nice—you know, maybe they could do a little song. "I love my sweater! It makes me feel better in this weather." I don't know. I'm just throwing out some ideas. [laughs]

Nick: Okay. Yeah, I think this is the right vibe. I mean, I think the idea is that I get a gift and I say nothing? Like, we don't live in that world. But I feel like you gotta do something. A video? Totally lovely, very charming—especially with kids. And so I think that is great. But I think it is important for kids to learn when you get a gift, you have to show gratitude. And so we need to make that connection in a young child's brain that, like, oh, these two things are linked. And so they do need practice doing this. They have to see you doing it. Like, it's a thing that they should know is done.

Leah: I just think videos are fun. A thank-you video? What a good time!

Nick: Yeah. But as the kids get older, I think more sophisticated etiquette lessons can be introduced. So, you know, we can get to different types of handwritten notes. You know, there's the first one where it's just like, "Thank you," you know, in their own handwriting. And then they can get more elaborate as they get older. I think they should learn that skill too. You know, like, we're not gonna be teaching preschoolers how to have caviar and blinis but, like, we can teach them how to do chopsticks. Like, there's an age-appropriate way to do different etiquette things. And so there's an age-appropriate way to do thank-you notes.

Leah: And I think whether video or handwritten, rhyming always makes it more ...

Nick: Rhyming makes it sound more sincere.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] And this idea that, like, oh, we don't want to set the precedent. No, I think actually you do want to set the precedent. And I think you can live up to it every year. I think you could make that happen.

Leah: I think it'd be fun. We could take a step further where we have a thank-you day where we just call everybody and send videos to everybody.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: While we are eating cheese and lighting candles. And so it's like a fun time.

Nick: Yeah. You could certainly set a date to do it. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I think it would be nice to make it fun and enjoyable. I mean, when gratitude becomes a chore, then something is not working. So I feel like we want to actually, like, have a nice time with it.

Leah: That's why I feel like videos are so fun because they could all be like, act outs.

Nick: Then do videos. I'm not against videos. I feel like you think I don't like videos.

Leah: I don't feel like that. I just feel like I definitely have to be like—I know I'm stepping out of the handwritten ...

Nick: Yes. It is a different medium, but I'm modern.

Leah: [laughs] I know you are.

Nick: Yes. I'm with it.

Leah: I know. But I know I'm more defending myself because I feel like people are gonna be like, "Leah, you're a bad person. Videos don't count." But I feel like a lot of people are overwhelmed with having to write things.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Especially people such as myself, whereas if I don't know where anything is ever, and everything's chaos. And I just get so anxious about it, but I really want to do it. So then you're like, take yourself off the hook. Make a rhyming video where you're wearing the sweater. Just—people just need to know that you're thankful for it.

Nick: Yeah. Because you know where your phone is and you know where your face is, and so you could do this.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] So thank you for these great questions. And you out there, do you have any questions for us? Oh yes, you do! So send them to us. Send them to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently. Or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna repent.

Nick: Oh, dear. What have you done?

Leah: So I would like to repent to Nick Leighton, to a one Nick Leighton that we all may know and love, because I ...

Nick: What did you do to me that I don't know about?

Leah: [laughs] Well, I just keep running out of vents and repents. And I know ...

Nick: Oh!

Leah: ... every week you're like, you're ready. And I just have just—I don't have any.

Nick: I mean, are you just living in bliss? Do we end the show? Have we solved all the etiquette problems out there?

Leah: I just ...

Nick: Is it over?

Leah: You know, I just—I'm so trying not to dwell on things that I just ...

Nick: Well, you don't have to dwell, but you can still file them in your pocket.

Leah: Well, unless somebody has really wronged me, I'm just like, "Whatever. Whatever."

Nick: Okay. Well, I do hope that you experience etiquette misfortune between now and next time we chat.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] But I guess I'm happy for you. I mean, does this count as a repent, though, in our grand tally?

Leah: Oh, it counts as a repent in our grand tally, let me tell you that. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] Okay. Hmm, so there's a motive. I see.

Leah: I guess it's also a part of the repent that's also like, I know I'm out there doing wild things, but I'm sort of just like, you know, hey, I'm trying my best. I can't keep banging my head against a wall because I said something wild, you know? Oh, well!

Nick: Okay. I mean, yeah, you're really in a good place with this, which is not good for our show, but I guess it's good for your mental health.

Leah: I was gonna say, "Nick, can we make it so I can do two cordials of kindnesses?" And then I could just imagine your eyes rolling in the back of your head and being like, "I can't even throw that out there."

Nick: Unfortunately, as a podcast, there is a time limit. These do have a finite limit, so we do have a finite amount of space in our show and unfortunately, we just do not have room for that. So sorry. But for me, I would like to vent. So I was recently traveling, and I honestly actually cannot remember what airport I was in, but I was traveling, and I was going through security and I put my suitcase up on the conveyor belt. And sometimes I travel with a very hard-sided aluminum suitcase. So it is, like, very heavy and it's very solid and it's fun. And so I put it through the conveyor belt, and as it's about to go into the machine, the TSA person on the other side slams his fist so hard into the lid of my suitcase.

Leah: No!

Nick: Twice. Yeah. Bang, bang. And I'm thinking, like, what? What? Just why? Does he think there's a security thing in there? Or is that some, like, check to make sure it's closed? Or, like, why is he banging on my suitcase aggressively? And I was also like, did he dent it? Like, it's hard to dent aluminum but, like, you can do it. And so then I look at him with this look of, like, what is happening? And he just says back to me, like, "Wow. Solid." And that was it. It was as if he had never seen an aluminum suitcase before. And he just wanted to see how solid it was, and he—and he just wanted to bang it really hard.

Leah: He beat up your suitcase?

Nick: He did, yeah.

Leah: To see if it could take a beating.

Nick: Yeah. And so it was not dented, so that's good. But I was a little concerned about it until we got to the other side. So I feel like this is very rude.

Leah: It's rude and it's wild!

Nick: It's pretty wild because also, you're a TSA person. Have you never seen aluminum luggage?

Leah: What's going on?

Nick: You're seeing hundreds of thousands of luggage pieces, like, every day. Like, I don't even know how many you're seeing. Chances are you're gonna see some aluminum. But yeah, and then to bang it? I feel like you shouldn't be banging people's luggage.

Leah: You shouldn't, and then look at you and go "Pretty hard."

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: What just happened?

Nick: Yeah, what just happened? So yeah, I didn't care for that. So that's my vent today.

Leah: Solid. No pun intended.

Nick: Oh, I see what you did there! [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: KFC in Japan on Christmas. Hello!

Nick: Merry Christmas indeed.

Leah: This is so fun!

Nick: And I learned that I will not be getting any stickers from you this Christmas.

Leah: I know. And it's possible that you might have been getting them. And now you heard me yell to Greta and Lacey, "Take the stickers out!"

Nick: Well, I mean, if they're Lisa Frank, I'll take them.

Leah: Okay. Well, we don't know.

Nick: [laughs] Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note at my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, we want to settle your toughest etiquette fights. So do you have an etiquette argument with somebody and want to know who's right? Oh, we'll tell you. We'll pick sides. We will give you a definitive ruling. So send us your toughest etiquette conundrums. And we can't wait.

Leah: We haven't had one of those in a long time.

Nick: And those are fun. Oh, we love picking sides!

Leah: [laughs] Every time I get it, I'm like, "Are we gonna settle this fight?"

Nick: Yeah, we are. So send those to us, and we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I would like to do a big Cordials of Kindness to Aviators Flight Academy. I did a comedy show there, and I made an announcement how I've always wanted to fly, and they reached out to me, and I just did my first discovery flight with them, Blake Purdy, and Giancarlo. And it was wonderful. Lifelong dream. I felt like Sigourney Weaver. I'm for sure enrolling in flight school.

Nick: I mean, how fun! Yeah. The photos looked really fun, and it looked like you're having a good time.

Leah: I'm having a great time. I can't believe, like, they let you fly a plane.

Nick: They let you fly a plane! Yes. Specifically you.

Leah: Specifically me. I looked at the guy and I go, "This seems like a bad idea, but let's do it!" [laughs]

Nick: And you were in the left. You were in the pilot seat, right?

Leah: I was on the left side.

Nick: Yes. Okay, so you were in control of this aircraft.

Leah: I mean, I think there was—he was, you know ...

Nick: Luckily, there was somebody else.

Leah: ... sitting right there being like ...

Nick: Yeah. Being your co-pilot.

Leah: Sitting right there being like—I have—I have the major—I have all the major things happening.

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: What's so fun is that when you turn, every time you turn, it's like a stomach bump. Boo-boop! Because we went up over mountains, and then I would turn and then I love that when you're driving a car and you go up those things where it feels like a stomach bump.

Nick: Oh, yeah. A little weightlessness feeling.

Leah: Yeah, I love that feeling where the bottom sort of drops out a little bit. [laughs]

Nick: All right, so this is your new thing. Move over comedy. You're a pilot now.

Leah: I'm gonna be a pilot comic who gets dogs out of hoarding situations and flies them out. Have you heard about these people? What a dream!

Nick: Yeah. I mean, this is the reality show that I'm waiting for.

Leah: [laughs] Me just crying in a plane and then deciding to take all the dogs home myself.

Nick: Yeah. Well, for me, I want to read a nice review we just got, which is quote, "I am only 10, and this has got to be my favorite podcast."

Leah: That is so sweet.

Nick: Isn't that cute? Oh, my goodness! I love. I mean, I love a nice review from a 10 year old. Oh, it's even sweeter.

Leah: It's so, so sweet.

Nick: So thank you for that. I really appreciate it. And as a reminder—hint, hint—we love when people leave us nice reviews. So go to wherever you listen to our show, and if there's an option to leave a review, please do so, because it makes our day and gives us validation and encourages other people to listen. So all of these things are good things.

Leah: Thank you so much.

Nick: For sure.