Breaking Apart Bananas in Supermarkets, Sending Wedding Invitations Via Text, Bailing on Dinners in Paris, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "I recently went to a movie with friends. I ordered a snack and a drink and was pleasant throughout. I always make a point to make eye contact, smile and say thank you when interacting with employees at checkouts. I'm not over the top, but I think it's the kind thing to do. After paying, I said 'Thank you, hope you have a good night.' And the employee replied, 'I hope you have the day you deserve.' I think that's rude in a customer service situation, but my friends thought I was overreacting. Can I get a ruling?"

Leah: I feel like this one is so hard without the tone.

Nick: Uh, I don't think it is. I don't think it is. What tone—what tone could you use where this does not sound like a serial killer? I mean, this is chilling.

Leah: Oh, I feel like now that I've moved to California, there's a lot of people out here with their crystals that, like, want you to get the universe shining back on you.

Nick: Oh, I'm sorry. I am from Marin County. I have been to more than my fair share of whole life expos with aura photos and fish liberations, and I have cred. There is no way to talk about karma in this way in a way that is not superrude. [laughs] Because, like, the day you deserve according to whom? The universe? Because is that what this is? Like, "I hope—I hope karma gets you one way or another?"

Leah: Oh, no. I just like to think the best of people. And I think they were thinking, "You're so nice. I hope you get all the nice things back."

Nick: Uh, I mean, if that's what you want to convey, this is not the way to do it.

Leah: Well, that's why I'm saying I need to see the person. I want to see their face when they say it.

Nick: [laughs] I cannot believe—I cannot believe that you need context for this. I mean, it's just like, no, this is, like, nefarious and menacing. "I hope you have the day you deserve."

Leah: I don't know. It just—it honestly made me laugh so hard. If somebody said, "I hope you have the day you deserve," I'd be like, "Me too! Thank you so much. Because I keep putting goodness out there and I really want it back. I hope"—and then I'd be like, "I hope you get the day you deserve."

Nick: I mean, what would happen if we all got the day we deserved? What would the world look like? What would that be?

Leah: I'm fine with it.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I don't know. I'd really have to think back on my day.

Leah: I mean, I think it would—it would be a little nerve-wracking for you, but if I got the day I deserved, I'd be okay for it. [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, I'm thankful that I'm not, maybe.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: I mean, I think why this is rude, I—my ruling is that this is rude. This is rude because you've gone off script, and any time we go off script, this is not a good thing. Because the script is, "Hey, have a nice night." "You too." Or, "Enjoy the movie," or, "Have a good one." Like, any of those is fine. Anytime we go off script, this is not good. Like, this is where etiquette problems happen, and this person went off script in a big way.

Leah: Oh, they definitely went off script.

Nick: Even if they had the best of intentions. "Oh, I hope you have the day you deserve because you're a good person. Hope that good day comes back to you."

Leah: I love how that's how I choose to read it.

Nick: I mean ...

Leah: I also feel like it's probably a teenager working and they're, like, finding themselves, and the words don't necessarily ...

Nick: Sure.

Leah: And they were really trying to wish you a great day because you were so nice to them. This is how I choose to believe.

Nick: Okay. So it was like a creative writing.

Leah: It was a creative writing class.

Nick: What's a different way we can express this sentiment?

Leah: Yes. That's why I'm saying I needed to see it, because what if it was that and they were just—didn't know oh, let's not go off script here.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, let's not do that. Because also the word "deserve," I think is the problem here, because that requires judgment from someone or something. And I don't think any of us want to be judged, right? That's the problem.

Leah: If we're gonna read it how you're reading it.

Nick: I mean, yeah. [laughs] But okay.

Leah: My conscience is clean, Nick. If I get the day I deserve, it's gonna be a nice day. [laughs] And our letter-writer who's friendly.

Nick: Yes.

Leah: They're gonna get a nice day, too.

Nick: Okay, So we do hope our letter-writer gets the day they deserve, which would be a good day.

Leah: I wouldn't say it in those words, but our letter-writer is obviously lovely, and should have a good day.

Nick: I would just want to caution anyone else from trying this, because I just think the room for interpretation? Very great.

Leah: This is why my—I always laugh when things come out, like, slightly uncomfortably. So I would've howled at this and I would have been like, "You too!"

Nick: Yeah. I am concerned with the friends who thought that our letter-writer was overreacting.

Leah: Well, we don't know what our letter-writer did. She may have thrown the popcorn back across the thing and been like, "The day I deserve?"

Nick: Now I'm on board. Yeah.

Leah: [laughs] And then she just, like, runs across and turns on all the soda machines. I want the video.

Nick: Okay. So I feel like my ruling is that this was rude. Leah feels like this was not rude.

Leah: No, I don't feel like it's rude or not rude. I'm saying how—that's why I need to have a video of it or, like a ...

Nick: Oh, you're not prepared to rule on the evidence.

Leah: I would love in the future if this happens, if you could pull your phone out and then say, "Hey, can you just repeat that into this phone with the same tone?"

Nick: Yes.

Leah: "Then I'm gonna send it in to Leah and Nick because Leah refuses to believe ill of people, and I want her to hear the tone."

Nick: Okay. And actually, I think this is a good thing to note for all of our listeners. If you're gonna be sending us a question that requires tone as part of the question itself, we do need a demo. So either a recording of the person saying it or your recreation.

Leah: You could do a reenactment.

Nick: Yeah, we'll take your reenactments. But if tone is a material detail for the ruling, then yeah, send it in.

Leah: I also just want to say that I like to leave room for maybe people didn't mean it, and that's why I like to check tone, because I'm surrounded by comedians who always say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Nick: True.

Leah: And it wasn't meant in any way.

Nick: Fair enough. Yeah, I guess I just don't know how else you say this, but maybe if I heard the recording I might issue a different ruling. But today, yeah, I'm gonna say this is rude.

Leah: You can always look at them and go, "Same to you," and give them a wink back.

Nick: Okay. "Same to you."

Leah: "I wish you the same." That way if it was rude ...

Nick: Back at you.

Leah: I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. And if it was polite, right back.

Nick: Okay, that's true. I'm giving you back the energy you gave.

Leah: "Whatever—whatever you're giving, I don't quite understand it, but for sure, with you too. I'm with you."

Nick: Okay. "And—and with you." Very nice.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is, quote, "Are you allowed to break apart bananas at a supermarket and only buy the number that you want?"

Leah: That's a hard yes.

Nick: That's a hard yes! Interesting. Okay. And do you do this?

Leah: I don't do this.

Nick: Okay. [laughs] But you want to make space for people who do.

Leah: I feel like you're slightly mocking my want to make space, but that's fine. Also, I don't know if I brought this up before, but Erin Jackson, who is a friend and a fellow comic, has a great joke about how she didn't know you could break up bananas.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And it's on her album—so funny. And she says, "How are people eating bananas and eating them fast enough?" And her friend's like, "You know you don't have to buy all the bananas." And she was like, "What?" It's so good. Anytime I look at bananas, I think of her, which talk about a joke. If you now own bananas?

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: You nailed it.

Nick: All right. We'll post a link to that in our show notes.

Leah: But I—I always—somehow there's always magically the exact amount of bananas that I want. I'll be like, "Oh, there's a two. There's a three."

Nick: Yeah, okay.

Leah: But a lot of times they're in bundles. We all can't be buying eight bananas.

Nick: I mean, that's a—that's a big bunch of bananas.

Leah: Yeah. I moved to California. We do fruits.

Nick: [laughs] That's true. So I was thinking about this, and I had more nuance than just this hard yes out of the gate. I mean, wow!

Leah: Well, you didn't have any nuance in the last one, so I guess it's nice that you have it now.

Nick: Okay. Well, you know, fair enough. So my first question is: are the bananas being sold by the bunch or by the pound? So that's the first question. If they're by the bunch, then stop right there. You're buying the bunch. That's what's happening.

Leah: But also, when has that happened?

Nick: There's a—there's a world in which, like, you buy a bunch of bananas. There are places that sell them in a bunch.

Leah: Is it a contemporary world? [laughs]

Nick: Well, and milk is a nickel. I don't know. I mean, how much is a banana? $10? I don't know.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So I think if we're selling it by the pound, though, I think you can separate bananas. But I don't think I want you leaving, like, one banana loose behind.

Leah: I'm going in there and I'm picking up single bananas, so ...

Nick: Okay, so that's good that somebody's picking up the singles.

Leah: I'm there to clean up that mess.

Nick: Because I feel like if I'm going to be taking apart bunches, I think I still want to leave at least two or three together. I feel like that's what I would want to be doing rather than, like, leaving singles. But okay.

Leah: I see what you're saying. I absolutely see what you're saying. Also, I feel like if you were just gonna take four out of five, just take the whole five.

Nick: Right? Yeah.

Leah: Because that one banana is gonna be like, "What did I do that you were almost gonna take the whole bunch?"

Nick: It is similar to picking milk from the back, and it makes the milk at the front feel bad. Yes.

Leah: Very similar.

Nick: Basically the same emotional impact on inanimate objects.

Leah: [laughs] You might as well take that single banana and bring it over to the milk that got left in the front and be like, "You two hang out. You're unwanted."

Nick: [laughs] Right? Now I also think that if you want four bananas, you need to get a bunch of four that are together. We cannot rip off one banana off of four different bunches to assemble the four that you want.

Leah: I agree with that. That is ...

Nick: Right?

Leah: That feels like you're manhandling everybody's fruit.

Nick: Because you are.

Leah: You are.

Nick: Because that's exactly what you're doing. Right.

Leah: Grab the four. Grab the four.

Nick: Yeah, you're gonna grab the whole four. I actually did see a woman in Whole Foods who was, like, picking out individual blueberries out of a one pint to create her own pint of perfect blueberries.

Leah: Too much.

Nick: And sort of like, that's not how this works. So yeah, I guess with bananas, I think similar idea.

Leah: We're breaking them off because there's only—in this fictional scenario, there's only bunches of eights, and we cannot take that many.

Nick: Right. So we only want five.

Leah: We only want five. So we're breaking them off.

Nick: Right.

Leah: If there was four or five out there in multiple choices, we're not then gonna go break off one that wasn't broken off.

Nick: And then I would note that when it comes to single bananas, because maybe that's what you want, sometimes those are found in other parts of the store and not in the banana section. So I would just sort of like note that maybe those are at the deli, maybe those are, like, elsewhere.

Leah: Nick's shopping in places I've never been at where the single bananas are in a different place.

Nick: You've never seen them?

Leah: And they're sold in bunches.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I mean, maybe in New York City we just do bananas differently.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Maybe it's a different thing here. I don't know. But yeah, so those were my thoughts on bananas. I guess I feel like we want to just be mindful of other people buying bananas that we don't, like, manhandle too many bananas.

Leah: Yeah, I didn't even put that into my scenario that there were people going through and just breaking one off select bunches. That definitely feels like we're just touching other people's food at that point.

Nick: Right. So don't do that.

Leah: I mean, we are touching people's food, but we don't need to touch all of it all the time.

Nick: And also, we just want to maintain the fiction that we didn't do that.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "I live in a suburban neighborhood, and our neighbors on either side are very nice and we've become acquainted with them. However, they are also very chatty. I love a good conversation, but sometimes I don't have 20 minutes for the small talk that will inevitably happen if I see them—like every time I see them. One of these neighbors had a package delivered to my house. I put the package on their front porch in a spot that was not super visible from the street and went back home. In the 10 seconds it took me to get from their front door to mine, I wondered if I should have rung the doorbell, but I decided not to. I had just gotten home and was not in the mood to chat. Would the proper etiquette have been to ring the doorbell when I put the package on the porch? Would I wait for them to answer? Should I ding dong ditch? Does the illegality of opening somebody else's mailbox count for a package that belongs to them? Was simply leaving the package on the porch okay?"

Leah: Does the illegality of opening someone else's mailbox count for a package that belongs to them? Oh, could they put it in the mailbox?

Nick: Right. I think that's what they're asking. Right.

Leah: I think we can take easily off the top should I ding dong ditch?

Nick: Okay, we don't like that.

Leah: Let's not ding dong ditch.

Nick: Yeah, that's fair.

Leah: I don't know what your neighborhood is. Like, in the neighborhood I live in, we're not leaving packages outside. If you see somebody's package, you're taking it inside if it's a neighbor or friend, because it's not gonna last.

Nick: Well, this feels like the place it was left, not super visible from the street. I think that was appropriate for this area. So I think they're cool with how the package was left.

Leah: I wouldn't ding dong ditch.

Nick: No.

Leah: I think you can always send a text. "Hey, a package got delivered to my house. I put it on your porch."

Nick: Yes, that was my first option. I do think we need to let them know that this has happened, but I think there's lots of different ways we can do that.

Leah: That's what I would do. I would do a text.

Nick: But the first thing on my list was I think we need to figure out how to have shorter conversations with these people, that the only option cannot be it's 20 minutes of small talk or nothing. Like, we gotta figure out how to have a shorter conversation or cut it off earlier because, like, we cannot live in a world in which we are living in fear of running into our neighbors.

Leah: I agree with that.

Nick: Right? So we just have to, like, practice some good lines or use different body language. We just need to figure out some techniques, because it will really solve problems if we just don't, like, have to, like, tiptoe in our own home.

Leah: Yeah. I think it's fine to tell people, "Hey, I gotta run. Great to see you."

Nick: Yeah. "Can't stay and chat but, like, let's catch up soon."

Leah: No problem.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I have a lot of neighbors that I love talking to, and sometimes they'll be out by the pool and we'll start a conversation, and they're ready to have a longer conversation because they're—and I'm on the way to somewhere and I just go, "I gotta run!"

Nick: "Great catching up."

Leah: "Great catching up. See you next time. We'll chat more." Whatever the ...

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then I just go.

Nick: That's the trick. As you're saying this, your body language also needs to be saying the same thing.

Leah: Yeah. Usually my body's already pointed out the door, and my head has just turned back to, like, "I gotta—yeah, great seeing you. I gotta run to this thing. I'll see you later."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: My legs are going.

Nick: Some sense of urgency. Yeah, like, "Oh, gotta get back home but, like, good seeing you." And why you have to go back home? You know, you don't have to explain.

Leah: I think that's a great point. It's not rude to end conversations when we live next to people and we see them all the time and it's not a good time for us to chat.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: We just can't have full conversations all the time.

Nick: Yeah. No, for sure. And I think they shouldn't be offended by this. And if they are, well then I don't know what would we do about that. Like, that's on them.

Leah: I also think they'll get—they'll move on from it. What, are they gonna stop being your neighbor?

Nick: Right. Or are they going to be chilly? Like, oh, they don't like long, small talk conversations? Like, it's fine.

Leah: It'll be fine.

Nick: I think it'll be totally fine.

Leah: And me who worries about everything, I even think it'll be fine.

Nick: [laughs] Right. Yeah, if Leah signs off on this, then you're totally good.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So our next question is quote, "A couple of months ago, I got a text from a friend I haven't spoken to in years who had never texted me before. He sent me a link to a PDF document titled 'Document.' I didn't open it or respond assuming it was spam or a phishing attempt. Today, my brother asked me if I was going to this friend's wedding later today. Apparently, the PDF was a wedding invitation and my brother was also invited. I feel really bad for ignoring this invitation, and I feel like I need to apologize or indicate I will not be there. But I also don't want to send this text the morning of his wedding when he should be celebrating and focusing on other things. What do I do?"

Leah: I wrote, "What?"

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I think that's a—that's a good place to start. Yeah. What? What is this?

Leah: I don't think that somebody who sends a PDF attachment entitled 'Document' to a friend they haven't seen in years is—obviously you didn't respond. I think they assume you're not coming.

Nick: Yes, I do believe a non-response is a no for this RSVP, and so you're good. I don't think they've saved a chair for you.

Leah: I mean, it's an odd way to send a wedding invite.

Nick: Well, as we've discussed, the invitation is a clue to your guests about the nature of the wedding. So, you know, if this was a hand-engraved, thick paper, gilded-edge invitation? Ooh, maybe it's formal! If it's a PDF document that's sent via text, there might be a bouncy house. This is a very casual event.

Leah: I don't even have a problem with the text wedding invite if that's like the style of your wedding. It's that—it's just that it didn't have a label. I would think I would have attached it as 'Wedding Invite.'

Nick: Oh, okay. So we needed just to have another text which was like, "Oh, like that's what this is."

Leah: This is my—just because this is—I do not open anything that I don't know what it is on the link because of spam.

Nick: Yeah, that's fair. Yeah.

Leah: Because you click on it and now all of a sudden somebody, some random person has access to all your—because they had a—you know, it's like a malware, you know?

Nick: Right.

Leah: You gotta label it.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, that's true. I mean, even if you did label it and you're like, wedding invitation from somebody you haven't heard from in years, who has never texted you before? Like, that also feels like a really good phishing attempt. You're like, "Oh, am I invited to something? Who doesn't want to be invited? I'll click that link." Right.

Leah: I think I would text back and be like, "Hey, did you send me a wedding invite?"

Nick: Yeah. What would I do? I would have ignored this too, if it was in this way.

Leah: Yeah. Without a label and a text following up being like, "Hey, I know we haven't spoken in a while, we'd love to—here's my wedding invitation." There should have been something around it.

Nick: Yeah. No, that's—yeah, it needed something personal, too.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: So it would be more like, "Hey, Tonya. Haven't seen you in a while, but I'm getting married. Would love it if you were there. Here's the link to the wedding website." Or, like, "Can I email you the invitation?" Or, like, "Here's the invitation," and then here's the image, I guess.

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: I think any of those things really would have clarified it.

Nick: Yeah. I think we just—yeah, that's true. Yeah. So I think given that none of that happened, I do feel like the host of this event was pretty casual about it. And so I don't think I would worry about not having RSVPed. I do think it would be nice to reach out after the event and be like, "Hey, totally sorry I missed this. I hope it was a beautiful day, and I wish you all the best." Like, I think that's nice.

Leah: I think so too.

Nick: And as for do we do this the day of the wedding? I actually feel like we could not do it the day of the wedding. I feel like I'm okay with that.

Leah: I'm absolutely okay with that.

Nick: Yeah, because I think our letter-writer makes a good point, which is like, they're probably busy. I don't even know this person that well. And so, like, no need to clog up their inbox today.

Leah: I think it's fine.

Nick: Yeah. But I think for anybody out there who wants to do a digital invitation—which are fine, I do not need something mailed to me—I think you just want to, you know, make sure that, like, people receive it. Making sure people receive the invitation is the key part of the invitation.

Leah: I think even if you open that and there was, like, an address in there, you could send a card. "Best wishes for your wedding. I didn't see the invite until now. I'm sending you great thoughts," if you wanted to go an extra step beyond. But I think just a text next week: "Didn't see this. All the best. Love, Tonya." Not love.

Nick: Um, "XOXO?"

Leah: "XOXO Guinea pig kisses," callback.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: "Tonya."

Nick: Right. Yeah, GPK.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, I think then that's what we do then. Great.

Leah: Great!

Nick: Great. So our next thing is a bonkers.

Leah: Bonkers!

Nick: And this is bonkers. And as a reminder, we would love it if you would send us your most bonkers etiquette stories. And you've got them. Of course you have them. Because if you've left the house ever, you have run into some bonkers etiquette situation such as this.

Nick: "So I was invited by a friend to join a group of six women traveling to Paris from London. There were two women in this group I had not yet met who were passionate about restaurants. They insisted it was imperative that we eat at a specific spot, so we got a reservation for a Friday night at 8:00 pm. As 8:00 pm approaches, the other four of us arrive at this restaurant, starving from an afternoon of running around Paris. The two foodies are nowhere to be seen. At 8:15, they text and say they'll be there soon. We order a bottle of wine, but wait for them before ordering food, as that is the polite thing to do. At 8:35 they finally arrive. We can see them through the restaurant windows, stopping to take multiple selfies—not a quick selfie, but taking turns to snap for each other in various poses and at various spots outside of the restaurant and in the entrance. We politely greeted them and urged them to look at the menu, as we were anxious to order. We were shocked when they said, 'Oh, we already ate dinner. We stopped for a glass of wine on the way, and the food looked so good we wound up eating a whole meal.' It was the one time on the entire trip that this group of incessantly-talking women were rendered speechless."

Leah: I mean!

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, I mean, what do you do with this? What do you do with this? Yeah.

Leah: I think that I would slowly fall into my chair. Do you know that's one of my favorite moves? You slowly fall back and then you slide off your chair onto the ground.

Nick: [laughs] I mean, what I love—I mean, I don't love that this happened, and this is horrible, obviously, because it's like, any time you add rudeness and now I'm also hungry and you've combined these things, like, not a good combination.

Leah: Oh, compounding a situation.

Nick: Yeah. But what I love is that when somebody insists that something happens, like, we must do this thing and it may not be something you want to do, but as a courtesy, you agree. And then they bail on that thing and it's like, I didn't even want to be here. Like, this wasn't my idea. You made us do this, and now you're not even coming? That is maddening.

Leah: And I feel like it's doubled that because it's not like they just openly bailed, they made you wait.

Nick: They also made you wait. Yes, it would have been rude if they're like, "Oh, we are gonna get dinner at this other place, so eat without us." Like, that would have been rude, but like ...

Leah: They didn't even let you know that they were eating somewhere else. They made you wait, sit there, not eat. Came, took selfies out front.

Nick: Well, yes. First we have a photo shoot. Right. So it's not gonna be like, "Oh, we're running so late. Let's get there as quickly as possible to minimize the inconvenience to these people. No, no, no. Make sure we get it for the 'Gram first."

Leah: "Also, we'd like to make sure you see that we in no way recognize your time."

Nick: [laughs] "Yes. How could we go out of our way to emphasize this point?"

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Yes.

Leah: Unbelievable!

Nick: Yeah. I mean, totally bonkers and horrible. Yeah. No, this is an etiquette crime.

Leah: This is a bonkers.

Nick: Yeah, totally bonkers. So thank you for sending it to us.

Leah: [laughs] We're like, "How rude! Thank you for telling us!"

Nick: Thank you. Yes. So do you have any bonkers etiquette stories for us? Oh, yes, you do! And do you have any questions or vents or repents? We'll take it all. Please send it to us through our website, WereYouRaisedByWolves.com, or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!