Avoiding Dance Videos, Roaming Around in Robes, Enforcing Coaster Usage, and More

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And we had so many great questions from you all in the wilderness ...

Leah: [howls]

Nick: ... that we have a bonus episode. So here we go. Our first question is quote, "Is it rude as a family guest to tune out and look at one's phone when the hosts insist on making everyone watch their teenage daughter's dance competition videos on the big TV screen?"

Leah: This made me laugh so hard.

Nick: [laughs] Sounds like this is not a hypothetical situation.

Leah: No, this seems pretty—but I wrote, "Yes, you have to fake it." But then I said, "Feel free to tune out, but you gotta put the face on."

Nick: Okay. Yeah. I mean, that's a good starting point. All right, let's put that as our baseline.

Leah: You cannot get on your phone.

Nick: You cannot get on your phone. No. That is rude. It is rude, but—or, let's say, and ...

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And both host and guests do have a part to play, and we all have our responsibilities. And so yes, as a guest, you must pretend that you're interested in this video and attentively watch it, offer commentary, enthusiasm, compliments, all of these things. But as a host, you have obligations too, which is, do you think your guests want to watch this right now here in this way? Is this what you should be doing as a host? And so I think that's also a question.

Leah: I mean, we have no idea of the sense of time that this is.

Nick: Like, how many hours of the dance competition we're watching?

Leah: Yes.

Nick: I mean, is this a 90-minute no intermission?

Leah: So you have a kid, your kid just won a dance competition or, like, did well. They don't have to win, obviously, but they did well. And it's like you want to show them one dance. I mean, I think we can all fake it for one dance.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, also, how long is that? Five minutes?

Leah: That's what I'm saying. I, in my mind, was like, "Oh, it's like one dance." But then as you said that, I thought, "Oh, no. Are they having to watch competitions? Many?"

Nick: And it's not probably, like, HD, well-produced, well-edited, great audio quality. Like, is this just, like, from your phone in the audience?

Leah: We're doing it to support people.

Nick: Yes. Yes. This is not about your entertainment or enjoyment.

Leah: Right.

Nick: This is about just supporting your host and being enthusiastic for their lives.

Leah: And I think we do not get on the phone for that, even if we wish we didn't have to watch it.

Nick: Also in general, as a guest in someone's home, you should not be on your phone at all at any point, regardless if there's a video happening or not. Like, you actually should have your phone away.

Leah: So I think what Nick is saying is he completely understands why you are not wanting to watch this video.

Nick: Oh, I sympathize. Absolutely.

Leah: And he feels that this is on your host. But regardless, however we got here, we look at the screen, and then we put on that face.

Nick: We do.

Leah: And we—we clap. "Yeah! That was great!"

Nick: "Oh, my gosh!" Yes, for sure. It is true, though, I think people—and this goes—I mean, this goes for a lot of videos and photos that we have about our own family members to people that we might want to share them with, like, a little goes a long way. Like, think of these as hors d'oeuvres, canapés. Oftentimes, people do not want a full meal of these things. So I think we want to talk about dosage.

Leah: Yes, I think that's a great point, Nick.

Nick: But I think as a host, you just want to ask yourself, like, "Oh, is this something that my guests would enjoy? And how much of it is, like, a taste and how much of it might be too much?" And you might want to offer a taste, and then if it feels like your guest is enthusiastic and wants to see more then, like, hey, let's watch the whole competition. But I think we want to just kind of feel that out.

Leah: Yeah. And I mean, you're proud of your kid. Your kid just did a dance competition. You want to show me one dance? Hit me with it. And I'm gonna focus and be like, "Look at those demi-plies. Yeah!"

Nick: Yeah. And I think, you know, if you're a family guest, like, I think you want to be enthusiastic about this family's accomplishments. So, like, I feel like you also want that, right?

Leah: You just don't want it for four hours.

Nick: Right. So yeah, there's something in between. There's some balance that we can achieve here.

Leah: And I think if somebody is—and we've all been in places where the host is sharing something, and it's just gone on too long. It's too much.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: We can't handle it. I think we are allowed to, instead of getting in your phone, I think get up and go to the bathroom. Or giving the sign, "I have to pee. I need a water break. I gotta refresh. I'm gonna need provisions to continue on." You could say very casually, "Is there a trail mix?"

Nick: I need some gorp. Yeah, I need some gorp. Anybody got gorp?

Leah: [laughs] We haven't brought up gorp in a while, so I'm glad I got brought back in.

Nick: [laughs] So our next question is quote, "Is it appropriate to walk into common areas of a bed and breakfast in the provided robes? I wanted to grab a cup of tea from the self-service station one floor down. The robe I was wearing was nearly floor length, and I had my PJ's on underneath, so was completely covered, even in the event of a robe malfunction. But I still felt a bit funny walking in common areas like this. My husband insisted it was fine. I did end up grabbing a cup of tea and bringing it back to the room and didn't run into anybody. But I wasn't sure if this is acceptable in a bed and breakfast setting."

Leah: So this was actually sent in from one of our Patreon members.

Nick: It was.

Leah: And Nick and I both responded, and we came in on different sides. Shocky shocky.

Nick: So I responded very quickly to this Patreon person and then I sent it. And then I went on to do something else. And then I see a little alert and the page refreshed. And Leah weighed in. And then Leah was like, "Oh, that was Nick's response. Here's what I would say." Very rare does Leah jump in and just like, totally be like, "Oh, you can ignore Nick."

Leah: [laughs] Because usually Nick's—what Nick writes is absolutely perfect. This time I just felt like it needed a little something.

Nick: Yeah. Which was like, "Ignore Nick. He's wrong." [laughs]

Leah: I didn't say that. I said ...

Nick: That's what I heard.

Leah: I said I would like to bring up a counterpoint.

Nick: Hmm. So what I feel, and which I believe is correct, is that no, robes are for the room or for the spa. I do not want you in the common areas of a hotel bed and breakfast in your robe. That's not a thing I want.

Leah: And what I brought up was A) this seemed not like a regular time. She's not going down for breakfast. I felt like somehow when I read it, it was later at night, they're just running in, grabbing a tea, running back. You gotta put your clothes on for that? But what my major point was was that in the movie White Christmas, which I'm sure that we are all familiar with, as it is a classic Bing Crosby.

Nick: But for those who aren't ...

Leah: For those who aren't, Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney, who are at an inn, both go out at night in their robes over their pajamas separately to get a snack or a drink. And they meet in the main area, and it gives us one of the greatest songs of the movie. And had they not ventured out at night in their pajamas, we would not have that amazing moment and those wonderful songs. So why deny yourself a White Christmas moment by following the rules?

Nick: I mean, this is a valid point. This is a very valid counterpoint. Yes. Yes. But interesting that you highlight the fact that this was at a time of day where they didn't run into anybody, and that sort of suggests, like, oh, this is fine as long as nobody sees you.

Leah: Or it's Bing Crosby.

Nick: [laughs] Or it's Bing Crosby.

Leah: But it is different if you're like, "I'm already in my pajammys. It's not like everybody's out there eating dinner. I'm not walking in on a main time. I'm just grabbing a tea. I'm coming back."

Nick: I mean, I don't really want you walking around the hotel in your pajamas either.

Leah: I'm fine with it. If I ever have a bed and breakfast, feel free to walk around in what you want.

Nick: Now, can we agree that you should be wearing shoes if you leave the room?

Leah: I'm fine with a slipper.

Nick: You're fine with a slipper. Okay. Like, bunny slippers? Clearly bedroomy, sleepy slippers-slippers? Not just, like, a wool moccasin with, like, some sheepskin lining.

Leah: I don't know what the difference is visually. I mean, I get what it is, but I don't know emotionally what the difference is.

Nick: I'm picturing slippers with bunny heads on the front.

Leah: I would prefer that's what you had. But if you want to have just functional slippers, that's fine.

Nick: I think what is interesting is that a bed and breakfast, it lulls you into a sense of, this is my house.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: When it is definitely not your house. And so, like, yes, if you were in a house, if you were a houseguest in a house and you wanted to come down for some tea in your robe, that is fine. But, like, in a bed and breakfast, this is not your house. And, like, the rules are a little different.

Leah: They're not grabbing the tea and drinking it down there. They're grabbing it and going back to their room. And it seems like an incredible waste of time to me to change back into your street clothes to go make tea and come back at an hour where you're most likely not gonna see anybody unless it's Bing Crosby or Rosemary Clooney.

Nick: [laughs] I guess my point is that, like, yeah, okay. I mean, I guess does time matter? I mean, I guess we agree we cannot have breakfast in our PJs or our robe, right? I can't go downstairs for breakfast in my robe and PJs. Are we on board with this?

Leah: I see why one wouldn't.

Nick: I did not get a yes from you. I need a verbal yes, like we're in the exit row on an airplane.

Leah: I just also want everybody to know that through college, I worked at a bed and breakfast. I did the morning shift. I cooked. So I have a lot of experience.

Nick: Okay, and so you're on board with just being in your PJs?

Leah: And so I personally, as somebody who has been all hands on deck at a bed and breakfast, I don't care.

Nick: Although it just flashed at me, like, oh, if you showed up for a waffle at a Hampton Inn in your PJs, would I mind?

Leah: Would you care?

Nick: Yeah, I kind of wouldn't. Oh, I'm all over the map with this! But in a bed and breakfast, there's something about the robe, though. I think it's the robe, because the robe, like, leaves things to the imagination.

Leah: Oh, really? I feel like the robe is like a jacket. The robe is like, I have PJ's on, but I'm gonna throw on my jacket.

Nick: Oh, it's a smoking jacket.

Leah: It's like a smoking jacket. It's a pajama jacket.

Nick: It's a pajacket. Okay.

Leah: [laughs] It's a pajacket. I get why we're in polite society acting like we don't wear pajamas at nighttime, but I mean, come on! It's not hurting anybody.

Nick: Well, no, but, I mean, that's not the bar we're setting.

Leah: It's the bar I'm setting.

Nick: I guess I would prefer if the robe was something that's used in the room or the spa. So, like, oh, room service is coming? Let me cover up with the robe. Like, that's like, the robe.

Leah: I want everybody to know that I know that 99 percent of you agree with Nick, and I understand why.

Nick: Oh, no. I actually think most of our audience is on your side on this.

Leah: No, I don't think so. I think they're like, you can't wear pajamas in public. I just ...

Nick: Well, just to clarify, pajamas and robe feel like slightly two different things. I guess it depends on what your pajamas are. If they're like, felt pajamas with, like, sheep on it?

Leah: What else would they be?

Nick: Well, I mean, if you were just, like, slept in your Lululemon gym gear kind of idea.

Leah: Which why would you do that?

Nick: I guess, does it look like pajamas? I guess that's really the question. Does it look like you slept in it? I mean, if you're wearing the one-piece red felt with the butt flap kind of pajamas?

Leah: Please wear that out in public. I have to see it.

Nick: [laughs] Okay, that's a look. All right. That's fashion at that point.

Leah: I'm just never gonna go against White Christmas.

Nick: Okay. All right, then that's the answer there. So your next question is quote ...

Leah: I love that Nick was like, "Leah came in on the DMs."

Nick: Yeah. No, Leah really got in there, and was just like, "Nick is wrong."

Leah: I didn't say you're wrong. I said, "If you wanna live a life where we do everything appropriately ..."

Nick: Yeah, if you want that.

Leah: Then Nick is correct.

Nick: But if you want a life full of whimsy ...

Leah: If you wanna have a chance where you might break out into song ...

Nick: Yeah. You don't come to the Nick store for that. That's not what we're selling at the Nick store. It's not merchandise we sell. Nope. Gotta go to the Leah store for that.

Leah: [laughs] And I'm giving it away free. I don't even sell it.

Nick: Oh. Our next question is quote, "What do you do when you see someone who looks like an acquaintance you think you recognize? It would feel so awkward if I said, 'Hi, Lisa,' and I get the dreaded response of, 'I think you have me confused with somebody else.' But it also seems rude to say nothing, leaving the person confused and hurt."

Leah: I wrote down, "This one's always been a tough one for me."

Nick: Yeah, I wrote down, "Leah probably finds us awkward." [laughs]

Leah: Again this has happened to me more times than I care to admit.

Nick: So it sounds like you have two choices. You either say hello or you do not. Right? Is it binary?

Leah: Well, yes. But then I think in the middle there is this—like, I recently had one of those where I knew I was pretty sure, but they look different and it had been a long time, so I said a hello. But it was also like a hello that you could just do when you're passing somebody, as opposed to like a "Hello. Let's—" There's a hello that's like a beginning of more sentences.

Nick: Yes. Yes. So a hello, like, small town greeting, I'm seeing you on the sidewalk. Versus like a "Hello, let's talk."

Leah: Yes. So there's like a ignore. There's like just a greeting, and then there's a I'm going to engage this person.

Nick: Yeah, right. Well, I think we should say something. I think we should err on the side of saying something, because I think if you actually did know them and then you ignored them, that's worse.

Leah: I agree 100 percent.

Nick: That's definitely worse. So I think we have to go with a, like, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you such and such?" If you remember the such and such. Or, like, "Do you work for such and such a company?" Or, like, "Were you at that Bing Crosby bed and breakfast? Did I see you in your PJs that morning?" Like, I think that's the vibe of the intro.

Leah: I always just go with a "Hi!"

Nick: Okay, I guess that's good. And then that sort of prompts them to be like, "Oh, hey!"

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: Does that work?

Leah: Yeah. Because I have before done the other one, and people take it so personally. I don't take it personally if people are like, "Hey, where do I know you from?" Or, "Hey, did we meet here?" Because I have trouble placing people. Like, you meet so many people. People change the way they look. There's so many things going on in life. I don't have that Rolodex in my brain. And I tried for a while to just be like, "Hey, do we know each other from—" You know what I mean? And every single person took it personally.

Nick: Yeah, don't do that.

Leah: Don't take it personally. But, you know, people are gonna take it personally. And so now I just do a "Hi!"

Nick: Yeah, I guess that's good. Or I guess, like, if you had some context clues, like, "Oh, I think that person was at a Super Bowl party I was at." You could just yell really loud, like, "Go Niners," and then see if they turn around.

Leah: I like this too.

Nick: Right? [laughs] That's not a good idea, but it'd be fun.

Leah: I like the not good ideas. Those are my favorite ideas.

Nick: But if it isn't somebody you recognize and, like, oh, actually, like, you have me confused with somebody else. Do not push it further. I cannot actually tell you the number of times somebody insists that we've met before. And it's sort of like, we really haven't. I'm really not who you think I am. Or, like, I really was never at that event or that party. And, like, you are confusing me. And they're like, "No, no, no. We have." And it's sort of like, we really haven't, but I'm not gonna get an argument about it. Just take that at face value.

Leah: Oh, yeah. I've had people do that to me, too, and I think they're digging in because they don't want to be—and it was one of them, my favorite was, like, a comedy thing, and they're telling me something I did in comedy, which obviously I would know.

Nick: You would remember. Yeah.

Leah: And then I was like, "Why are we even—I don't even know why this is back and forth anymore."

Nick: And also, like, I'm pretty distinctive, so it's sort of like, you'd know. You'd know if you met me, and you really would know if you hadn't.

Leah: Nick leaves a mark.

Nick: Yeah. For better, for worse, it is Sharpie. So, you know, it is just very surprising that people actually confuse me for somebody else because, like, who else is out there that is like this? That's disturbing!

Leah: I just imagined multiple Nicks over multiple places.

Nick: That's not a world I want to live in.

Leah: An army of Nicks.

Nick: Uh oh. Android Nick!

Leah: And I also know that we all do it. It feels so embarrassing, but ...

Nick: Yeah, but you just—embarrassment is part of life, and so you just gotta be able to roll with that. But yeah, say hello. "Hey, are you Lisa?" And just see what happens.

Leah: Yeah, I think it's always better to err on the—and then if they take it personally, okay. But at least you tried to be polite.

Nick: Yeah. And that's on them if they do.

Leah: I've actually gone up to—well, one time in particular, I went up to a famous person because I was, like, sure that I went to college with them because I knew I recognized them. And I didn't want to—and I was like, "Hey!" And then I was like—and I did the, "Were we in ...?"

Nick: "Did we have anthropology together?"

Leah: Yep. And they were very lovely. But the answer was no, we were not in college together.

Nick: Well, I think actually, for famous people, that happens all the time that people think that they know them from, like, high school or college. Like, that's a very common celebrity problem. So they're used to that.

Leah: I never did it again. Let me tell you that. Next I'll be like—I'll be like, I know that person. Then I'll be like, "Nope, that is a person from the television."

Nick: That is Tom Cruise.

Leah: [laughs] This was in my early 20s. I have gotten more in control of myself.

Nick: It is a journey. So our next question is quote, "I often have guests in my home, and I leave coasters out in every room so rings won't be left on wooden furniture—it's happened before. But alas, guests often neglect to use them. Is it rude of me to discreetly slip a coaster under their drink?"

Leah: I don't even think you have to be discreet. You could just say, "Hey, can you use a coaster?" Boom!

Nick: I'm just shocked that we are how many episodes in, and coasters, which is like, one of the foundational tools of etiquette, hasn't come up until now. Isn't that wild?

Leah: Is this our first coaster?

Nick: This is, like, our first coaster question. Yeah. What has taken so long?

Leah: Maybe people out there are using coasters appropriately.

Nick: Oh, that's not happening. No, we sell a lot of coasters on our website so, like, there's a need for coasters.

Leah: I'm always ready to need to be using a coaster. So whenever I go into someone's house, and even if I see no coasters and it's like a metal—you know what I mean? It's like, obviously a thing where we don't use coasters, I still say, "Should I put this on a coaster?"

Nick: Yeah. I think it's in the same world of, like, "Oh, should I take off my shoes?" Like, I think it's just one of these automatic we're in somebody else's house things. Yeah, for sure.

Leah: But I don't think there's anything—like, when I haven't used a coaster and somebody goes, "Do you mind using a coaster?" Oh, of course.

Nick: Yes. And then in that moment, you should be, like, so embarrassed and mortified that, like, you were about to ruin their furniture.

Leah: Well, you should actually fall off your chair, lay on the ground and beat your chest while you're mortified and apologize. I think you don't even have to discreetly slip it. Just be like, "Hey," and just flip him a coaster.

Nick: Well, I see the question, though, because there is something, like, very judgmental about, like, sliding the coaster under the glass. Like, I don't think we want to do that. Because that does feel a little ...

Leah: That's why I'm saying I don't think that you should do that. I think you should just say, "Can you use a coaster?" Because then it's—but with no tone. "Do you mind using a coaster?"

Nick: Yeah. Or I could even imagine a world in which we're just like, "Oh, here's a coaster for you."

Leah: "Oh, here's a coaster." Yep. I love that. That's what you say.

Nick: Boom! Coaster. Right. But yeah, the tone that non-judgmental, value-neutral, like, oh, coasters exist. Here is one. Yeah, that's the vibe.

Leah: Because I do get they—I do feel like slipping one discreetly, you're trying to do it to make them not feel any certain way, but I think it has the opposite effect.

Nick: I mean, I think the problem is you have put coasters on every surface. Your entire house is made of coasters, and they've neglected to use the obvious coasters that I'm sure are two inches away from that glass.

Leah: Yeah, they're just ...

Nick: There are people that, like, pick up the glass off the coaster and then set it down not on the coaster, right next to the coaster. This is the world we live in. And then it's like, what do we do with this?

Leah: And then I think we can feel free to just stare at their faces, stare at the drink, stare at their face.

Nick: I think actually, if, you know, you have people like this in your life, we have to avoid putting ourselves in the situation of a coaster problem, which is we used a stemmed glass that's often gonna not sweat as much, or we need, like, insulated tumblers that aren't gonna sweat. I feel like we might just have to modify our life as host to avoid this from even being an issue. I think that might be the move.

Leah: I think next time they come over, you say, "Hey, I put plastic on everything while you're here, because you seem to refuse to use the coaster."

Nick: I feel like I had a great aunt that had plastic on everything.

Leah: People do do plastic.

Nick: Maybe she just wanted us to use coasters. Maybe that's what was going on.

Leah: She just took it to the next level.

Nick: [laughs] Yes. So that's the coaster advice.

Leah: Yeah. Throw it at him like a frisbee. "Coaster!"

Nick: And as a reminder, we do sell coasters. They are fun. You should want them. [laughs] So our next thing is a Bonkers.

Leah: Bonkers!

Nick: And it's quote, "We built our house, as in we didn't have a builder for much of it, and we actually did the work ourselves. One day, a neighbor from way down our road walked in while we were working on the framed and roofed shell with his visiting mother in tow. He walked into our home like he owned the place, walked around and gestured to different areas of the house while telling her how he had helped us build it from the beginning. We barely knew him, and he has never been to our place before and never visited after. We just ignored him as who cares what his mom believes? But, wow! Bonkers!"

Leah: That is so bonkers.

Nick: That is wild!

Leah: So wild!

Nick: That is so bold. That is so bold.

Leah: That is so bold. I love that I'm just repeating everything that you say. I'm just blown away.

Nick: Like, you can clearly see me because we don't have walls up yet. We're working on the framing. So you are walking around this house and you know that, like, we're here building it, and you're what? Wow!

Leah: Just the audacity. And I mean, from the beginning, to just walk in with your mom, "Hey, I made this," on someone else's property. And then to take credit and then to just do, like, a tour? It's unbelievable.

Nick: I mean, slow clap. Slow clap to just feel like oh, that's okay.

Leah: I love that our letter-writer recognizes the insanity of this. So is like, "Whatever, dude. You are wild." But thank you for sharing!

Nick: Yeah. Oh, this is a great bonkers.

Leah: Because it's also such a great visual I'm following. Also, I wanna say how cool that you built your own house. Oh, my goodness!

Nick: Yeah. I can't do anything for myself, so I have a lot of respect for that.

Leah: I love this!

Nick: No, wonderful.

Leah: Well, I mean, your neighbor built your house, obviously, but ...

Nick: Right. Yes. No, this guy. Yeah.

Leah: This guy who you've never met. What a wild person. Do they do this in their whole life? They go into a grocery store. "These are my vegetables."

Nick: "I am Mr. Oreo. Yes. I invented these post-it notes." Yeah. I mean, I wonder what the relationship is with the mother. And, like, the mother has to know something's up. Because the mother knows what this guy's actually capable of and has to know, like, oh, my son can't build a house.

Leah: Also, has this been, like, a ruse for his whole life where he's telling his family that he builds houses so he just has to keep up this lie?

Nick: Oh, it's George Costanza with a house in the Hamptons. Yeah, you just gotta keep it going.

Leah: How wildly odd.

Nick: Wildly odd. I mean, that's—put that on a pillow.

Leah: That's a fun pillow. "Wildly odd."

Nick: Yeah. This is truly wildly odd.

Leah: Because you're just standing there while they walk around you being like, "We hear you."

Nick: "You see us, and you know you don't know us, and you know you didn't build this house. So what does that mean?"

Leah: "You know you didn't build this house!"

Nick: "You're trespassing."

Leah: "You are literally here illegally."

Nick: Yeah. "You are on my property." Yeah. So thank you for sending this to us. And you out there, if you have a Bonkers story or a question, a vent, a repent, any of the fun things that we ask for, please send it to us. Send it to us through our website WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW. And we'll see you next time.

Leah: Bye!

Nick: Bye!